A dark, cold alleyway. It was night, the street lights the only thing that lighted the way. The wind was cold, icy even, it blew from one moment to another. The whistling sound of tree branches and leaves filled the silent streets. A storm would appear surely, a few drops of rain already fell on the empty roads. A few stray animal's walked along the street, cats and dogs, all homeless, searching for a safe shelter through the oncoming storm. A sob was heard in the distance, almost let out as a whisper, silent and frightened. The cats and dogs would stop startled by the sound, their predatory eyes searching for what caused the sound. After a while of looking and staring into the darkness they left, searching for a shelter.
A small figure sat in the corner of the alleyway, alone, sobbing and trembling. The rain started to fall on her shoulders, soon it would seep down from the heavens, but she had no place to go, no safe shelter to return to. She was forced to spend the cold night alone, in the alleyway, with nothing more then two blankets. One she stole from the shop earlier this morning, the other she found in the garbage. A family threw the blanket away and, when they weren't looking, she went and took the blanket, putting it in her bag along with the glass of hot dogs, a small piece of bread and some cheese she stole the other day. She took out the glass and took one hot dog with one piece of cheese and a little bread. She had to save something til tomorrow, then she would steal something, again. Her small, shaking hands gripped the hot dog and she ate it, her lips still quivering from her crying. She sat on the floor, eating the hot dog away, but it wasn't enough for her. She was hungry, but if she ate more now, she would have nothing to eat tomorrow.
She lifted her head and looked around, her small mouth chewing the hot dog until she swallowed it. Her eyes spotted some cats walking the streets. She liked cats, she always wanted one, but she learned that the stray cats are rather dangerous and aggressive, so she kept away from them. She ate the small piece of bread and hot dog fast, taking her bottle of water and drinking a bit. That was her dinner, some days, she had nothing at all, so she was grateful for every meal she had.
She tucked the two blankets close to her, the wind starting to blow more furiously then before. Then the rain fell, and she started crying again. Her sobs were almost silent, her shoulders shaking with every sob she let out. The rain fell and fell, soon the streets were covered with water, her blankets as well as her clothes soaked. She tucked the blankets even closer as her body started to shake more violently, the cold rain and soaked clothes freezing her small body. It seemed the rain would fall all night, she closed her eyes tightly and cried. She missed her mommy and daddy, she missed her home, her life...she prayed to God again, praying that mommy and daddy return to her, and that her life will be as it was. With her mommy and daddy.
####
"Commander!" The corners of her eyes were getting wet, the cold and empty streets still before her, the rain sill falling down.
"Commander!" A voice called her, she was not alone anymore. That voice was familiar, sweet and...tough. She heard explosions in the background, the shattering of glasses, the sounds of engines...wait, where am I?
"Commander, come on! We gotta move!" She felt someone lifting her from the ground, and as soon as her feet reached the floor her eyes flew wide open. She frantically looked around, her mind gathering what's going on around them. Then she remembered everything. She remembered Sovereign, Saren's ship, she remembered why they were here...and she remembered that Kaidan needed their help.
"What happened Chief?" The glass still shattered around them as they headed out of the lab.
"I'm not quite sure...we talked with a hologram that claimed to be a reaper. It disappeared and a explosion shattered the glass and knocked us all out." Suddenly the radio rustled until Joker's voice became clear.
"Commander Shepard! Do you copy? Anyone from team Shadow, do you copy?!" He was worried, Shepard could tell from the sound of his voice
"I hear ya Joker. What's the matter?"
"Commander? Thank God I got through. Commander you all need to get out of there, fast. Sovereign just pulled a move that would shear any ship in the Alliance in half! You gotta hurry so I can get you out of there!"
"Avoid any attacks coming your way Joker! We'll be done in no time." Joker sighed over the radio.
"Aye aye ma'am." Shepard, Ashley and Wrex made their way to the geothermal taps that powered Saren's base. They would plant the bomb there because Kirrahe considered it a weak point. The bomb would be planted there and they would get out...but sometimes, not everything goes according to plan.
