Sabaku No Gaara

She just had to go and invite him into our home, didn't she? Dinner, fine, I don't mind that as much. I can handle eating with him. But… he's confusing me lately. Not with anything he says or does, but inside he's confusing me with what he means to me.

I've never really had friends before. It was a sort of triumph and relief what he became my friend. But Uzumaki Naruto is not just anyone, not just any sort of friend. He changed me. And for everyone who's concerned, he changed me for the better.

I know there's a small bond between us, a thin one different from just being 'friends'. We're alike people, having the same pasts and pains, but under slightly different conditions. I understand that much of what he means to me: someone who understands.

But there are other things getting in the way, confusing me. He'll smile a genuine smile, and it makes me want to return it. He's tell a joke and I'll feel like laughing, something I hardly ever do. And… once or twice… he's barely touch me, yet I feel something strange happen to my face: I'll flush and heat up, most likely turning my cheeks a pinkish color. Who ever heard of that from someone like me?

But… just what is that 'me' anymore? I hardly know. It seems I act differently around who I'm with. I wonder which of those 'me's is the right one, the real one. I used to think the murderous, existence-creating one was right; but Naruto proved me wrong on that note. So… who is 'Gaara' now? The one that's with Naruto seems strange. The one that works all day in the Kazekage office seems restricted. The one around Temari and Kankurou seems smaller, but happy. And the one around the people of Suna seems unsure but willing to make up for everything.

Just which 'Gaara' am I, then? None of them feel quite correct. Perhaps if I merge a few together…

Unless it's normal to act differently around different people?

That might make sense. I mean, it all depends on how you feel towards different people that you react differently to them, right? So if I care for Temari and Kankurou like my siblings, then I feel like the youngest (which I am) and happy (because, finally, they aren't afraid of me anymore). And if I keep going on that, it'll show my responsibilities and fears of being rejected once again, and so on.

So… where does that place Naruto? My friend? Best friend? Brother from another mother? – That last one sounds funny even to me, but the meaning is still the same. And so is the question: what does he mean to me?

All I can clarify for right now is how slightly uncomfortable I am with him being just a room away from me at the moment. Which was after sundown, around 9:30 at night. I had been sleeping fine (for once in my life) these passed two days; right now, though, I was pacing the length of my bedroom, occasionally stealing a glance at the moon. It was but a sliver tonight, yet it still shone brightly in the dark navy sky, the many stars of the night dotting the space around the sliver of white.

I gently bit down on my bottom lip, just off to the side of my mouth. Ever since I could remember, I would bite my lip when I was nervous; but I haven't done it in years. Another habit I had when I was younger was clutching my shirt above my heart, trying to reach through the ribs and the flesh to squeeze out the pain. I haven't done that in so long, as well. But now, it seems, I had no reason to.

Wait, how can I have no reason to? Wasn't that pain never supposed to go away until I had someone love me? Hmm, maybe it's because of my siblings. I could almost say they love me now. Well, I can say that Temari does. After I had explained to her what had happened to me after I was kidnapped, her dark teal eyes began to water and she cried, her fingers holing my arm for support. "Gaara, oh God…I-I had thought you would never die… oh God…" she had wept, mumbling to me.

Kankurou was there to hear the whole story, or what I could remember of it. He had stood, frozen, his face hard as stone but flecked with worry and pain. Temari hugged me then, something I don't think she's ever done with much of any substance. But it was a clinging hug, the kind you give to your father or mother, telling them not to go off to battle, to not die.

I looked down at her. "Temari, what's wrong with you?" I had asked that night, the first since I've been home.

"Don't be reckless again, you hear me? 'Kage or not, you're my brother, Gaara! We've lost everyone else but each other… If I lose you, or Kankurou, I don't know what I'd do. And I nearly lost him, like I told you earlier about Sasori-sama. Gaara, what would've happened if you both died? I'd be alone, so very alone…"

She had just kept rambling, crying, shaking while she held me. Temari had always been so strong, so to see her cry like that frightened me. I hadn't noticed, but at one point Kankurou had come to sit on the couch beside us, petting Temari's hair.

