Lonely Joker
A/N. Ah, its been a long time since the last update and I extend my apologies for that. It seems that writer's block continues to take a liking to me.
Mein: Thank you for another review. I'm terribly sorry that this chapter took so long to post. Thanks for picking out that mistake, all fixed. Feel free to point out more when they crop up. I join with you in cursing writer's block =). Hope this chapter is worth the wait.
Thanks to the reviewers, people who favourited/alerted and the readers. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Don't own series or characters.
Year 0067: Three Years After the Book of Darkness Incident, Mid-Childa
Pressing the handkerchief once more to her bleeding lower lip, Carim Gracia leaned against the window absentmindedly tracing a running droplet's journey down the glass. Outside, the sound of rain was obscured by the noise of the bus as it turned the corner. Removing the handkerchief she grimaced at the patch of blood upon the pink surface. Her lip had been bleeding profusely and no amount of pressure seemed to alleviate it. But then the flow of blood was always hard to stop. It stained her hands which had desperately tried to cover his stomach wound in a futile attempt to save his life. Forcefully, the handkerchief was slapped back upon her lip so the blood was out of sight as if that alone would keep the memories at bay. It had been four months since her rescue from the disabled TSAB transport ship drifting dangerously amongst the chunks of debris that had once made up the Planet Krilshay.
Carim rested her head against the window, the coolness of the pane reminding her of the icy cold upon the transport ship after the power had shorted out. Shivering, she had not the strength to even question the unfairness of events. To have survived the war upon Krilshay only to die as their transport to freedom with a failing life support system threatened to become a metal coffin. And to die surrounded by the faces of the survivors she had sworn to protect. This war had taken its toll on her and claimed the lives of many whose names were still fresh in her mind. She began to mumble them not caring if the list became incoherent as long as she could remember. It was a final show of respect. Some part of her was convinced it was the only show of respect she could offer.
"Harken, Matsudira, DeBruskie…." She paused upon his name tasting the blood upon her lip, a dejected smile forming.
As a trained soldier of the TSAB and the Church, Carim was able to anticipate the signs of upcoming hostile actions. She had predicted her intentions before the woman had struck out, the full weight of her grief behind the blow. And Carim hadn't bothered to block the fist which smashed into her lip, the ring upon the woman's finger breaking the skin. A small steady flow of blood began to trickle down her chin. She had resisted the urge to smile and fought to keep an impassive expression upon her face. But her eyes must have shown the depth of her regret. Perhaps unconsciously she had even begged for the woman's forgiveness. Anger flashed within the widow's eyes as she readied her fist to strike again.
The priests had come running at the first sign of the commotion and one officer had grabbed the distraught woman's arm. She had struggled within his grip, the mourning veil around her face falling to the flag stones as she tried to wrench herself free, all the time screaming at Carim no longer bothering to form words, her tone of voice more than enough to convey her utter hatred.
"You!" she yelled twisting and struggling to be free. A shaft of sunlight flooding the cloister of the St. Church caught the detail of the small red rose brooch she had pinned to her black coat.
So he had settled on red roses after all, Carim thought as she met the woman's enraged eyes with the same impassive gaze. She was struggling for breath now, her voice hoarse from wailing at the funeral, her shouting doing little to help.
"Why…" she pleaded as she stopped struggling.
"Why didn't you…bring him back?"
Sobs had overtaken her as she broke down and was gently led from the garden into the foyer, the officer who guided her gave Carim an apologetic look as they passed. Carim's gaze followed the departing widow of the fallen Lt. Colonel DeBruskie. And like her husband she had now vanished from the Major's sight. A gentle touch upon her shoulder roused Carim from her thoughts as she turned unsteadily and met the concerned gaze of Schach.
"Your lip," Schach fussed as Carim tasted her own blood.
"Ah! Carim!" A startled cry alerted them to Hayate Yagami's presence.
Sitting in her wheelchair, Hayate moved surprisingly quickly, her front wheel gently bumping against Carim as she strained to look up at her superior officer's injury. Obliging her, Carim knelt down, drawing a wince from the young cadet at the sight of the blood. She fished within her pocket, withdrew a pink handkerchief and without asking permission began to wipe the blood from Carim's chin.
"Hayate…" A glaring look from Hayate told Carim that this was no time for arguments and she settled for watching as the cadet gently cleaned the wound, hand cupping her chin in order to keep her head steady.
"It won't stop bleeding," Hayate murmured pressing the handkerchief firmly against Carim's mouth and unintentionally stifling the Major's laugh.
She felt Hayate's hands tense as she held them within her own.
"Thank you." The words were muffled by the handkerchief but Hayate nodded numbly to show she had heard them.
"I think it will be alright after all your efforts," Carim continued apologetically. "Although I am afraid I have spoilt your rather pretty handkerchief."
"Don't worry about it," Hayate answered as a small grin made its way to her face.
With Hayate's insistence Carim kept the handkerchief and after many assurances that she would have her lip attended to, the cadet left. Carim asked Schach to accompany her to make sure she returned to the TSAB surface headquarters safely.
The lurch of the bus as it pulled up in front of the lights shook Carim from her thoughts and through the window she could see her bus stop beyond the intersection. Pressing the button, she rose to her feet as the lights changed and made her way towards the exit. The bus pulled into the stop and Carim disembarked into the light drizzle falling over the bustling city of Cranagan. The drizzle threatened to turn heavy at any minute and a biting cold wind had picked up. Wrapping her brown dress coat tightly around herself, she silently lamented her preference for socks over stockings. She looked down at her already wet white socks that were the standard part of her uniform. Hands within her coat pockets in an effort to keep them warm, Carim made her way through the throng of people turning into the looming apartment building just off the main street.
Gingerly slipping from her wet shoes and leaving them amongst those scattered at the door, Carim entered the foyer, her hands unconsciously adjusting her yellow tie. The receptionist greeted her kindly as her inquisitive eyes took in the sight of Carim's TSAB ground uniform, the handkerchief to her lip and the light sheen of droplets that clung to her clothing. Carim ran a hand through her damp fringe and gently folding the handkerchief placed it in her front pocket attempting to make herself more presentable.
"May you please inform me if a Ms. Auris Gaiz still lives here?"
A monitor materialised at the receptionist's fingers and she keyed in the name. After a brief consultation she nodded.
"Does she still live in Room twenty six?" Relief had crept into Carim's voice.
"Yes, still on level three, room twenty six," the receptionist confirmed.
