Voice of Reason
Sequel to Who Am I?
Disclaimer: Sigh nope not putting claim on the boys or anything pertaining to Supernatural since we have our show for another season and we want the powers-that-be to keep our show on air as long as possible!
Warnings: Rated for violence and sensitive issues, so if you get squeamy please don't come running to me, you have been warned!
Note: I am picking this story up not far from where I ended Who Am I? So if you haven't read that I suggest that you do first and then come back here for the rest...
CHAPTER EIGHT:
Jim glanced over at Herb and then stared back out the window, the silence hung over them for another few minutes before he cleared his throat and turned back to his old friend. 'Who in their right mind would do something like that to a young man Herb?'
'I honestly don't know Jim, it breaks my heart to see John's boys so hurt and now this.' Herb indicated the slip of paper he had dropped on the table next to him. 'What do we tell them?'
'The truth, Dean at least.'
'Damn it Jim these boys have been through too much as it is.' Herb exploded angrily, 'Sammy hasn't snapped out of it this time.'
'What do you mean?'
'Dean said that normally Sam would wake up and be himself again, it's been three days since you saw them and he is still the young Sammy.'
'That's not good Herb did Dean say if he is showing any other signs?'
'Like what exactly?'
'Self-harming, depression, over-emotionality or withdrawing further?'
'Hmm not that I am aware of but something tells me that Dean is too protective of his brother to let anyone get close enough to find out.'
'Too true, well I guess that there is no use putting it off any longer.'
'Yeah, let me grab their lunches and we'll head down.' Herb sighed as he hurried to the kitchen and gathered up the already prepared lunch for the brothers.
'Amazing isn't it, how things work, that they randomly show up here of all places when they are in such desperate need for help.'
'I know someone was looking out for them.' Herb grinned, 'hey boys it's me Herb and Jim.' He called knocking on the door.
'Hey Herb.' Sammy opened the door and gave the two older men a big dimpled smile, 'Deanie an' I's out the back.'
'Hey Sammy how you feeling?'
'Okkies ... wanna see what I did?'
'What did you do?'
'I draws this.' Sam produced a picture clearly the scrawl of a child, showing a young boy and another bigger one standing next to him. the bigger one had a big red circle coloured in around one side of the face and the smaller one had streaks of colour coming from his head and cuts bleeding all over him.
'Who's this?' Herb asked intrigued at Sam's obvious self-portrayal.
'Silly Herb that's Deanie an' that's me.' Sam said his smile fading, 'see that's Deanie's jaw an' that's my dumb head.'
'Sammy your head's not dumb.' Herb chided him gently.
'Uhhuh, yeah it is coz it don't wanna work properly.'
'Ah but I see your arm and leg are working lots better so that means that your head will get better too.'
'Hum dunno.' Sam considered the words carefully. 'Wanna see Deanie?'
'Sure kiddo where is he?'
'Asleep outside,' Sam said seriously, as he placed a finger to his lips, 'gotta be quiet.'
'Lead on Sammy.'
Sam limped ahead of the two men as he led them towards the patio where Dean snoozed lightly in the late morning sun. Just as he got to the door, Sam gasped and winced, grabbing his head with his good hand Sam collapsed to the floor, curling into the foetal position keening in pain.
Dean snapped awake and immediately searched the area for Sam, 'Sammy?' he cried out when he saw his brother lying on the floor, tears running down his cheeks and his face screwed up with intense pain. His long fingers twisted in his hair as he repeatedly drummed his head against the floor. 'Dumb, stupid Sammy.' He kept repeating in a litany in time with the waves of pain.
'Herb? Doc?' Dean looked at the two men as he dropped to his knees next to Sam and tried to take his baby brother into his arms.
Sam screamed and bucked against his touch, 'No, no, don't touch, Sammy dirty, Sammy bad.' He cried out pushing himself away from Dean he backed up against the wall and started pounding his head again.
'Sam, Sammy hey kiddo.' Dean tried to sooth his brother's hysteria but the pain and fear brought Sam into a full-on panic attack. 'Sam ... it's me.'
'Deanie?' Sam sobbed brokenly, he sniffed and blinked up at Dean, 'no, no don't touch me.'
'Why Sammy?'
'Sammy dirty, Sammy bad.' Sam cried again, 'bad man coming back to hurt you coz of me.'
'Sam look at me.' Dean said a little more forcefully than he wanted, 'look at me, you are not ... Sam look at me.'
'Dean?' Sam blinked and stared at his brother confused, 'Dean something's wrong.' He whispered as he started convulsing, blood speckled foam leaked from the corners of his mouth, as his eyes rolled upwards leaving only the whites visible as his long body shook with the violence of the tremors.
