Chapter 8: Fall Under the Spell.
May 3rd, 2043
It's getting pretty warm up here, isn't it? Oh yes, summer is coming. I used to love the month of May back in the days. It meant the start of the summer for me. The weather was nice, not too cold, not too warm. It suited my sensitive skin and moody mind. Even the best flowers I loved bloomed in May. I loved Roses. I still do, I mean I named one of my daughters Rose. Roses were my favourite flowers. No, not red roses, white ones, actually. I loved white roses. I have no idea why. They smelled better, that I can assure you of. And they looked neat. Don't laugh, they did look neat, perhaps fancy. They reminded me of purity, innocence and, happiness. Can you guess what were Sara's favourite flowers? No, not red roses. They were red Tulips. I loved Tulips since before meeting Sara. Actually, they were somehow my favourite for a while. James once got me a Tulip after a small fight. I accepted it and we made up. But Sara was not that kind of a person. She did not get me flowers or sing me to sleep. Wait, actually she did sing me to sleep once or twice, it was in mockery, though. She loved making fun of my last name. She would use any song that had 'Rain' in it and sing it to me and then she'd laugh and I'd laugh. Her laugh was the sweetest lullaby she let out of her lips. Where were we? Oh yes, I got distracted once again. Tulips. Yes, Sara's favourite flowers were Tulips. They were so hard to find sometimes, so I usually just got her roses. She mostly put them in a vase in her small kitchen which was connected to a small living room. They stayed there until they died after three or four days.
I am sorry, I apologize, I keep getting distracted and move from one memory to another. I know, my mind is a troublesome mess. I will never get rid of the many rooms inside. Too much doors and a pile of dust in each corner. Some memories belong to other rooms but they are in completely different ones. It's a beastly mess in there, trust me. That's how you become when you age. Too many memories and you cannot focus on one thing. Every memory leads to another. You know what's funny? All these past thirty years of my life I have found Sara dancing like a small happy penguin inside each memory. I always managed to connect her to things she had nothing to do with. That image makes you laugh, doesn't it? Oh, you want to see how Sara looks? I'm afraid I do not have a picture of her anymore. I mean I did own one I took out of her wallet, creepily and secretly. I am not a thief, don't you dare call me that. Why I feel offended now. She used to look into my bags all the time. It was normal, we always did it for each other. I know you were joking, I was joking as well. What happened to the picture? Nothing really, it's still there with the necklace she loved and some papers she corrected and other emails we shared. It's in a box I hid when I got married. Did not want my husband to find out about it. But I don't have it with me now. Much like you, I'm kind of a tourist here. Actually, I came here for an important business I must have done along time ago but I always slacked. Now I have the opportunity and time. It's not important what it is. What's important is the story I'm telling you.
...
March, 3rd 2013
"I'm going to fail, Emy. I'm going to fail." Cried Tegan as she lowered her head, emptying what is left in her stomach inside the toilet. Emy rubbed her back gently as she gagged, trying to empty the remaining juices of her stomach. She felt as if her guts were about to fly out of her mouth. It was a stinging pain trying to get rid of what was not there. She clenched her naked stomach tightly, taking few breaths. Fresh tears escaped her bloodshot eyes.
"You're not going to fail. You always say that, Tegan, calm down." Emy whispered with a soothing tone. She held Tegan's shoulder-length hair all in one hand and rubbed small circles at the top of Tegan's half exposed back. "Come on, Tee," She helped her friend up and led her towards the sink after Tegan flushed the toilet now that nothing was left to let out. "Wash your mouth and brush your teeth." Emy instructed, already squeezing some toothpaste into Tegan's glittery, yellow toothbrush. She rubbed her shoulder above the straps of Tegan's black sports bra. Tegan watched carefully as Emy's big blue eyes looked at her own through the mirror. Silently, she thanked the Lord for having such a caring roommate. Even though Emy was clingy at times, Tegan did not know what she would have done without her. Emy often joked that one day she's gonna end up bathing Tegan since the younger girl barely managed anything on her own.
This is not the first time Tegan went into such a panic mood before an exam. No, it became very natural and frequent for Emy to watch this common scene. Tegan often suffered panic attacks before an exam she feared or important events. Puking and crying with incoherent sentences and nervous shouts of pure panic disturbed the rooms next to Tegan's and Emy's but it never disturbed Emy, and Tegan was thankful that her roommate was able to bear the onerous weight of Tegan.
