Chapter 8: Lies
As I stepped out of the dressing booth, eyes to the ground, I felt it. I was losing control. I couldn't be excited, not even fake excited, not for one more second!
Lilith, do not lose control. Not with a stranger.
That voice lubricates my self-awareness. I can feel every trace of myself struggling, grasping at straws to stay in control of my own thoughts and actions. I was not one to be called Lilith. Not anymore, not ever again.
I am not Lilith.
I am not immortal.
I am not going to give in to her lies.
Get out of my head! I refuse to allow myself to be controlled by lies. There is strength within me somewhere- I'll channel it for all I have if it kills me.
I am not another toy to be controlled, not a child to be disciplined.
I am my own person.
It took a long time before Lily could come out of the dressing room, so long that May nearly came in to ask. However, right as she stood up, Lily came out.
Her dark hair framed her face in ringlets, brushing the back of her white tee. Black denim overshadowed short red heels, every aspect of the simple attire contrasting the chaos Lily felt inside. In spite of herself, Lily managed to look up and smile, feeling the falsity pressing out of the edges.
"It's cute," May began, her forehead crinkling a little in concentration, "but it doesn't match your aura, you know? I think we need to give you something more elegant." She then proceeded to go into the dressing room, coming out with several items Lily had missed in the rather large lump of clothing items. Lily shrugged, maintaining the forced smile, dragging the new items into the booth.
As Lily went in, May exhaled. Man was that girl tense! Anyone within a ten foot radius could feel the restrained emotion rolling off her in waves. Honestly, she'd felt restrained emotions before- every time Drew so much as looked in her general direction, for example- but it had never created such a tension in the air.
What on earth could be wrong with Lily?
May couldn't help but wonder what was buried in Lily's heart. She was beautiful and strong, sure, but so was Drew and even he admitted to having problems. Lily was closed- not with a large, obvious padlock that made everyone know that she wanted to be opened. No, she was not that simple. If anything, Lily was sealed from the inside out with a chain lock. You either had to know her well enough to get her to open up, or you had to be small enough to fit through the crevice. If her assumptions were right, then she'd never come across anyone that small.
Just as her train of thought pulled about to what she could do about the restrained feelings, Lily came out. She resumed her awkward position, her arms locked behind her, one foot in front of the other. Small, soundless black heels gave Lily's appearance a more mature affect, her small violet gown swaying where it met the end of her knees. The upper half of the dress was partially covered by a black jacket with one button done at the top, allowing the dress to be shielded from looking too young.
Distracted, May grinned, managing a simple, "That is definitely it!" before skittering off to grab the things she wanted to purchase so that they could leave. Lily sighed, leaning against the front of the change room, her head in her hands. That girl would soon give her a migraine!
At the very least, Lily told herself, lunch would allow her to recharge. She could deal with Drew's little Pichu of a girlfriend for another hour, at best. Besides, Lily told herself, Drew probably needs a break from my whining.
I cannot believe this.
The one day this week I'm away from Lily, I can't stop worrying about her. It's not even that she's not with me; it's that I know for a fact that she's in pain right now. What was I thinking? May is so freakin' perky, I know for a fact that Lily just may die of exhaustion. I was stupid to let her go off with someone she barely knows, so, so stupid! What if she has another fainting spell, huh? What then? May doesn't know how to give an injection or even how to get Lily to drink water so she could swallow her pills. This is dangerous, really dangerous.
Calm down, Drew. She's been on her journey for a whole year without you, and she's managed just fine. She will be just fine.
I know. I know, I just- I just can't stop worrying about her. It's always been this way, whenever she comes close enough for me to remember all the things that can go wrong. But then, I also need to consider another thing. May.
Oh, Gosh. May. I can't believe that I'm choosing someone over her- honestly, all the feelings I've had for her- the longing to be near her, the long confession of my love for her to Solidad- are they all gone?
No. No, they aren't gone. I can still feel the urge to smile when she's near me, I can't ever lose that. She's been too good to me for me, and I can't ever repay that. She's been better to me than I ever deserve, and I cannot be stupid enough to deny myself that I feel something for her. The question is whether those feelings override years of friendship, and I know the answer.
This sucks.
Drew proceeded to sigh before pushing himself up off the bench of the poke center's waiting room where he'd been sitting, lost in thought, for the past hour. He managed to smile weakly before pushing himself up. There was no use watching several people come in with sick Pokémon if he couldn't help.
He began walking out, and as he did he got the strangest feeling that he wasn't alone. But, then, he'd been getting a lot of weird feelings lately. It was probably nothing.
He's stealthier than I gave him credit for, the girl thought, her violet eyes flitting from place to place in search of her target. Ah, there he was. Creeping along through the streets of Oldale, his hands in his pockets, was Drew.
Wow, it's been nine years since I last saw him. I can't even believe how much he's changed… There's something about him that's different- something brighter. Drew's going to be so excited to see me! If he's so happy now, I can only imagine how fantastic he'll feel once I've gotten back into his life…
I wonder how well he remembers me.
Author's Note
Well, there it is. I know, I know, the semi-cliffhanger stinks, but I had to bring in the new character some time. I figured by at least bringing in her thoughts you'd get a glimpse of what's soon to come.
Before anyone asks, let me ease your sorry mind: the new girl is not another Lily or a new girlfriend or a stalker/obsessive fan girl. This will make a lot more sense later on. Anyhow, I 'm glad to say that I'm back on and ready to keep on writing. Be well warned that I may not update often, but when I do it'll be worth it. If you're a fan of my Winx story, the draft for the next chapter is in progress and should be completed soon.
If you're waiting on Heartbreak Musical's next chapter, be prepared for a long wait. It's not officially on hiatus, but I won't be updating it for a while… I will complete it, though, so please don't worry!
All the best,
Angel
