Update update yay yay yay...sorry it took so long, things've been busy. Or I have been lazy. Or a hybrid of the two...heh...hybrid is a cool word.
ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THE RING
One day, Gandalf and Frodo got bored of Hobbiton. So Gandalf and Frodo decided to go and visit Shadowfax in some random field thingy. Cuz no stable can hold Shadowfax!
"Damn right," said Shadowfax.
"Holy pie, Shadowfax speaketh!" yelled Frodo.
"No he didn't," Gandalf said, slapping Frodo upside the head. "You heard nothing!"
"Wow Gandalf," sighed Frodo like a little girl. "I bet Shadowfax can even outrun Ringwraithes!"
"Yeah, Shadowfax is cool like- WAIT, Frodo, tie the ring around Shadowfax's neck!"
"Ok," said Frodo, dutifully doing the task he was given. "Now what?"
"BE FREE, SHADOWFAX!" yelled Gandalf dramatically.
Shadowfax trotted away indifferently.
"Great!" exclaimed Frodo. "Now Sauron will NEVER get the ring! No one can catch Shadowfax!"
"I know!"
They stood there for a few minutes.
"Is that it?"
"I guess."
"That wasn't funny enough."
Suddenly, Legolas ran by... and he was on fire.
"Heheheheh. Legolas is flaming." snickered Frodo.
"Ok, next drabble." said Gandalf.
ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THE RING
Frodo was in the kitchen of Bag End wearing an apron and waiting expectantly in front of an oven.
"Something smells good." remarked Gandalf, who was randomly there, as always. "Whatcha making?"
"Gingerbread men. They're not for eating, though." said Frodo.
"You didn't bake the ring into the cookies, did you? Frodo you moron!"
"No! I have the ring right here!" said Frodo, holding up said ring.
"Good. Last time you did that, the Evil Sackville Baggins' almost died." said Gandalf, remembering the first chapter.
"And that's a bad thing?" said Frodo, surprised.
"...Yeah, you're right."
After a time, the cookies were done. Frodo pulled them out, and tied the ring to one of the gingerbread men.
"Why'd you do that?" asked Gandalf, having a feeling he knew what was coming.
"No one can catch the gingerbread men! Not even Sauron!" yelled Frodo triumphantly.
Gandalf simply sat there.
ONE WAY TO KILL SAURON
All of the main characters of LoTR were standing around Saurons tower, all holding pointy objects. But there attention was focused on a fight between Gandalf and BHB, who wasn't really a character in LoTR, but oh well.
"NO! BHB, we are NOT going to fire lots of pointy objects at Saurons eye! We've done that a million times!" yelled Gandalf, outraged.
"Well, SORRY, I guess the original plotlines aren't GOOD ENOUGH for you!" yelled BHB, also angry.
"CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOUR FIGHTING IS TEARING US ALL APART?" yelled Sam, waving his arms around.
"SHUT UP, SAM!" yelled Gandalf and BHB.
"We have to kill him SOME way! This is supposed to be fifty ways to get rid of the ring and/or kill Sauron! Fifty!"
"Then use your stupid 'author powers' or whatever!"
"What, you think money grows on TREES! Our budget can't support something like that!"
"THIS IS A FANFIC, NOT A MOVIE! YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!"
"CAN I, Gandalf? CAN I?"
"Yes, yes you can."
"Ooh, this is gettin' good," muttered Aragorn, watching the fight.
"Well...I can't fly."
"...So? Who cares if you can FLY or not! We need to kill Sauron!"
"Ya know what? FINE! I think I will!" BHB turned to the Eye, perched up on the tower. "Hey, Sauron. I'll give you my Moi Dix Mois CD if you die!"
"OH BOY!" yelled Sauron, who spontaneously combusted at that moment.
"...Your...Moi Dix Mois CD?" said Gandalf dully.
"Yes...Mine." BHB said, clutching the said CD to her, looking around suspiciously. "He can't have it. It's MINE."
"Can I have-?"
"No."
"...Dammit."
ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THE RING
It was a sunny day in the Shire and Frodo was just walking out of the local pawnshop.
"Why were you in that pawnshop?" asked Gandalf, who had randomly appeared from the shadows...which, come to think of it, weren't really there.
"Oh, I was just selling the ring."
Gandalf whacked him upside the head. "You idiot!"
"But, Gandalf..."
"I can't believe you!"
"I'm now TEN BUCKS richer!"
"...Oh. I guess that makes sense."
ONE WAY TO GET RID OF THE RING
BHB was pacing around, frustrated and muttering, "Damn budget cuts," over and over.
"What's wrong, almighty author with a Moi Dix Mois CD?" asked Frodo.
"Enough with the CD, Frodo-kun, we have to think of a drabble! Now! The one in the original won't work!"
"Why?"
"...Budget cuts. Damn budget cuts. Wait! I have a plan!"
"...Is this the plan with the AK47?"
"...No, that plan will come to fruitation much, much later." said BHB. "In the original, we hire a badger lord to take the ring off our hands, not unlike how we gave the ring to Myrtle the Punisher last chapter. But the badger lord was too expensive, and a little to foreign. I think we can do something like that, but we replace the badger lord with something cheaper..."
"Like what?" asked Frodo.
BHB didn't answer. Instead, she snapped her fingers and someone randomly appeared next to her. And that someone was Possibly Steve, back by popular demand!
BHB grabbed the ring from Frodo and gave it to Possibly Steve. "Just...take it. Take it and get away from me."
"Yay." said Possibly Steve, running away.
"...I hate that guy."
"Me too. ...BHB, are you going to stop this, now?"
"Stop what?"
"The self-insertion."
"Uh...er...Look behind you, it's an imperial walker!"
Frodo whirled around, yelling, "EWOKS ATTAAAAACK!"
Suddenly, an army of ewoks flew through the air, wielding clubs and flying in the direction of the supposed imperial walker.
"Whoops, sorry!" said BHB, scratching her head. "It was just a pile of knives. My bad!"
"My brethren..." groaned Frodo, sadly.
Yesh, yesh, that took a little too long, didn't it? Two chapters to go after this. I'll get this done! I promise!