Thanking her, Carim headed for the elevators where she gave way to her anxiety by continually pressing the lift button. A sudden nervousness gripped her and she self- consciously raised a hand to her fringe to comb through the unruly hair. Shaking from it the droplets that had settled on the strands, Carim looked up to check the lift's progress. Her eyes were diverted to the large bay window of the lounge area. The drizzle outside had turned heavy and the rain splashing against the purple diamond patterned stained glass drew her once again into an all too familiar memory.
That evening, an intense cold had seeped through her entire body as the pouring rain had soaked her uniform. Desperate knocks had rung out in the corridor as she pounded on the door of the only one who meant something to her and she hadn't been able to stop the smile that formed as her desperation had been met with a towel in the face and endless fussing. Carim fondly remembered the gentle tugs of unpractised fingers attempting to straighten and dry her fringe. Her hand dropped from her hair as the unpleasantness of the memory shone through her nostalgia. There had been words, far too many.
The lift arrived at her level and as the doors opened the Major entered. She inhaled slowly in the quietness of the constricted space, as the doors closed and she selected level three as she done upon her last visit. Carim smoothed her hands upon her uniform in an attempt to calm her nerves and steel her determination. Her hand gingerly touched her cut lip. It had finally stopped bleeding as a look at the back mirror confirmed. Should she have brought a present? A peace-offering?
The lift arrived at the third floor and as Carim stepped out, the resounding echo as the lift doors clanged shut behind her did little to calm her feelings. She proceeded down the familiar corridor, her eyes upon the faded blue carpet and the lines upon it that never seemed to match up. She stopped in front of the wooden door marked with the number twenty-six and an overwhelming urge to run gripped her. Instead, she lifted her shaking hand to quietly knock upon the door. Three precise knocks in rapid succession rang out.
"Alright, I'll be there in a minute."
The familiar voice froze Carim. At the memory of that innocent phrase her hand dropped to the sleeve of her uniform to clutch the material tightly as she gritted her teeth.
"You were not there at all, Auris."
Bitterness gripped Carim as the door was opened, the occupant of the room pausing in the act of brushing her hair, eyes narrowing behind her glasses at the sight of her visitor. In a single glance she took in the sight of the younger woman, head still bowed as it had been the last time Carim had summoned the courage to visit her. Only this time, a small silver chain hanging from her skirt pocket and forming a small loop indicated that she had achieved a higher rank. It was a metaphor for the expected continuing loyalty and years of service they hoped to gain from her.
"Congratulations," she told Carim not caring that her companion would be able to sense the insincerity in her voice.
"With the blood you split what rank does that leave you with?" she continued.
"Major," Carim whispered, the sting from Auris' words making her reluctant to meet her gaze.
"Then you'll have to excuse me, Major Gracia, I have a meeting to attend." Auris dismissed her and moved to close the door only for Carim to block her attempt.
"Please do not put ranks between us…Auris."
"You are mistaken, Major." Auris looked down at her, her brow slightly quirked in contempt at Carim's words.
"Our relationship has never warranted anything but professionalism," Auris stated.
"I'm afraid you've visited me under false pretences."
She turned from the door aware that her callous words had at last forced Carim's gaze from the floor. She knew the younger woman would be struggling not to cry. The thought of Carim struggling to remain strong, brought Auris' lips together in a cruel thin line. It was ironic really that the very thing she couldn't stand was the very thing that had attracted her to this broken shell of a girl. From the middle of the room Auris turned back and coolly met Carim's steady gaze, her only indication of inner turmoil, the whitening of her knuckles as she gripped the door handle.
"After everything…this is your final answer?" Carim's voice wavered as her hand digging within her pocket withdrew a crumpled piece of paper that Auris knew only too well.
She had ripped that small scrap from the bottom of a Mid-Childan newspaper and hurriedly scrawled down the word goodbye as if the speed itself with which she wrote the word could somehow erase all evidence of her relationship with Carim. All those quickly stolen glances, the slight brush of fingers that yearned to swiftly entwine and those secret encounters in hotel rooms where they had discreetly left the fresh smell of each room undisturbed to mask each of their meetings.
Auris had to resist the urge to let forth a bitter laugh. A year later who would have placed them here? Although the years had revealed the impropriety of her relationship with Carim, something she had once chosen to ignore, certain details of the affair seemed quite unchanged. Carim had always been the chaser, the dreamer who clung to a string of words and moments and always the one who tried so hard to keep them together. After all what they had experienced had been something akin to love. Inwardly, Auris scoffed. She was allowing another wave of nostalgia to glaze over the reality of what they once had. Love was stretching the definition of their relationship too far. It was better to call it a distraction spurred on by her desire to believe the naïve words of a young woman ten years her junior.
"I considered it a fond farewell under the circumstances we were faced with." Auris gazed at her reflection in the mirror as she began to put on her earrings.
The paper crumpled in Carim's hand once again but she hadn't the strength to throw it at Auris. Not even in a last ditched attempt to capture the attention of the woman she loved.
"You could have seen me off yourself…"
The pain was evident in Carim's voice and her eyes, reflected in the mirror held that same pleading look. Auris looked away to avoid the reflection of her former lover.
"Gracia," she addressed her formally as she slipped the final earring into place. "You're not that naïve. You were headed to a warzone."
She looked impassively over the top of her glasses at Carim.
"I didn't know you would return, hence the goodbye note…" She paused as a slight smile formed. "At the time I thought it was incredibly low key."
"Like our relationship?" As Carim forced the question through quivering lips she earned a scoff from the older woman.
"Don't give me sappy sentiments. You knew exactly how unethical our relationship was."
Anger brought Auris closer as she jabbed her finger accusingly at Carim.
"I wasn't about to broadcast to the whole world that I had a lapse of judgement," Auris hissed continuing her verbal assault.
"I wasn't about to disclose what method of treatment worked best for you. From what I recall your preference was…"
Auris trailed off, the both of them perfectly aware of the meaning behind what she had purposely left unsaid. A look of hurt revealed the still vulnerable girl beneath the uniform despite the experiences the world had thrown at her. She was now near enough to Carim to see the slight shadows under her eyes, the gauntness of her face and the slight slump in her shoulders. Auris' clinical gaze noted that Carim had lost a great deal of weight. Her uniform hung limply from her frame.
Continuing her observation, she noted the cut upon her lip and the longer length of Carim's fringe, her hair now slipping past her shoulders. For a fleeting moment, Auris felt another wave of nostalgia. She had truly loved the way her companion's blonde hair had once just touched her shoulders making it easier for her to run her fingers through the strands to caress her neck ever so gently. She missed the trust that Carim had been able to display through her eyes alone as she had clung onto her every word. Would Carim still hesitate if she drew her close once again? Her hand slipped behind the door and removed her blue dress coat from its hanger. Placing it over her arm she looked down one final time at the girl who had distinguished herself from all the rest.
