Cal and Gillian sat in his car outside her apartment kissing. Their arms were around each other the best that they could in the cramped space, their bodies turned awkwardly in their seats, and their kisses were soft and sweet but full of emotion. They were being patient, taking their time to savour the closeness, as if there were all the time in the world. It was different for Cal because he tended to be an impatient person, but also because most of his past relationships had been fuelled by explosive lust. He liked it this way a lot.
Cal pulled away slightly to see Gillian's face by the orange streetlight. "What?" He asked softly. This had been the night of their first official date. Cal had been nervous picking her up, which was stupid because they had gone to dinner many times before. Maybe it was because this was the first time he had actually picked her up instead of meeting her there. And because this time he was actually doing it as her... boyfriend or whatever.
"Nothing," Gillian tried to tell him. She leaned closer to him but he kept a consistent distance between them.
"You hesitated. What's wrong?"
"I didn't."
"Yes you did," Cal insisted.
"It's nothing."
"Did I do somethin'?"
"No!"
"Then?" Cal prompted.
"It's stupid," Gillian tried again to kiss him but Cal once again moved away from her slightly.
"I'm listenin'."
"I don't want to tell you."
"So I did do somethin'?" Cal asked with wide eyes.
"No," Gillian immediately responded reassuringly. She gave his arm a squeeze. She smiled, "No, you're great."
"So it's not me," Cal mused.
"You're not reading me are you?" Gillian asked with mild exasperation, knowing full well that he was.
"So it's you. Somethin' that's goin' on with you."
"Cal," Gillian warned.
"Your marriage?" Cal guessed. Gillian didn't respond while she thought of the best way to shut him down quickly, but something in her expression obviously gave her away. "You're thinkin' about Alec."
"That's not fair," Gillian told him pointedly.
"It's all right," Cal told her. "That you think about him. It's natural to do that."
"Am I not allowed to have anything private?"
"Nah," Cal answered her quickly and then finished his thought. "I think we're rushin' this."
"What?" Gillian exclaimed alarmed.
"You need more time," Cal gave her a concerned expression.
"I don't need more time," Gillian insisted.
"Yeah you do," Cal gave her an intense stare.
Gillian's features formed into a protest, then she hesitated under his gaze and finally conceded. "I feel guilty. Like I'm cheating on him." She winced. It sounded just as bad coming out of her mouth as it had in her head.
Cal nodded.
She frowned. "Is that really stupid?" She asked sincerely. "We've been apart for six months and we're practically divorced and yet I'm here with you and I can't help but feel like I'm betraying him in some way."
Cal watched her impassively.
"I'm sorry," Gillian continued. She sat back in her seat. "I shouldn't be talking to you about this."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't want you to think that a part of me doesn't want to be here with you, when I really do."
"I know you do, luv. And I'd rather you tell me the truth than try to spare my feelin's on somethin'."
Gillian gave him a small smile and quoted his own motto to him. "Truth or happiness right?"
Cal gave a cynical smile. "Somethin' like that, yeah."
Gillian watched him for a moment. "Please know it's not personal against you."
"I know luv."
"I think I need time to adjust to this."
"You know where to find me when you're ready."
"I'm not saying I want to stop altogether," Gillian added in alarm.
"We just need to take it slow."
"Yes."
PJ
They sat on Cal's couch. It was a deep chocolate brown colour and the walls in the living room were a dark olive green, which made the room rather dim but also intimate when the lamps were on. Cal was slouched back against the cushions with his feet on the wooden-framed glass coffee table. Gillian sat next to him, her feet crossed underneath her, facing him, with a glass of wine in her hand. "I would have loved to have seen his face then though," she said with an enthusiastic expression, her blue eyes shining. "It would have been the absolute picture of stunned."
Cal gave a grin. "But I needed you to talk to the wife."
"I know but, sometimes, you get all the fun," Gillian gave him a sweet smile. Cal watched her impassively, not agreeing but not disagreeing with her. Gillian placed her glass on the table; there was still wine in it. "It's getting late," she noted. A heavy nervousness suddenly descended on her stomach.
Cal sat up and looked at the clock on the mantle. He didn't comment but turned to Gillian. She leaned forward and kissed him. Cal kissed her back. Gillian parted her mouth and placed a hand at the back of his neck. Cal moved his hands to her back, pulling her closer. They kissed for a while. It was getting better, the kissing thing and Cal was crazy good at it too. And she'd had no idea he did actually have some patience in there somewhere; kissing never went further than kissing. Then Gillian started undoing the buttons on his shirt. She pulled it back from his shoulders and ran her hands across the skin of his shoulder and down the front of the white wife-beater he was wearing underneath. Cal pulled away from her mouth to kiss her neck and she murmured in delight. Then she broke away from him altogether and got to her feet. Cal looked up at her without expression. Gillian took his hand and pulled him to his feet, then led him from the room.
