When we returned to Kupa Keep, Craig was greeted enthusiastically by the rest of the warriors, who were rejoicing at the news of his release. Craig just nodded, looking at each of them emotionlessly. That is, until he noticed Tweek hanging back, looking at the ground guiltily. Craig smiled slightly, walking over to the twitchy blond and putting a hand on his trembling shoulder, eliciting a small spasm, followed by a flurry of apologies. Craig gently shook the smaller boy, assuring him that he wasn't mad. Although the thief didn't actually speak, Tweek seemed to understand him and smiled, following Craig as they joined the rest of the group. I hid a smile of my own, standing at the center of the group next to Butters as we all faced the Grand Wizard.

"Gentlemen." the Grand Wizard began, "Thanks to the New Kid, our entire army is assembled. It is my belief that the New Kid deserves to rank up in level." Everyone turned to me as I just looked at the fat wizard, my blank poker face ever-present. Oh really? Yay. "To honor his efforts, he will no longer be called "Douchebag"." Oh goodie. "New Kid, I hereby dub thee…Sir Douchebag! Congratulations." What? Really?

Apparently, my new title came with a new outfit. My hood was now black instead of blue. Everyone applauded me, until Cartman continued the meeting.

"Now it is time to take back that which is rightfully ours!" he announced, slamming his staff on the ground for emphasis, "A carrier raven has just come with news that the Stick of Truth has not yet been taken to the Elven Forest. It is in possession of…the Bard."

At the mention of "the Bard", everyone in the kingdom gasped in horror.

"The Bard?" Scott asked, terrified.

"Oh god! N-Not the Bard!" Tweek shrieked, hiding behind Craig.

The Bard? I looked at Butters for answers, only to find him trembling too.

"The Bard is a level 10 drow elf who can use magic to enchant and destroy his enemies!" he explained to me, the fear evident in his voice. I patted his shoulder, unfazed by his claims. From what I'd heard at the school, Butters could read my emotions in the aura I give off, so hopefully some of my confidence would rub off on him. It seemed to work when I saw him smile, hugging me before pulling away quickly, rubbing his knuckles together sheepishly. Before I could respond, Cartman called me to him.

"Are you ready to continue your training?" he asked, not waiting for an answer, "Then make haste to the training grounds."

I looked at Butters and, seeing him tending to the shop, headed toward the training grounds. His face was red again. Maybe he should see a doctor.

Before talking to Cartman, I walked up to Craig, who was sparring with Tweek. As a fellow thief, I felt that I should at least learn more about this "Felspar".

"The Bard has no honor." Craig growled, a distinct anger hidden underneath his monotone. I looked at Tweek, who was catching his breath, before turning back to Craig and pointing to the spazzy warrior (making sure he couldn't see me pointing). Craig nodded, lowering his voice. "The Bard, along with several other elves, attacked Tweek while he was patrolling a few days ago. He hadn't been injured that badly, but the experience still left him traumatized. I'll never forgive that damn elf." Craig clenched his fists, his entire body shaking with rage (of course, only someone who was used to suppressing their emotions would have noticed). I nodded, silently promising to give the Bard what was coming to him, and Craig nodded in return, silently thanking me. I then looked over at Tweek again, who was now repeatedly striking a training dummy while chanting a mantra of "Need to practice…" with the occasional "Agh!", before turning back to Craig and, making sure Tweek didn't see me, I made a small heart with my hand, winking at my fellow thief as I pointed (again unseen) at the little spaz. Craig, seeing this, turned bright red and grabbed me by my collar, pulling me closer as he whispered dangerously, "Tell no one." I just gave him a thumbs up, which, being a fellow "man of few words", he understood as meaning "Good luck." I then went over to Cartman as Craig returned to helping Tweek train. Luckily for both of us, my "conversation" with Craig had gone more or less unnoticed.