And today was no exception. Today is the Intercultural Communication midterm. Tegan, being the kind of student she is, she has already finished the subject twice the previous week. But she assumes that she has forgotten most of the contents. While studying it for the third time, she had no time to finish the last two units due to lack of focus and attention. One hour she toyed with the pages and tore tiny pieces, throwing them around her untidy bed. The other she listened to music and hummed while she jotted down lyrics and thoughts on the notebook, which was already filled with tiny, hard to read notes she took in Sara Clement's class. Her font was unreadable to others but to her it was easily read. She also found excuses to eat what's in her fridge every few minutes. Mac and cheese leftovers that Jeremy had managed to cook for her and Emy and send it to them the night before. She moaned at the homemade meal's taste. She hasn't had one since she and Emy visited Jeremy in October. It was her first time visiting Jeremy's apartment. Jeremy was not a brilliant cook, in fact, he was pretty mediocre, but Tegan craved any meal that did not contain the greasy fat of fast food restaurants she always stuffed her face with. She began to worry slowly as her weight started to increase and her pants managed to tighten around her thighs, struggling to be zipped and buttoned.
What Tegan also did was smile foolishly as the thought of her professor crossed her mind, the smile turned to a scowl when she recalled how her professor was acting timid and rather shaky around her. She did not understand why Sara often sneaked glances at her then shifted her eyes towards somebody else's when an eye contact happened. Their small encounter at the bar seemed to be upsetting to Sara as much as it was to Tegan. After that, she remained angry at Sara for the past week, cursing her name out loud and inside her mind. Emy was rejoicing the fact she found a companion who shared her mysterious dislike towards Sara. Tegan knew that every cuss word she said was not meant, it only left her mouth out of pure frustration. But inside, Tegan felt her stomach erupting in hurtful, nervous butterflies as soon as the image of the dainty brunette found itself painted in every angle inside her head.
"You did not finish it?" Asked Emy, brushing the damp hairs sticking to Tegan's tear-stained cheeks.
"No." Tegan let out a throaty whisper. Her throat ached for water to ease the ache. And it seems like Emy had heard her body calling for the natural liquid. She led Tegan out of the bathroom, reaching for the small fridge they shared and grabbing a bottle of cold water, hurriedly handing it to the thirsty girl sitting on her bed. Tegan swallowed the cold liquid, still feeling the minty fresh taste of the toothpaste she just had inside her mouth. Finally finding the ability to speak and breathe normally, she said, "I have two units left, I don't think I can finish them at all."
"You still have two hours Tegan, why don't you just try to read what you can?" Emy advised as she picked up Tegan's dirty shirt from the ground, throwing it in the hamper. It was only eleven in the afternoon. As it was supposed to be a break for Emy and Tegan after classes, but Tegan was not able to calm herself down after looking at the time and finding it nearing her exam time. She had managed to pull herself out of bed this morning and attended the three classes she's supposed to attend. As the last class before break was shared with Emy, her roommate noticed the change in color and sudden fear displayed on Tegan's face. She knew immediately what was about to come, so she decided to save herself and Tegan the prying eyes and the embarrassment by dragging her back to their dorm. Unfortunately, Emy was a bit too late, Tegan ended up emptying the contents of her stomach at the door step, causing her purple shirt to be stained, as well as the floor beneath Tegan's feet. Tegan pushed her friend away as she cleaned the mess she made. As she was getting her body rid of the stained shirt, she felt the same feeling back inside her stomach, she quickly left her shirt on the ground and hurried to the bathroom, her friend following behind.
"I only have an hour and fifteen minutes, Emy, and I even have a class in that remaining hour. I wasted the whole time with my stupid panicking, God I hate myself." Tegan groaned. She pushed her head down to leave it resting on her mattress, her hands covering her face as she whined. Slowly, the nerves of her body finding the proper position to rest and be as active as they were. She felt the energy slowly returning and her body relaxing in the chilliness of the room. Goosebumps appeared on her half covered torso, the feeling of cold creeping to Tegan's system after the fire she was feeling was extinguished and completely gone. The colour returning to her face and her breathing is steady once again. This is the part she waited for usually, the part of waking up after panicking and deciding she needn't give a simple fuck about what's going to happen. It usually came right before an important event or an important exam, after her body got rid of all the poison and negativity it had been carrying for the period around the very important event that unnerved Tegan to the fullest. "You know what? Fuck it, I don't give a fuck anymore." She sat up with a frustrated frown, brushing her outgrown fringe out of her face. Her arms tightly hugged her torso as she noticed a familiar set of blue irises focused on her chest. She loved Emy, but lately the woman's behavior was puzzling her. Now that Emy came out to her completely, her eyes had been wandering none stop to Tegan's body. She wondered if her body was that attractive that Emy's eyes were always enlarged with twinkles and sparks. Emy always took care of Tegan, but lately she's been more caring to the state of suffocation.
For a moment, Tegan pondered whether her friend might be growing a crush on her or was interested in her in a way that passed the friendship level. But soon enough she shook the selfish thoughts out of her head. Who would be interested in her, anyway? Nobody for sure. And Emy was a very beautiful lady, her eyes were blue and big, and her smile was sweet and lovely. Any girl would be lucky to have her, she would not even go for Tegan. And Tegan did not mind at all, she was not into Emy, she was into someone else, someone whose presence not only sent electrical jolts to her heart, but also terrorized Tegan with every scan of her eye and every shift within her body.
