Rain pelted Marad unforgivingly. If only she had paused to feel the air, she would have easily been able to tell that rain was coming. It was a hard storm, and Maerad heard the rumble of thunder above the constant rain. She felt absolutely foolish, but when Imi questioned if they should turn around, Maerad stubbornly said they must keep going. The horse didn't question Maerad, who was not only her master in a way, but also her friend. She had the utmost trust in her.
If only Maerad had that kind of confidence in herself. Perhaps then she would have stayed in Innail where it was safe, and where her friends were. But, she also had an unwavering sense of duty to protect them, and if she was the danger, she would simply remove herself.
Her thoughts drifted to Cadvan, and she sadly weighed the thought of how he felt finding her gone. It was not fair of her to leave without a word, but if it meant keeping him safe, she would gladly do it. She realized then, in the pouring rain, that when it came to Cadvan, it wasn't a sense of friendship that compelled her to protect him, but a sense of love. Of course, she wanted to keep Silvia, Malgorn, and the citizens of Innail safe, and she couldn't imagine life without them. But, without Cadvan, Maerad couldn't imagine continuing to live as well. When she thought she had lost him years ago, she almost accepted Ardinia's offer of death. But then, she had a duty to protect Annar from a force that threatened to wipe it out. In this case, it seemed a force wanted to destroy Maerad and didn't care what was in its path. So, if Maerad took herself out of the picture, everyone would be safe.
At least, that was what she told herself, but the sinking feeling of doom never went away. She was certain she would feel a little more confident after she left, but she still felt terrible. She felt lost and foolish, and downright stupid. If she couldn't even trust her own heart, what could she trust?
Finally, after what felt like a very wet eternity, Maerad could see a cave carved out in the mountains she was riding through.
Imi, there! She said to her friend, who was startled at the sudden speech. Stop at that cave over there. I'll guide you. We'll camp there for the night.
Imi didn't respond but neighed in agreement and soon the two were trying to dry off in the cave Maerad sensed as a safe space for Bards.
Maerad, what are we doing out here? Imi asked. It's cold and raining. Where are we going?
Maerad sighed as she used a towel to dry her sopping wet hair. Imi, do you trust me?
Of course! Have I made you think I don't?
No. But do trust me. I don't know where we need to go, but my heart tells me we have to leave Innail. Maerad placed a hand on Imi's wet hide. It's to keep everyone safe. Once I figure out what I need to do, we'll be back in Innail as quickly as possible.
Imi was not too fond of the response, but she trusted Maerad with all of her heart. So, she just whinnied and grazed on some of the grass just outside of the cave, ignoring the feeling of the rain against her fur.
Maerad focused on drying by the fire she had started and eating the food she had brought with her. As it got later, she decided to lay down, hoping sleep would help her figure out what she should do next. However, Maerad found sleep hard to come by, and soon the rain had stopped, so she didn't even have the patter of the rain on the cave to help her sleep.
Finally, she decided to just get up and walk around, so she quietly crept out of the cave and into the wet, moon-bathed world before her. She breathed in the air, heavy with humidity, but still freeing than the city air. As much as she loved being in the city, she did miss the clean, wild air of the vast wilderness.
She followed a path that led to a small creek and sat upon a rock there, staring at the moon's reflection on the water. Maerad sighed, and let her mind empty for the first time in a while. So, when she heard a voice she nearly fell into the water from shock.
"Who's there?" she called, her hand going to her side where her sword was. There was a pause, and Maerad was almost sure it was just her mind playing tricks on her when it spoke again.
"There we are, away from friends. All alone in the wilderness. My, Elednor, what are you doing?" The voice pierced through Maerad like a knife and she felt an icy chill fill her body. She shivered and rubbed her arms, but the cold didn't subside.
"Who are you?" Maerad called out. Then the voice laughed. The laugh made Maerad feel a litany of emotions-embarrassment from being laughed at, shame from being made fun of, anger for daring to not answer her question.
"Who am I? Well, I suppose it has been a while…"
Maerad gasped. She knew who it was. Arkan. "Go away," she spat with fury, fire dripping from her words. She felt the icy presence wince at the sudden ire, but grow stronger.
"Yes, go away. Like you've asked everyone else to do, right, Maerad? Just push and push and push people away."
Maerad felt her cheeks heat up in embarrassment and she folded her arms. She looked like a pouting child, upset at being called out for a mistake by her parents. And then there was the icy, infuriating laugh.
