This one took it out of me. Thank you again for the continued support and welcome to all of the new readers who seem to be finding this story daily!
20 Weeks
"For the last time, Tony, you can come back in after he's done. Trust me, you won't be missing anything." Jethro literally pushed the younger man out of the exam room door despite his continued protests. DiNozzo had been disappointed that Gibbs wanted a little privacy for the physical exam portion of his 20 week check-up but there were some things a man just needed to do alone.
Once Tony was safely on his way to the waiting area, he turned back to Reed apologetically. "Sorry about that."
"No need." Reed waved him off. "I'm glad to see he's enthusiastic. I take it you two have come to an understanding."
The raven haired doctor made some notes as Jethro pushed himself up onto the table awkwardly. He was certainly past the point of hopping now. "For the moment," Gibbs agreed grudgingly.
"I'm happy to have his medical history and I'm sure you're happy to have the support." He raised an eyebrow as he pulled on a pair of gloves.
"Some days more than others," Jethro grunted, leaning back and putting his heels in the stirrups. He wouldn't say he was getting used to the humiliation that accompanied these exams but at least he was becoming more familiar with the protocol.
"Your weight and your blood pressure both look good, Jethro. And you said you're feeling movement now?" Reed's fingers worked their way gently around his distended abdomen.
"For the last couple weeks. But more and more noticeable, yeah. At least to me." There was still nothing to feel on the outside of his stomach and Tony was anxiously awaiting the moment when he would be able to feel the little kicks and jerks for himself.
"Anything else unusual?" He coaxed Jethro's knees apart. "Just relax a little bit, we're almost done. Any pain during intercourse or spotting afterwards?"
Jethro colored in embarrassment but knew he had to give an honest answer. "No. Pretty normal." Gibbs hesitated. "Maybe a little better than normal" he finally admitted. "Is that..?"
"Normal?" Reed chuckled. "I get a lot of Dad's who report that their sex drive is higher than usual during their second trimester, yes. And with all the changes in your body it's expected that you might be a little more sensitive. Not exactly the worst problem to have. Anything aside from that?"
"Just some soreness in my back on long days. I suppose that's only going to get worse from here," he sighed.
"You can go ahead and sit up now." Reed pushed himself back and stripped off his gloves. "I recommend a low heating pad and good back support whenever you can. There are some products I can show you that might help," he offered.
"Pretty sure I've got that covered." Jethro thought of the pile of still mostly unused accoutrement Tony had supplied him with a few weeks ago.
"It's also not too early to start thinking about a birth plan. There are a lot of options available and I can recommend hospitals and birthing centers in the area that specialize in male delivery. Have you given any thought to how you'd like to give birth? If you're thinking natural at all you'll want to get signed up for classes in the next few weeks. I know September seems like a long way away but it will be here before you know it," Reed pressed.
"Can I get back to you?" Jethro asked, suddenly feeling a little overwhelmed. "It's kind of a lot to think about. Can't say I'm really crazy about the idea of being strapped down to a bed while I squeeze this thing out." He winced at the thought of it. Surprisingly, it wasn't the idea of pain that made his shoulders rise, he was a Marine, after all. What he didn't like was the thought of being all trussed up in an unfamiliar place, while unfamiliar people treated him like a side show or an invalid and told him to bear down and breathe unrelentingly while he pushed something the size of a bowling ball out of an opening the width of a pencil.
"Sure," Reed nodded. "I have some literature I can give you from a few locations. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. If you don't have any other concerns, we'll get set up for the ultrasound. I suspect there's someone waiting rather impatiently for that."
"You have no idea." Tony had been giddy for the last week and it was all he could do to keep him focused half the time. "Thanks for fitting us in so late on a Friday. Like I said, it's complicated." Reed had arranged the appointment after hours as a favor so that both he and Tony could be present without arousing any more suspicion with their combined absences.
"Glad you could both be here. If you don't mind my saying so, I can see a change in you since your last appointment, Jethro."The doctor approached his side hesitantly. He knew Jethro Gibbs was not a man who discussed his private life willingly.
"Yeah, I'm getting huge." Gibbs set a hand on his rounded belly and attempted to steer the conversation away from uncomfortable territory.
"He's good for you, Jethro," Reed pressed. "It would take a fool to ignore that." He moved toward the door without further comment but his point had been made.
"Just how well do you know Ducky, Doc," Gibbs mumbled to the physician's departing back.
"A little space, DiNozzo?" Tony was practically crawling over him in his effort to see the still blurry images on the screen. Suddenly the sound of a rapidly pounding heartbeat filled the room and the younger man froze and listened intently.