####
Team Shadow reached the geothermal taps, after fighting wave after wave of geth and drones, they finally made it. The Normandy swooped in, opening the hatch so the crew could carry out the drive core that was converted into a nuclear bomb. Ashley came up and helped them to carry the bomb out, Shepard, Wrex and the others stood guard in case any geth appears. They put the bomb down and made the last necessary preparations before they could activate it, suddenly Shepard received a transmission, and her blood froze.
"Commander, we are under heavy fire! Geth are dropping all over the place!" It was Kaidan, his voice ragged and pained.
"Can you hold them off?!" Shepard practically yelled in the radio as panic overwhelmed her.
"Negative, Commander! There are too many!"
"Commander, we still need a few minutes to prepare the bomb! Go and save the LT!" Shepard nodded to Ashley and took out her rifle.
"Wrex! Garrus! With me!" They stormed off to the second AA tower to reach it as soon as possible. Geth and krogan warlords stood in their way, trying to prevent them from reaching the tower. Shepard barely saw what was going on around her, she barely breathed as she shot down geth after geth. They needed to be fast because Ashley would soon be ready to activate the bomb. Garrus killed the many geth snipers in the distance with his sniper rifle where Wrex watched Shepard's back. The battle seemed to stretch, making Shepard even more frightened. After a long battle they finally took the elevator to help Kaidan and Captain Kirrahe. She only hoped she would reach Kaidan in time before anything happens to him.
The doors of the elevator opened and they took out their rifles as they made their way towards the stairs. They reached the top floor only to see a Geth dropship flying over them.
"Chief, a geth dropship is flying your way!" Kaidan said breathless over the radio and Shepard stopped, barely breathing.
"I know, the geth are crawling all over the place!"
"Can you hold them off until I'm back?" Shepard panicked again, yelling on the radio.
"Negative, Commander! There's too many of them." Ashley silenced for a while, taking a deep breath. Somehow, Shepard knew what was about to happen.
"I'm putting in the launch code!"
"What are you doing, Chief?!" Shepard yelled at her over the radio, her heartbeat frantic.
"I'm making sure the bomb goes off, no matter what." Then Joker joins the conversation.
"Commander we don't have the time for chatting! We need to get out of here!" Shepard took a deep breath to steel herself.
"Joker, go and grab Alenko and then return for us and Williams." Joker let out a long breath. That breath said everything that needed to be said to Shepard. The world around her died as she feared for the worst.
"Commander, I'm afraid I won't make it. There's not enough time to save both." And with that, her heart stopped for a few seconds. She looked around, thinking and nothing but thinking for a solution, but whatever she thought of, was in vain. Suddenly Ashley spoke through the radio, her voice trying to sound tough.
"Commander, go grab the LT and get the hell out of here!" Ashley yelled through the radio but Kaidan wouldn't have it.
"No way Chief! You're going on board!" Shepard swallowed hard, her voice gone and her eyes watering. She knew she didn't have time for this, but...
"Ashley..."
"Commander, we both know it's the best choice to save the LT! We both know it!"
"Wrong Commander! Save the Chief!" Shepard was leaned on the railing next to her, her head lowered and her eyes closed. It was the thing she feared most. Now she had to choose between Ashley, or Kaidan. She thought about losing Ashley, how she would feel and how she would get through with it. The she thought about losing Kaidan...tears started to fall down her face as she actually thought to leave Kaidan behind. Then she remembered his hugs, his soothing voice, his strong arms around her, protecting her. She remembered his smile, his eyes, his soothing words...Shepard sobbed aloud, both Kaidan and Ashley hearing it, both swallowing hard.
"Shepard..." Kaidan said to her as he heard her sob, and Shepard's heart broke in half. Ashley took a deep, shaky breath before she spoke.
"Commander...Shepard...don't do this to yourself." Shepard sobbed again and gripped the railing tightly with her hands, her knuckles turning white.
"Ashley..."
"Yes ma'am..." It was more a statement then a question, more accepting the decision Shepard already made. Shepard opened her eyes and looked around, her heart tightening.
"I'm so sorry, Ash." Shepard sobbed again before she took a deep shaky breath.
"Alenko, tell Joker over the radio to pick you up." Her voice was trembling and low, Kaidan was silent for a while, hearing nothing but his ragged and low breathing. Ashley took another deep breath before she spoke.