In the bedroom she turned and started kissing him again. Cal pressed his body against hers, their arms wrapped around each other. Gillian pulled Cal's undershirt off and let it drop to the floor. Then she pulled her own shirt over her head. Cal gave her body an appreciative glance before she was kissing him again. He let his hands play over her skin and moved her back to the bed. They fell to the mattress as Gillian reached for his trousers and the buttons holding them closed. Cal kissed her with more fervour, tracing his hands over the curves of her body, discovering it and learning it for the first time, feeling for the places she reacted the most. They undressed each other, their breaths coming laboured.
They made love. Cal stayed close to her, kissing her lips, her neck and Gillian held him tightly as she moved against him. She was nervous because she hadn't been with anyone new in a long time; sex with Alec had reached the comfortable stage, the stage where she didn't have to think about it too much because she had been having sex with him for ten years. She knew automatically what he liked in bed. And yet she was excited too because despite herself and all those warnings about taking it easy, she was intensely attracted to Cal. She had wanted to be close to him for a while but had not found the nerve. She couldn't help but call his name, all thoughts of Alec gone, her mind completely intoxicated with Cal Lightman. He murmured her name softly once as their lovemaking came to an end but mostly remained quiet. He studied her face carefully afterward while she looked up at him. "You all right?" He asked with a tiny hint of mild concern.
"Yeah," Gillian responded warmly. Her cheeks were flushed and she smiled genuinely. She was pleased and not just because Cal was a good lover. She felt alive again and realised she had stopped making love with Alec long before their marriage had been over. Being with Cal felt right.
Cal moved away. Then he looked pretty pleased with himself. He lay back against the pillow with a grin on his face for a moment. Then he leaned up again and readjusted the blanket around Gillian's body, making sure it was covered. He found the sheet in a tangle. "What have you done to this?" He complained.
"Me?" Gillian responded indignantly. Cal dug beneath the covers to untangle it. "Hey! Watch your hands," Gillian warned him, squirming slightly as his fingers brushed tightly against her thigh.
Cal gave her a grin. He pulled the sheet straight as much as he could and lay back again. Then he turned his head against the pillow to look at her. He waited until she turned her head to look at him. "You're pretty amazin'."
Gillian rolled onto her side to face him, tucking her hair under her head and gave him a genuine smile. "So are you."
PJ
Cal shifted in his sleep, moving his arm to where he thought Gillian should be in his bed. But he found only empty mattress so opened his eyes concerned. He was pretty sure he hadn't imagined last night. Gillian was standing at the end of the bed doing up the buttons on her shirt. "Where are you goin'?" Cal asked sleepily.
"I have to go home," Gillian told him in a whisper.
"What for?"
"I need a change of clothes."
Cal realised the room was getting lighter and that it must be early in the morning. She was talking about going to work. "Nah just wear that," he suggested.
"People might talk," Gillian pointed out. She slipped her shoes on.
"Let them talk," Cal answered immediately. Gillian fixed him with an unimpressed expression. "Well, go later," he tried to cajole.
"I have to go now, so I have time to shower and change before work."
Cal looked at the clock beside the bed. The red glowing letters denoted it was just after six thirty in the morning. "There's heaps of time."
"And I still have to drive home and have breakfast," Gillian pointed out, slipping into her cardigan.
"Well bring a change of clothes next time."
"I wasn't exactly planning on staying this time," Gillian told him with a smile that he probably couldn't see in the semi-darkness.
Cal grinned to himself. He watched her readjust her collar. "Don't sneak out luv."
"I wasn't. I didn't want to disturb you."
"Feel free to disturb me anytime."
Gillian gave him a light smile. "I'll see you at work ok?"
"Yeah all right," Cal watched her walk across the room. "Hey," he objected.
Gillian padded towards him, leaned down and kissed him.
"You smell heavenly," Cal told her in a whisper.
"Mm, I smell like sex and Cal Lightman."
Cal's lip curled up in a sign of amusement.
"Thanks for last night," she told him softly.
"It was my pleasure," he answered causing both of them to grin.
PJ
By the time Cal got to the office Gillian was already there. His stomach tightened when he saw her and he allowed a few seconds of picturing her the way she was last night. She gave him a smile in greeting but she was talking to Ria, their newest associate, probably about a case, so Cal left her to it. He sauntered past the reception desk. Heidi held out his mail for him and he thanked her quietly because she was on the phone. The lights were already on in his office but he had to power up his computer and while he waited for it to boot he flicked through the mail. A credit card offer, Greenpeace, an information pack he had requested from the British government six months ago that was now completely irrelevant and a large envelope with the seal of the tax department. He got up again and headed through the building.
"Doctor Lightman?" Loker interrupted him.
"What?"
"Can I show you something?"
"In a minute I need to talk to Fosta."
"Okay," Loker turned away unperturbed.
Gillian was in her office by then so Cal tapped on the open glass door as he came through it. Gillian looked up and gave him a brilliant smile. "Good morning."