"You've done well, Douchebag." Cartman said as I approached, "But now, I will teach you how to use a ranged magic attack. It's not easy, but being able to Cup-a-Spell from a distance can save you in battle. Allow me to demonstrate." He then proceeded to perform Cup-a-Spell twice. I watched him, skillfully feigning interest. He definitely knew how to perform the two fart techniques, but they're both pathetically weak. He can barely even move that light-weight dummy.

When it came to be my turn, I stood in place (further back than Cartman stood) and farted into my hand, using a weak form of telekinesis to hold it together (yes, that's the key to this technique), and then threw it at the dummy, almost knocking it to the ground.

"YES! YES!" Cartman yelled happily at my success, before stating, as I knew he would, "But now, let's see how you fare against a real opponent." He then turned to the audience (yes, I had an audience) and selecting one poor bastard to be my "foe". "Hey! Hey Butters! Come here a minute!" Oh HELL NO!

Butters' eyes widened in fear and he gulped, reluctantly stepping up in front of me and taking a wary battle stance. My eyes temporarily lit up in rage. I am NOT attacking Butters, I don't care WHAT this wizard says! Why the thought of attacking Butters angered me so, I had no idea, but I knew that it did, and I was not going to blindly follow the wizard's orders this time. I prepared Cup-a-Spell again, readying the attack as Butters closed his eyes, waiting. Then, smirking, I turned on my heel, tossing the enclosed fart full-force into the face of the Grand Wizard himself. As the fatass fell backwards, partly from the force of the fart and partly from shock, the entire yard erupted into a chorus of laughter. Many of the warriors fell to the ground, clutching at their aching sides. Craig and Tweek had to lean on each other for support and Kenny almost died (he looked dead for a second). I also saw that Token had his phone out, recording the entire thing. I motioned for Craig to tell Token to send me the video later, turning my attention back to Cartman as he staggered to his feet, murder in his eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL, DOUCHEBAG!" he bellowed, stomping up to me, "I TOLD YOU TO ATTACK BUTTERS, NOT ME!"

"Not so funny now, is it?" Kenny muttered angrily as Butters placed himself between me and the fuming wizard.

"Don't blame Douchebag!" the paladin begged, holding his arms out, "He just slipped! I saw it! He slipped on the snow!"

The infuriated fatass narrowed his eyes, not quite buying the paladin's words. Still, after seeing me grip my dagger, he backed down, giving me and Butters the "I-won't-forget-this" look. "Very well, Douchebag. Just remember; never do that on a man's balls." He then called everyone to assemble.

"Attention!" Cartman yelled, ignoring the snickers that still filled the kingdom, "If the carrier ravens are correct, the Bard is hiding out at the Inn of the Giggling Donkey. We must find him before he's able to take the Stick back to the Elven Forest."

"Let us find the Bard and bring him to justice!" Butters yelled, holding his hammer in the air.

"Make haste to the Giggling Donkey!" the Wizard commanded as he led the rest of us out of the kingdom.

As we made our way through the neighborhood, Butters stayed at the back of the group, pulling me aside.

"What did you think you were doing?" he asked me, his voice a hoarse whisper, "Eric's gonna kill you now."

I gave Butters a "look-at-all-the-fucks-I-give" look, patting him reassuringly on the back as we caught up with the rest of the group. He still looked worried, but I wasn't.

"There it is." the Wizard said gravely as we hid behind some bushes, "The Inn of the Giggling Donkey."

I was slightly confused. The building in front of us looked like an ordinary blue-violet house, the same building structure as most of the houses in South Park. Although, I had to admit, it was a very pretty color.

Cartman, unfazed by the house's ordinary appearance, turned to Butters. "Paladin, are you sure the Bard is hiding out in there?"

"That's what Twitter says." Butters replied.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Carrier raven, Butters!"

Butters flinched. "Sorry, that's what the carrier raven says."

Ah. So the "carrier raven" is Twitter. Cool.

Cartman then turned to the rest of us. "Craig, Tweek, and Token, guard to back door. Butters, Kenny, Sir Douchebag, let's go inside." he commanded, leading us inside while the other three went around the back.