'Doc?' Dean cried out horrified as he watched something or someone attack Sam from the inside. 'Doc do something.'
'Herb can you help Dean up?' Jim asked sounding calmer than he felt, carefully he placed Sam flat on his back and made sure that he was comfortable and not able to hurt himself as another convulsion wracked his body. 'Dean does Sam have a history of epilepsy?'
'No, no nothing like that.' Dean watched his brother and felt a wave of guilt and panic surge through him, he should be the one helping his brother not a stranger, well an almost stranger. 'What's going on Doc?'
'Sam's seizing, has he ... Dean I need you to be totally honest with me can you tell me exactly what happened to you and Sam?'
'Doc listen I don't think ...'
'Dean I think that there's something you should know that might make you feel better.' Herb interjected.
'And that is?'
'I know that you are John Winchester's sons Dean and Sam. Hell Dean I used to play army with you when you were just a little fella and Sam was just a baby.'
'Why didn't?'
'I say something sooner?' Herb finished the question for Dean, 'I wanted to but you two have been so sick since you got here that I ...'
'Thanks Herb.' Dean said softly.
'Dean I used to be a hunter with your daddy,' Herb continued, 'I retired a while back after a bullet lodged itself too close to my spine. Too dangerous to continue, so now we have these cabins set up for hunters passing through the area, most of the older ones know of us and they ring ahead other than that usually word of mouth brings em here.'
'Wow.'
'When you and Sam ... at first I wasn't too sure but damn boy you are too much like your daddy not to be his.'
'Thanks,' Dean tried for a lopsided grin but it looked more like a grimace as he watched the doctor checking Sam out who now lay quietly under the man's ministrations.
Finally, he passively let the doctor help him up and over to his own bed, silently he rolled over onto his side and fell into a deep dreamless sleep oblivious to the three sets of eyes watching him intently.
'So Doc what's the verdict?' Herb asked laying a fatherly hand on Dean's shoulder.
Jim sat down and stared at his patient for a few more heartbeats and then he turned his attention to Dean.
'Dean let's have a look at you.' He said clearing his throat he picked up his bag and rummaged through it until he found what he needed. Laying them out he examined Dean carefully, checking his ear thoroughly before gently probing the swollen jaw.
'Well looks like the antibiotics are working,' he said breaking his self-imposed silence, 'the swelling on your jaw is receding quite nicely, I want you to keep taking the anti-inflammatory tablets and I want you to start working your jaw a little. Some easy exercises at first to loosen the joint and then build up the strengthening ones.'
'Doc what about Sam?' Dean asked pushing the man's hand away.
'I ah got his test results back today.' Jim said his gaze flickering back to Sam's sleeping form.
'And?'
'It is what we expected Sam had been drugged.' Jim admitted grudgingly.
'Not telling me much Doc.' Dean growled.
'Dean in order for me to ... I need you to tell me what happened to Sam, what really happened.' Jim asked again, this time refusing to let Dean dodge the subject.
'Originally Sam disappeared, for two months I searched everywhere.' Dean paused and massaged his aching jaw, 'I found out ... he was in a – a hos-pital in Lawrence.'
'That's where you come from isn't it?' Herb asked intrigued.
'Y-yes we were in a different state altogether ... ah when I found him he had no m-memory.' Dean swallowed this was getting harder than he thought. 'He had been in a c-coma for a month and then another month there before ... a – a strife demon took him, he ah he took Sam's memory but, but continued his attack ... for some reason they didn't want him to remember.'
'Dean do you want some mild pain relief?' Jim asked when he saw the difficulty Dean was having; silently Dean nodded and gratefully took the medication and drank a glass of water thirstily. 'Do you want to rest for a while?'
'N-no just some more water p-please?' Dean asked staring distractedly at Sam sleeping, 'h-he suffered so much at the hands of that demon and others ... a-a dream sprite attacked him in his dreams, the yellow-eyed-demon was involved. S-seems that the strife demon decided to play where he wasn't supposed to. He ah stripped Sammy of every ... he took Sam's essence and wrenched his fragmented memories from him again. I went after him got pretty beaten up a few times and found, found out what that bastard did to Sammy when he took him. Old yellow eyes helped me get Sam's memory orb back. Sam regressed to a toddler that time, he had no ... he was empty and when he woke he thought he was four years old, scared and alone with no way of knowing who he was, who and where his family were ... I had left him with Bobby ...'
'Bobby Singer?' Herb asked 'that old rogue still got his salvage yard?'
'Huh? Yeah, yeah he has ... he's been like a father to us since Dad.' Dean stopped and took another long drink instead lost in his memories.
'Deanie?' Sam whispered sleepily, 'where's Deanie?'