It was then, I realized, that there is at least someone who loves me. It's a family sort of love, not the kind Kankurou talks about, which is 'romantic'. But to me, it was still love, and that's all that ever mattered.

Which brought me back to now, passed 10:00 at night, with my legs still pacing the wooden floor over a very sandy building. Subtly, I could hear soft snored coming from Naruto's room, and deeper, louder one's from Kankurou's down the hall. There was a knock at my door, making me jump. "Hai?" I asked.

Temari appeared, donned in a robe and pajamas. A cup of tea was in her hands. "I heard you up," she says, coming in. "I thought you might need help getting to sleep, so I brought you some non-caffeinated jasmine tea."

In the darkness I gave a short, light smile. "Arigato," I told her, taking the offering.

She sat down at the chair I had near the window. "Shukaku is gone, now; so why aren't you sleeping? A 'kage needs his sleep," she says in a slightly scolding tone.

"I was thinking," I say in my defense. It sounded silly.

"What about?" she asks, crossing her legs in the chair at the knees.

I hesitate, unsure what to tell her. Instead, I ask a question: "Why did you ask Uzumaki to stay the night?"

She looks surprised for a second, probably wondering where that came from. I sip my tea to avoid her eyes. It tasted good, if not a little sweeter than I like.

"I thought you'd want him to," she says honestly. "Besides, his hotel bill was running high; he only brought enough money for a few nights, I bet. I thought we could just let him stay here for the last few days he's in Sunakagure."

I sigh, sipping more tea. It warmed my body, and I said slowly, "I suppose that's reason enough. But… why'd you think I'd want him to stay?"

She grins wickedly in the way she does, which is one of the only other ways besides 'cocky', 'real' and 'forced' (which she hardly seems to use anymore). "I don't know, you just come off as happier with him around. I thought he'd be good for you."

"Hasn't he been 'good' enough?" I murmur as I set my drink on the nightstand and plop my weight down on the bed. "He got me his far, didn't he?" I add to back up my meaning.

"True," Temari says slowly. She stands, coming to sit on the side of the bed by my knees. "He's motivated you to be a kinder person, the 5th Kazekage, and helped you to live again with Chiyo-baasama's help. But maybe he can do more," she says, the wicked smirk returning.

"Like what?" I ask, closing my eyes. That tea must be working; I drank nearly half of it.

"Like maybe… he can help you feel again."

My eyes pop open and I sit up. "What is that supposed to mean?" I demand from her.

She laughs quietly to herself in that 'I-know-something-you-don't' way that everyone hates, including me. "I guess I shouldn't explain that one if I want to live to see the sunrise," she teases. "Good night, Gaa-nii."

I frown at the cutesy 'little brother' nickname, since she hardly ever uses it. "I shouldn't let you live for calling me that," I retort, and she just laughs again.

"Finish your tea and go to sleep," she says with her back to me. She stands in the doorway, glances over at Naruto's room, then whispers to herself, "I hope you can help him feel again, Uzumaki Naruto."

She thought I couldn't hear her, but I could. And I scowl at her sneaky ways before gulping down the remainder of my tea and lying back down to bed. Sleep came easily then, but nothing but charcoal dreams of nothing at all kept me occupied.


Despite the slightly chilly draft coming from the cracks in his window, Naruto slept quite soundly; less restless than the other nights he's been in Suna. He stretched and yawned as the sun crept across the sky, and vaguely Naruto checked the time on the clock beside his guest bed. 8:30, eh? Not too shabby. He grinned to himself.

When he walked out of his open doorway, he headed for the kitchen. He wanted ramen. I wonder if they have an instant stuff in the cupboards. He thought groggily.

"Do you always sleep so late?" Kankurou asks the blonde as he walks into the kitchen.

"It's not late," Naruto remarked to the older guy, whom was reading a paper and sipping some coffee.

"It's late for us; we're used to Gaara's clock now," Kankurou gripes, raising his mug to his lips.

Temari nods, yawning by the coffeemaker. "He's already working, probably meeting up with some jounnin right about now to send on a mission."

Naruto grumbled something about only being a gennin still, and Kankurou sighed. He set down the newspaper and slugged the last of his coffee before standing and declaring that he had things to do, people to see, and blah blah blah.