Inside, the Giggling Donkey was nothing like the normal-looking outside, but could only be described as an old-school bar, like one would see in the movies. Kids dressed in criminal outfits sat at tables, with one kid standing behind a longer table dressed as a bartender, with several barrels of Gatorade behind him. All eyes fell on us as we entered.

Cartman came up beside me, muttering into my ear, "Stay close, Sir Douchebag. The Inn of the Giggling Donkey harbors the scum of all Zaron."

My eyebrows came together. I had sensed that already. Butters grabbed my hand, looking nervous, and held it, which I had no objections to.

Cartman leaned on the bartender's table, speaking to him casually, "A glass of meedlewine, please."

"No meedlewine today. Only fairy ale." The bartender replied monotonously, sounding slightly bored.

"A pint of fairy ale, then." Cartman said, shrugging. As the bartender handed him a cup of green Gatorade, Cartman looked around and asked as nonchalantly as he could, "So, has anyone seen the Bard lately?"

At that moment, the music that had been playing in the background stopped, and every pair of eyes in the bar turned toward us, glaring menacingly. Someone coughed as Cartman looked around, slightly nervous.

"A cup of fairy ale isn't much if not accompanied by some bardic poems and songs." he said, trying to maintain a casual air. I stepped forward, letting go of Butters' hand (much to his displeasure) as I silently challenged anyone to fight me. Nobody moved.

"Sure, he's here, alright." the bartender said, breaking the silence, "He's got a room down in the cellar."

Hearing this, I turned back to the bartender, eyeing him suspiciously. The cellar? Why the cellar? If this Bard is a performer, as he has been made out to be, wouldn't he be staying somewhere a little bit more, I don't know, public? Smells like a trap.

Cartman didn't seem to notice. "Then I shall pay handsomely for his services." he said, finishing off the "fairy ale" and throwing some coins on the table. "Sir Douchebag." he addressed me, telling me to follow, which I did after motioning for Kenny and Butters to follow me.

When we got to the cellar, Cartman, once again, began giving orders. "Butters, Douchebag, go down and flush him out. Princess Kenny and I will be waiting up here to murder him. Remember, the Bard can use songs to enchant. Don't let him get to you."

Butters and I both nodded, heading down into the cellar. As the door closed behind us, plunging us into nearly-total darkness, Butters grabbed onto my arm, whispering fearfully, "Do you think the Bard is really down here?"

I looked at my companion. Even though I couldn't see any of the details of his face, I knew that his light-blue eyes were wide and terrified. I growled suddenly, turning toward the back corner of the room. I had seen a shadow move in that direction, with several others doing the same. I pulled Butters close to my side, silently telling him to be quiet, which he understood.

I knew it. This was a trap. My guess is that the Bard is waiting for us in that back corner, with several other elves to back him up. I sighed. I was really hoping that I could get by without using this, at least for a little while, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna let these bastards hurt Butters.

I closed my eyes, feeling Butters shiver against my side as the aura I was giving off changed from wary to deadly. I could feel him turn so that we were facing each other, his hands gripping my arms tightly.

"Douchebag?" Butters asked uncertainly, shaking me gently. I growled again, not at him, but at the shadows, letting them know that I knew they were there. I then hissed, this time in pain, as a stronger presence made itself known.

"Oh Jesus! It's the Bard!" Butters cried in terror, shaking me in an attempt to regain my attention.

I heard the sound of crutches on the ground as a voice proclaimed challengingly, "Prepare for battle, we-we-weaklings! Elves, fall in!"

I raised my head, sensing the shadows gather around us. I knew it was still dark, since Butters was still looking around frantically for the unseen enemies. Butters shook me, begging me to open my eyes, and, unable to stand the burning sensation any longer, I obliged, causing Butters to fall back in shock.

My eyes were no longer pitch black like usual, but were instead glowing red. I growled again, causing the shadows to back down temporarily. I then turned back to Butters, fully expecting him to make a bee-line for the door, but he shocked me, as he often did. Rather than running, he simply stepped back to my side, still gripping my arm, and asked, "Where are they?"

