Chapter Eight: Where to?

Disclaimer: If tekken was mine…well, I don't think you want to hear the rest.

A/N: this chapter is dedicated to mirrors of illusion, who so kindly drew Suzuki. The link can be found in my profile, or just go to deviantart and type in "Suzuki the Hacker."

"Ow!" Lili shrieked. King had just stepped on her outstretched fingers.

"This is ridiculous!" Marshall shouted as yet another key disappeared with a faint pop.

"This is hilarious!" Suzuki laughed, eyes trying to absorb everything at once.

Jun's eyes also darted around the room. Why wasn't her ass of a husband complaining about this? She realized that Kazuya and his group were nowhere to be seen. She nudged Michelle in the ribs.

"What?" Michelle asked.

"Kazuya's party is gone," she whispered.

"They found a key without anybody else noticing!?" Michelle gave a harsh whisper back.

Jun nodded moodily. Michelle swore and doubled her efforts to find the key.

"Nina!" Anna crawled to where her sister was searching the floor.

"What?" Nina growled, not taking her eyes off of the ground around her.

"Your pansy of a son is gone!" Anna reported.

"You mean to tell me those morons found a key before we did!?" Nina snapped, looking at Anna. They both leapt out of the way as Lei was flung towards them by Bryan.

"Stop being a douche bag!" Lei yelled as he hit the ground. Bryan cackled maniacally in response.

Hold on. Nina thought. Steve wasn't even crawling. He hates crawling around, something about sanitation… She shook her head in disgust. Knowing him, he'd be thinking of every other possibility…

Meanwhile…

Jin strapped himself in as the jet started to take off. Hwoarang plopped down behind him.

"No one in the cargo pit?" Jin asked, and Hwoarang shook his head.

"Good, we should go much faster without the fat-asses," Kazuya grumbled.

"I can't believe Lee," Steve started. "He gives the key to a maniac who pretends she only knows where the key's location is, then tells Janet, Janet of all people where Suzuki lives, all the while locking the stupid thing up in his house!"

"Talk about no life," Hwoarang muttered.

"What do we do if we run into Lee?" Jin asked.

"That makes it all the more easier," Kazuya replied. "We beat the crap out of him, then get the book." The younger men agreed.

Hwoarang stared out of the window at the sky zooming past. That soon bored him, and he let his mind wander to what life would be like when he had mastered the ways of the book.

Now Entering Hwoarang's fantasy.

Hwoarang was wearing a pimp outfit, complete with large purple hat and a bitching trench coat. He was sitting in a throne on the side of a nightclub, and he was the only guy there. He had Asuka massaging his neck while Lili fanned him with a giant feather. He was watching Christie dance with Xiaoyu, and Julia walked up to him with a tray of various alcoholic beverages. Of course, all of the girls were wearing revealing and trendy club outfits.

"Ah, this is the life," Hwoarang sighed, and all of the girls giggled.

In the real world…

"Do you think he's alright?" Steve asked, looking uncertainly at Hwoarang's goofy smile.

"Let's just pitch him overboard," Jin said, not even bothering to look back.

"Hello…" Steve waved his hand in front of Hwoarang's face. Nothing.

Meanwhile…

"My knees hurt," Forest complained, rolling onto his rear to give his knees a break. He checked his watch. "And we only have fifteen minutes to meet up with Jim!"

"Shit," Marshall cursed.

"You suck!" Paul momentarily stopped searching for a key to shake his fist at Suzuki, who ignored him. "And you were named after a car company!"

"Ooh, I've never heard that one before," Suzuki replied dully, examining a long claw she had been filing. "I would make you think you were a monkey, but I'm afraid there wouldn't be much of a difference."

Across the room, an idea had finally occurred to Nina. Suzuki had the key. She narrowed her eyes at the strange teen. I know you have it.

Nothing gets past you, huh? Suzuki retorted, and Nina clenched her jaw.

Give me one reason to kill you, girl. Nina thought viciously, and Suzuki smiled.

I wouldn't dream of upsetting the great Saiyan Prince Vegeta. You'll find the key in your sister's cleavage. As Suzuki finished thinking, Nina saw her sister jump with a start and stare down at her large bust.

Why would you put it there of all places! Nina silently seethed.

Well, duh, the chances of you two being able to pull it out of there are slim. Suzuki replied with a wide grin.

"Come on, Anna." Nina muttered before pulling her confused sister up the stairs.

By now the number of keys were running low, and everyone was getting more frantic.

"I bet that Wang has two keys," Julia started savagely. "And he's trying to find the rest before we can even get one!"

"Yeah, let's get him!" Asuka agreed, and they were both on the verge of jumping the old man before Jun and Michelle held them back.

"Don't be stupid!" Michelle hissed. "If anyone's hiding the keys, it's Ganryu. Look at all of those rolls of fat he could be stashing it in…"

Jun shook her head at Michelle. "No, look! Where are those three going?" She was talking about the Americans. Marshall was whispering frantically to Paul and his son, and they were trying to make their way up the stairs.

"Get them!" Xiaoyu screeched, pointing an accusing finger at the trio. Everyone else in the room looked up, and in a matter of seconds, they had charged at them.

"Xiao!" Christie moaned in disbelief.

"Maybe I should have kept that to us," Xiaoyu said slowly, watching Raven tackle Forest down. Jun gave her the death glare.

"It's ours! Get your own!" Forest yelled, rolling onto his stomach to protect his precious key.

"I hate the young people!" Wang exclaimed, and aimed a kick at Forest's head.

"Good lord," King shook his head at the confusion.