"I admit I was fond of you," Auris told her sincerely. "You were a distraction. A set of contradictions but you misunderstood my intentions completely."
As she stepped from the apartment she placed her hand firmly upon Carim's arm and removed her grip from the door. She held Carim's stare ignoring the abandoned look within her eyes. If only she had been strong enough that time in the hospital corridor, strong enough to brush past the girl whom the world had seemingly written off.
"You were confused," Auris continued. "Confused about what you wanted from me. You didn't want love, you wanted forgiveness. Someone to tell you that what you were doing was alright, that you had no other choice."
She closed the door of the apartment, the sound echoing along the corridor as Carim had yet to speak, trapped as it were by what Auris had said.
"Simply put, you wanted to hear that you did nothing wrong. You wanted someone to purge your sin by promises and praises. It didn't have to be me but you were so alone you latched on to the first person who came your way. I indulged you as it fascinated me. So don't get sentimental and continue this game of chasing me. For not once did I consider you someone I valued enough to love."
Without a backwards glance, Auris strode past Carim leaving her within the empty corridor. The lift doors closed behind her, severing their ties one last time.
Year 0076: One Year after the J.S. Incident – Present Time 11:00 a.m.
His gaze, far away and lost within the memories he had been privy to, Verossa Acous finished the recollection, his voice strangely detached when speaking of his sister's affairs. Throughout his recount he had paced back and forth until he finally stopped in front of the window, the sunlight throwing its rays upon his sombre face as it shone through the still drawn curtain.
"And that is as far as I ventured," he concluded, his back to the only other occupant within the room.
Hayate had not moved from the couch, the cushion she had clutched forgotten upon the floor as she stared at Verossa, finding herself unable to speak.
"When Carim...when came home that day, I instinctively knew something was wrong." Verossa was still speaking in the same detached tone as he joined Hayate on the couch resting his hands upon his knees.
"But she gave me that serene smile of hers…" He paused to look at Hayate, his face displaying how truly affected he was when speaking of the event.
The Lt. Colonel instinctively placed her hand over his giving him the strength needed to continue his recollection.
"She made dinner." The fondness returned to his expression. "And burnt the rice but it was just enough to be seated at the same table. I mean I hadn't seen her for a year."
Verossa left the couch again to continue his pacing, the action allowing him to gather his thoughts. His voice was steady when he next spoke despite the absence of his usual carefree tone.
"Perhaps because of her absence I could see how much she had changed. She just slipped away sometimes, staring into the distance. And I found her that night sitting on her bed completely in the dark. When I turned on the light she didn't even blink. She was too intent upon the cards in her hands which had been torn precisely into little even strips. She then watched them flutter to the floor."
The inspector let out a mirthless laugh, directed more at himself than as an attempt to dispel the sombre atmosphere of the room. There was nothing upbeat about his form and he refused to meet Hayate's gaze.
"I now know how many times she has performed that little ritual," he continued. "But back then…"
There was another laugh at his expense.
"…I panicked as I recognised she was tearing her cards, Prophetin Schriften into pieces."
The slight shift from the couch warned him that Hayate was about to speak and he met her gaze, silencing her with the intensity of a single glance.
"I said exactly what you're thinking," Verossa told her. "And she said it didn't matter anymore, that it was meaningless. That certain smile of hers made its appearance once again and I snapped and…then I read her memories. Although shaken by the experience I noticed that afterwards she'd completely broken down. And then I saw that all those torn piece had reassembled. There was no trace of the tearing and they were stacked neatly upon the floor as if she'd just left them there."
A pained smile formed on Verossa's lips as he struggled with his next words.
"It…It was a reminder, Carim said of what she had failed to stop and that's…."
"Carim's wrong!" Hayate cut him off swiping at the tears that threatened to flow.
"She couldn't have stopped Krilshay from exploding," she added quietly.
Her words brought a more affectionate smile to Verossa's features and he reached down to gently ruffle Hayate's hair.
"I owe Carim," he admitted, unintentionally cutting off Hayate's murmur of embarrassment at his affectionate gesture as she now regarded him with renewed interest.
"She's always looked out for me." The sombreness had completely left his tone as his more carefree nature re-emerged. "People with an affinity for Ancient Belkan are on the verge of extinction. I don't know anything, not even how far back to those times my bloodline goes."
"Carim's the historian of the family," he added with a laugh. "So I guess we're just a rare commodity, two of the last known surviving Belkans."
Hayate nodded in agreement. She personally had to acknowledge the impact of this information as she herself made up the third member of all that was left of their arts. Ancient Belkan had slowly intermixed with the Mid-Childan magic which made up the bulk of the now Modern Belkan magic system. It had been their shared link to this magical system that had led to Hayate's meeting with Carim and Verossa. Admiral Leti Lowran, Hayate's superior during her cadet years had actually commissioned Carim to watch over the young master of the book of darkness once the St. Church had requested her help with a certain relic. That relic had led to her first case with Carim and had been the start of their association.
"When Carim joined the TSAB of her own free will," Verossa began…
"She would have been a great military asset." Hayate continued as she understood where Verossa's thoughts were leading.
"Ancient Belkan users are known for their firepower and close quarter combat skills."
"Exactly," Verossa agreed. "Carim was also eager to prevent her prophecy coming true. Hence they put her through an intensive training program in order to expand her skills."
The inspector tensed upon remembering the stress his sister had suffered as she willingly drove herself to meet her superior's expectations. How weary she had seemed when visiting both him and Schach at the Church. But still she was determined to make all the difference she could.
"When war broke out on Krilshay, the TSAB wanting a quick solution, sent in Carim and you know what happened." Bitterness had entered his voice.
"After the planet's demise she was written off as a failure, unable to live up to the legends of the Ancient Belkans that had been embellished over the years. Their interests turned elsewhere, away from the Ancient Belkans which left me completely untouched."
Sensing Hayate's concerned gaze, he left the couch to throw back the curtain and allow the now weak sunlight into the room.
"I owe Carim because thanks to her I was able to pick my own career. I wasn't forced into the TSAB. I was able to become this…" he gestured at himself his trademark grin making its way to his face.
"A slacker. My own person and that's why I owe her." Verossa's lips formed an affectionate smile. "That's why I have to look after her just like she looked after me."
He spoilt the seriousness of his declaration with a loud yawn which he followed through with a stretch before looking sheepishly back at Hayate. Only now did he realise how long they had been talking for.
"I guess that's enough of my sister's life story, Investigator Yagami," he joked, moving to clear away the cups of tea that he had made during the recollection.
