CHAPTER 8: Holding ON
Jack watched as Mark and Bobbie worked together he smiled at the progress he had yet to work on anything. Mark seemed to know what he was doing and each time Jack tried to help with something Bobbie would stop him screaming, "Old man go sit down you have done enough we got it."
It didn't hurt his pride, normally it would, but Bobbie was a good girl he had watched grow up and she was just looking out after him. He was worried about Mark, though he was laughing and smiling he seemed still to have this aura of sadness even around Bobbie who was guaranteed to make anyone suck it up. She had that way about her, she was strong, far stronger than most of the men Jack had known, and she was able to be strong and make people take the bad and keep going. He had not planned on the two meeting, it just happened, he would be lying to himself if he didn't feel protective of Bobbie and wondered about what she was getting into if there were feelings there. They knew nothing of Mark, and he was a great guy, so it seemed, but there was more there than he was telling.
Mark was tired, but he kept working. A challenge he had to rise too. Bobbie was a woman and he wasn't going to be out done by her. It wasn't a contest, but the two pushed each other. He wasn't sexsist but he felt the need to work as hard if not harder than her.
She seemed to notice that he was tiring and slowed down. "You want to go in and get something to eat?" She asked knowing he didn't eat breakfast, nor had he slept yet.
"I'm not really hungry." And he smiled because with that comment alone earned him a look from her that would make almost anyone confess to everything they had ever done.
"You haven't eaten yet today and you didn't sleep last night." She did the same with her men on the boat. Exhaustion could kill everyone on a boat, and it just carried over onto land.
"I wasn't tired." Mark said feeling like a kid, he hadn't felt like that in a long time ever since Kim had taken care of him.
"Well we are almost finished with the dinning room besides staining a few more things than we are done. The hole in the wall is easy. You go in and get some sleep you can use my bed if you want. If you are going out with us fishing I need you to be well rested don't get much sleep on the boat."
"Yes ma'am." Mark mocked a fake salute.
She smiled was he flirting with her and was she flirting with him? Possibly she didn't like him, no she couldn't like him she just found him to be a decent guy who needed help to get through whatever demons he was carrying around from his past. Like Jack said there had to be excuses for the things he did. Mark was a mystery to be solved, something new to be figured out in the town she had already figured out a long time ago.
"Get out of here already. Here is the key to my room." She said handing him the key knowing that he would sleep better up there than on the couch, she planned to continue on working get all she could done, never one to be idle.
Mark was a nervous about sleeping in her bed, but he was exhausted now and he could use some down time, the couch had been comfortable the problem was he couldn't sleep his brain wouldn't shut up. It felt like a little kid in his head not wanting to sleep so he continued to cause issues.
When he finally hit the bed after a long shower he was sound asleep within minutes his mind giving way to exhaustion. He had been to tired to allow the dreams to plague his sleep.
She had finished staining the table and went inside Jack was already working on lunch.
He smiled at her when she walked in, "Where's Mark?"
"Upstairs in my room sleeping. He needed to sleep and I'm not using it right now." She had gotten use to sharing beds a long time ago taking shifts to sleep on the relatively large crabbing boats.
Jack smiled, "Good." He knew that Bobbie would take a protective stance over Mark by her questioning of his morality and than allowing him back into her world without him ever knowing he was going to be kicked away again. "You want to talk about what you heard with him?"
"Yes, but I don't want to push him."
"He'll tell you in his own time."
"You see yourself in him?"
She had always been very perceptive even as a child. That was why Jack liked her so much, and was protective of her as a daughter. She would have made a great police officer, but that wasn't the life she found.
"Yes I once was as plagued as he is and I can understand." Jack said not looking up from the food he was cooking he was always worried that the town would push him away once they found out he had killed a kid.
"He is lucky to have found someone to help him." She said placing a hand on Jack's back seeing a change in him. She had noticed it even as a child sitting in the bar her watching him drink, each time someone would question him about the past, even now he changed a dark cloud seemed to come over him. The same dark cloud that lived over Mark.
Tony felt uneasy the next morning thinking about Jack the night before and seeing Audrey still torn up, though hiding it well, bothered him. She still loved him, but did she love him only because he died? She was going to leave him before Jack's death? It didn't matter they could never be together no one including Kim could ever know Jack was still alive it was a secret that would die with five people who knew about it. He found himself actually looking up to the ceiling as if God would be found there to answer his prayers the prayers he hadn't said since he was a little child being dragged to church by his mother. These prayers were for Jack hoping he had found something, a new life that made him happy he deserved it. He didn't deserve what he got, but he took it anyways because that was how Jack was.
Snapping out of his trance the phone was ringing, "Hello?" Tony answered trying to snap out of the darkness he felt thinking about Jack. He missed the one person he knew would always have his back.
"Tony." Kim's voice came over the line.
FUCK, he hated talking to Kim she took Jack's passing horribly, the Chinese outside the funeral never helped. Every time she called he always felt like telling her Jack's not dead he's somewhere in the world right now hopefully still living. "Kim how are you?"
"I'm here." She said still coping with her fathers death she didn't know if she'd ever be fine again. She missed him, and never got to say goodbye. The way he died didn't make sense, but no one would give her more information.
"What can I help you with?"
"Chase and I were looking to go on a vacation and I've never been to DC I was wondering?"
Fuck he wanted to see her. He promised to protect her and look after her, he hadn't seen her since the funeral, and he couldn't say no Michelle would kill him if she found out. He cut her off, "Sure come on down. We'd love to have you. We have two spare rooms."
