A/N: This chapter is set in 7x02. The next chapter will begin right after the events of this chapter. I hope you all like it!
Special thanks to samcarter1980 and jekkah!
I don't own criminal minds!
Chapter 8: Small bump
Hotch was preparing the next case when a knock on his door startled him. He quickly regained his composure. ''Come in.''
Emily stepped inside the office and closed the door behind her. She saw Hotch looking at her with questions written all over his face. ''We need to talk about JJ.'' she announced as she sat down in a chair.
''Again?''
Emily sighed deeply. Hotch promised her, he would look after JJ but Emily hadn't seen any difference in her friend's behavior. ''Have you talked to her recently?''
His eyes met hers, knowing his answer wasn't a good one. He had tried, but JJ kept everything extremely professional. He was never able to ask her something about her personal life, which seemed normal to him. He broke her heart and he didn't want to break it further. ''Not since the case in New-York three weeks ago.'' he replied. ''Why? She seems fine to me. I've never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as JJ has been doing during case rotation.''
''This is going to sound selfish. I know that, but something needs to be done.'' Emily sat straight up as she prepared herself. ''I have my own problems, Hotch. I'm worried sick about her. She stayed with me for an entire week and she woke up with nightmares every single night. She isn't fine. She might act like it, but I know exactly what's happening to her. I've had the same problems in Paris. No one was there to help me, but we can help JJ. She needs it.''
''What kind of problems?''
''She feels like her sense of security has been ripped away from her. When she walks down the street, she has her hand on her gun at all times, due to her hyper vigilance.'' she went on. ''She probably doesn't feel safe in her own home anymore. JJ isn't doing fine and I think you need to wake up and see it! You're her boss. Order her to go to therapy.'' Emily said fiercely before walking out the door, not knowing that she just left Hotch with feelings of quilt.
His hand went through his hair as he tried to think of a solution. He couldn't get to close to JJ. He didn't want to order her to do anything. But apparently, she did need some help. Well, she needed to talk someone. That would be the start.
JJ walked through the hallways when she ran into Emily, who just came out of the restroom. JJ quickly caught up with her. ''I'm done!'' she exclaimed.
''So you finished the course?''
''Hmm, and completed my case rotation.'' she answered as they kept walking.
Emily forced a smile on her face because she wanted to be happy for her friend. ''Hotch said he has never seen a rookie profiler analyze and write up cases as well as you.''
The comment made JJ smile. She couldn't help but feel some pride that Hotch noticed that she could do the job. ''He said that?''
''Yeah,'' she replied. ''Well, after all the cases you presented over the years, I'm not surprised.''
They finally walked around the corner when Reid stormed out of the elevator. ''Hey, where have you been? I wanted to brunch this weekend…'' JJ said, but Reid kept walking.
''I had to deal with some stuff with my mom.'' he said quickly. ''Have you seen Garcia?''
''She's with Rossi.'' she answered. She turned around to Emily when Reid was already gone. ''He hates me.''
''He was just busy. Let it go!''
Emily was already halfway towards the conference room when JJ kept standing at the glass doors. She expected the team to have questions about Emily. She just didn't except Reid to act so strange.
''We have a case, JJ.'' Hotch said as he walked up from behind her. He stopped for a moment when JJ turned around.
''I know.'' she said as her mind was trailing off. ''Has Reid said anything to you lately?''
''No.'' he answered simply. ''Why?''
''Never mind.'' She turned on her heels and made her way to the conference room, leaving Hotch behind with even more questions.
The team arrived in Oklahoma two days earlier. Women had been found murdered, being robbed of one of their five senses. They were more victims as the team kept working on a profile. They were able to give the profile after one day with the hopes of finding the unsub. The team was on edge during the case. Reid was angry and frustrated the entire time and he ignored JJ when she tried to talk to him.
JJ followed Reid into the small conference room after they had given the locals the profile. She knew he was angry. She just wanted to explain why she did what she did. ''Spence!'' she called out. Reid turned around for a second, but he kept walking. ''We got to talk about this.'' she suggested.