"You have let the Darkness enter your heart. Nicely done, Maerad. I figured it would take longer."
"So it was you!" Maerad shouted. "You're the one making me feel these things, sending Hulls after me, hurting my friends! I should have known."
"Silence, silly child." Maerad could almost hear the eye roll in the Winter King's bored tone. "You know I care not what the Dark does. No, this was not my doing. I just find it amusing that you've allowed this to take root."
Maerad was silent for a long while. She couldn't place why, but she felt bad for calling Arkan out for something he didn't do, even if he was the cause of many troubles in the past. "I didn't let this happen. It just did." she finally said in a sulky voice, doubting her words as they left her mouth.
"Yes, you did," Arkan insisted. "You defeated Sharma, and yet here you are, escaping from Innail. Out here in the woods. What are you hoping to accomplish? You really think you'll find what you're looking for out here? This is just the Dark luring you away to where you can't call for help."
"Then what is it that is after me?" Maerad asked. If Arkan was going to comment on her miserable life, he may as well help.
"The Dark. Do you listen, Elednor? Or just wait to speak?" he asked with contempt.
"What of the Dark?" Maerad asked, ignoring the slight. "Surely it is something more specific."
Arkan was silent for a moment, and Maerad knew he was debating whether or not to explain what was going on to her. "The Dark used Sharma," Arkan finally said. "Now that he is defeated, it is looking for someone else. Someone else who is powerful, with a Gift unmatched by any other."
Cold shock filled Maerad once more, though this time not from the Winter King himself, but from the weight of his words. The Darkness, after her? But she thought all was well when the Nameless One was gone. How could it possibly have the strength to come after her? And why?
"Please, Elednor, don't be so simple," Arkan said, sensing Maerad's confusion. "You know you are one of the most powerful in all of Annar. Perhaps one day, once you learn to use your powers to their fullest extent, you'll be the most powerful, of all time even. You think the Darkness doesn't want that? If it can control you, it controls all."
"I won't let it control me!" Maerad said, and the laughter immediately began again.
"You already have."
A silence fell over them again and Maerad felt completely helpless and small. "Then what are you doing here? Have you come just to taunt me?" she asked.
"Yes, but also to offer you a chance to come with me again. You made a terrible choice years ago, but why not change that now?" Maerad was caught off guard, though she should have known he would try to get her to come back and stay for good this time.
"No."
"Why not, Elednor? You've already defeated Sharma. That was the reason you gave back then. He's gone, and you'll be much safer with me than on your own. What is holding you back now?" Arkan's voice was strained, almost impatiently now. Maerad was silent and didn't answer. "It's that Lirigon man, isn't it?" Cadvan's kind face flashed before Maerad's eyes and she angrily pushed it away. She stubbornly remained silent, even as the laughter began.
"He's weak, Elednor. Someone of your power deserves much better than a simple Bard. You are so much more than that. He can't do your schooling justice. He can't even love and care for you the way an Elemental such as I can."
At that Maerad felt fury rushing through her. "Do not question his love! Just because he loves differently than you Elidhu's, doesn't mean it's wrong. And I am more Bard than anything else in my mind. If it is not so in my heart, I don't care. I am a Bard. I am human."
"I see I've struck a nerve." Arkan's presence recoiled at Maerad's outburst. "First, Elednor, you are much more than a simple Bard, even if you deny it. But this man has your heart, doesn't he?"
Again Maerad flushed and covered her face with her hands as if that would prevent the Winter King from sensing her embarrassment. She didn't speak, but that confirmed Arkan's suspicion more than if she had tried to argue.
"The Fire Lily, Elednor, in love with a lowly Truth Teller. My what a world. And he doesn't know, I presume. You really are no good with emotions. But I see that your love is true. Otherwise, you'd be with him, begging for his protection. Instead, you push him away to protect him yourself." Arkan paused for a moment, and Maerad felt a rush of sadness and worry fill her. It was almost unbearable, and she thought she was about to break into a million pieces. "I sense you feel that. Yes, the man is very distressed at your departure. He cannot sleep."
Maerad realized Arkan was letting her feel Cadvan's emotions, and she felt terrible. She had caused this. He was so worried and sad, and she also sensed a familiar feeling of regret. "I… I didn't mean to."
"Of course you did," Arkan said without any sympathy. "This is exactly what you wanted: You as far away from him as you can get. Of course you knew the sadness it would cause. I know you are not as stupid as you make yourself sound. You must have known."
