Disclaimer: Yes, I do not own Full Metal Panic. Though in my dreams, I'd like to pretend I do.

Summary: (Spoiler Warning) Her mouth stopped near his ear, and whispered ever so softly, much like the same way she did the last time Sousuke allowed her to cut his hair. "You can't protect me forever, Sousuke." (SousukeKaname)

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Save Me

Chapter 08 : Escape, Part I

By makka na yuki

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What is it that keeps me from giving up?


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It was unfair.

For the past years, she lived a normal life - entering high school, making new friends, experiencing common problems of school and adolescence. When she was suddenly thrown into the world of terrorists and Whispered beings, her view of reality became jumbled. There were so many things that she was not aware of - so many things that she shouldn't have known. Whilst she lived happily, how many people were dying on the other side of the world? How many wars were started, how many lives were lost, how many innocent civilians had given up hope?

Given this, she didn't find it surprising that Leonard's scientists discovered something unique by delving into her mind - the possibility of creating an Arm Slave that allows the pilot to control it from a large distance away. Her unconsciousness must have somehow integrated her thoughts with the Black Technology embedded in her. It is said that the talents and skills that come about a Whispered are usually very much related to their desires.

"This is…?" she began, eyes looking hopeful, not showing how the guilt is slowly killing her inside.

"A way to save everyone. Will you stay?"

"… Yes"

She wanted to make the idea a reality. Kaname knew that she could not stop all the wars from occuring, and that she could not stop all the deaths. But if she could lessen the number of soldiers from dying - people who also had loved ones to protect - maybe she could at least make a difference. This way, she could prevent Sousuke and the others from losing their lives as well.

"Was it frightening, the first time you killed someone?" she asked warily.

His voice held no remorse, "I… can't remember."

Fighting was inevitable, everyone knew that. But she never stopped trying to find another way.

And this was it. Having to operate the new AS prototype was something she knew she had to do even before it was created. The possibility of having to fight the crew of the Tuatha de Danaan was an idea that entered her thoughts countless times, but doing so very soon did not give her that much time to mentally prepare herself.

"Excellent work, Chidori! You've synchronised perfectly with the AS"

She tried to smile.

There was nothing wrong with the AS during the experiment. Even with the damage it attained from the Arbalest's attacks, everything was still functioning perfectly. The only problem was with her, and her inability to keep her mind in check. She was already able to undergo numerous simulations before, but this was the first time that she had to come face to face with someone she actually knew.

And it scared her.

Even if she was kilometers away from the true battle, even if she couldn't feel the damage that was brought upon the Arm Slave, she could still feel as if she was the one dying. Her sight was the same as that of the machine, and seeing Sousuke attacking her with all his might frightened her.

"So this is war" she thinks to herself in the midst of panic.

At least, she thought, Sousuke still wouldn't hold back to protect what was important to him, what was important to them. The crew of the Tuatha de Danaan had become her second family during the past few months.

She hopes Sousuke wouldn't find out about this. That if she were inside the machine, he would have killed her already.

But they could not risk having the other side find out how far they have gone with the research. That was probably why Leonard decided to blow it up. It was clear how she already lost when she froze up in the middle of the fight. If things continued on, the Arbalest would simply keep on attacking her until Sousuke realizes that she was not responding. There was a very high probability that he would then take the AS hostage and bring it to the submarine base – a common battle strategy, and the best way to get information about her whereabouts.

The blue-haired girl was sure that the crew of the Danaan still did not know who they were fighting against and whether she was there or not.

Kaname took a deep breathe before stepping in the now empty laboratory room.

It was time to change things.

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"… enemy Arm Slave detonated. Pieces of the machine floated around the area, but the pilot cockpit was nowhere to be found. We brought back what we can, and the scientists have already started working on it. However, they do not seem optimistic that the pile of metal would bring any advantages on our part." Wraith closed the file folder as she finished her report.

The silver-haired captain leaned her chin on her hands for a moment before responding, "Do you think…?" She left the question hanging.

As if reading her thoughts, Kalinin automatically replied beside her, "Yes, this seems to be the new Arm Slave that we've been hearing about."

Wraith nodded, "We have identified it as the KCX-4 Ukiyo. They've completed the model, though from the results of the battle, we can say that they still have to add a lot of improvements."

Ukiyo. A fleeting life. A sad world. Something that everyone in her field would know very well. It's a fitting name for their current situation, Wraith thought, almost smiling.

"True, it is a complicated weapon. I do not think they can ever finish it." I want to believe that they would not finish it at all. At least not before the war is over. Tessa gave out a long sigh as she tried to remember what had transpired only a few hours before. The Tuatha was able to escape in one piece, with the damages only requiring minor repairs. The crew thought it was some sort of miracle that they've survived, given the anonymity and strength of the enemy.