'Right here Sammy.'
'Why you sad?'
'Just ... being silly.'
'You talkin' bout when I got sick?'
'Yeah we are, I was just telling Herb and Doc Jim about it all.'
'Deanie saved me.' Sam announced proudly, 'why am I in bed?'
'Coz you were sick again Sammy.' Dean whispered, 'do you feel better now?'
'Uhhuh, can ... gotta go pee Deanie.' Sam whispered blushing profusely.
'Okay, ah Herb, Jim do you wanna make some coffee while I help Sammy?' Dean's jaw ached and made it harder for him to speak but he pushed through it not wanting Sam to see just how bad he felt. 'Need me to come in with you?'
'Deanie.' Sam whined and shook his head, 'want to have a shower please.'
'Okay call me when you're done I'll be right here.'
Sam shuffled into the bathroom and used the toilet as he flushed he felt a sharp pain flare in his head and he gasped audibly, turning he gripped the basin as the pain intensified, he wanted to call out to his brother but nothing came out.
'Sammy you okay in there?' Dean called impatiently, 'Sammy? Answer me or I'm coming in.'
'Dean.' Sam sobbed but not loud enough for Dean to here, his head felt like it was going to explode, he tried to focus on the reflection in the mirror, he knew it was his own face he saw but it looked like a stranger.
'Ah Sammy been a long time hasn't it.' A voice came from the reflection, 'still having troubles remembering are you?'
'Go away.'
'Why would I want to do that? I have had such fun.'
'No, no, no you're not here.'
'Aw Sammy you're no fun, I think I prefer you as a six year old with issues.'
'Fuck off.'
'Now, now that's no language for a little boy to use.'
'I'm not a little boy.'
'Oh I know, I want you to come to me Sammy, I've missed you.'
'You really think that I am just going to walk out? Just like that?'
'No but you will anyway.'
'Why would I?'
'Coz Sammy dearest, I am willing to give you back all of your memories.'
'What the fuck are you on about?'
'You still have trouble remembering everything don't you? Oh I know that you hide it well but there are big holes in your memory, that's why it's easy for you to be six years old, you remember that.'
'Leave me alone.'
'Come to me my son.'
'I am not your son.'
'I created you.'
'Yeah right.'
'Would you like it if I took Dean instead?'
'Leave him alone.'
'He is rather delicious ... did Dean tell you that we got rather intimately acquainted?'
'What are you on about now?'
'Oh he didn't tell you did he? Oh utterly macho of him, remember what we did Sammy? Remember when you warmed my bed?'
'I remember you tying me to your bed and I ... no please not Dean.'
'Ah yes he was sweet and strong but still not you my darling.'
'I am not your darling.'
'Come to me Sam tonight or I will come and take Dean forcefully.'
'How did you get back? Dean ...'
'Tried and he almost succeeded, let us just say that I have friends in high places.'
'Why?'
'Why what?'
'Why did you ... why did you start all of this to begin with? What is so special about me?'
'Oh Sammy, it is wonderful to see that you haven't lost any of your modesty and your innocence.'
'Stop mocking me.'
'I want you out on the patio tonight Sam no excuses or I will take Dean and leave you alone and six years old for the rest of your life.'
'Sam oh god please open your eyes.' Dean begged cradling Sam against his chest he found Sam lying prone on the floor, tiny tremors coursing through his long body, his eyes open but glassy and unfocused. Every so often his face twisted as though he was in pain but he remained completely catatonic.
'Dean?' Herb called as both he and Jim finally came back with fresh coffee and donuts. 'Dean, Sam where are you guys?'
'Bathroom hurry.' Dean called out, 'it's okay Sammy help's finally arrived.'
'Dean what is it?' Jim ran into the bathroom and dropped to his knees next to the brothers.
'I – I found Sammy lying on the floor like this.' Dean managed to get out, 'fucking mouth.'
'It's okay Dean Herb and I will get Sam back to his bed.' Jim said trying to pry Dean's arms from around Sam.
'No, no can't take anymore, not again, can't do this again.' Dean kept repeating more to himself than to Jim. 'Damn it Sammy, we can't do this again.'
'Dean?' Jim touched the younger man's shoulder and noticed the flinch before Dean looked up at him with his neutral mask firmly in place.
'Jim?' Dean frowned, 'oh yeah.'
'Come on son let's get the two of you out of here and back in the bedroom.'
'Dean?' Sam blinked and clutched at his brother, 'Dean?'
'Right here Sammy.'
'So tired.' Sam sighed, 'hi ah Doctor Jim?'
'Hi Sam.' Jim said softly noticing the subtle difference between the adult Sam and the child Sammy in his facial expressions and tone of voice. 'Can you get up?'