I looked around, glaring at the elves, who were now frozen in terror. Now that my eyes were no longer hindered by darkness, I could also make out a clear image of the Bard. He was a cripple, as I had already surmised from the sound of crutches, with his legs twisted and useless for walking. His crutches were attached to his arms and his eyes were turned permanently upward. He was also holding a lute.

The Bard's eyes widened as he looked at me, shuddering as my eyes bore into him. Still, the elves had quite a lot of pride, so he ordered his men to attack. I also heard Cartman cry out, "Douchebag! It's a trap!" as he and Kenny were dragged away.

"You should not have come here, h-humans." the Bard stated, trying to hide his fear as I stared at him, my blood-red eyes showing no mercy, "I am a level 10 bard, and with my lute, I shall power up my elven guards with magical songs of ench- With magical songs of encha-" he then began to stutter, which continued as we all waited patiently for him to finally say, "With magical songs of enchantment!"

Despite the Bard's attempts at intimidation, the room was still dark, so the elves were at the same disadvantage as Butters. However, with my vision heightened, I could now see perfectly. After making sure that Butters was out of harm's way (he couldn't fight in the dark, either), I lunged at the elves. They could see me well enough, courtesy of my glowing red eyes, but the superiority radiating from those eyes froze my enemies in their tracks, allowing me to take them all out at once.

With his guards defeated, the Bard fled muttering, "Wow. W-What a butt-kicking…"

With the elves defeated, my eyes returned to normal, plunging me back into darkness. I put my hand on my left eye, where I could feel my scar burning in agony. I also felt a familiar warm liquid oozing from it and I knew that the activation of the sight had reopened it, just like it always did. I'll never forgive that bastard.

With my energy drained, I fell to my knees, leaning against another body as a pair of arms encircled me. I looked up, my obsidian eye (the one that didn't have blood in it) locking with the pair of sky blue ones that were gleaming with tears. I patted his shoulder, letting him know that I was okay, and tried to get up, only to have the little paladin pull me closer, his body quivering with a mixture of fear and relief.

"Douchebag! You're okay! Thank God! Please don't scare me like that again!" he sobbed, rocking back and forth as he held me close, using one of his "healing cloths" to wipe the blood from my left eye. My mind swarmed with guilt as I leaned against my friend. I hadn't meant to scare him. However, before Butters could say anything else, we heard someone clear their throat.

"Hey, lovebirds! Hate to break up the lovefest, but we ARE in the middle of a game here!" an elf growled. Looking up, I only just noticed that the lights had been turned on and there was another group of elves in the room. Butters turned red as I narrowed my eyes (now that both could actually open). After shooting down a lamp and setting some of the boxes on fire, I used Cup-a-Spell to blow them up, knocking out all of the elves (except one, who I let go after he begged for mercy)

"That's what you get for being mean to people!" Butters said to the remaining elf, a victorious smile on his face. I allowed a small smile of approval as I made my way to the door, only to find it locked.

"Ah, hamburgers! What are we gonna do now?" Butters asked, frustrated. I was about to shrug when I heard someone call me.

"Hey! Douchebag! Up here!" I looked up to see my thief-brother Craig standing at a window that led outside. An arrow was all it took to get Craig inside. The taller boy then climbed in and walked up to the door, stating in his characteristic monotone, "I'll handle this." With the door open, Butters rushed off, spouting a bunch of battle cries, but I hung back. I could tell that Craig wanted to speak to me. Token and Tweek were nowhere in sight.

As silently as ever, Craig looked in the direction that Butters had just run off in, then looked at me, making several familiar gestures to me. My eyes widened and I blushed slightly, looking in the same direction. I then looked back at Craig, closing my eyes and nodding before placing my middle finger over my lips, glaring at the other thief. Craig nodded, a sly smile on his face. A sly look of my own reminded him that he wasn't one to talk, for which he glared at me and climbed back out the window. As I followed after my companion, I felt my face heat up again, not even trying to deny the truth in what Craig had just said.

I'm falling for Butters.