The silver-haired girl knew better. She looked up at the occupants in the room, her eyes hardening as she remembered an important detail. "There was something wrong with the battle that Sousuke fought. Did you see how the Ukiyo just stopped moving? Even with that single attack, it shouldn't have acquired that much damage to stop functioning."

Wraith almost snorted, "And that young boy did not even take time to notice and stop attacking."

"His mind is very unstable, we are all aware of it." Kalinin answered, choosing his words carefully. "The unknown enemy gave him a chance to release his anger."

The silence that came after only revealed everyone's agreement on the matter. Anyone would be blind not to notice the sudden change in demeanor in the brown-haired sergeant when his former charge was captured by the enemy. Throughout the many days that have passed, Sousuke has immersed himself in training and going through every mission just to get any clue of Kaname's whereabouts. Now that they have a lead…

"Kaname was not able to talk with him properly," Tessa started, "He wants answers."

"So do we," Wraith interjected. She looked at the report papers that she read only minutes before. Hesitantly, she started to speak, "About the KCX-4 Ukiyo, do you think the pilot…?"

The silver-haired captain looked at her commanding officer. Kalinin nodded, reading the question in her eyes. "Yes, Kalinin and I believe that Ms. Chidori was the one piloting the AS."

"…What?" a lone voice whispered from the doorway. The room's occupants suddenly turned their head at the question, surprised that they did not notice the new presence. Tessa's eyes widened. He was not supposed to find out.

Sousuke took one small step into the room, leaning against the wall as if not trusting himself to be able to stand properly, "The one I had been fighting against… was Kaname?" The wounds on his arms and chest that he had acquired from the explosion did not seem to matter anymore – he could only feel his heart shattering once again.

They could not hide it any longer. Wraith looked up and answered in a straight voice, "Yes, our sources say that the enemy Arm Slave, now identified as the Ukiyo, was created to be piloted by Ms. Kaname Chidori"

"… And the explosion…?"

"Self-detonation, Sergeant" Kalinin answered, his eyes betraying what he felt. The young boy should not have found out this way, not until they could explain it to him properly. The old commanding officer knew that guilt would wrack Sousuke's being to the very core. "You, who have gone through so many battles, should know this as well."

The brown-haired sergeant slid down the wall in a daze. His trembling hands moved to cover his face as his eyes widened in panic. Were the gods taunting him? She was assigned to be under his protection, and even then, so many months before, she had gotten hurt because of his mistakes. How much pain had he caused? He shot her only a few weeks before and now… now…

"Tell me, Sousuke, what is it that you fear?" She had asked once, her eyes bright with mischief.

"I would prefer losing in battle than get hit by your paper fan, Ms. Chidori," he answered in a serious voice, but the small grin he gave her did not go unnoticed.

She whacked him then – hadn't he just told her he didn't like it? – and moved to exit her apartment, him following suit.

The young sergeant looked at the back of his charge as the distance grew between them. How could he tell her, more than anything else in the world, that if she were to disappear, he would lose all meaning to keep on going?

And so he followed, just like always, eyes darting side to side to be better prepared for what the future may bring.

How would she react, to know that he could not let her go?

Sousuke closed his eyes as the memories flooded back. It was always overwhelming – thoughts of her consumed him every single day. And even if he dies when he remembers everything that he had done wrong, he clings to the memories as if to pretend that he had not lost hope. And now she's dead. Gone. To a place that even he could not reach. And for sure he could not blame anyone but himself.

The brown-haired boy looked at his quivering hands, regretting the adrenaline rush that passed through his body when he fought with the new enemy… What was Kaname thinking during her last few moments? What had pushed her to destroy herself? What if…

A slap pulled him back to reality.

"She is not dead."

Sousuke brought a hand to his stinging cheek, and looked up surprised. Can it be true?

Wraith took a step back to let the young man gather his bearings back. She glared as the sergeant who pushed himself up to stand. The undercover agent pinched the bridge of her nose to ward of the headache. It seems as if she always needed to punch the living daylights out of this young man to stop him from being an idiot. What exactly had Kaname seen in this man?

"W-What?" Sousuke asked, confused and yet hopeful.

Shit. Wraith mentally cursed. How was she supposed to answer that?

Tessa's voice interrupted the silence. Seeing Sousuke's reaction convinced her on what the next course of action should be, "The pilot cockpit was not found among the wreck. We could conclude that… the pilot, if it ever was Ms. Chidori, had escaped long before the explosion was set."

Sousuke's eyes perked up at the new information. Yes, it all made sense. He distinctly remembered how the enemy AS stopped moving in the midst of battle. Kaname might have gotten out before he turned berserk on her! He had to find out.