Hayate watched his movements, fixing him with an unfathomable stare before she dropped her gaze upon the fallen cushion. She absentmindedly picked it up from the floor.
"Rossa? You didn't tell me who she was." Hayate reminded him softly as she replaced the cushion upon the couch.
Throughout his recollection, Verossa had omitted the name of the woman who even now, so many years later continued to haunt his sister.
"And what would you do if I told you?" the inspector asked.
Hayate's head snapped up and she gave Verossa an incredulous look silently telling him he was mad for even bothering to voice such a question. Both of them knew just what she would do. The understanding having passed between them forced Verossa to relent and raise his hands in surrender before answering her seriously.
"Did you ever think that your reaction might have been why Carim hasn't told you?"
The softly spoken question made Hayate avert her eyes. She hadn't even considered that possibility despite it making sense with Carim's nature. Of course her knight would want to shield her from her past even if she alone had to struggle with the consequences.
"Then why did you answer my questions? Why did you tell me everything?" she asked defeated.
It was Verossa's turn to place his hand over hers.
"It would hurt Carim," he stated simply. "It would hurt her to tell you, so she's weighed up her options and decided that she'll cause you less pain if she stays silent. But she wants to tell you. She's just afraid."
Verossa's grip tightened as he continued.
"Afraid that you won't like what she is beneath that unapproachable air of serenity which she carries. And that is why I gave you the facts."
"And I have to make the choice," Hayate concluded.
"Yeah," Verossa affirmed as Hayate released her hand from his grip. She stood up and silently made her way to the hallway.
Concerned, he followed to find her slipping on her shoes, her intention to go, clear. As she turned to face him, Verossa gave her a smile of encouragement which Hayate didn't return. With a brief bow as way of thanks, she left his apartment. The smile vanished from his face as the door closed behind her. Running a hand through his green hair to relieve the built up tension, he made his way back to the living room to find that the sun had given way to clouds and a light rain was now falling. His thoughts returned to his sister after a brief glance at the clock. The inquiry had started two hours ago. He silently wished that Carim was well. A scowl made its way across his face as he once again took in the sight of the rain. His sister needed all the good luck she could get but it seemed that on rainy days it never reached her.
Year 0076: One Year after the J.S. Incident – Present Time 1:00 p.m.
"Because I was in love with Major Auris Gaiz"
The cup and saucer shook as Carim fumbled before she quickly returned them to the table to avoid spilling the tea over her uniform. She took several deep breaths to remind herself of her surroundings. No longer was she in the daunting almost suffocating chambers of the TSAB surface headquarters recounting events where each word she spoke peeled back the layers of silence her mind had grafted over her numerous hurts. Nor was she on the battlefield, magic firing from all directions. The only sound within her favourite teahouse was the gentle patter of rain against the roof. But then the rain was also a reminder and if she thought about it, this too seemed as if it was an almost prophetic warning sign of the crumbling of her relationship with Auris.
Troubled at the thought, Carim ran her hand over her forehead. After all she had just confessed to their relationship and she knew that Auris had been present within the room. The Major General was sure that the piercing stare she had tried her best to avoid had come from her former lover. And now, all those questions she would have to answer. The snatched moments that would come to light and the revelation of the extent of her association not only with Auris but with her father Regius. Even though she had avoided looking in her direction during the proceedings, outside the chambers it had been a different matter entirely. Her body had tensed as Auris cut away from the crowd and headed straight towards her. Her former lover's face, still bearing that same impassive mask she had lately taken to wearing, was broken only with the cruel curve of her lips as she brushed past Carim.
"With all due respect, you shouldn't tell lies Major General."
Auris had whispered the words but they ignited a burst of courage within Carim. She drew the Major to a stop with a hand upon her arm….
Carim shook her head to clear her thoughts. She hadn't come to her favourite teahouse to brood. More like hide, a part of her chided. Seeking solace within a cup of tea. Taking a small sip, she silently gave her approval to the mellow flavour of her Kabusecha tea. Already she was beginning to feel more at ease. The anxiety over seeing Auris again began to lessen as the tea calmed her raging nerves. It had always been that way. Tea relaxed her body and had even stopped the shakes that were plaguing her.
There was no fumbling as she continued to sip her tea. It was the perfect brew, unlike that very first cup which she had tried so long ago. Its sweetness, in her opinion had spoilt the tea. But then what could one expect if you added four sugar cubes and a splash of milk? She flicked back the lid of the sugar pot to manoeuvre the cubes around with a spoon. At eighteen years old, she hadn't known any better. She had even flinched as the bowl was placed before her. This simple action was accompanied by a gentle smile and gesture for her to partake of the tea. Her haunted eyes, straining under their shadows brought about by lack of sleep had nevertheless remained alert and tense as she watched the cubes disappear into the green liquid. How she remembered the explosion of clashing tastes that met her with the first sip! Carim couldn't help but let out a small giggle. Thankfully, the person who had introduced her to the beverage did not take offense and stated that Carim need not finish the all too sweet tea.
"You've stopped shaking, isn't that enough?" the admiral had smiled as she continued drinking from her own bowl before letting out a contended sigh.
Suddenly spurred by the memory, Carim scooped out a single cube and allowed it to fall into her cup. After stirring, the Major General sipped the tea grimacing at the taste. After nine years, her opinion stayed firm. Sugar and green tea did not mix. Her fingers traced the edge of her teacup. Nine years. And still she found it difficult to voice her gratitude to the admiral for saving her life. An excuse formed. After all the admiral had relocated to Earth but with TSAB technology at Carim's fingertips, she could have contacted her. Her silence was indicative of her fear. She hadn't allowed herself to dwell upon what had happened aboard the space cruiser which brought her home.
The journey back to Mid-Childa would be forever associated with the death of the final casualty under her leadership. The warmth had slowly seeped from her hand as they huddled together aboard the darkened transport ship drifting endlessly through space. The faint light from the blinking distress signal highlighted the last moments etched upon the face of the dead pilot. The promise she had whispered over and over again praying to St. Olivie for divine intervention had at last been answered. The speaker had crackled to life announcing the arrival of a space cruiser from the next sector seeking the cause of the tremour Krilshay had made across several sectors as it ripped apart. Then her hand went limp in hers and suddenly promises held little weight as the survival count of the expedition slipped to ten.