"Is it…is it supposed to be that fast?" he asked in hushed awe.
Reed smiled at him and nodded. "Absolutely. Fetal heartbeats are quite a bit faster than normal adults'." The tech continued to move the ultrasound wand around the gelled mound of Jethro's belly. "Okay, here we go."
Tony watched intently as the monitor showed the clearly recognizable shape of a fetus. It looked much bigger than the photo he had spent hours studying and he could immediately see the physiological changes as well. "Wow," he breathed, taking Gibbs' hand without thinking.
Jethro suppressed a smile, remembering how he had felt the first time he'd gone through this. Oddly enough, he wasn't at all uncomfortable with Tony's subtle but open display of affection. Something about it seemed appropriate to the moment and the broad thumb stroking soothingly across the back of his hand was a warm and pleasant distraction. It actually felt better than he had imagined having someone besides Reed and the ultrasound tech to share the moment with, as if he was introducing Tony to their child for the first time.
They both watched the monitor closely, trying to make out details in the soup. The baby was moving around quite a bit, perhaps in response to Jethro's own stress or the prodding from the ultrasound. Either way, its erratic bounces were somehow both reassuring and mesmerizing.
"You've got an active one. No wonder you've been feeling all that movement," Reed noted as the tech searched for the best possible angle. "Everything looks great right now. Good size, good fluid, normal development from what I can see. Cindy here is the expert and I'll have her take a look at the video a little more closely and give me a final prognosis once we're finished."
The attractive blond seated on a high chair next to the bed looked up from her examination of the monitor and smiled. "Looks good to me too," she confirmed.
Gibbs was pretty sure he noticed her eyes giving Tony more than a quick once-over and was surprised to feel just the tiniest stab of pride in the way DiNozzo didn't even seem to be aware of the rapt appraisal.
"Do you want to know the sex today? I've got a pretty good view," Cindy offered.
She had moved the wand lower on Jethro's stomach and Tony wasn't sure exactly what he was seeing at the moment.
They had discussed it, of course. Jethro had his own reasons for hesitation, an undefinable dread he couldn't quite pinpoint the source of, but in the end, they had both agreed that it was time to stop referring to the bump as 'it'. He looked over at Tony for confirmation and nodded.
"Hit us with it, Doc." DiNozzo squeezed Gibbs' hand a little tighter.
"Looks like you've got a healthy little girl bouncing around in there. Congratulations, gentleman." Reed squeezed Jethro's shoulder and patted Tony on the back, soundly.
Gibbs' heart contracted hard in his chest at the words and his lungs froze up on him. The pain he had been dreading, the fear he had tried so hard to prepare himself for welled up despite his best efforts. Images flashed unbidden and unstoppable in his head, sharp and clear and whole. First breaths, first baths, first steps, first words. Memories of another little girl who would never know the joys of the sister currently nestled in his belly.
He needed to get away but there was nowhere to escape to. The heat behind his eyes was a barely restrained flood and he tried to sit up despite the pressure of alarmed hands suddenly holding his shoulders. Jethro looked from Reed to Tony frantically, saw the deep concern etched in their faces. "Need to be…alone for a minute," he choked out around the fire in his throat.
"Jethro, what's wrong? He said everything was okay, I don't understand." Dinozzo tried desperately to cling to the hand that pushed his away.
"Cindy and I will step out for a minute and let you get yourself together," Reed tried to soothe him, "But you need to calm down, Jethro. Deep breaths. You're safe here and the baby is fine."
Gibbs managed to focus on him and nod. He sucked air into his burning lungs in a shaky breath. "Please," he begged.
"Okay, but Mr. DiNozzo is staying. I'm not comfortable leaving you completely alone without knowing what's going on," Reed cautioned.
More than anything he wanted Tony not to see him this way. He didn't want to see the questions in the younger man's eyes that he couldn't –wouldn't- answer, but he felt himself about to come apart and there was no time to argue.
Reed and the pretty tech let the door close behind them and he was alone with Tony as the dam broke. "Oh shit," he cried, turning onto his side on the table and curling around his belly which was still slicked with gooey gel.
He didn't care.
He didn't care about any of it.
The tears ran down his face, spilled over the bridge of his nose to land on the clean white paper beneath him. His entire body shook with the power of torturously sweet memories that had risen unbidden to mock his feeble attempts at keeping them locked safely away.
Tony felt helpless and scared. He had no idea what had caused such a violent reaction and outpouring of emotion from Gibbs and he felt tears pooling hotly against his lower lids in sympathy for the older man's obvious pain. He reached out a trembling hand for Jethro's shoulder but Gibbs flailed at his touch, pushed him away.