''What do you want to talk about?'' he asked, his voice low and filled with coldness.
''I get it, okay.'' she started. ''You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.''
He turned around again. ''Look, I've a lot going on, alright?''
JJ turned around to face him as he walked away. ''You..you know what I think it is?'' she asked.
''What?''
''You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital, and you weren't able to detect our deception.'' she suggested.
''You think this is about my profiling skills?'' he began. ''Jennifer, listen! The only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.''
The emotions were written all over JJ's face. ''I couldn't!''
''You couldn't or you wouldn't?'' Reid asked angrily.
''No, I couldn't!''
Reid was about to shake his head, but he started talking. ''What if I started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?''
''You didn't.''
''Yeah, but I thought about it!'' he said, turning around afterwards.
''Spence!'' she called out again. He turned around again with his arms in the air as if he was questioning everything she was saying. ''I'm sorry!''
''It's too late, alright!'' he said at last.
Reid disappeared as JJ's eyes started to water. The team was standing across from her and all eyes were on her. She felt every ounce of strength flowing away. She never wanted to hurt Reid. He was like a little brother to her. She stormed out of the small conference room, trying to escape the stares. She made her way outside the station. The streets were busy, so there was no possible escape for her. She turned around when she realized she had the keys to one of the SUV's. She made a run for it and she climbed inside within seconds. She was sitting in the backseat of the car, when a knock on the window made her cringe. The tall dark haired man who used to be her lover was standing outside with an expression of fear. He opened the door and took a seat next to her with enough distance between them.
He looked to his side. A tear fell down her soft skin. He wanted to hold her tight and keep her close, but he promised to keep a distance. ''Hey.'' It was all he could say for now. Words were slowly disappearing from his brain.
''Hi.'' she greeted back without looking at him.
''I just wanted to let you know that you did a great job on your case rotation, JJ.'' he started off, trying to lighten up her mood. ''You're a good profiler and with a little more experience, you might become the best.''
''Thank you, sir.''
''You don't need to thank me. It's the truth, JJ.'' He shrugged his shoulders. ''Are you okay? Reid was out of line.''
She shook her head in disagreement. ''No, Reid was right. I should've told him. I should've told the team. They had a right to know.''
''There was nothing you could've done differently. It was all about saving Emily.''
''I just don't know how much more I can lose because of this job. It has taken away so much from me. I don't know if it's worth the cost anymore.'' she admitted to him. She looked into his eyes and as always, a comfort fell over her. The attraction and tension was still there. Nothing could ever make that disappear. The moments she was close to him, she wished she could claim him as hers.
''You want to quit?''
''I don't know.'' she replied. ''All I know is that it hurts. It hurts to talk. It hurts to breathe, Hotch. I don't know how much more I can take.''
''I can help you. I can try. I can be there for you.'' he suggested.
She knew he was telling the truth. She could hear it. But most of all, she could see it. His gaze had softened. He looked at her the same way he did when they were all alone in that hotel room. It was a memory she never wanted to forget. It was a moment of weakness as well as a moment of gain. She learned what it was like to truly be loved by another person.
''I can't. We can't.'' she began. ''You're still with Beth. I just know I can't be near you.''
''Beth isn't what I'm looking for, JJ. She isn't you.'' he said. ''I've waited for someone like you my entire life. I think I've waited for you for the past seven years. I'll wait for you for the rest of my life if I have to. Even if it means giving you up for the rest of my life. I'll wait. I love you so much that nothing will ever change that.''
''That's not fair. You can't just say that.''
''I lost you once and I will not lose you a second time, JJ.'' he tried to explain.
''No you didn't, Hotch!'' she said angrily. ''You never lost me. Because you can't lose something you never had!''
JJ was storming out of the car before Hotch could say another word. She was right. He never really had her. He wished he did. He would do anything to get her back. But it was going to take more than a few words. He knew JJ was lost. Everything she ever believed in had been shattered. Love, friends and family. She needed to find it all again. It was still there, but she had lost her belief in it.
