Some crazy shit has happened the past 2 months. I almost lost my father and then my grandad.
On top of that I ended things with my boyfriend after two years.. so yeah, life doesn't approve with me.
A new year and a new chapter! Yoj! As I said before, the beginning of this story is a bit lame and some things are going to happen fast.. like Bella and Edward declare their love for each other. AND there's going to be A LOT drama! drama, drama, drama.. I like (Y)
Its rated M for language for now.. but if the feed-back is good then I'll consider a little fluffy stuff as well ;D
~~ Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop ~~
EPOV
I drove back to my apartment after leaving Bella in my PJ's. I planned on staying at home and get some reading done but as I laid on bed thoughts of Bella took over. Since the day we met I had developed a small crush on Bella, but the feelings for her have grown stronger. She made me think about our future; a house and kids. Truth to be told - These thoughts scared the shit out of me.
Thinking of Bella made me anxious and I needed a distraction and I found myself driving towards Tanya's a few minutes later.
"well hello tiger, I was just wondering when you were coming back to me"She said when she'd opened the door in only a pair of black lace panties and a tank top
"Can I come in?" I asked, this was so wrong. Alice would kill me for doing this towards Bella..
Heck, Why do I care? there's nothing going on between me and Bella, she even said that we're only friends.
"Problem in the paradise? and yes, my bedroom door is always open for you Eddie-boy" she said as she started walking into her apartment, leaving me by the door. I closed it behind me an went after her. When I entered her bedroom she was laying on her bed in a position that she thought looked sexy. Tanya had a very pretty face but her body was nothing extraordinary, she looked like any other leggy blond in LA. Bella on the other hand was a pure goddess even though I hadn't seen her naked but there was nothing better than Bella in tight jeans and tank top, hugging her very curve.
Snapping out of thoughts I made my way over to Tanya and threw myself over her, crashing my lips onto hers.
Her lips were hard from all the botox and I started wondering how Bella's lips would feel against mine. I groand inwardly when I caught myself thinking of Bella again.
I had a Battle with myself, a part of me wanted to keep on going with Tanya and the other part of me thought about Bella and how she would react if she knew what was going on. The other part of me lost that battle, for the moment.
I started trailing kisses along Tanya's neck and she laid her head back on the pillows, giving me better access. At the same time her hands traveled further down my body until her fingers met the hem on my jeans. She started pulling them down with my boxers until she couldn't reach them and I took over, throwing them in a pile on the floor.
She started stroking my lenght and I moned at the contact, playing with her right nipple in my mouth, earning a moan from her too.
As I made my way further down her body I began to think of Bella again. This shit is so wrong, I love her and can't do this to her.
"Tanya" I said, pulling away slightly but she threw her legs around my waist. She pulled me down so that I was pressed hard against her entrance. It felt so good..
stop this fucked up shit now! Bella's voice screamed inside my head and I felt sick.
I forced myself free from her grasp and put on my boxers and pants in a hurry.
"Its her, is it ?" Tanya asked and for one moment i thought I heard her voice break at the end.
I just nodded and walked out of there. For the first time in two years I sat in my car, crying my eyes out for almost an hour. I drove to my apartment and freshened up before heading back to Bella's, I needed to talk to her,.. to tell her about every little fucked up things in my life and then pour my heart out. Bella had become like my own brand o heroin and I needed her in my life, now and for ever.
I needed to call her, to hear her sweet voice again.
"Hello Handsome" She answered, sounding truly happy. I couldn't help but laugh at her. I could hear people talk and laugh in the background, and my protective side took over.
"Hey sugar, were are you?" I asked wondering were she could possibly be. She giggled as she answered.
"At the mall with Alice, how was your walk?" My mind went blank, I didn't go for a walk.. crap. I could hear Seth's booming laughter on the other side followed by Emmett's. Crap, again. I need to change the subject, Bella would get angry, Alice would ask 'whats wrong', Bella would tell her and Seth was definitely going to tell Alice were I went this morning and then Alice would kick my ass.. Great!
"Uhm.. So I assume Emmett, Sam and Seth are with you. When are you coming home?" My change of subject made her angry angry, I could feel her mood change over the phone.
"I don't know, talk to you later" The line went dead. Yep, she was angry and I was going to get castrated by Alice. I let out a frustrated groan and pressed harder on the gas pedal.
When I arrived to Bella's house I was suprised that James wasn't there waiting for me so he could rape me with his camera.
Rosalie opened the door when I came and she didn't look happy at. all.
"Hi Fucker, Alice called.." She said and went back into the apartment leaving the door open for me. That didn't sound good.
"Okay? you know when they'll be back?" I took a seat on the couch. She was watching The Simpson's.