"God, I'm sorry," he sobbed brokenly. "So sorry."
Unsure whether Jethro was even talking to him, DiNozzo tried again, this time laying a hand atop Gibbs' head where he couldn't shrug it off and stroking consolingly down the back of his neck over and over again while the older man shook and shivered. When Jethro seemed to tolerate this he moved closer and whispered gently beside his ear. He didn't know how to do this, how soothe the seemingly unsoothable, but he did the best he could, feeling his own cheeks become wet.
There was nothing Jethro could do but let the pain run its course. He surrendered to it, let the bittersweet agony flow through him like a current until the surging flood eventually began to ebb to tolerable eddies. Gradually he became aware of Tony's hand against the back of his neck, of the tender murmurs of concern beside his ear. His agonized sobs subsided to gentle hiccups and he reached for Tony's hand and gripped it tight, unsure if he would be able to look the younger man in the eye, certain he would not be able to begin to offer him the explanation he deserved.
"Okay now." His voice was a raw rasp as he tried to reassure DiNozzo and himself that the worst had passed.
"Oh God, please don't ever do that again," Tony begged, lowering his forehead to Jethro's shoulder in relief.
Jethro felt empty, hollow. Like the tap of emotion had drained him of everything he had. He wiped his nose and eyes on his gown, drawing a deep breath and trying to stop the lingering little choked hiccups that just kept coming. Finally, he rolled onto his back and let Tony help him sit up. Even his muscles felt sore.
"You sure you're alright now?" DiNozzo rubbed Jethro's arms, concerned by the gooseflesh that still lingered atop the heat of his skin. Gibbs looked up at him then and the immeasurable pain in the older man's eyes had him swallowing the lump that rose in his throat.
"Fine." So flat, so heavy.
"Gibbs…"
"Don't." He shook his head. "Don't."
Jethro's eyes begged him, pleaded with him not to ask, not to press right now. He finally nodded silently.
"I need to go home."
"Let me just get the doctor to come in and check you over, okay?" Tony got a paper towel and wiped at the gel on Gibbs' stomach.
Jethro nodded woodenly. He didn't have the strength or will to argue the point. All he knew was that he needed to be where other people were not as soon as possible.
Tony watched Gibbs out of the corner of his eye as he made the final turns toward his house. Jethro was unnaturally quiet, even for him. He had barely said a dozen words since he had come out of whatever had happened during the ultrasound. Reed had checked him over thoroughly and found that the baby was in no distress and that all of Jethro's vital signs looked normal. He'd pulled Tony aside and given him instructions to keep a close eye on Gibbs and to call if he didn't seem to be pulling out of whatever funk he had fallen into. Reed had also given him several ultrasound stills but cautioned him against sharing them with Jethro until his mood seemed more stable.
Gibbs had let him drive without protest and that alone would have had him worried under normal circumstances.
As they pulled up to the curb, Jethro unlatched his seatbelt and began to open the door before the car had even stopped. Before Tony could put the sedan in park, Gibbs was halfway up the walk, focused like a missile on the front door. DiNozzo merely trotted after him and only barely caught the door as Jethro made a feeble attempt to shut him out.
"You need to go, DiNozzo."
It wasn't anger, but Gibbs' voice was as hard and cold as Tony had ever heard it. All it took was one glance down at Jethro's rounded stomach to give him the stones to draw up to his full height and resist. "No," he said calmly.
"Get. Out."
"No," Tony repeated gently, his composure tempering the steel of Gibbs' resistance. "Do what you need to do. I'll leave you alone and I won't ask questions. I can sleep on the couch-hell, I'll sleep in the basement under the boat if you want me to but I am not leaving you alone tonight, Jethro."
Blue eyes blazed at green in the fading light of the entryway but it was Tony who won the fight. Gibbs turned on his heel and made for the stairs, his shoulders slumped in a way DiNozzo had never seen before. As Jethro disappeared and he heard the heavy sound of a thick door closing, the slippery click of a lock sliding into place, Tony collapsed against the wall and scrubbed a hand down his face slowly.
He was worried. Perhaps more worried now than he had been an hour ago and his brain searched for anyone he might be able to call on for some advice. Before he was even really aware of what he was doing, Tony reached in his pocket and extracted his cell phone, scrolling through numbers until his eyes lit on the only name that came to mind. His fingers trembled a little as he hit send, knew what making this call was going to mean.
"Ducky?" he said when a softly lilting voice answered on the other end. "It's DiNozzo. I think I need some help."
More to come soon!
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