"Don't worry, LT. It's the right decision. You both know it." Ashley shot a few geth's as she talked with them. Kaidan swallowed again before he spoke, his voice low and bitter.
"Commander, I-"
"Don't question her decision, LT! It's for the best..for the both of you..." Shepard's eyes snapped open at that, her watery eyes staring at her hands.
"Ashley, what-"
"Take care of her LT...that's my wish. Shepard?"
"Yes Ashley?" Shepard's voice was breaking, she couldn't hide the tears that escaped her.
"Remember, you did NOT abandon me. Don't ever think you did..." With that she turned of her radio. Shepard stood there for a while before she gathered her thoughts. She took a deep breath and took out her rifle, before storming off to the elevator that would lead them to the AA tower. She lost Ashley, but she would make sure she won't lose Kaidan...not him.
####
Kaidan shut down his radio communication while he slid down on his rear, his back leaned on the crate behind him. Everything was blurry, everything seemed like it wasn't real around him. He only remembered what Ashley said to him a while ago.
Take care of Shepard...
He wondered, was it so obvious? Was his affection for her so obvious that all the other crew members noticed it? He blinked rapidly to fight back his tears as he realized that Ashley Williams, Gunnery Chief and crew member of the SSV-Normandy, was left to die...because of...of...
He couldn't finish his thought. He swallowed the big lump as two tears made it's way down his face. The geth fired mercilessly on his crate, he felt the impacts of the bullets on the crate vibrating on his back, but he didn't care. He rubbed his eyes with his forefingers, his heart unbelievably aching and broken. He couldn't thought about anything else then her last request, to take care of Shepard. He opened his eyes and stared at the sky. Ashley was like a sister to him, a sister he never had. And now he lost her, because of...of him.
Kaidan felt disgusted. He hated himself for being the one to tell Joker to pick him up. He felt like a coward, and Ashley was the brave one. He wanted to save his 'sister', he was even ready to die here. But Shepard made her choice: she chose him. She chose him over Ashley...that brought many thoughts in his mind, and many questions. The main question, the question that bothered him most was why...why did she chose him. It was then his eyes fell to the doors to the AA tower, only to reveal his saving grace. Shepard entered and shot three geth with her rifle. She hasn't spotted him at first so he had time to look at her.
He saw her narrowed angry eyes glaring from under her eyelashes, her stiff body, her pale face. Kaidan sat behind the crate and watched her for a long time, she killing the geth, Wrex and Garrus always behind her watching her back. It was then she spotted him, and her face wasn't stiff or angry anymore. It was relief and an amount of fear he saw on her face. She smiled then, only a little, and he had to smile back at her. He was happy to see her unharmed, happy to see her face once again...happy to be able to watch over her.
His thoughts were interrupted by a explosion a few feet away from him, shattering the crate he was behind to pieces and throwing him in the air a bit. Shepard screamed his name as he fell on the ground hitting his head hard, almost knocking him out. Kaidan tried to stand up, desperately, but his body just hadn't the strength. All the exhaustion crushed over him, making his body as heavy as stone to move. Kaidan lifted his head and looked around, Wrex was standing to his left, Garrus next to Wrex. Suddenly he felt warm and strong hands lifting him, putting his hand over her shoulders to carry him away. He smiled when he saw her armor carrying him away, and he couldn't help but feel relieved.
Shepard carried him away, she couldn't walk too fast because she didn't know if he was injured. Suddenly Garrus screamed, warning Shepard.
"Shepard take cover!" It was too late. A strong biotic force hit her and Kaidan, not directly but close enough to inflict some damage. Shepard lost Kaidan as she flew on one side, Kaidan opposite of her. Shepard hit her head but she hastily stood up as she felt the loss of Kaidan's body. She looked around, but she couldn't stay still and look for Kaidan because a series of biotic attacks were directed at her. Shepard took cover behind a large metal crate, then she took the time to look around. Panic overwhelmed her when she couldn't see Kaidan anywhere, her heart almost stopping.
"Kaidan!" She yelled his name, hoping he would hear her. Shepard almost started crying as she didn't hear any answer, but soon relief washed over her.