"Yeah, pretty soon. Oh and by the way.. I'm angry with you so if I were you I would wait for Bella outside the apartment or go to her room and wait because I want to continue watching The Simpson's here, and I'm allergic to assholes so please.."
the last thing I wanted was to mess with Rose, so I walked into Bella's room and laid down on her bed. I closed my eyes and just when I was about to fall into a light slumber, the bedroom door opened and Bella came in, followed by a furious Alice.
"Edward, we need to talk" They said at the same time but Alice was almost screaming and Bella sounded more calm. For the first time I couldn't read Bella's expression, it was a mixture between all kind of emotions.
"Alice I'll talk to you later, I really need to talk to Bella now" I pleeded, hoping that she would get it and actually leave us alone but she didn't move. She was glaring at me.
"Alice.. please!" Finally she gave in and mumbled 'Fine' as she stomped out of the room leaving us alone. There was an awkward silence a few minutes before Bella broke it.
"Edward, I don't know how to say this but.." She started fidgeting "I.. we can't do this if you keep hiding things from me. I've told you every single detail about my life and when I so much as mention yours, you change the subject." she sat down beside me on the bed and I turned my body towards her so that she knew she had my attention. "I thought that we could talk to each other, but you're almost like a stranger to me and I need to know what you want with this relationship so I know if I'm waisting my time or not" I felt bad, I felt sick again. Bella had told me everything that had happened in her life, about her parents divorce and her father's death whilst I had told her things like my favorite movie and color and maybe a little about Alice and Emmett.
knew it's now or never to tell her.. even if it means that I'll lose her. I took her hand and started fingeting with a ring on her right hand.
"What I am about to tell you Bella, are things about me that only a few, very close and trusted, people know about.." I paused and when my eyes met hers she nodded in understanding. I could hear her heart beating faster. "And I'm afraid that if I tell you about them.. you won't want to be around me anymore" I shifted in my seat and closed my eyes for a few seconds before looking back at our hands. She gave my hand a squeeze and a loving smile helping me continue. The closer I got to what I wanted to say the harder it got, I wanted to cry, I needed to let out my frustration over all these stupid things that turned my life upside down.
"and.. so.. I.. Shit!.." I snorted sarcastically at myself "Pass me a fucking script!" I said and she laughed
"Its okay" She said as she stroke my cheek with her free hand.
"Okay, so.. three years ago I lived in Seattle. I shared an apartment with my.. former best friend, Ben. We always did things together but one night he went to a party and I had to study for my finals, so I stayed at home. Later that night.. or in the morning I guess, when he got home very drunk he had a bag with some sort of white powder in it. I knew what it was and he said he only wanted to try onceand that he wanted me to do it with him but of course I refused. He got angry and said he would do it alone but I managed to take the little bag away from him in time. Later that week my biological mom died in a heart attack and I couldn't handle the pain in the right way so.. after a month in depression I took out the bag from were I had hidden it from Ben and, yeah I started.. with Cocaine" I made a pause again and met her gaze. Her mouth was formed like an 'o' and she looked shocked and not at all disgusted that I thought she would. When what I'd told her had fallen in to place she shook her head a little, bringing herself out from her thoughts.
"What happened then? Was it just a one time thing?" She asked, sounding a bit giddy to hear the rest.
"uh, No I did it for two years and during that time everyone I loved didn't want to be near me. I got easily angry and almost hit Esme, my mom,.. It's something I'm really ashamed of" As I told Bella about this, all the memories came flooding back to me and hit me like a tsunami. I could feel the tears burn in my eyes and it wouldn't take long before they came running like waterfalls down my cheeks.
"Esme and Carlisle did everything to help me but nothing worked.. They payed for my stays at rehab, but when I came out I started again. Thank god they never gave up on me" My tears was running freely down my cheeks now and I didn't care if I sobbed like a little girl.
I closed my eyes and waited for Bella to let go of my hands and beg me to leave her alone but she didn't. Instead her arms found their way around my neck and she brought me closer to her. she rested her forehead against mine.
"Oh Edward! I'll never leave you and absolutely not because of that. we've all made things in life, that we regret. I'm in love for the first time in my life and I won't let the past ruin it. Whatever you need Edward I'll help you.. I lov.."
Before she could finish I cut her of by pressing my lips to hers. They were like nothing I had ever imagined, soft and tasting like heaven.
It was when her small hands found the hem of my shirt that the short visit I'd made at Tanya's came flooding back to me. After an inwardly battle i decided not to tell her. sure, Bella and I had something going on when it happened but i stopped myself right in time for anything major to happen.
And that my dear readers, was 'chapter 8 - my past', Kinda short.. sorry.
now, send me some love by pressing that review button below, THANK YOU! :D