"That's my Tee." Beamed Emy, her cheeks flushed and her eyes blinked as she tried hard not to stare at Tegan's covered chest and fit stomach. "Here, you seem cold." Emy stuttered as she pulled a sweater out of Tegan's side of the closet, giving it with shaken hands to Tegan.
...
Somehow the classroom seemed bigger than it usually did in Tegan's eyes today. The seats seemed further and the students seemed less. Her body felt cold yet she felt sweat forming inside her small palms, she felt the pen slowly slipping out of her grip as her stomach tightened in nervous, scared knots. The wait for Sara to enter the class and hand each and everyone their papers seemed longer than those days she had to wait for her mother for hours and more to pick her up from Middle School. She always despised these days, her mother often had a surgery she needed to perform, or a sudden child birth that sprang out of nowhere to leave Tegan waiting alone with a growing hate towards her mother's job.
A running woman with a shinning grin upon her face finally entered the class, causing the frightened students to cut off their chatter and sit in silence, waiting for the papers clutched tightly to Sara's chest to be handed to them. "How are you guys today?" Sara asked as her grin grew wider. "I'm so excited." She said with a giggle ringing inside the empty classroom, waking up Tegan from the thoughts she was deeply engrossed in, leaving her heart to throb and melt into sensational warmth her organs had never experienced before. She was afraid she would collapse at the beauty and charm Sara was vibrating towards the room.
Sara received no answers, everyone was too exhausted from over-thinking, studying, preparing, trying their hardest to cram the last information their minds allowed them to squeeze inside. Except Tegan, she was surely exhausted, her mind was fairly crammed and tired, but not with educational material, everything she had studied and memorized is now far from her reach. One thing took every small space inside her mind and it was Sara. Yes, it was the fair dame who occupied Tegan's shattered kingdom. She took every part of her slowly fallen castle and sat on the throne as Tegan bowed in devotion to the conqueror of her used to be locked mind.
While everybody focused on the paper that had their fate in this subject being given to them, Tegan focused on Sara's exposed knees, her fragile looking legs, pale as the rest of her body. She wondered how such thin legs were able to carry Sara from place to place as they looked so very weak and wobbly. Her black skirt hugged her small waist tightly, a light blue button down tucked underneath it, helping the fabric to tighten around the swell of her medium sized breasts.
When Sara approached Tegan's, unconsciously, shaken up form, a gentle smile curled upon her lips. Tegan swallowed hard as the paper slipped out of Sara's hand and rested on the desk in front of her. She couldn't help but take a close look at Sara's pale legs, noticing they were clad in a silky, transparent pantyhose to keep her cold-looking figure warm.
"Take a deep breath, sweetie." Very tender whispers left Sara's mouth and rang straightly into Tegan's perking up ears. She let out a faint gasp out of her lips when Sara's warm palm rubbed just beneath her shoulder, sliding slowly to reach the middle of her back. She prayed that Sara did not notice the shameful gasp she had let out, but the evidence on Sara's ears proved otherwise. She tried to look up and she wished she wouldn't have done such a deed. As her eyes slowly connected with Sara's, she jumped, causing Sara's grip to tighten on her back.
These eyes Sara owned were not natural, they were not normal, and Tegan could swear to you, and if you gave her the time she would prove it. Sara was a demon, thought Tegan. These eyes of her were in dirty business to hypnotize Tegan and make her fall under the spell that Sara wanted. And Sara won because now, Tegan has fallen. These eyes were not only frightening but they were hard to ignore. One could not simply shift their gaze to somewhere else while these eyes were sharply focused on them. They were digging, they were searching and screaming, and Tegan could not read any sign Sara's eyes were trying to tell her. She knew she was sending the signs but Tegan was illiterate when it came to the language of eyes. She did not know the bases or the rules, she just knew how to surrender and nod her head like a fool, but she did not know how to respond to such stares.
"Oh honey," Whispered Sara, her hand moving from Tegan's back to her very cold face, she even flinched at the touch, but kept her hand on Tegan's forehead. "Are you okay? You seem very pale." Stated Sara but there was no answer, just a quick nod. "Are you sure you can take the exam? It's very easy, but if you're not feeling well..."
"I'm fine, it's okay, I can take it." Tegan cut her off, as she took a long deep breath, after Sara's warm touch left her cold skin. She felt the tears build up on the bridge of her eyes. She bit her lower lip as hard as she could in order to swallow the tears back inside. The warmth of Sara's touch caused Tegan to feel what she had never felt, her body had never responded to a human's touch as much as it did to Sara's. Not even Jenn's rough palms kneading her clothed chest caused her body to heat in aching need. She felt the throbbing pain of her core increasing as Sara's breaths hit her face. She knows what this is, she often read about it, she heard about it, this is lust, right? This is what it feels like to want someone to touch you more but at the same time their touch causes you a sudden soreness inside your core? Yes, that must be what it was.