Meanwhile…

Kazuya landed the jet in Mishima Manor. They had gotten back a lot quicker due to the lack of weight. Stretching, all of the men exited the jet, and as Steve stepped off of the stairs, Heihachi pushed him aside.

"Hurry up, Kuma, or we'll never find her!" Heihachi yelled, running up to the jet. Kuma lumbered up slowly behind him, as though hating his life entirely. The door closed behind the unfortunate bear, and the jet took off yet again.

"Is he only now going to the island?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"Duh, he's always been two steps behind everyone else," Jin answered.

"And he didn't notice that we just got off of the jet?" Hwoarang asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Look, he's a moron, now quit wasting my time!" Kazuya had had enough of hearing about his father. "We have to go to Lee's."

"Alright, but this time we're riding together. Steve's horrible on a motorcycle," Hwoarang told him, and Jin sniggered.

They piled into Kazuya's car, and with many traffic laws broken, they reached Lee's Condo in record time.

"Crazy Asians…don't know how to drive," Steve's hands were tightly gripping the sides of his seat, and Jin had to pry him off.

"We're still not as bad as Americans," Hwoarang retorted. "Driving on the right…" Jin had a bad feeling that Hwoarang had refused to drive on the right while visiting America.

They made their way up to Lee's room. As usual, they shut down Combot before he had even had the chance to yell: INTRUDER ALERT.

"Alright, start looking," Kazuya ordered, and immediately began going through Lee's closet.

"He-he, Kazuya's in the closet," Jin chuckled to himself. One of Lee's violet shirts was thrown at his head. "Ew! It's so ugly! Get it off! Get it off!" Jin yanked the material off of his head and flung it to the ground.

"Hey, he's been here recently," Hwoarang said from Lee's bed.

"I wouldn't be laying on that if I were you. I don't think it's sanitary," Steve said, and Jin nodded vigorously in agreement. Hwoarang paid them no mind as he was reading Lee's journal.

"See, this is from just yesterday," he said. He cleared his throat and read:

"'Dear Journal,

My five-in-a-row spree was sadly interrupted. Women these days! After that I was put off, so I decided to come back and update. Combot's been acting strange lately, I think Kazuya may have been around and messing with him. Damn Kazuya! I hate him! I hate him so much!'

Yeah, it goes on like that for the rest of the page." Hwoarang said. "But he goes on in the next page. 'But even if Kazuya has been nosing around, at least he still hasn't found you, or my precious book. Just to make sure I checked. Hmm, I wonder what other fighters would write about. Heavens knows none of them have any talent. Alright, I'm bored, so I'm going to come up with books they'd probably write.'"

Hwoarang's eyes again scanned the page, and he started laughing. "Look what he wrote about Jin! 'Boo-Hoo; The Story of My Life.' Ha! How much truer do you get!" He and Steve started howling with laughter, but Jin grabbed the book and started angrily looking through the made-up titles.

"So nice you enjoyed that, hope you'll like these," Jin said. "'At Least it's Roomy in My Walk-In Closet' by Steve Fox, and 'Life is Cold and Lonely in Jin's Shadow' by Hwoarang."

"Oh, that's funny coming from him!" Steve bristled.

"I don't live in your shadow!" Hwoarang sounded disgusted.

Jin smirked before reading on. "Pulling off the Duck-Butt by Kazuya Mishima (Here Kazuya glared, and muttered: "You have the same style, stupid!), 'Stalking for Dummies, by a Dummy' by Ling Xiaoyu, 'The teenager's guide to chubby-chasing' by Lili Rochefort, 'Stuck with You and You're Crazy Ass Family' by Jun Kazama…Ouch, there's a lot of mean ones," Jin went on, but Kazuya closed the small book.

"Well, if anything ever proved that Lee had no life…" Steve trailed off, looking through Lee's nightstand.

"I'm not seeing any safes," Hwoarang told them as he lifted a portrait off of the wall.

"Keep looking. I know he has it here somewhere," Kazuya said. "Or at least a clue…"

Meanwhile…

"Jim!" Forest yelled at the top of his lungs. He, along with his father and Paul, were frantically running across the sandy shore.

"What took you so long! I was about to-" Jim was cut off by Paul.

"START THE PLANE!" The Americans had managed to escape Suzuki's lair with their key in tow, and most of the other fighters had gone back to looking for their own keys, but Marduk had refused to give up. Indeed, he was thundering behind them, every footfall sending sand flying all around him. Jim finally caught sight of him and ran to the pilot.

The engine started and slowly began to lift. Marshall reached the plane first. Heart pumping, he jumped onto the plane then turned to help his son aboard. The plane was about ten feet into the air, and Paul had to jump with all his might to reach it in time. He clung to the sides of the door with his arms, and was on the point of pulling himself up when Marduk grabbed hold of his ankles.

"We're too heavy!" Jim called from the next room. When Marduk had jumped on, the plane had slanted dangerously towards him.

"Don't leave me!" Paul yelled, frantically trying to free his legs.

"Kick him off!" Marshall screamed. Marshall ran to the back and returned with a beer bottle.

"Get off of him, you animal!" he roared threateningly before hurling the bottle at the large man's head. It hit its target, and Marduk went spiraling down. Breathless, the Laws pulled the shaken Paul onto the plane.

"I thought I was gonna die!" Paul said melodramatically.

"Get a grip," Jim said, rolling his eyes. He turned to Forest. "So, did you guys get what you needed?"

"Sure did," Forest grinned, pulling out a key. Jim squinted at it.

"No, it couldn't be…" Jim murmured, staring at the key.

"What, do you know what it opens?" Marshall asked.

"I might. Men, your search may very well be near over," Jim answered.

End Chapter

A/N: Okay, I hope that was a little funnier than the last chapter. R&R, okay?