Year 0067: Final Year of the Krilshay War, Three Years after the Book of Darkness Incident
Never before in her life had Carim Gracia begged for a miracle. Guidance perhaps, a way out of the jumble of prophecies she was constantly entangled in but never ever for a miracle as the staunch fatalist within her denied the existence of such things. But now she sent countless prayers to St. Olivie under her breath as the blood from the wound upon her comrade's chest stained her hands which were desperately trying to stem the flow. Weak strands of yellow magic flickering from the First Lieutenant's fingertips as she called upon her limited healing knowledge, were lost in the growing redness.
"Please," Carim pleaded as her magic strength began to show signs of weakening and her knight armour briefly flickered around her.
She knew that she was close to breaking point, that her linker core was screaming at her that she had reached her magic output. That the year she had spent engaged in magical warfare was taking its toll and even the simplest spell was now difficult to perform. But then she'd never been good at healing and the blood showed no sign of abating. Carim's hands trembled as she summoned the spell again, her now feeble magic ghosting over the wound and having little effect.
"Just…heal…work!" Carim shouted in desperation as her hands once again returned to the wound to physically apply pressure.
She chanced a glance up at her comrade's drained face, eyes drifting shut, her cracked and pale lips forming words without a sound.
"Second Lieutenant Harken!" Carim called. "Harken!"
Her desperate cries forced the woman's hazel eyes to open. They glanced unfocused in Carim's general direction. A shaky hand was raised towards the First Lieutenant the effort causing Harken to grunt in pain. Carim's hand closed around the frail wandering hand, her presence bringing a strained smile to her comrade's face.
"…Carim…" she muttered.
Carim nodded, her eyes following Harken's movements as she moved unsteadily to touch the silver armour upon her fellow mage's torso, tracing the symbol that dominated its centre. Wavering fingers outlined the flower that took up the centre of the setting sun, St. Olivie's symbol.
"Harken," Carim pleaded softly. "Don't move I need to stop…"
Carim's words were cut off as the small ball of light she had summoned flickered out. She had lost the magic to sustain it and the small room was plunged into darkness just like the rest of the transport ship whose power had long ago cut out. Feeling the stickiness of the blood beneath her fingers, Carim summoned the healing spell again. No magic formed, the brief whisper of the spell name was not enough to compensate for her drained magical state. In the darkness she could still hear Harken's faint breathing as she felt her body shift beneath her touch as her comrade struggled to pull her towards her. Carim followed blindly finding Harken's hand in the darkness, using the sound of her shallow breathing to reach her side. Just in time to hear the words spoken almost sleepily as if Harken had just awoken.
"Gracia…" Harken's next words were garbled as her head slumped against Carim's shoulder.
Carim could no longer hear her breathing, the hand she held becoming cold with each passing moment. She stared into the blackness.
"Harken?" she whispered. "Second Lieutenant Harken?"
A tearing, scraping noise akin to the sounds of the explosions that had plagued her for so long jolted Carim awake, pulling her from her dream. The images of the transport ship and her dying comrade filled her mind and she blindly leapt from the infirmary bed. Her hand reached out and grasping Prophetin Schriften activated its armed mode, her knight armour falling into place as she swung the bloodied device in the direction of the disturbance.
The door to the cruiser's medical bay slid shut, the sound echoing in the quietness of the room as the medic regarded Carim. He stared at her with such pity that he seemed oblivious of the deadly device pointed at his chest, his pristine white coat hiding the splashes of red that stained the blue uniform beneath. He met the frightened eyes of the girl in front of him. She was barely an adult and in his gaze, she saw it. That hopeless look medics wore when they had lost a battle. Her gaze instantly dropped to the rolled up sleeves of his coat revealing the rawness of the skin around his upper arms and hands, scrubbed to remove all traces of the battlefield he'd just come from. Carim's device shook, and defeated, she lowered the weapon, her gaze wildly scanning the room before settling upon the empty second bed.
"Harken?" the word came out in a choked sob as she moved to grab the medic's coat with her free hand.
He shook his head and easing her trembling hand from his coat he gently guided the stunned soldier back to the bed. He stood in front of her unseeing eyes, pulling gently at the device within her hand, attempting to free it from her grip. The grip tightened as if Prophetin Schriften was the only lifeline she had.
"Carim Gracia," he addressed her informally. "Release your knight armour and device."
His command fell upon deaf ears.
"Release them First Lieutenant Gracia," he commanded her in a softer voice. "You can't save her anymore."
His words brought forth a sob and yellow magic flared briefly around the First Lieutenant as her armour disappeared and was replaced by a TSAB ground force uniform. Her device shrinking into its standby mode was now held within her palm. The doctor looked over at her worn uniform caked in layers of grime and straggling trails of blood. She looked terrible. The once bright blonde hair was in disarray, matted together with grime, dull and lifeless. A dark patch of red was staining the shirt around her shoulder and she tensed at the medic's touch. Following his gaze, her eyes erratically took in the sight of the blood, having just noticed it.
"It is Harken's blood," she assured him. "It is Harken's. Not mine. It is all their blood."
The medic didn't reply as he carefully peeled back the shirt to see the damage beneath. Shrapnel was embedded in her shoulder. Her earlier action of gripping his coat had pushed it deeper. Carim winced as he probed the wounded area and Prophetin Schriften clattered to the floor as her strength failing her, she finally relinquished her grip upon the device. She slumped forward, the medic catching her easily as sleep overtook her once more.
Blue eyes opened to an unfamiliar ceiling and Carim caught her breath as a fresh wave of pain shot through her shoulder. Struggling, she pulled herself up from the hard infirmary bed, her hand gliding over the bandages. A fresh change of uniform was placed at the end of her bed with Prophetin Schriften placed thoughtfully on top with her cards. Carim reached for the device and as her hands closed around the cross with her last ounce of strength she flung it away from her. She never wanted to see that weapon again, never wanted to be reminded of what the past five years had inflicted upon her. She thumbed the cards out of habit before she tightened her grip and began to crush them. The cards flew from her hands and formed a semi-circle around her. Carim plucked out a single card and savagely tore it to pieces. The torn fragments scattered to her feet, but the First Lieutenant paid no heed as she snatched another card and frantically began ripping it to pieces. Breathing heavily, Carim's arm trembled as she pulled her battered and weary body from the bed. She stepped over the torn pieces of Prophetin Schriften that lay scattered upon the floor and glanced around at her surroundings. There was no sign of the doctor, just a window that offered the view of space through which the cruiser travelled. That same expanse of black space through which the pieces that once made up Krilshay now endlessly drifted.