But it was not the time, not the proper time, not the proper place, not the proper person. No, this was all wrong. She should not have thought about that. Her body betrayed her and Sara must have felt it. What about the students present in class? Did they notice? Did this take longer than seconds or it only seemed like that to her? Because when she finally escaped back to reality and eyed the full room, nobody was paying attention, every head was focused on the paper before them. That was reality, and Tegan's mind was playing tricks on her. She must be looking stupid and childish to Sara's scanning gazes. What about the names? Sweetie? Really? Honey? Was she imagining? Did Sara call all her students like that? What if Sara meant it in a more of a motherly gesture? No, Tegan did not want that. She was thinking prohibited thoughts around the person who she should not be thinking the way she thought about them and the last thing she needed was for that person to consider her as their child. No, Sara seemed very young to have a child as old as Tegan. Sara even looked younger than Tegan herself at times. No, no, Sara did not mean that in a motherly way. She meant it in a gentle gesture. Yes, nothing else.
...
Saying that Tegan was paying attention to what she was writing would be a disastrous lie. The only thing that occupied Tegan's attention was her professor and the time left until she left the class and perhaps took a shower to get rid herself out of her shamefully damp underwear.
When Tegan looked down at the answer sheet before her, she noticed she took more space to answer each question than was required. She wondered if it was allowed to answer a question on the back of the paper since she had no space left. She took the chance to ask her professor out of curiosity and not for other selfish reasons such as hearing Sara's voice close to her ears one more time. Sara quickly walked up to Tegan when she glanced at her raised hand.
"Yes, ba..." Sara cleared her throat cutting off what she was about to say, a rosy hue climbing up to her face and ears as it caught Tegan's attention at the sudden change in Sara's features. "Yes, Tegan?" Her voice huskier than usual as she bit her lower lip with a faint bashful smile.
Did she get embarrassed? What was she about to say? Tegan had never seen Sara's features change from screaming womanly confidence to lisping childish sheepishness. The way she bit her lower lip, oh dear, it certainly caused a pool to form in Tegan's underwear. Oh, how she wished she'd taste these lips on her own, she'd brush her tongue over the lower, extra pouty lip and taste the rosy softness it carried. She wondered if Sara would be as shy if she did lick her lip asking for innocent entrance to explore her mouth with her own tongue.
"Tegan?" Sara called as her eyebrows furrowed, waiting for the lost in thoughts girl to speak.
"Oh, sorry." Tegan apologized, now the turn for her to have her cheeks darkened with colour. "I just wanted to ask if I could continue the fourth question on the back since I have no space left?" Tegan asked as her eyes gazed at her professor's clenched jaw and focused stare.
"Wow, you have written a lot, what are you writing exactly? A novel?" It's the soft giggle once again, it twittered through Tegan's ears, guiding her to grin widely, exposing her teeth and gums.
But that grin quickly diminished as Sara leaned down a bit, flipping through Tegan's answer sheet. Tegan's eyes only widened at the sight in front of her prying, needy eyes. This is what she wanted to see, yes, this lovely sight her eyes needed to see. Sara's perfectly shaped breasts squeezed in a small lacy turquoise bra that barely covered the two mounds. Suddenly, Tegan forgave every person who couldn't take their eyes off her own chest, now she was just like those hungry eyes which looked at her with astonishment. She wanted, no, she needed to attach her palms to Sara's round breasts, no shame in such need, it just flew naturally inside Tegan's system, mingling and mixing with the blood flowing within arteries and veins.
"Umm," Sara cleared her throat once again as she stood straight, her hand toying with the collar of her shirt as a smirk slowly appeared on her lips. "Sure, you can write wherever you want, I don't mind more writing, in fact I encourage it." She answered and swayed her hips to another student with a raised hand.
Tegan was afraid she was caught guilty in the act of staring, but Sara seemed unaware, or unbothered. Whether she was caught or not, she had already caught Sara staring once or twice at her own chest, so Sara basically had no excuse to be angry as she herself was caught in the act as well.
When it was time to hand the papers, Tegan was one of the last few remaining in class. Finally after re-reading what she had written and making sure it made sense, she stood up to hand the paper to standing Sara with a smile plastered on her lips. The exam was not hard, however it was not easy. Most of the questions were not direct and were not from the book. They were essay questions which depended on opinions and personal views with a requirement for justification and further explaining on each point. Tegan did the best she could, she even put examples about cultures from her own personal life. Nothing too personal though, just plain simple examples.