'Huh? Oh yeah what happened?'
'You collapsed.' Dean said succinctly.
'Oh.' Sam blinked again and looked up at Dean again, seeing the anger and resignation in his eyes. 'Dean?'
'Come on Sam.' Dean let go of his brother and stood up, 'need a hand?'
'Thanks Dean.' Sam frowned as he let Dean help him up, he swayed drunkenly and stumbled against Jim, 'ah sorry Doc.'
'Sam?' Jim looked at the young man 'Dean can you help Sam back to his bed I want to give him a good check up.' When Dean didn't respond Jim glanced over to see that dean was no longer in the bathroom.
'Dean?' Sam whispered brokenly, 'I was a kid again wasn't I Doc?'
'Yes Sam you were.' Jim said as he helped his young patient out of the bathroom.
'How long?'
'Days this time.'
'Oh.' Sam lowered his face and concentrated on moving his tingling leg as he walked back to the bed and sank down on it gratefully. 'Doc what's wrong with me?'
'Not sure Sam but we will find out.' Jim said reassuringly.
'Hey Doc, Sam I'm sorry.' Dean spoke from behind Jim, turning around the doctor looked up at the mask set firmly in place on the younger man's face.
'Dean?' Sam whispered his large eyes quickly filling with tears as he tried to work out what was going on with his big brother.
'Listen guys I'm gonna go rustle up some coffee and let you talk and then I'm going to give Sam a complete check up so don't go anywhere okay.' Jim left the two Winchesters staring at each silently. 'Don't kill each other either.' He yelled as he slammed the door shut.
'Dean?'
'What happened Sammy?'
'I – I got a pain in my head and, and I remember ah shit Dean he's back.'
'Who?'
'Strife.'
'But I ... how?'
'He – he said that he has friends in high places.' Sam said as the realisation hit him, 'Dean I can't ... I won't go through that again.'
'Fuck Sammy, he's been the one all along hasn't he?'
'What do you mean?'
'When you ... when the six year old you takes over he says that the bad man talks to him in his head.'
'He wants me back.' Sam admitted softly.
'Not gonna happen on my watch.'
'Dean what happened when he took you prisoner? Not the last time when he broke your jaw before that?'
'Dunno what you're talking about Sam.'
'Dean don't please ... just tell me when I was with Bobby and you were looking for the demon to get the orb back what did he do to you?'
'Why's that so important Sammy? It's old news.'
'It's important to me.'
'Why?'
'Damn it Dean.' Sam yelled, 'I need to know, I need to remember.'
'Remember what?' Dean yelled and then stared at Sam in shock, 'Sam what do you mean remember?' he asked quietly.
'I don't remember ... there are huge holes in my memory Dean, and, and when the six year old comes out I don't remember that either.' Sam admitted still yelling his frustrations and anger finally released. 'Fuck Dean I look at you and try to remember what it was like growing up, I have fragments but nothing like it should be. When you talk about our childhoods they're your stories not mine.'
'Sam?'
'I have nightmares with faceless people in them, I know I am supposed to remember who they are but I don't.'
'Sam please...'
'Talk to me Dean please I am scared, every day it's like another chunk of my life is gone forever.'
'What do you want me to say to you?'
'I want you to tell me the truth, don't keep trying to protect me I need your help Dean.'
'He, it did things Sam things that you don't need to know.' Dean brushed it aside and sat down next to Sam. 'Why didn't you tell me about your memory?'
'I – I don't understand it myself, but whenever the kid me comes out it seems that more of my memories disappear. It's like life trying to restart itself.'
'Wiping out your present you?'
'Kind of.'
'Okay, ah so if you keep forgetting then you won't even know what or who ...'
'Who is Missouri?' Sam blurted out, 'I – I remember the name and know I should ...'
'She is a friend Sam, a psychic who helped Dad when Mom died, she's been our friend and a great help to us since.'
'Oh ... Pastor Jim?'
'Oh God Sammy I am so sorry.'
'Dean I hate this ... I hate feeling like a victim, I want to ... I want my life back I want to find this demon and kick his ass back to hell.' Sam declared. 'He destroyed my past he is not going to destroy my future.'
'Sam what are you on about?'
'I'm tired of being a victim Dean, no more ... no more.' Sam got up and limped towards the bathroom, 'I'm gonna go have a shower before I forget how to do that as well.' The venom in Sam's tone silenced Dean's response; he stared at his brother as he made his way into the shower slamming the door behind him. Sighing heavily Dean ran his hand through his short hair, 'when did this get so fucking screwed up?' he muttered suddenly fighting the urge to start laughing.
TBC