"I'm heading out, too, Naruto. Help yourself to whatever you want to eat, okay?" Temari says, taking the coffee she had been pouring into her hands and heading for the door.

"Sure, okay," he replies as she shuts the door. The kitsune peered into the cupboards, grateful when he found three foam cups of instant ramen left. He grabbed two, poured water into the crimson-colored kettle, then waited for it to boil.

"It's veggie-chicken," he muttered to himself, reading the label. "Bleh, veggies."

But still he poured the hot water into the cups, later sloshing them together into one big bowl. With a pair of chopsticks his thought a quick, 'itadakimasu', and tucked into the savory taste.


Uzumaki Naruto

Today I gotta see what was up with Gaara last night, I told myself. That guy always gets me with the way he acts. He's so unpredictable. Sure, he was a little more unpredictable when he was younger, but we all were. That's how you are when you're young, I guess. But he's freaking 15 now, so shouldn't he be more consistent?

I know I'm predictable, for the most part. Not in battle, but in personality. You always know what to expect from me, right? I think so. But as for Gaara… you could count on one hand the time you knew how he was going to react next. I may be spontaneous, but I'm not unpredictable. So I guess that proves how structured and fickle my friend is. Wait a second, those two aspects contradict, don't they? Ah!! Do you see?! This is how he confuses me all the time!

Ruffling my hair out of frustration, I stood up and took care of my dishes before deciding to shower. After I was dressed and ready, I frowned to myself. What to do now?

Part of me suggested cornering Gaara in his office and demanding why he acted so weird after dinner last night. Little stuff like that really bugs me; it's like: can't you just tell me what's wrong here?

Another part of me suggested getting a workout from those indoor training grounds Gaara talked about. Both ideas were so good, so in the end I chose both. I'll bug Gaara, and then I'll go train. Either way I get to let off some steam.

I opened the door up at the top of the building that was the Kazekage's main office, briefly thinking about Tsunade's own Hokage one. I peeked through the crack, and Gaara was exactly where I thought he would be. He was shuffling through some books on a shelf. I took no time in walking up behind him, setting a grin on my lips. "What's up, Gaara?"

He turned around slowly, a green-covered book in his hands. I couldn't catch the label, but I bet it was something boring. He glanced at me before going to sit down at his desk, flipping through the book for something. I frowned exasperatedly. Flatly, I asked, "Why are you ignoring me, 'ttebayo?"

He sighed curtly between thin lips, closing the book up. "Because I have work to do, and you're disturbing me."

"Oh really?" I ask, slumping down into an armchair against one wall of the room. "Then why ask me to stay a few extra days if you knew you had so much work to do?" I got him there.

He looks up and folds his hands to place his chin on top of them. "I'm not entirely sure why," he says calmly, but I catch a hint of a frown in his voice, despite his relaxed brows (the muscles of them, at least; I still wonder over how he got to have no eyebrow hair).

My face falls. "Now you're just screwing with me."

He shakes his head, but I can barely tell he did. "I am not. I honestly don't know what possessed me. A better question would be why you stayed."

I had nothing witty to reply with there. So, straightening up and putting on an accusing finger, I say, "No, how about if you tell me why you acted so weird last night to me. Hardly a warm welcome into your home," I huff, crossing my arms.

The redhead just falls silent. Then, "I haven't decided that yet."

"Eh?" I ask, confused.

He straightens some papers, trying to avoid my eyes. "I was puzzled by my reaction as well. I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way," he adds, barely looking at me.

"And how was I supposed to take it?" I snap, but it doesn't sound as mean as it does curious.

"I don't know," he says again.

I sigh, long as low. "Jeez, Gaara, you sure are full of nothing today. You keep saying, 'I don't know' or 'I'm not sure'. Normally I'm the ignorant one!"

His face goes a little pink, and I have no idea why. What the hell is that guy thinking? Whenever I'm around him, I swear that's always a question in the back of my mind. The way he hides his emotions, like Sasuke, makes it so hard for me to guess what's in his head. But then he goes and shows an emotion, but it's the kind I can't guess. Like blushing.