"Thank you honey, good luck." Sara smiled, no, winked. Actually smiled, then winked. Yes, and Tegan did too. Not the wink, the smile. She smiled too. The wink no more caused her face to flush but she did feel a heat in her body as it happened. They were in March and still to this day, Tegan noticed that Sara did not wink at anybody but herself. Not even to her favourite, Rob. She did not even look at him the way she looked at Tegan. Perhaps she was only imagining. Yes, certainly imagining. But what about the names? The 'honey'? She just heard her wishing good luck to everybody handing in their sheets and not a simple honey or a sweetie was uttered. Once again, only to Tegan. Is it because Tegan seemed childish? Is it because Sara thought she was sick? All these questions had no answers and one day they will have no room inside Tegan's mind.
...
After walking in quick, rushed paces, Tegan aimed straightly towards the bathroom, ignoring her roommate who quirked an eyebrow at hard-breathing Tegan who slammed the door shut and leaned against it taking deep breaths, face flushed from walking and from the heated, tensed situation her body was going through.
Before she could lock her door, she felt it being pushed slightly behind her, causing her to stumble a bit while stepping aside, allowing the curious girl to slowly walk in.
"Is everything okay? Was it too hard? Did you do well? Why did you rush inside? Why do you look so exhausted? What's going on?" Emy allowed Tegan no proper space to open her mouth and give answers. She sighed, waiting for Emy to finish the flow of questions so she could finally speak.
"First of all, I could have been naked in here, you know. Second of all, everything is fine, I think I did okay. Not too good but ya, I won't fail." She shrugged, turning her focal point towards the mirror in front of her, slightly gasping at the horrible sight before her eyes. Brows coated with sweat and cheeks rosy in color. Her bottom lip slightly chapped from over-biting and her hair sticking out in every direction. Yes, she definitely needed a cold, relaxing shower at the moment and Emy was being nothing but a rude intruder to her personal space.
"You always lock the door if you're doing...some business and it wasn't locked, so ya. Sorry anyway." Emy shrugged, finally grinning at sighing Tegan who rolled an eye once again. "Jeez, Tee, relax. I wanted to make sure you're doing fine." Said Emy with a hint of irritation.
"Alright, sorry, I just need a good shower, I'm just...a bit tired." Mumbling the last words, she pulled her sweater over her head to get rid of the material that was hugging her heated body. "Soooo..." Tegan pursed her lips together. "Are you going to let me shower in peace or do you wanna join the audience?" Tegan motioned to an empty bathroom as if it was crowded with cheering crowds waiting for Tegan to perform her hit song.
"I wouldn't mind the second option." Joked Emy, or that's what Tegan hoped. Blushing quickly and grinning wildly was natural from Emy, right? Right, Emy was a shy girl...Around Tegan anyways. "Relax, I'm just kidding." Huffed the brunette after noticing Tegan's quirked eyebrow and subtle scowl. She gently left the bathroom, shutting the door to give Tegan the privacy she asked for.
Tegan sighed as she eyed the visible bags underneath her eyes. She wondered if the cause was her lack of sleep, or the tears and exhaustion of this day, or the over-thinking about the lady who got herself deeply under Tegan's skin. She got herself rid of her sneakers and her dark blue socks. Messily toying with the button and the zipper of her jeans until she was able to get herself rid of the cramped feeling around her lower abdomen. She sighed in relief as she kicked her jeans down her ankles and stepped out of them.
Tegan adjusted the shower's head to her requirement and toyed with the faucet as she watched the water beginning to splash down. She dipped two fingers and quickly pulled away as extremely cold water caused her thin bones to ache. She adjusted the faucet deciding she should just step under warm water since it was too hard for her to bear the cold at first. Waiting for the water to shift to a warmer degree, she slipped her sports bra straps down her toned arms until she pulled the thin fabric over her head, throwing it to the floor where her clothes were resting. She tugged the thin material covering her lower body with a quick, swift movement. Her face immediately filled with heat as the scent of her sex flew to her nostril. Stepping out of her black boxer briefs, she took a quick glance at the pool she formed inside the fabric, her right hand subconsciously flying to her own dripping folds. The red hue on her cheeks increased as she let a soft sigh when her index touched her throbbing clit.
She eyed the running water and quickly stepped underneath it, she sighed softly as her bones started to relax bit by bit as pure warm water hit every inch of her body. But that feeling in her core was only causing her terrible ache and it did not seem that it was going to vanish anytime soon. Once again her hand slid down passing the patch of curls, jumping a bit as her index and middle finger contacted her swollen clit. She had never done this before, never touched herself. She never saw the need in that, no person ever made her as wet as she was at the moment. Her pussy never ached for a touch, and being around Emy all the time did not give her the freedom to do so.
Emy soon enough occupied Tegan's attention when she recalled that the girl was just outside the closed door of the bathroom. Maybe a curtain and a door with walls did separate them, but that act she was doing while her friend was just outside made her feel shameful, but at the same time it caused her need for release to increase.