Carim stumbled away from the window and brushed her fingers against the lock release of the door which opened for the First Lieutenant to stumble into the faintly lit corridor. Her bare feet felt the cold of the floor and a draft of cold air ripped through the thin hospital garment she wore. She wasn't used to investigative spaceships and she found the emptiness around her in stark contrast to the blinding flashes of magic warfare that she had just left. Trailing a hand along the wall, Carim made her way down the winding hall allowing her feet to take her as far away from the medical bay as they could manage. She needed to know how many were still alive. Had injuries claimed another? She hadn't risked everything fighting to get out as many as she could, just to abandon them to other officers.
She needed to be strong, she didn't have DeBruskie anymore. Carim continued her trek hopelessly lost along the endlessly adjourning corridors.
"You should be resting." The voice startled her. Carim whipped around to face the speaker as the corridor, with her sudden movement began to swim before her eyes.
As strong arms supported her, the corridor ceased turning and a chiding voice reminiscent of a mother gently disciplining her child, reached her ears.
"Doctor Kia will be worried about you."
As her eyes adjusted they met the concerned gaze of the admiral of the ship. She blinked to make sure that the person before her was not a figment from her imagination. The years had hardly changed Admiral Lindy Haralown. Carim still remembered her from the many times she had dropped Verossa off to visit Chrono at the Haralown residence.
"Admiral Haralown," she respectfully greeted her.
The earlier panic she was feeling abated, now that she knew she was aboard the Arthra and she allowed Lindy to gently steer her back to the medical bay. The admiral guided her to the bed with a disapproving murmur.
"You're freezing," she observed slipping off her blue admiral's coat and wrapping it around Carim's shoulders.
Carim uncomprehendingly met Lindy's concerned gaze. Why wasn't the admiral yelling at her for the losses her leadership had incurred? Why wasn't she demanding answers? The First Lieutenant's lip trembled. An uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of Lindy's stomach. Carim was so young, just two years older than her beloved son Chrono. She was all of eighteen years but in her gaze, Lindy could read the accumulation of years of experience. Experience she had not needed to be aware of at such an age. Pain and guilt and a loss of innocence as she sensed her own mortality, all this had practically been shoved in her face. But most of all it was a sense of guilt over the fact she was still alive.
"Carim." Lindy addressed her kindly, remembering the all too excited girl who had saluted her upon her acceptance into the TSAB.
Lindy tried to focus on that image of her son's friend rather than the wreck of the soldier in front of her.
"Admiral Haralown." Even her voice sounded different. Gone was the childlike wonder and certainty, a defeated and worn tone filling the void.
"Rest," Lindy softly told her. "I'll go get Doctor Kia."
She turned to go but stopped at Carim's question.
"How many did I lose?"
"You saved the lives of ten of your comrades," Lindy chose to answer.
The First Lieutenant's shoulders shook, her sobs refusing to subside even when Lindy moved to embrace her. Carim gripped the admiral's sleeve as she fought against showing any outward sign of her turmoil. She had failed to stop her prophecy from being fulfilled. She did not deserve the luxury of crying. Unseen by the room's occupants, Prophetin Schriften gave out a brief flare of yellow magic as it drew its scattered pieces together. Strands of magic reworked the cards and erased the torn edges to form again a window to the future and a lasting painful reminder.
Year 0076: One Year after the J.S. Incident – Present Time 6:30 p.m.
From her position on the couch, grumbling to herself, Vita watched her family gathered around the table consulting the many take-away pamphlets that covered the surface. A weary half smile made its way to the little knight's face. It was good to be back surrounded by the everyday antics of her family, much better than her last mission which had sent her stomping through a desert wasteland looking for another long lost relic. She closed her eyes to drown out the various suggestions concerning dinner only to crack one eye open a second later as she sensed Rein's presence. She glared silently, warning the device about drawing on her face. Rein pouted at having been caught.
"Where's Hayate?" Vita asked extending her index finger as a perch for Rein to settle on. "Don't tell me she's still working?"
"She went to see Knight Carim," Rein answered oblivious to the scowl that crossed Vita's face.
"She won't be back til later tonight," Rein continued to inform her. "Don't leave dinner she said."
Vita gave a small nod before sitting up. Rein moved to settle on her shoulder.
"So…?"
Her growling stomach anticipated her question and as it continued to grumble, Vita glared at it for its continuing betrayal. She glanced reluctantly up to meet the all knowing grins from those at the table, a sign that everyone had heard.
"Just hurry up and pick something," Vita grumbled in embarrassment.
"Pizza!" Rein shouted zooming from Vita's shoulder to grab the pizza take-away menu her eyes had spotted.
Clutching the menu within her small hands, she held it out to Zafira who shook his head amused at the device's enthusiasm.
"Nah! Sushi!" another cry came from the end of the table as Agito made an unexpected appearance from amongst the pamphlets that had previously covered her.
Her serious expression was ruined by her pleading eyes and the fact that she hadn't quite managed to shake the pamphlet that had stubbornly settled upon her head. Signum couldn't help but feel proud as she gazed at Agito amongst the pile of take-away pamphlets, the one for the local sushi place clutched triumphantly within her hands.
The newest member of the Yagami Family, Agito had been uncharacteristically shy when she first moved in, sticking only to Signum. She had even refused to been seen in public with her new family and at meal times would sit glumly upon her master's shoulder going so far as to jump in fright when addressed by other members of the family.
The first cracks in her icy façade had only appeared recently as the fire based device had voiced concern at Hayate's uncharacteristic sadness. This had earned her a genuine smile of thanks from the mage and the Lt. Colonel's first smile of the week. The device had promptly gone red spluttering out that this changed nothing and Hayate should not expect any more communication from her. Rein at this point had been unable to stop from pointing out the cuteness of the situation which had Agito flying into a blind rage.
Since then mini spats had occurred between the two of them and Agito had unknowingly become closer to her family as she began to voice her own thoughts and desires. She was now fiercely protective of the Yagami family and had accepted her own chair at the table with very little fuss.
"Sushi?" Rein whined. She had nothing against the food except for the fact it liked to roll away from her when she tried to eat. Anyway, she wanted something hot.
"You wanna settle this with magic?" Agito growled back stopping inches from Rein's face who puffed out her cheeks in defiance.
"I could beat you!" she proclaimed as the four other Wolkenritter in the room surveyed the scene with varying expressions of amused concern.
"Now, now," Shamal interjected feeling the need to play peacekeeper as a brilliant little idea began to form in her mind.
"Why don't I cook dinner for tonight?"
At the mention of her suggestion each of the Wolkenritter froze. Even Agito who fortunately had only once been subjected to the medic's so called cooking. Taking the silence within the room to be a unanimous agreement to her suggestion, Shamal rolled up her sleeves in preparation for her task.
"I'm sure with the ingredients I just bought I could cook something edible," she happily murmured strolling into the kitchen leaving five shell shocked victims behind.