"Sh-Shepard..." Shepard's head snapped at the direction of his voice, but somehow his voice was...different. She looked at him with horror written on her face as she saw his hand pressing on his left shoulder, his hand bloody. Her face went pale and a cold shudder ran down her spine when she realized it was his blood. She stood up, wanting to run to him, but another biotic attack stopped her. She peeked around the crate but saw nothing that could've attacked her, she turned to Kaidan then, seeing his face stiff with pain as his hand pressed on his wound.
"Kaidan." She said aloud, he turned his head to her, a weak, painful smile on his face.
"I'll...be fine...Shepard..." He leaned his head on the crate behind him, taking very deep and ragged breaths. Shepard watched him for a while. Don't leave me Kaidan, was all her mind repeated like a mantra, over and over. She took a deep breath and stood up, her rifle in her hands and ready to shoot whatever attacked her. It was then she saw Saren on his platform glaring down at Shepard, his arms crossed. Shepard stepped out of the cover, her rifle pointed at him and her angry eyes glaring at him.
"Congratulations, Shepard. I thought the salarian troops were the real threat. I never would've guessed that you were here. But I'm glad the Council found a new pet they could control." Shepard glanced at Kaidan, seeing his painful face and his trembling body made her heart ache. She returned her angry glare at Saren, the rifle pointed at his head.
"Why are you doing this? You're a Specter, you damn fuck, you were sworn to protect the galaxy from all harm!" Saren smiled at her words, he leaned a bit down with his platform, only so Shepard could have a better look at him. She went green with anger as she saw his smile.
"There are some things more important than the will of the Council. Soon, everything will fall to dust, even the Council." Shepard pointed her rifle at him, trying to look intimidating.
"What are you talking about you worthless piece of shit?!" She heard Kaidan cough so she turned her head towards him. Garrus was kneeling down next to him, rubbing some medi-gel on the wound. Shepard looked back at Saren who glared down at her.
"Swearing won't help you Shepard. Let's just say that I got...enlightened in the truth. That I know which side to choose. I chose the right side, the side that will save me from annihilation."
"So you sold out the entire galaxy only so you could save YOUR ass?! You're pathetic! You honestly think that Sovereign will need you when he accomplishes what he wants?!" Shepard never stopped yelling at him. Again she heard Kaidan cough, this time more badly, suddenly Garrus spoke to her through the radio.
"Shepard he needs medical assistance. We need to get to the Normandy, fast!" Shepard sighed, frustrated and angry that Saren kept her talking like this, but she had to find out all she could.
"Don't you realize Shepard? The Reapers are winning again. But now we have the chance to join them in rebuilding a new civilisation, after we erased every living being. We will be the only ones who survive Shepard, if only you and your crew would join me." Shepard smiled bitterly at that. She glared up at him, she realized then he was controlled by Sovereign, just like everyone else around it.
"Don't you see it has clouded your mind? Don't you realize that it's only needing you to find the Conduit. After that, he will throw you away!" Shepard would try one last time to convince him to go back to them.
"Saren, it's not too late. Together, we can stop the Reapers!" Saren lowered his head for a while before he looked back at her, a small amount of pity on his face.
"You don't see, Shepard. Your courage is built out of ignorance. There's is nothing that can stop them, the only thing we can do is join them." He silenced for a while before he spoke again.
"But you would sacrifice the lives of millions rather than to submit. This is meaningless Shepard, but I will not let you ruin our plans. You die here!" With that, he launched his biotics at her. Shepard managed to find cover behind the crates. Saren was a mighty biotic and Shepard couldn't get reckless, yet she had to hurry. The bomb was ticking, there were only a few minutes left til it would explode. Shepard jumped from cover to cover, aiming and hitting Saren while doing so. She had to stay focused, one hit with his biotics could kill her. Saren was in advantage, he swept through the air on his platform, which Shepard found very annoying.
They fought what felt like hours, she dodging his abilities while he dodged her bullets. She then went out of her cover and ran to him as Saren jumped down from the platform, throwing his rifle away. Shepard shot him but the bullets wouldn't penetrate his shield. Shepard wanted to hit him with her rifle when he came in her face, but he just pushed her rifle away. With no time to react he grabbed her by her neck and dragged her to the edge. He pushed her head down, choking her, chasing the air out of her lungs.