She quickened her pace around her button as her other hand palmed her breast, feeling her hard nipple on the soft skin of her palm. She let out soft gasps and low whimpers, trying her hardest not to make a sound that would alarm the woman behind the closed door. The pleasurable feeling increased inside of Tegan's core that she had to bite her lower lip to forbid herself from letting out a scream. It was her first time being rubbed in such a place, and she was very close to hitting her climax but she needed more, she wanted more, she wanted something to fill her inside. She moved her index to the pool of her entrance and timidly pulled it away, suddenly fear that pleasure might turn to pain overwhelmed her. She decided to get back to her clit and circle it harder than before.
As she squeezed her own full breast, the image of Sara bent in front of her, allowing her to have the best view of her chest, clad in a small lacy bra, erupted in her mind, sending shocks to her sex, causing her legs to feel flabby and weak, almost giving up on her. She couldn't fathom how a woman was causing her to feel that way. She bit her lip as hard as she could, sure enough it will cause it to bleed eventually, and she threw her head to the back as water ran on the curves of her body. She felt herself reaching the edge quickly. Her grip tightened around her breast as her fingers very quickly rubbed her throbbing button.
She couldn't resist the urge to slip out a high pitched tiny scream as she rode her climax, but quickly she pushed her face onto her arm, muffling the voice that should not be heard. Her lips finally ajar permitting her to breathe as she calmed down slowly. Her eyes finally opened and her fingers leaving her over sensitive clit. Now able to stand straight as her breathing steadied and her body reached the level of relaxation she was aiming for, she sighed in pure relief as the water drenched her body and washed off the traces of her fluids on her hand.
While showering, all Tegan was able to think of is how a woman all of a sudden, out of the blue, where she herself did not expect, just emerged and caused everything in Tegan to feel things she did not know she could feel. Life was funny and ironic. She couldn't believe such a woman who is probably much older than her and happened to be her professor could make her end up touching herself secretly and shamelessly in a bathroom while her roommate was just behind a wall. If that woman knew about Tegan's deed she would probably be sick to her stomach or consider the girl a creep.
As soon as such a thought hit her mind, Tegan's mood shifted and altered from relaxed to clouded. She just realized that she wanted Sara, she wanted to touch her, to feel her under her touch, to brush a hand over her body and to shower her pale skin with wet kisses. And she wanted Sara to do the same to her, she wanted Sara to do what her hand had just done to her. These feelings were new, they scared her. When she fell in love with James, it was only pure love, nothing more, nothing less. It was innocent. She just wanted to be with him, around him. She loved the attention and the sweet words and the whispers. But around Sara, it's different. It is very different. She did not only want to know her, to understand her, to be around her, but also she wanted to be touched by her, to touch her. To stare at her, to look into her demon eyes and watch them until they warm up and shift in colour just like they did today.
The new and strange feeling overwhelmed her and she couldn't help but feel a pang in her chest. She was into Sara, she was falling for Sara. But falling is a big word, but that feeling, Tegan couldn't miss it. It is making her stomach flip and her heart clench. What was she going to do now? She needed to talk about it, she needed to let it out before she collapsed in her own miserable, secret feelings that she couldn't share with anyone. Tears slowly built up inside her stinging eyes. She stepped out of the shower, reaching for her towel, quickly wrapping it around her body as she ran a hand through her hair.
Emy, she was the answer. She could tell Emy, she could trust Emy. The girl already knew anyway, so why just bottle up her feelings. If Emy was to trust her then she needed to do the same too. She wouldn't judge her, Emy was a good friend, she wouldn't do that.
She cursed under hear breath when she realized she did not bring any clothes with her. She grabbed her dirty clothes from the ground and slowly stepped outside, peeking for a bit, seeing how her roommate was engrossed in a painting she was working on. Soon enough, Emy lifted her head with an unreadable expression on her face. She watched as Tegan slowly walked towards her bed.
Tegan felt heavy eyes focused on her form as her body quickly met the cold breeze in the room, still not used to the temperature outside the bathroom's warm one. A white towel wrapped around her chest and stopping inches before her knees. When she sat on her comfortable mattress her towel rode up exposing her pale goosebumps-filled thighs.
She watched the fully dressed woman eyeing her with stern blue eyes. She knew her ptosis must be very noticeable now and she knew her eyes are still teary and puffy, her lips chapped and ready to bleed at any second.
"Why are you naked?" Emy asked after the mere seconds of silence. The last thing she thought was Emy would ask about her half nudity rather than her visible distress. Of course, she should have seen it. "I mean," Emy cleared her throat. "Aren't you cold, Tegan?" Emy asked, making her question more specific.
However, she received no answer. Tegan did open her mouth to answer but she couldn't find the energy to release a sound. She knew her voice would appear rough and raspy. Her throat hurt a bit. Heavy thoughts and frightened mind numbing her completely. Driving her whole frame to the state of speechlessness.