It wasn't as though she was so lethal a cook that she should never be shown the inside of a kitchen. If she stuck to simple meals they turned out quite nicely but Shamal was the adventurous type when it came to food and liked to experiment with the creation of sundry exotic dishes. These pursuits more often than not ended with lots and lots of flames and therefore the Wolkenritter had forbidden her to cook.
Zafira was the first to snap out of it as he turned to plead with Signum.
"Do something," he hissed.
"I dare not face her wrath," Signum mouthed back.
"Do you want Hayate to come back to her house in ruins?" Vita tried to reason with her companion. "I swear on my honour as a Knight of the Iron Hammer that I will back you up should you need support."
Faced with her fellow Wolkenritter's pleading expressions, Signum had no choice but to reluctantly head towards the kitchen her mind already thinking up ways to dissuade her girlfriend from attempting to cook. Shamal's smile greeted her as she took the floral apron from the hook near the sink turning to Signum as she slipped the garment on.
"Signum, would you help me with this apron?" she asked innocently.
A fond smile forming, Signum granted her request, slowly doing up the back of the apron and enjoying their newfound closeness. Finishing the knot, Signum brushed the ends of her girlfriend's shoulder length blonde hair.
"You're letting your hair grow longer," Signum murmured drawing a contended sigh from Shamal as the pink haired knight's arms wrapped around her.
"Have you been assigned to escort me from the kitchen?" Shamal asked playfully, aware of Signum's intentions from the start.
"Ah, I'm afraid you are correct in your assumption."
Turning in the knight's arms to face her, Shamal wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck, hands playing with the pink ponytail.
"I thought I was improving."
"Master Hayate seems to share that sentiment and taking into account her absence I would urge you to wait until tomorrow. I'm sure Master Hayate would be most upset if we partook of your cooking without her."
The knight's answer brought a smile to Shamal's face as she brushed her fingers along the line of Signum's cheek.
"You are turning into quite the sweet talker. Sushi or pizza?
"I have a fondness for pizza."
"Three against two. Zafira decided it," Shamal concluded slipping from Signum's embrace to take her hand as they headed out of the kitchen.
So it was decided that the Yagami family would be having pizza for dinner. Rein happily floated over towards the phone to place their order while Agito followed to make sure that she ordered correctly. Food matter settled the elder Wolkenritter took their places at the table.
"Did Hayate say why she was going to see Carim?" Vita asked.
"No, but she's been so down this last week that hopefully, Knight Carim will cheer her up," Shamal informed her.
Lately, because Hayate had been so withdrawn and quiet, as the week continued the medic's worries had increased tenfold. Shamal couldn't help worrying about their master and if there was one person the medic trusted to lift Hayate's spirits it was the knight of the St. Church. Her curiosity was heightened as she caught Signum and Zafira sharing another discreet glance. Deciding that she needed to get to the bottom of what was going on, she turned her sweet smile onto Signum knowing full well that out of the two Wolkenritter she was more likely to get her answer from the pink haired knight.
"Signum, do you have something to tell me?" A sweet tone accompanied the question making the usually unflappable knight wince.
"Shamal, I was going to inform you." Signum was trying to resolve the sudden chill as diplomatically as she could as Vita's gaze had also turned upon her.
She was torn between two promises. One to Master Hayate that she wouldn't tell a soul and the other to Shamal when they had decided to become a couple. Thankfully, Zafira came to her rescue with his usual bluntness.
"It would be good if Knight Carim did take responsibility for her actions."
Shamal turned confused to Zafira her expression silently asking him to elaborate.
"I believe that Knight Carim is somehow responsible for Master Hayate's recent depression," the blue wolf spoke.
"Master Hayate told me they were dating," Signum added but instantly regretted saying it as Vita slammed her hands upon the table before standing up, her eyes blazing.
"Since when?" she demanded as Zafira let out an annoyed sigh before answering her question.
"They must have started dating after the play, correct?"
Signum nodded having gleaned the full story from Hayate.
"She was so happy the day I picked her up from Knight Carim's place. At the time I did not think it out of the ordinary. Master Hayate informed me that she had a date with Knight Carim that night."
Shamal remembered that particular day well as Hayate had dashed out of the house dressed in her finest clothes, doing her best to ignore the medic's questions about where she was going.
"But then when she came back…"
"She was depressed and has been ever since," Zafira finished for her, a scowl making its way to his face.
"You don't think Knight Carim would have…" Shamal dreaded continuing that sentence.
Concern once again gripped the medic as she remembered the talk she'd had with Knight Carim all those years ago. She had warned Carim about toying with Hayate's feelings. So, had she misjudged the depths of the knight's feelings for Hayate? Had the knight rejected Hayate once and for all in order not to be proved fickle? There was a very fine line between honesty and outright bluntness. Sitting opposite the Knight of the Lake and likewise consumed in his thoughts, Zafira's scowl deepened. He had also placed his trust in the knight of the St. Church but now it seemed as if it had been premature of him to think the matter was concluded. The scraping of a chair turned their attention to Vita who, having remained silent was now stalking towards the door.
"Vita," Signum called stopping her fellow knight. "What do you intend to do?"
"I'm going to see that stupid bimbo," Vita answered through clenched teeth.
"Master Hayate wouldn't want that," Zafira spoke up adding as Vita rounded on him. "She's gone to confront Knight Carim herself."
"And what? Give her another chance?" Vita finished sardonically. "Carim's had her chance and she ruined it!"
The little knight fought to control her rage, her fists tightening in an effort to calm herself. Hayate would be disappointed if she took her anger out upon Zafira.
"If only I'd been here," Vita lamented as she met the eyes of each of her fellow Wolkenritter.
"I knew something was up," the Knight of the Iron Hammer continued. "We can all feel her pain no matter how much she hides it from us."
Shamal nodded, moving to place her hands comfortingly upon Vita's shaking shoulders and steer her back to the table.
"Hayate…she's hurt," Vita murmured. "She's crying and I can't do a damn thing!"
It was Signum who now moved to comfort her, her eyes telling Vita that she had also felt Hayate's pain. The knight patted Vita upon the head the action calmed her as she angrily swatted at the tears that had formed.
"We'll wait for her." Zafira's confident tone brought a smile to his companion's face and she gave him a shaky grin.
"Yeah, but if she's been hurt…" she trailed off as Shamal's arms encircled her.
Signum and Zafira nodded to each other not willing to voice their intentions but hoping that this time their master would be allowed another chance at happiness.
Hayate's plea left her in a choked sob as she registered the words her knight had spoken.