"It's hard to explain…" Gaara starts, pursing his lips while he thought.

"Was it something I did or said? That usually makes people act weird towards me," I shrug, leaning back in the armchair.

"Well, yes… but no. I mean, it feels a little strange to know you helped save my existence with your own life force, you own chakra, but act so casual about it. And it's never anything you say, but more of how I react when you say it. It confuses me, what I feel," he murmurs, and I wonder if Gaara's ever admitted anything like this to anyone before. I bet not.

He looks over at me, as if waiting for me to explode. When I don't, he looks down quickly at that book he pulled out. He bites his lower lip in the tiniest way, which for some reason makes me smile.

"Naruto…"

"Hai?" I ask, smile fading.

"Can I ask you something… personal?"

I'm a little taken aback, surprised. Shrugging, I nod. "Sure. Anything, so long as it isn't too embarrassing."

He bites his lip again, the only sign of emotion on his face besides the flicker in his eyes I don't recognize. "What does each of your comrades mean to you?"

I frown slightly, thinking. "That's a good question; well, I'd say most all of them are friends of mine, if not really good friends. A couple are even rivals in this thing or that. My sensei's are like older brothers teaching me what I need to know; although I'd say Ero-Sennin is more like my grandpa," I chuckle. "And Iruka-sensei is more like a father… and then there are a few of my comrades that mean a little more to me than just good friends."

"Like what?" he asks, leaning over the desk slightly.

"Like… well, Sasuke I guess."

He rolls his eyes, something I've never seen him do. But it was a quick and hardly exaggerated movement. "Ah yes, the Uchiha. You mention him quite a bit."

"That's because he's… well, he's like my brother. Used to be only my rival, but we became pretty close. Which is why, when he left, I…" but my sentence dies on my tongue.

Yet Gaara understands, nodding his head. "I see. What about the pink-haired girl? Your other teammate?"

"Oh, you mean Sakura-chan? She's a close friend, too… although…" I blush, scratching my cheek. "I guess you could say I sort of… like her."

Gaara's brows fall slightly, a frown. He didn't get what I meant.

I nervously giggle. "Um, well, I guess it was probably stronger when I was younger, before I went away to train my ass off with Jiraiya. But some of it was still there when I came back. It's like a… crush, I guess."

I watch Gaara's aqua eyes widen for a millisecond. "You want to crush her?"

"Iiya!" I bark, smiling. "'Crushing' on someone means you like them a lot, more than just friends," I hurriedly explain, not once telling someone about my crush on Sakura. Sure, I hinted about it to her, but I never officially told anyone. Man, this was awkward. "Having a crush is almost like loving someone, but it's not nearly as strong. Get it, dattebayo?" I exhale, saying most of that in one breath.

"I believe so," he replies. A tinge of a smile moves the left corner of his mouth. "And I think that just helped him with something."

I nods a few times, rubbing the back of my head. Kami, when it came to anything about love or friendship, Gaara just downright clueless. Everything had to be explained to him, no matter how embarrassing it was.

"One last question…" he starts again. "Out of your comrades, how do I rank?"

Finally, something easy, I grin brightly. "Well that isn't to hard! You're very close to me, Gaara; you understand my pain and accept me. And you give me even more reason to become Hokage!" I add, shoving a fist in the air to show my determination.

I see his features soften as he smiles in that content way he does, eyes shining with a dull inner light like fireflies. If he were a girl, it'd be irresistibly cute. "That's so good to hear."

I squint at him playfully. "What about me? What do I mean to you out of your comrades?"

He face falls like mine had earlier, but in a much faster, harsher way. "I…" he pauses, pursing his lips again. "Well, I don't have many comrades to compare you to."

That looked like a lie; for once I could plainly see it written on his face. He was thinking of something different, I just know it. "Well then, compared to the few you do have, where do I rank?"

He glances up at me. "I'm not sure… it's almost like what you said about me, but…"

When he stopped stalking for a moment, I took that as my sign to leave. "Fine, you maul that over, Gaara. In the meantime, I think I'll head for that training place you mentioned. Ja," I shrugged and said off-handedly, turning to leave.

I heard him make a noise behind me, but I was already out the door.