"Tee?" Emy asked with concern displayed in her tone. When she noticed the beginning of tears falling from Tegan's tired eyes, she rushed to the bed on the opposite side of the room, seating herself gently beside her upset friend. "What's wrong?" She whispered, worry now masking her features.
She needed to talk, she needed to speak up, to let everything out. But how? Where to start? She needed to let this feeling slip out of her chest before it tore her heart with the sharpness it held.
She sobbed, earning protective arms to wrap around her and hold her tightly, soft sounds shushing her gently. "Speak up Tegan, it's okay, talk to me." Emy begged for an answer. Another day and same crying Tegan. She wondered if Emy was sick of her mood swings and her teary eyes and her upset self. If she was her friend she would not have liked her, she would have abandoned that friendship. Tegan was hard to deal with and caused those around her to be bored of her immaturity. But she could not help it. Her tears were always stronger than her own eyes, they fought and found a way to escape and Emy always had to be the shoulder Tegan cried on. "Is it about...Her?" Emy asked carefully, clearly afraid the other girl would snap at her as she usually did.
But Tegan nodded, she only gently nodded and dragged a hand to wipe her running tears. Emy did not ask further questions, she just slipped a sigh and waited for the crying girl to speak up.
"Emy, I'm scared." She finally said, she let out the first thing that came up to her mind. The first thought, the reason she was crying. "It's strange," She said once again gaining a nod from Emy. "I've never felt that way and it's scaring me, she's scaring me." Tegan was not making sense and she knew that her friend couldn't pick up what she meant, but she was certainly trying to reveal her emotions out loud and rid her system out of the poison. "She acts so different around me, but maybe I think she does, she...She touched my back today and rubbed it and then touched my face." She watched as her friend's eyes shot open then quickly returned to their natural size. "She said all these words like 'sweetie', 'honey' and I almost caught her slipping, saying baby, I swear Emy, I thought I was imagining at first but no, trust me, it happened and it's so strange because I'm the only one who she looks at the way she does, and I'm the only one she smirks at, and I'm the only one she knows is in class before taking attendance, and I'm the only one she calls these names, and I'm the only one she smiles the way she does to, and it's driving me crazy, Emy, it's fucking driving me nuts and I can't fucking deal with it." She paused, allowing herself to catch a breath after speaking messily as her hands flew in each direction and her mouth grew heavy with stutters and subtle lisps and quick words Emy was barely able to join together in order to form a sentence.
"Tegan, hush, calm down, just calm down, shhh, it's okay, it's normal. It's fine." She assured, Tegan's face between her hands, pushing the damp hair away and leaving the shaken up girl to find peace in the atmosphere surrounding her.
"It's not, Emy, it's not, she's my professor, it's not. It's...It's wrong, I think I have issues. Why her, Emy? Am I gay, Emy? What's happening to me? Why her? Does she enjoy doing this? Is it too obvious? Am I a creep?" Tegan knew all these questions could not be answered by anyone but Tegan herself. After all, Emy was not feeling what she was. Emy was not experiencing this kind of torture of being teased to the edge of lost tears and foggy thoughts.
"I knew this was about to happen. I saw the way she looked at you, not once, twice, Tegan. I am not sure if that's her way of teasing or enjoying the fact you seem into her but it certainly means something." Emy's tone was not excited, it was weary, it was low and gloomy.
"What does it mean? You think she knows I'm...i..into her?"
"Maybe?" An apologetic face given to Tegan as her friend carried no specific answers. "Maybe she's enjoying it? Do you know if she's into girls or not?"
"No." Tegan quickly answered with frustration. "But," she decided to change her answer. "She does speak about homosexuality with excitement and sometimes anger while attacking homophobes, but you know she could be just a straight ally."
Emy licked her bottom lip slowly, a look on her face that told Tegan she was arranging the thoughts inside her head and trying to figure things out. "Tell you what, why don't I come with you? You know, like we arranged? To one class? I mean I'll try to understand her body language towards you."
"But," Tegan spoke, but quickly, Emy interrupted.
"I know, she doesn't like me, that's actually better, didn't she think I'm your girlfriend once? Let her think that, let's see, she might be jealous?" An unsure question left Emy's mouth.
"Jealous?" Tegan chuckled as if Emy had said the most absurd thing in life. "Seriously, Emily? Jealous? Look at her, she's fucking gorgeous and she can get anybody she wants. She can't be jealous of me." An eye roll accompanied by a grieved chuckle. Oh how she wished Emy was right, how she wished Sara would be jealous and would want her as much she wanted her. But this is a dream, one that will not come true.