"Good we've missed you guys. And I have some news for you."
Tony felt his stomach fall out did she find out about Jack, she was like her father he wouldn't snap over the phone he'd show up rip your balls off and than snap at you. "Great can't wait."
Audrey was in the doorway looking as if she hadn't slept in a long time and the weight of the world was on her shoulders hunching them over.
"Kim I got to go. Call us at home and Michelle and you can set up a date."
"Ok bye Tony."
"Bye." Tony put the phone back on it's base and began to apologize.
"Don't worry Tony." Audrey said, personal phone calls were prohibited, but Tony was one of the higher ranking personal so it didn't matter. "Was that Kim Bauer?" it hurt to say the last name visibly it showed on her face she was still working on hiding her feelings.
"Yes." Tony said seeing the pain in her eyes. Did she really love Jack now?
"How is she?" Audrey asked she wanted to run out of the room, out of the building, anything out of there so no one could see the pain she was in.
"Doing better. Can I help you with something?" Tony could tell she wanted out of the conversation.
"Yeah I wanted to see if you had those reports done yet."
"Yes I sent them to you via email this morning." Tony said softy afraid that any moment Audrey was going to fall apart in his office.
"Oh I'm sorry I must have missed them."
"I'll send them to you again." He said smiling fuck don't fall apart I don't' know how I feel about you. You were going to leave him until he died, you broke his heart that he had finally given away to you.
"No need go ahead and send them directly to my father."
"Ok." Surprised Audrey usually checked over the work.
"Sorry."
"Don't be you have a lot." He said still smiling wondering if he should invest time to see if she was ok.
When Audrey left the room a few minutes later Michelle came in. "What was that about? She looks like hell. Did I hear right Kim called?"
"Final question. Yes Kim called. Audrey just wanted some reports."
"She looks bad." Michelle's heart went out for her. She left Tony to his work and went back to her office across the hall to work.
After awhile she got up and went to the bathroom. When she walked in she hear a soft sob. She looked down to see the shoes on the floor under the stall. They were Audrey's no question about that. Michelle knocked softly on the door, "Audrey?"
Wiping the tears away from her eyes trying to compose herself enough to speak, "Yes Michelle."
"You want to talk?" Michelle asked softly.
It made Audrey cry harder.
"I'll be back in a minute." Michelle left the bathroom and went to Secretary Heller's office. She knocked softly on the door and waited for the booming voice to command her to come in.
"How can I help you Michelle?" Heller said pointing to a chair.
"Audrey isn't feeling well. I was wondering if it was ok if I took a long lunch break and took her home?" Michelle said not wanting to leave Audrey alone.
"Sure. IS she fine?"
"Just the flu I think."
"OK." he was busy and wanted to check on her but Michelle seemed to have it under control.
"Thank you sir." Michelle got up and left the office went back to the bathroom where Audrey was sobbing still.
"Audrey can you get yourself under control long enough to get out the door?"
Audrey tried to stop crying, "I don't know."
"Come on you are going home with the flu." Michelle said waiting for the door to open to the stall.
"I can't I got work."
"It'll wait come one." Michelle said helping Audrey out of the stall when the door opened. "You need to get some rest. You look like hell." Jack's not dead, Michelle wanted to blurt out she could see the love in Audrey's eyes, and understand why she had wanted to end things with Jack that day. She had seen something few had gotten to see and it was scary. Michelle had done the same when Tony came back she saw this other side to him and began to wonder if she ever really knew him, what she didn't know at that time was it was still Tony, but he was hurting. In Jack's case he was doing his job and he had to do it without fail.
Audrey composed herself and walked out with Michelle. Once they were inside the car again Audrey started to cry quietly.
"You loved him didn't you?" Michelle said wanting to get her talking so that she might deal with her feelings.
"I did. I was so stupid. I hurt him before he died, I never deserved him." Audrey said.
"He would have understood." Maybe not, but eventually she would have figured it out and explained it to Jack.
"I just… he… Paul died because of Jack's actions. I know he did what he had too.. . But I… and he… tortured… God he was so hurt when I told him. Than he… he's dead… and it's my fault. If I would have just.."
"What Audrey? What could you have done to stop him?" Michelle asked the obvious question. "He was going to be taken into custody and given to the Chinese. He chose a different death for himself." Michelle gave the same story everyone had made up to make it look like Jack wasn't acting selfish in the end because it was so out of character. "You couldn't have done anything to stop that Audrey."
Michelle was quiet for awhile, "You know he loved you. You made that last year of his life happy. I could tell when I first saw him at CTU. He was happy, changed from the way he had been." And than it went away like it always seemed to do for Jack, "He loved you and you made him happy. Try to remember the good times." God that was so cheap to say.
When they got to Audrey's house Michelle walked her inside, "Get some sleep ok. You look horrible. Tonight you are coming over to my house for supper, and than you are going to go home and move on. Jack wouldn't want you to be this sad. He loved you and if he knew he made you this sad he'd be angry with himself. So please stop before he gets angry at himself."
Audrey found herself laughing at Michelle. It was so true Jack would have blamed himself, he always did. When it rained on one of their dates that was suppose to be a picnic he began to apologize as if it was his fault it rained.
"You going to be ok alone?" Michelle asked looking at her seeing the slight smile on her face.
"Yeah."
"Ok call if you need anything." Michelle felt sorry for her wondering if she had any friends out there in the world.
"Ok."
"I'll be by around five to get you for supper. Be ready." Michelle said before closing the door to leave Audrey alone.