"Carim…"
"Please." Carim urged, her voice just as strained. "Please…just go."
The two stood within Carim's living room, the knight leaning against the doorway to the kitchen to support herself. Blue eyes remained fixed upon the scattered cushions, anywhere but near the bookcase where the Lt. Colonel was standing. Hayate held back a sob that threatened to escape. Already she was crying as her eyes tried to focus upon the woman in front of her. There were just six steps between them, but Carim had never seemed so far away.
"No," Hayate managed through her tears, the single word breaking the silence that settled within the room.
"No, I am not leaving." Defiance crept into her voice as she reaffirmed her intentions.
"You want her name that badly?" Carim whispered.
"If it helps you let her go."
A mirthless laugh uncharacteristically came from the knight, the sound of it sending a cold dread through the Lt. Colonel.
"You do not know anything," Carim accused her quietly. "Why do you continue this game of chasing me?"
Hayate recoiled at the sting in Carim's words.
"It's too painful to be a game," Hayate whispered. "Even if you regard it only as chasing, I love you too much to care."
"You love me?" The incredulous tone in Carim's voice brought more tears coursing down Hayate's cheeks.
Were her sentiments not enough for Carim? Did they ring hollow?
"You do not even know me," the knight informed her. "The one you claim to love is just an illusion borne of guilt and cowardice. Throughout our entire association I have deceived you."
Before she had finished, Hayate was shaking her head at the words.
"You shielded me. Your actions sprang more from a desire to protect rather than to deceive."
"What are you basing that on, Hayate?" Carim's voice had risen and she struggled visibly to make her voice quieter.
"You are confused," she chided. "This is your first love is it not?"
Carim offered Hayate an apologetic smile, her self-deprecation showing through the action.
"I was not a very good first love was I?" The knight still managed not to cry but concentrated her sole attention upon Hayate.
"You are clinging because you want everything to go right the first time, but you do not have to do that, Hayate." Carim spoke softly, resisting the urge to pull Hayate into an embrace. The poor girl seemed ready to break down upon hearing her words.
Carim forced herself to continue with the words that needed to be said for both their sakes, so Hayate could move on and things could return to normal.
"You will find someone." Carim smiled despite how false the action felt. "From my own experience I can assure you that your new love will be far better for you. Just as you have been for me," she added quietly. "So please, just let me go…"
She turned from Hayate unable to watch the impact of her words working on the Lt. Colonel. But then Hayate was stronger, far stronger than she could ever hope to be. Carim's eyes widened as Hayate reached out and grasped the knight's arm. And in that action, the knight felt the same sense of desperation that had filled her when she had reached out to Auris. Only now the positions were reversed and just as Auris had abandoned her, she was trying to leave Hayate in turn. The strength of the grip lessened as the knight felt Hayate rest her head against her back, the Major General's shirt stifling her sobs.
"You don't know either," the words were broken with sobs. "You think my feelings are that shallow, Carim?"
"Hayate." Carim's tone had turned defeated. "If you knew about me…if you knew everything you would not be here."
Carim took Hayate's hands and firmly disengaging them from her uniform she turned to stare into those light blue eyes that had cried more than enough tears. But then wiping them would prove too affectionate a gesture. Shaking hands reached out for her but Carim's hands remained firmly by her side. It would be too painful to give Hayate further hope. She tensed as trembling fingers brushed her shirt, as if the Lt. Colonel was attempting to draw her close. Carim locked eyes with Hayate, seeing within them an emotion she could not fathom. But something within that gaze held her. Hayate's fingers continued along her stomach seemingly tracing the wound beneath the shirt. The long jagged wound, the only reminder of the pain that had ripped through her as the tip of her opponent's spear-like device had struck flesh and embedded itself in her lower stomach. Hayate's touch continued the length of the wound, her fingers following the path that the spear had taken as it veered to the left to wrench free of her stomach.
The movement stopped. Hayate's hands moved upwards to trace the wound in Carim's shoulder. It was as if she also knew about the faded shrapnel wound which lay beneath the shirt. The knight tensed under the touch, flinching as the Lt. Colonel moved again to brush her fingertips against the bone in the knight's cheek, her expression forlorn as the knight's defences broke down. Hayate wiped away the sudden tears.
Hayate's action brought back the past when a swelling bruise had adorned Carim's cheek. It had been the result of a father's protectiveness and just as Hayate now traced the long healed bruise, Auris had on that day gingerly touched the injury with as much gentleness as the Lt. Colonel was now using. And she had smiled so affectionately at Carim. Her fingers had moved to run through the wet strands of the knight's fringe sticking out from under the towel she had used to dry her hair from the rain.
The gentle brush of Hayate's lips against hers brought Carim back from the memory that had threatened to once again entrap her as it had over the years. The last memory she had of Auris' kindness. Hayate pulled away sensing, the knight's distress. No longer able to hold back her emotions and with the Lt. Colonel blurring in front of her, Carim's mind slowly processed what was happening. The fleeting touch that Hayate placed upon her lower lip confirmed her thoughts as she registered the meaning behind each of the Lt. Colonel's actions. Shaking uncontrollably she refused to look at Hayate who was so close. She knew. Hayate knew everything that she had tried to hide. And once again it was Hayate's embrace that had wrenched her from the past as the Lt. Colonel entwined their fingers.
"And I'm still here," Hayate confirmed her suspicions.
Tightening her grip upon the knight's trembling fingers she fought to calm Carim's convulsive movements and standing on tip toe, she rested her forehead again Carim's.
"I don't know who she is, Carim," Hayate told her with a strained smile. "But you're not her, you're not bound by her mistakes."
She silenced Carim's protest with a finger to her knight's lip.
"You wear your atonement every day, Carim. I know that your St. Church uniform is a replica of your knight's armour which you wear to remind yourself. But to swear off love as well…" Hayate's voice trailed off to barely above a whisper before recomposing herself.
"Did you forget that I'm atoning too?" she reminded Carim. "And yet I'm still in love with you and it doesn't change a thing. To be lonely…"
Hayate trailed off again as emotion overcame her. Carim's arms automatically reached out to steady her.
"To be lonely," Hayate repeated. "That's too high a price, Carim and I won't let you do that."
Hayate smiled through her tears letting out a surprised exclamation as Carim suddenly pulled her closer, her arms encircling her waist as the burden upon the knight's shoulders crumbled in the light of her decision. In her single action she conveyed to Hayate her sentiments which forced the Lt. Colonel to break into her first real smile as she held her knight. Carim whispered to her the name that could no longer form a barrier between them, for the knight had ceased to be the sky because Hayate had finally reached her.