"This is for you," Cal held out the manila envelope.
"What is it?"
"Tax department."
"Ok," Gillian opened the packaged and slipped out the papers. She scanned them while Cal hovered. He didn't give a toss what the IRS wanted, he just liked being near her. Especially when the sun coming through the windows behind her made her hair glow and the little furrow in her forehead was so…
"It's nothing." She looked up at him.
"I wasn't worried."
"Ok," she gave him an amused frown, asking silently what he was still doing there.
"I was just thinkin' about last night," Cal told her in explanation. He saw her sudden intake of breath, a sign that she was shocked. Her eyes slid to the door.
"Cal!" She admonished. He grinned at her and knew she was now thinking of the same thing because she blushed a little. "Go away and do some work."
PJ
Cal had a restless day. He spent time with Loker in the video suite and then an hour with Ria to give her advice about the case she was handling on her own. Somehow he didn't see Gillian that much. He went to ask her if she wanted to have lunch together but she had gone out, working on a case of her own. Which left Cal alone in the office, the only one of his associates not actually involved in an active investigation. That almost never happened. So he spent the time going over his own research notes and then a lecture he had been asked to give for the FBI recruit academy in two weeks time. There was always a project on the go, always something to work on. Thoughts of Gillian were a bit of a distraction though and the fact that they went through the day without seeing each other only fuelled the diversion.
Cal ended up leaving without seeing Gillian again. She was held up apparently but she hadn't called him to let him know, something she usually did. He risked calling her while he was stopped at a traffic light. If she was busy she would let it go to voicemail. She answered it.
"Where are you?" Cal accused.
"I'm on my way back to the office. Where are you?" She asked lightly, curiously. She could probably hear the noise of the car engine.
"On my way home."
"Oh."
A pause.
"I didn't know how long you were gonna be," Cal offered in a gentler tone.
"Yeah neither did I. I didn't want to leave Sarah straight away."
"Fair enough."
Another pause.
"Are you comin' over?"
"I'd like that."
Cal could hear excitement in her voice.
PJ
"Hey you."
"Hey," Gillian greeted a little less enthusiastically.
"What's wrong with you?"
Gillian stepped inside as the door was widened for her.
"Coffee?"
"Yes please."
They moved to the kitchen. "So out with it. What's bothering you? You only show up here when you want a professional opinion."
Gillian gave a frown and opened her mouth to protest.
"Oh come on," Casey interrupted. "It's hard to have a normal conversation with a friend who is also a psychologist. We're constantly solving each other's problems. Don't tell me you don't do it too." She fixed Gillian with a knowing arrogant expression for a moment until Gillian answered her.
"I slept with Cal."
A few times.
"What!?" Casey turned to her with surprised delight.
"I know," Gillian couldn't help but smile.
"How was it?'
"Good."
"Just good?" Casey asked in disbelief.
"It was really good," Gillian was smiling stupidly again. Beyond good. Insanely good. Better than it should be. Better than it had ever been. Her body remembered him, tingly in her fingers and toes.
Casey matched her grin. "Then how is that a bad thing?"
Gillian sighed and sat at the kitchen table. It was wooden, round and painted white. The room was a sunflower yellow and in the middle of summer the room was so bright it required the use of sunglasses. "It's complicated."
"Honey, it's as complicated as you want to make it."
"He's my business partner."
"So? Plenty of people hook up with their business partners."
Gillian gave her an unimpressed disbelieving expression. "No they don't."
"Ok, they usually sleep with their boss. Is that what's bothering you? You slept with the boss?"
"Cal is not my boss," Gillian insisted.
"But you look up to him."
That was true and it made Gillian look away.
"Are you worried about what other people will think?" Casey asked gently, while pouring the recently boiled water.
"I don't know," Gillian responded. "I just… wonder if it's too soon after Alec. I really want Cal and I think about him a lot, you know."
"Let me stop you there," Casey interrupted bringing the two mugs to the table where Gillian sat. "Alec was not good enough for you and you married him anyway cos you thought that's what you deserved."
Gillian looked offended but Casey held up a hand to forestall her. "Cal is someone you do deserve and you think you don't." She laughed suddenly. "That's actually really funny."
"You're not helping."
"Look, Cal has always respected you, always admired you, always valued you; it's kind of normal that you'd be attracted to that. Isn't that what you're getting around to asking me? If you're attracted to him for the right reasons?"
Gillian gave a slight nod. Trust Casey to figure out the real reason she was there in less than ten minutes. She was almost as talented as Cal, but Casey could read people by intuition and Cal had a methodical science. And Casey was more effective with people she knew, drawing on past knowledge to predict how people would react. Cal could see everything about someone he had just met.
"He's a very intelligent, successful man who strives to do the right thing, but is just flawed enough to remain grounded, and from what I hear, he has a very cute British accent."
Gillian smiled softly again. Yeah, that was Cal.
"What's not to be attracted to?"