Sousuke fixed his stance and saluted at his commanders.

"Permission to speak, Captain" He might be rejected again, but he had nothing to lose for trying.

"Permission granted, Sergeant. What is it?" Kalinin answered warily.

"We should continue with the original plan of infiltrating the enemy base," Sousuke started, preparing himself for the commander's answer, "Even if Kaname is not there," he resisted the urge to gulp before continuing, "the information we could gather is still important."

Tessa smiled. The current situation should be changed, and soon. "You've read my mind, Sergeant."

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When she joined the Intelligence Division, Kaname believed it was the best decision she could ever make. For herself, for everyone around her. It was not like she had no other choice but to say yes – her life was not that dramatic. She was ready to reject the deal, and she knew they wo­uld let her go without any questions.

"He is in the middle of a mission… but with our help, you can meet up with him."

But then she was just too stubborn to let matters be.

"You're a valuable asset now to this organization, more than you ever were when you were still under our protection." She could not remember who spoke these words – it could have been a high official in the Intelligence Division, or a lowly staff in the Tuatha. Kaname found that she didn't care. Back then, she didn't care at all.

"I am… not a burden anymore?"

"Yes. You are fighting with us now."

It didn't take much to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. This is right, she tells herself, this should be. After all, there was no Sousuke beside her to remind her how dangerous it would be, that whatever trouble she comes in contact with, he would not be there to save her. That was why she needed to see him, and take him away from war and back to her side – the place where he belonged.

"We will let you see him… but for a price."

Yes, it was simply that easy, Kaname thought as she stretched on her bed. Of course, things would've been a hell lot easier if Sousuke came back with her after all the trouble she had to go through just to bring him back to the senses. Wraith mentioned how close he was to letting himself get killed in China.

Wraith's disbelieving tone when Kaname got back, "You're… alone"

Everything was still worth it, she tells herself.

And yet she was still here, in enemy territory. The irony was not lost to her.

The door to her room slid open, disturbing her thoughts. She did not need to look up to see who was on the other side. There was only one person in this base who did not know the meaning of knocking.

"Your show with the new ArmSlave was of great help. We couldn't have gotten any more accurate data from it."

"It was not a problem at all," she answered almost happily, but inside, she was a wreck. Piloting that damned thing almost made her go crazy.

Gauron smirked, "But…I'm disappointed that you gave up so easily little girl"

The blue-haired girl sat up on her bed, and glared at the intruder to hide her wariness. Surely they couldn't have found out about her plans, "What the hell do you want now Gauron?"

He laughed, the same laugh she had learned to hate so much in all the months of her stay here, "Now now, don't get on your panties too tight.."

She almost growled at the comment. Of all the damn perverted things this man could say…

"… I was merely complimenting your achievements so far. Your mind is such a valuable asset."

"You're a valuable asset now to this organization"

The light dimmed from her eyes. She was just a tool afterall.

Oh Sousuke…

The blue-haired girl fisted the microchip hidden in the pocket of her pants, waiting for the right moment. She needed to get away soon. But it seems as if, whereever she would go, people did not see her as a human being. Not as long as she is a Whispered.

A flash of pain shot through her head, as she fell to the ground kneeling. It's happening again, Kaname thought.

Gauron, who had been previously smirking at her unresponsiveness, took a step forward, as if concerned. Leonard would flip if he found out that the terrorist did something to upset the girl.

Kaname grabbed her head to keep the pain from worsening. Any time now…

Gauron made a move to come closer, but stopped when he heard an explosion not too far away. He ran outside the room and barked at a soldier to give him a report of the situation.

"The machines in the laboratories have exploded sir! The team has been dispersed to keep the fire from spreading"

"The cause?"

"Still unknown, Sir. But the Tuathe de Danaan has been spotted entering our territorial waters again just a few minutes ago"

The old terrorist cursed. He looked back at the room to find the girl still huddled on the ground before deciding to run towards the control room. If they had to prepare for battle, so be it.

Kaname looked up to see herself alone, the pain on her head almost fading.

It was time to move.

She grinned.

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Catch me… so that I may let myself fall.


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Author's Note: Part I of original eighth chapter, so it came out short. The second part… I still have to work on a few problematic parts to fit the plot. And I figured I should stop trying to lengthen the chapters too much – it's really not just my thing. Right, I should stop with the excuses.

Ah, is it just me, or is everything moving a little bit too fast? The number of chapters have multiplied to a little bit more than I had planned (and yes, when I say planned, that meant back in those days, oh so long ago, when I started the story… and lookie! It's still not done!).

The number of reviews so far is a little bit disappointing – am I doing something wrong and you guys just not telling me what? Lolz. In any case, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Things are finally moving forward!