Punishment 8

Finally. Jane and Maura get to 'talk' in this chapter. I still have a lot of story to tell, so please be patient.

So NOT MINE!


Phil DeSpain came out of Jane's room, smiling at the progress his patient was making, when he saw Amanda James escorting Maura toward him. When he realised that it was Maura's intention to visit Jane, he moved quickly to intercept the two women. As he approached them, he said, "I didn't know that Jane had asked to see you, Dr Isles. When did that change?"

Not for the first time, Maura silently cursed her inability to lie. "I don't have permission. Dr James doesn't agree with Jane, so she showed me some video that she'd taken of Jane's last session." Amanda James could not believe that she had been dropped into all sorts of trouble by someone she had been trying to help. She stared at Maura, mouth open in amazement. Before she could get anything out, Maura turned to her apologetically and added, "I'm sorry - I probably should have mentioned that I can't lie." Maura shrugged, "Long story for another time. May I please speak to Jane, Dr DeSpain?"

DeSpain shook his head. "Right now, Jane is having speech therapy, so at the very least, you'll have to be patient until that's finished. You can wait in the on-call room behind the nurses' station." He then turned to Dr James. "And you and I will be having a chat with the administrator. Don't you realise how much trouble you've landed yourself and this hospital in?"

The psychiatrist was unrepentant. "In my professional opinion, Detective Rizzoli will recover better with her family and friends around her, and..."

"Now, stop right there, Dr James. That is NOT your call, it's Jane's. For what it's worth, I happen to agree with you, but it's Jane's choice to make, not yours." He shook his head, and turned to one of the Surgical stepdown nurses. "Brenda, will you please ensure that Dr Isles is extended every courtesy, short of being allowed to visit Detective Rizzoli until I return?" Brenda answered affirmatively, and DeSpain turned back to Amanda. He indicated to her that she should accompany him, and, unwillingly, she preceded him along the corridor to the elevators.

Once the two doctors had entered the elevator, and the doors had closed, Brenda let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. She walked the half-dozen steps to the on-call room and asked, "Dr Isles, is there anything I can get you?"

Maura looked up at the nurse from the sofa she had commandeered. "No thank you, Brenda." She indicated her laptop and paperwork. "As you can see, I have more than enough to keep me busy." She stared wistfully over Brenda's shoulder towards Jane's room. Placing her attention back on the nurse, she asked, "Are you able to at least tell me how Jane's doing?"

Brenda smiled. "Of course, Dr Isles. Detective Rizzoli is recovering from her injuries more quickly than Dr DeSpain expected. She's doing better in PT and respiratory therapy each time."

The ME gave a soft smile at hearing about Jane's progress. "I'm also Jane's medical POA. May I see her medical records, please?"

"Of course, doctor," came the response, and within a minute, Maura had Jane's file open, and was studying each page intently.

When she had finished reading Jane's file, Maura sat back to mull over what she had seen. She was deep in thought when Dr DeSpain stuck his head through the door and asked, "Are you ready to see Jane?"

There was only one response possible.

"Absolutely!"

###

Jane was sitting up in bed, quietly apprehensive about seeing her former best friend again. Dr DeSpain had explained to her what Amanda James had done, and after assuring Jane that the psychiatrist would be disciplined severely by the hospital, he asked the question that Jane had been dreading. "So, Jane. Dr Isles is waiting in the on-call room. What do you think about letting her spend just a few minutes with you?"

She had carefully considered what her realistic options were - see her and dispel all hope, or not see her and know that everyone involved in her care would be disappointed again - and made the choice to let Maura in. While she was waiting for Maura to enter her room, she thought back over her speech therapy session.

There had been breathing exercises and mouth exercises and posture exercises, and the breathing and posture work had been hellishly painful due to Jane's broken ribs. She'd understood that the broken ribs were due to the seven or so minutes of CPR, but that didn't take away the pain. And Blake Adams, her speech therapist, was unfailingly good-humoured, and that started bugging her about fifteen minutes in to the hour-long session.

Blake had also taught Jane that she could 'hear' herself by placing her hand on either her cheek or her chest to feel the vibrations. "You know, Jane, being deaf isn't the end of the world," Blake said as their session was winding down.

Jane just shrugged. "Yeah, I know, but I can't be a cop anymore, so I have to find a whole new career!"

Blake saw her look away, so he tapped her on the arm to get her to focus on him. "Maybe you can't be a homicide detective anymore, but you can still be a police officer of some kind. Can I bring a friend with me tomorrow? Maybe see if I can give you some ideas?"

She nodded tiredly as she answered him in the affirmative. "Volume control, Jane!" he reminded her as he gathered his things. He gave her one last pat on the shoulder and left Jane to contemplate the exercises he'd given her, and how best to do them.

She came out of her reverie to see Maura enter the room. Ever the detective, Jane took in Maura's appearance. She was obviously tired and stressed, but still managed to look like she had stepped out of the pages of Vogue magazine. Jane pasted on a smile, and hoped that Maura would cut her a little bit of slack, given the fact that she was in a hospital bed. Jane wasn't sure that she could take another dressing down from the ME.

For her part, it took everything that Maura had not to run to Jane and fall on her knees by the bed to beg for forgiveness. She took a deep breath and looked, really looked at Jane. She could see some of the post-op bruising; took in the IVs still running into slender arms; noted that the graze on Jane's head was pretty much healed. The fact that Jane was sitting up was excellent, but Maura could see the fatigue-related bruising around Jane's eyes. Jane's eyes, there was something about Jane's eyes. There was an emotion in them that Maura had seen so rarely that she couldn't place it.

So, making a decision, the ME approached the bed at her normal walking pace. She pulled the chair closer, and reached out to take Jane's hand. Jane's reaction was instant, and to the doctor, extremely upsetting.

Jane moved her hand away from Maura's grip as quickly as she could.

Maura very slowly extended her hand, gently put it on Jane's shoulder and gave a soft squeeze. "Jane?" she asked. "Are you feeling alright?"

Jane nodded once and replied, "You do know I'm deaf, right?" Maura indicated that, yes, she was aware of that fact. "So, you gotta write things down. Y'know, so I can see what you're saying."

Maura was quite tempted to laugh, but instead she carefully took Jane's chin and gently moved her head until Jane was facing Maura. "You know that I know you can lipread, Jane." When she was sure that Jane wasn't going to avert her eyes, Maura pulled a writing pad out of her bag and started writing, but before she had more than two words down on the page, Jane spoke.

"Why are you here, Maura?"

"I'm here to see how you are. To make sure that your recovery is proceeding well."

"Are they the only reasons?"

"Well, no. I wanted to make sure that you're actually alive and okay." Maura looked away briefly, then looked directly in Jane's eyes. "I spent a week sitting by your bed in the ICU, holding your hand and wondering if I'd ever see you again. If I'd ever have the chance to tell you how I feel. Hoping that I wouldn't be standing by your coffin, holding your Mother's hand and trying to be strong while dying inside. A week, Jane. Seven days where I didn't know whether you were going to live." Maura's speech had sped up to the point where it was starting to run together, and Jane had to stop her.

"Maura! I can't lipread that fast! You either gotta slow down or write it out. Jeez."

The ME bit back a sob, and Jane couldn't help but try to comfort her. "Come on, Maur. I'm here, I'm doing okay. Please don't cry." Maura willed the tears to stop, and while she was wiping her eyes, she heard Jane say, "But I still don't get why you're here."

"What do you mean?"

"Because the last words I remember hearing you say to me were: at least I don't play judge and jury and kill people."

Maura finally recognised the emotion in Jane's eyes.

It was fear. Jane was afraid of her.