"Why not, Tegan? Why can't she be jealous?" Her furrowed eyebrows and her scowl took over her sweet smile and soothing eyes. "Look at you, Tegan. You're fucking gorgeous as well, and trust me, you too can get anybody you want. You're young, you're beautiful, you have an amazing body and killer boobs, your smile can fucking drive the anger away from a person and you're hot. Here, I am saying it, I am admitting it. I am a lesbian and I have eyes, you are fucking beautiful and fucking hot, so why wouldn't she be jealous? Huh?"
Tegan was certainly taken aback by Emy's words of encouragement, but Emy was her friend, she would feed her white lies just like her mother did when she felt ugly or fat at days. That's what family and friends do, they compliment, but do they really mean what they say?
"Of course you'd squeeze my 'killer boobs' in, typical Emy." Tegan rolled an eye with a thankful grin. She did need this talk, even if Emy did not mean what she said, she still needed to hear such words in order to stop her self hatred and self pity.
"Honey, it's so hard to ignore them when your towel is barely covering them at the moment. Just please get dressed." Tegan giggled, joining her friend in laughter as she clutched her towel tightly around her body, fearing she'd be fully exposed at any moment. Tegan was not much of a shy girl, but she certainly did not want to end up completely exposed in front of her friend, especially not when her friend was ogling her breasts as if they were something she had never seen in this world.
"Umm, here." Tegan quickly uttered, grabbing Emy's small hands and flattening them over her covered mounds, a rush of heat hit both of the girls' cheeks as Emy's eyes widened in excitement and bashfulness. "I..I know you want to do that, so I'm allowing you the golden chance, you pervert." Tegan giggled as she pushed Emy's hands down once again. "You're worse than the boys in gym class at high school." She giggled again as Emy grinned from ear to ear.
"Tegan?" Emy brushed her two palms over the fabric of her jeans, as if she was erasing a transparent smudge from them. Tegan walked to the closet to pull some clothes out, she turned around, waiting for Emy to say what she had to say. "What you're going through is normal. You're not a creep and you don't have issues. Sara would be lucky to have you as a lover." She said, gently but serious enough to leave Tegan in awe.
Emy was a great friend, if she searched for a better friend in this whole world, she wouldn't find someone like her. She was so glad, so thankful, so happy and very privileged to have such a supporting friend. "Thank you, Emy. Seriously, you always make me feel better, I wouldn't know what I'd do without you." Grabbing her clothes and walking to the bathroom once again, she caught the genuine smile and dreamy spark in Emy's eyes.
Talking to Emy was not a bad idea, it was good in fact, it made her tears stop and it made her brain cut her a slack. Sure, answers were not really given but Emy obviously knew how to make Tegan feel better with small pep talks, and boost her crushed confidence. She wondered if Sara had that same power as well. She wondered what it would be like to speak to Sara. Open up to her, take her opinion, be around her, hear her give advices. She wondered and wondered until she realized Sara climbed up the stairs to her brain once again. She was not going away this time, was she?
...
May 3rd, 2043
"Was this the face that launched a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss:
Her lips sucks forth my soul, see where it flies!
Come Helen, come, give me my soul again.
Here I dwell, for heaven be in these lips!"
Sara loved Marlowe, it is strange, right? She hated Shakespeare but she loved Marlowe, even though they were close. Some even say that Marlowe was not really killed, they say Shakespeare was Marlowe in disguise. Sara said Marlowe is a much better writer than Shakespeare, I mean, I have to agree, you know. Shakespeare did kind of borrow some stuff from him, it seems as if he was stealing his ideas. Yes I know, I know. They also said Marlowe borrowed him his ideas. But who knows, you know? Maybe Shakespeare is just an illusion. Don't laugh, please. Sara had lots of theories about him. It made me laugh but I shouldn't have. She was actually serious when analyzing literature as if it was the air she breathed. Yes, Sara loved literature of course, but...It was not her interest back in the days when she was just getting out of high school. She said that she enjoyed reading and such, but she did not ever think it would be a part of her life as it was thirty years ago. Sara was a spectacular poet as I've heard, but she never allowed me to read any of her works. It made me angry with her, but she never gave up and let me read a thing.
Have you noticed something? No, other than Emy's eerie fondness with myself. Something else, something that has to do with numbers? Dates perhaps? Fine, I'll tell you. Three. It's the number three. What's today again? The third of May right? Yes. You realize how many things happened which were attached to that number? Thirteen or three. Kind of the same thing. No three is not my lucky number and it is not my unlucky one. It was just the number that many important things or events had happened were related to. I always found some relation to this number and it carried many situations I won't forget. It's not just my imagination, it's not just an illusion, it's not just because I believe this number is important. Mock me all you want, but this number is important. I don't care if you do not believe it. I do. I married my shall be damned husband on the third of June. The midterm exam happened in the third of March. March is also the third month in the year. My twin daughters were born in the 13th of August. And I was born in the 23rd of May. Many things will come and you will notice how three has a relation to them. That is exactly why I am telling you the dates, a little bit of focus, come on!
