...

"I'm going, Ma!" Her tiny kid yells, slamming the door even though she's told him not to almost every day.

She snorts and throws the dishes into the sink for Hana to clean. One day that girl will snap and demand fair treatment, but she's got news for darling daughter: she's the mother here. What she says goes.

She'll only listen to complaints once there are grandchildren running around. The whining over raising hellions will be hilarious for sure, and it'll practically be music to her ears. Retribution for what she has to go through, she'll say with a smirk.

(What she'll never say is that she hopes to live long enough to see her grandchildren whose existence means her children will get to live on.)

"We should get going too," Kuromaru reminds her.

She lets out a huff at the ninken. She's not old enough to have memory problems or young enough to need a minder. Kuromaru rolls his one eye at her.

While her teeth ache to tear the throat out of Konoha's enemies, the mission desk will have to wait another day. She journeys to the Yamanaka grounds with Kuromaru following her flicker technique flawlessly. They slip into the compound unnoticed by all.

Her target leaves a window open, and she doesn't bother announcing her presence or even knocking. Inoichi, startled by the sudden intrusion in his home office, clamps down on a reaction to her appearance. The subtle change in the man's scent tells her he's not as collected as he would have her believe.

"Alright, start talking. What's so important that you're going around the official channel?" She barks out, leaning against his desk with arms crossed.

"There's a perfectly good chair right there," Inoichi points out dryly.

To spite him, Kuromaru climbs onto it without a word. The chair disappears under the ninken's large frame. She raises an eyebrow at the Yamanaka.

"Cordial as ever, Tsume," Inoichi remarks.

"Get on with it. I didn't follow your convoluted directions for a chat and tea," she tells him.

She's good, but stealth really isn't her strength. The only way she managed to sneak in was to follow the trail laid out for her. Of course, it's not sneaking if the clan head wants you to infiltrate their home without being seen.

"Fugaku isn't happy that his children spend so much time with ours," Inoichi says with a sigh.

"Fugaku ain't happy about a lot of things," she snorts. "So what?"

The man hadn't been the life of the party before getting shunned to the village's outskirts, but Fugaku was downright ornery now. She can't say he doesn't deserve it; instead of reaching out to prove his clan steadfast and loyal, Fugaku went the other way without so much as a backward glance.

"How sure are you that the Uchiha situation is getting worse?" Inoichi asks, seemingly changing topics.

She knows better of course. Inoichi is many things, but scatterbrained isn't one of them. He wouldn't have dragged her away from work to gossip.

"They're about to explode like a crudely drawn explosion tag," she tells him. "The police force is weakening themselves on purpose."

She would know; she's been tasked with watching the Uchiha. It's off the record of course, but who better to be Konoha's watchdogs than her clan? Who better qualified to rip off the traitors' legs than her?

Inoichi leans back with a thoughtful hum. She taps her arm with impatience. Just her luck that the Yamanaka wants to play at being roundabout today.

"Do you believe our children will remain friends throughout the academy?" Inoichi suddenly asks.

"As much as I believe their game is only a phase," she says flatly.

Inoichi winces, and Kuromaru lets out a snicker. The only ones who take the so-called game seriously are the ones in this room. Even Shikaku, stubborn fool, thinks that the academy will straighten the children out of this "knight" thing.

She wants to see his face the moment he realizes Shikamaru will be needing kenjutsu training.

"I may have something of an idea that involves the children," Inoichi admits. "Perhaps it'll only slow down the situation or affect nothing at all."

She glares as the Yamanaka trails off with a pensive expression. If he thinks he can just mention her kid and stop there, he's got another thing coming.

"This better be good, Inoichi," she says, slamming a hand against the desk.

Inoichi only hesitates for a second a longer. She likes to believe it's her womanly charms that convince him to speak up.

"Tell me, what do you think about Uchiha Itachi becoming a kenjutsu instructor?" Inoichi asks.

It takes her a moment to run that through her head.

"You're kidding," she says, disbelieving.

Inoichi's face tells her he's not.

"You want to make that shrimp a teacher? Are you mad?" She asks, checking him over for signs of snapping. "He's nine."

"They want him to take the chunin exams next year," Inoichi tells her grimly. "We both know what happens to geniuses that are pushed to their limits."

Oh, she knows alright. Kakashi is a prime example of that brand of crazy. The saner clans know to hide their more talented children away behind walls of smoke. For the clans like the Uchiha and Hyuuga however…

"You want to keep him from breaking?" She eyes Inoichi.

The man stares back evenly. No, that's not right; Inoichi's not that considerate. Especially if it involves his beloved daughter.

"You want control of Fugaku's kid," she says, switching tracks. "Both of his kids will be under our eyes. We can use 'em as hostages."

"I was thinking more of getting the future Uchiha clan head away from troublesome ideals and into a more knightly one," Inoichi says mildly.

She throws her head back and laughs. She only has a vague idea of what's going on in that blond head of his, but she can already see Fugaku's bulging eyes. Oh, this is going to be good.

"Fine, I'll take the brat on," she grins, "but I ain't taking on those other two brats."

"You already knew what I was going to ask?" Inoichi blinks.

"It's obvious. Getting sloppy in your old age," she says, grinning wider at Inoichi's affronted look. "Now, who do I have to kill? You wouldn't drag me here under secrecy otherwise."

She never imagined having an Uchiha student—any student really, she's never had the time—let alone Fugaku's oldest son. Kuromaru lets out a displeased noise as the details get finalized.

"They smell like cats," the ninken complains.

"Suck it up," she says in response.

Her day ends up getting better too. Perhaps shopping for the weapons to be used in a planned murder isn't the wisest decision she's made, but as Inoichi's paying for it, she intends to get the good stuff.

She's not known for buying expensive wire, so maybe it'll work out. She's weighing her options between a throwing knife or a shuriken when her attention gets grabbed by an adorable midget.

"You have the same face marks as him, and you've got a dog!" Adorable midget approaches her with wide eyes.

She considers the little girl staring up at her in excitement. Hair twisted up in two buns and out of the face, no clan symbols, smells like weapons and grease—a ninja kid, but not a clan one.

A brave kid too, to approach her while she's weapon shopping. She knows plenty of grown ninja that can't say the same.

"You talking about Kiba?" She asks. "Gawain?" She tries at the girl's blank look.

Yep, there it is. The girl's face lights up, and the adorable midget begins gushing. Apparently her son cuts quite the heroic figure, able to save kittens and take down evil doers with a swing of the sword.

And also able to tie excellent knots on prisoners of war. It's that last one that clues her in on the adorable midget's true face.

"I need to join," the girl declares. "I have to."

She could tell the girl where the brats tend to meet up to play. She could give her kid plenty of warning about potentially crazy fangirls. She could do a lot of things technically.

"If you're in the mood for ramen, I think I'll send him out for some tomorrow," she says, grinning. "He likes aggressive girls the most."