And Maerad did, and she felt even worse. She wished the Winter King would leave, and she hated every bit of his presence that she could feel. She bit down on her lip and brought her knees to her chest. She felt like dying or sleeping forever. She wanted to be rid of all of these feelings. It seemed like it had been so long since she'd felt something even remotely like happiness. The memory of Cadvan kissing her came into her mind's eye, and she knew that was the last moment she had felt her heart flutter. It had only been for a moment, but it was like a drink of water in the hot desert. It was just enough, but she craved more.
"I have to push back this Darkness," Maerad said so that Arkan could hear her, though she did not care what his thoughts on the matter were. "And then I must go to him."
"So you will not come with me?" Arkan sounded disappointed but mostly annoyed and angry.
"No, I will never go with you," Maerad responded, testing her newfound bravery.
"Because you love this man?"
Maerad hesitated. "For many reasons," she finally said. "But, yes. Also because I love him."
And with that, Arkan's presence left. She still felt chilly, but the cold she felt in her bones was gone, replaced with a confidence she hoped she could grow.
After a few more minutes, she picked herself up off the rock and went back to the cave.
The next morning, Maerad's mind was clear. She felt that she knew what she needed to do. She told Imi to stay and graze by the cave, and also let her know if anything approached. Maerad went back down to the creek and sat on the rock, but pulled her lyre out of her pack.
Her lyre was a beautiful, ancient thing, and had helped defeat the Nameless One. Most importantly to Maerad, it defeated years of loneliness at Gilman's Cot, and also while on the roads on her journey. But without the music, Maerad was sure she would have killed herself, or let herself whither away while a slave in the Cot. Playing it, even for rowdy, touchy drunks, brought her much peace. It also brought her closer to those she played with, and as she stared down at the beautiful carvings, she wished Cadvan was there to play their favorite duet.
But this was something she had to do on her own. She figured that, since the first time the Darkness attacked her was when she was trying to play the lyre, she would simply do that again to bait it back. She focused her magic on regrowing her fingers she had lost, and the golden light reflected off the water below.
She stroked the strings gently, creating beautiful music, and began to softly sing a ballad she loved. It was about a beautiful young woman, and it often reminded her of her late mother.
All was well for a few minutes, and the stillness of the forest bent to the melody that spilled from the small lyre. However, a sense of pain came over Maerad, though she continued to play through. This was it, she noted. This was how she felt when she was attacked at the party. It was here, and she felt its dark presence so forcefully, she even wished that Arkan was back instead of this.
Gritting her teeth, she played through, until a bolt of black energy surged through her, causing her to stumble and fall backward off the rock. She landed painfully on her back, gripping her lyre as her hair mingled with the sand on the creek's edge. She felt dampness from the water on her legs and lower back, but was too focused on fighting back the surge of Darkness to care that she was wet.
She reached for the strings, her hands feeling like bricks as she tried to lift them into position. It was hard to keep her light going, but if her magic faded, she would no longer be able to play the lyre. Maerad knew that if she could just keep playing, she would be able to push the Darkness back, but she found herself slowly unable to continue.
No, she wasn't strong enough. In fear and desperation, she lashed out at the Darkness, and it pulled back enough for her to play more fervently. She couldn't sing aloud, but she mouthed the words, even though it pained her to do so. She thought she had finally gained the upper hand, but the Darkness almost seemed to feed off of her fear and pushed back twice as hard. Maerad found herself flung against a tree as she clutched her lyre.
Her vision was spotty and her glow began to flicker. She cut the scab on the stubs of her fingers and it bled against the strings, but she continued on. She willed herself to continue, but could barely move a muscle, never mind play. She stroked the lyre once more, letting the last note ring out. She had a sudden vision of a small ball of light hurling towards vast darkness. It was quickly consumed and the light was gone, and so was the light within Maerad.
She leaned heavily against the tree. What had she done wrong? She had been so prepared, so ready. The fight almost turned out in her favor, but in the last moments she doubted herself and it all fell apart. She had failed herself, her friends, Innail, and… Cadvan.
Maerad's eyes snapped open as she felt someone prodding at her mind. It was familiar and warm, and she knew it was friendly. Cadvan. He had come for her. Of course he would. He was nearby and she tiredly accepted him in, hoping he would sense where she was. But she was oh, so tired and her hand and head were bleeding, as well as other parts that were bruised and battered. Doom filled her and Darkness began to take her in, both the force of the Dark, and the black spots around her eyes.
She was no fighter, she thought as she slipped into the dark. She was just a failure.