Suddenly he let his guard down and turned his head away from her, which was a grave mistake. Shepard punched him, hard, so he stumbled back a little. He watched her with narrowed eyes before he jumped on his platform again. He glared down on Shepard one last time before he departed, leaving them behind. Shepard found the last reserves of her strength to stand up, her entire body hurting from the exhausting mission. She came to Kaidan, Garrus and Wrex as the Normandy landed to pick them up. They hastily entered, Shepard leading Kaidan in and bringing him to Doctor Chakwas. She immediately started to examine him, removing his armor first.
Shepard stood there silently watching Chakwas and her assistant removing the armor from Kaidan, he hissing from the pain. She ran her hand through her hair as the events slowly reached her mind. She lost Ashley, she let her down there to die, but had she chosen Ashley, Kaidan would be dead now. She breathed heavily, the air suddenly too thick to breathe and the room choking her. She couldn't be here anymore and watch his bloody body, she needed to get out. She practically ran out of the emergency room to her quarter's, she needed to be alone for now. Kaidan saw her leave, he wanted to call her, but he was just too tired and exhausted. His head fell back as his mind started to process the things that happened today. He lost a very dear fried today, but Shepard lost her too. He would need to go to her as soon as Chakwas fixed him up. Shepard couldn't be alone now...not when she had him.
####
The door to Shepard's room slid close, her head lowered as she walked over to the bed, she sat down on it and cradled her face in her palms. She was sad and heartbroken, but the tears just wouldn't come. She didn't know why, but she couldn't cry, even when Shepard replayed Ashley's last words. She was gone, Ashley was dead by now. It was then she heard another voice in her room. Her head snapped up and she looked around only to see little Shepard standing in the corner, her Teddy hugged close to her. Shepard sobbed then, her shoulders heavy as she gripped the bed sheets, her knuckles turning white.
"Please, leave me alone." Shepard begged her, the tears rolling down her face, but little Shepard just stood there, watching her with narrowed angry eyes, her Teddy held close to her with her bloody hands.
'Just like you left Ashley to die?'
Shepard leaned her forearms on her knees and ranked her hands in her hair, pulling it tightly. She rocked back and forth, the guilt choking her.
"I had to make a choice!" Little Shepard came towards her, still staring down at Shepard.
'But you made the wrong choice! Why did you save him?! Why couldn't you save Ashley?'
Little Shepard was yelling at her now, and that was enough for Shepard. She stood up from the bed and walked to her medical locker, she entered the security lock and took out the two bottles of pills. She took four pills, two of each. She had to get rid of little Shepard, badly. She swallowed the pills and closed her eyes tightly, then she opened her eyes only to see little Shepard standing next to her. She swallowed hard as fear and despair overwhelmed her.
'You think that these pills will help you get rid of me?!'
Shepard walked past her towards her bed, sitting down and closing her eyes tightly as she pulled her hair again. Little Shepard sat down next to her, her Teddy close to her.
'You can't get rid of me! I am you, Jane!'
"Please go away...please, I beg you!" Shepard pleaded, but little Shepard just wouldn't go away.
'I am YOU, Jane! And YOU are alone! You had Ashley and you chose to let her die!'
"Please...stop..." She fell down on her bed, her hands still ranked in her hair as the pills slowly started to work, muffling little Shepard more and more, until she stopped talking. Shepard was starting to sweat, her vision went blurry and doubled, her mind spinning around her. Her eyelids became heavier and heavier, until they fell shut. Little Shepard stopped talking, finally, but she took an overdose of pills. Shepard only thought of Kaidan and his bloody body on the emergency bed. Before she fell asleep though, a name left her lips, just like a prayer.
Kaidan.
Notes:
Virmire...I hate that scene. I tweaked it a little, hope you liked my version of that bloody mission.
Thanks to Gabe97 for reviewing the last chapter *bows*. Thanks to everyone who put the story on the subscription list and who read the story. You people rock :-)
Let me know what you think, and of course, big thanks to Aquamonkey for encouragement *bows again* lol.
