Chapter Eight:
Can't Sleep
Buffy couldn't sleep, it seemed that every time she closed her eyes, or even had the time to think, images and sounds of her parent's fights found their way into her head. The things that her dad had said, they were awful, most of the time he was coming down on her mom for things like the house being a mess when in the process of the fights he usually threw stuff, which would make a mess, he would also call her mom a whore for no reason other than to hurt her.
As she thought about this tears began to slide down her cheeks and soon she had collapsed on her bed, crying. When she regained some control she wiped her eyes and slowly went over to the window, opened it and crawled out onto the roof, and looked at the sky.
When she looked at the sky she always felt calm and quiet, the vast blanket of stars over top of a black canvas made her feel like she was not the only one there, in this big, crazy thing that was her life. Sure she had her mom and Dawnie, but her mom was always out looking for a job, and Dawn was optimistic and refused to be sad about this whole thing.
Only when she stopped looking at the sky and looked at her surroundings did she see that she was not the only person who liked to sit on the roof. The house next door also had someone looking at the sky from outside their window, his thoughts also filled with images of people, but these people invoking very different emotions to the people that Buffy was thinking about. Choosing that moment to take his eyes away from the sky and look around, he paused when he saw her looking at him. "What are you doing out here?" Buffy asked him
"Couldn't sleep. You?"
"Couldn't sleep."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not sleepy." Buffy said, wanting to avoid the real reason
"Well if your reason for coming out here is anything close to mine I know you're thinking about something." he said, standing up and expertly walking over to the side of his roof that was closest to hers and jumping the foot of space between the houses, and sitting down next to her.
"Why are you always here when I'm miserable?" Buffy asked
"You didn't seem to miserable today in school, I was there." he pointed out
"No. I mean whenever I see you and I'm alone I'm always feeling bad about something." said Buffy
"You just answered your own question, that's when you're alone."
"Spike?"
"Yea Luv."
"Thank you... for being here."
"No problem."
"What were you thinking about?" Buffy asked
"Lots of things, Drew mostly." Spike answered
"Oh."
"What were you thinking about." asked Spike
"My dad, the things he said to my mom. It just seems like if there's even half a second when my mind isn't on other things, the sounds and pictures from the fights my parent's had find their way into my mind and refuse to leave." Buffy said, a few stray tears falling down her face.
"Hey now, what are these for?" he asked, wiping away the tears with his thumb, and pushing a few strands of hair behind her ears.
"They're for my mom, and my sister, and me." Buffy said, letting more tears fall.
"You really didn't have a good year last year did you?" Spike asked
"No I didn't. What about you was last year good for you?"
"It was at the beginning. Then I found Drew making out with one of the idiot jocks, she didn't care what I thought, she just didn't like me anymore, now that I think back on it, I don't think she ever loved me, at least not the way I loved her." Spike said sighing
"Trust me when I say I know how you feel." Buffy said
"I get it. I think we both need some help when it comes to our love life." Spike muttered
"I agree with you there." said Buffy
"I know I do, the only girl that looks at me is Harmony and she's more of a stalker than anything else."
"So are me, Dawn, and Willow not girls? We look at you." Buffy said
"You know what I mean, look at like interested in." Spike said
"I know, I was being sarcastic." Buffy said
"You know what?"
"What?"
"You are evil."
"Why thank you." Buffy said sweetly
"You're welcome?"
"How do you do that?" Buffy asked
"Do what?"
"Make me laugh when I don't feel good."
"I have magic powers." Spike said
"Yes and I have super strength." Buffy said sarcastically
"Well now it's no wonder how you carried all those boxes in side the day you moved here." Spike said with the same amount of sarcasm.
"Well ha ha to you." Buffy said sticking her tongue out
"You're a tease you know that?"
"I've been told."
"By who?" he asked
"By you, just now."
"Ha bloody ha." Spike said, giving he a playful punch on the arm
"Why do you look at the stars?" Buffy asked, wanting to change the subject
"I like to pretend the answers to my questions are up there, if I look long enough they sometimes come to me, but only sometimes. What about you, why do you look at the stars?" he asked
"It helps me remember that I'm not alone in this, the stars represent people, the people who will help me through this crazy thing that is my life." Buffy explained
"Are there any real people helping you?" Spike asked
"Not right now. I have the stars, they're reliable, and they don't change." Buffy said
"If I offered to help would you accept?"
"I would."
"Then I offer to help... in any way I can." he said sincerely
"Thank you. And it helps just to know you want to."
"You're welcome."
