Ch8: Magic Food only appears when the fridge's door is closed, that's why you can't see anything but feel something enough to check again and again!


Earlier that day, before Okita went over to see how Yamazaki was doing with the stalking, the Shinsengumi members were all leisurely wasting their time playing cards or watching TV. Okita was sleeping just like always while wearing his eye mask and snoring. It was a very peaceful morning. The demon vice chief wasn't around and there was no one who made them train and boss them around.

It was completely calm, the chief, Kondo-san was probably busy stalking the love of his life at the moment and no one bothered to find him. Little laughter, goofing around and the nice calming sound of the wind chime was the only thing they could hear. It was the perfect morning, until the gorilla appears being shoved inside the room and creating a huge whole on the paper thin wall.

A loud crash and smoke appeared from where he fell, some of the Shinsengumi members playing strip Othello being crashed into. "Chi-chief!" the group called in unison; all wondering what the hell just happened. Okita was still sleeping.

"Kondo you piece of shit! What have you been doing all this time huh, bastard?" if the man talking wasn't wearing a uniform, he'd be accused for a Yakuza boss. He stomped inside the room through the hole he made with the Shinsengumi Gorilla with a bazooka resting on his shoulder, sunglasses, a cigarette between his lips and a big frown on his face.

Every Shinsengumi Member scrambled on their feet, bumped on each other, tried to turn off the television but ends up switching from TV to blu-ray player and playing a porn video with a theme of cops and their chief, tossed their cards away and was desperate to make a line in respect to the god of destruction's arrival. Okita was still sleeping, Kondo was seeing stars.

They salute to the old man in formation as the geezer looked over them with disgust. The room would've been quiet, if it weren't for the lewd sounds coming from the television.

[Ah! Ah! Please~! Chief, forgive me! Have Mercy~! Aaaahn~] the female porn actress moaned.

[You have to properly listen to me! I'm the chief! If I say take off your panties in front of the whole squad! You have to do as I say!] The role playing actor scolded as he continued thrusting inside the woman who role played as a cop.

[Ah! No! Only… ahn.. I want… only the chief…to see… me…take…ah…off~ Hya!] The porn video continued playing. All of the Shinsengumi members tried their very best to stay on position, sweat dripping on their faces and eyes struggling to not look at the old man and specially the television.

"….If it goes up, forget about cutting your bellies for now and cut the thing that goes up off instead." The old man sat in front of the television lazily turning his back on them.

"….ug…um…roger" All the members hesitantly said in unison.

"I don't hear you!"

"ROGER!" they said in a louder voice.

"WAIT!" Kondo immediately stands up. "Ju-ju-ju-just what are you doing perverted old man!" he pointed at the old man. "Didn't you have anything to say to them besides that?! Why are you watching that now of all times?! Didn't you come here for a reason? Did you just wanted to kick me and leave me half dead or something? For now, STOP WATCHING THAT!"

"Shut up, stupid Gorilla. Tsk, I'll be confiscating this…" he took the cd from the player. "AH! Oi! I haven't watched it yet! I haven't had a chance to use it yet!" Kondo added.

"Didn't I told you to shut up, good for nothing Gorilla?! Oi, where's the remote? Switch this back to TV and change the channel." The chief of the national police looked around, he saw the remote near the sleeping Okita.

"Oi, Sougo-bastard, if you don't get up and change the channel in the count of three I'll shoot you right where your silly bratty dreams are coming from…" he takes out his pistol and aims at the still sleeping Okita Sogou, commander of the first squad.

"So-sogou!" Kondo calls out.

"Yosh… ONE" the god of destruction ends the count at one and pulls the trigger.

"Where did two and three go?!" Kondo still surprises himself.

A loud bang was heard from the pistol and another from where the pistol hit, the remote.

"Ah… sorry old man, the remote is a goner." Okita used it as a shield.

"You bastard, how dare you use the innocent remote's life as a sacrifice for your bratty ass." the chief scolded using his yakuza tone as usual. "Remote-san's mother and father are going to cry because of you, you ungrateful midget."

"Just when did the remote have a life and parents? Did you meet them? You met them didn't you? Is that why you're here? The remote was a runaway, wasn't he? How could a remote have parents?! Sougo! Old man, calm down!" Kondo interfered with the two.

"Well… enough with your Gorilla rants, I'm a pretty busy man, you know? I don't have all the time in the world to play with your immature balls and watch you're kiddy porn vids…" the old man finally stood up straight, slipping the cd in his inner pocket and faced the Shinsengumi members in their formation.

"What is this man saying? He just took the kiddy porn, didn't he? Just now, he was about to get into an immature fight with Sougo wasn't he?" Kondo said to himself, ignored.

"Listen up you good for nothings! I HATE it! I really hate it! Those elite-bastards! They're all frills and white ribbons, those girls." He started. Okita finally peeked from his eye mask and was watching with one eye open. Kondo stood a few feet away from the old man while the other members stood straight with their hands on their backs as they listened well, some sweated out of nervousness.

"BUT if there's one thing I hate more than those made-up-copy-cat of ours… is…YOU GOOD FOR NOTHINGS!" he glared at every one of them.

"..ugh" Kondo gulped down nervously as his comrades did.

"Especially when all you do is sit around here playing with your junk and doing nothing about how they're taking your spotlight! Do you understand? Normally you guys would be in charge of guarding Sho-chan's path to becoming a man, but nooooo… the task was given to those girls this time…" the old man started to rant. "…and what do I see when I get here? You guys watching this kiddy stuff and playing with yourself! Makes me really regret ever picking you guys from the street, should've just left you all starving there…"

"…o-old man, come now, calm down… it's bad for your heart, you're pretty old and all… so? Where were we supposed to take the shogun this time anyway?" Kondo asked nervously ignoring the whole regret thing the old man just said.

"A nightclub…" he answered.

The picture of the Shogun sitting still in one of the luxurious corners of a nightclub while nearly naked people danced appeared before their minds, as well as the Mimawarigumi standing still in the background fitting in completely. Some of the members coughed and tried their best not to laugh; they didn't fit in at all.

"…is what I suggested but those elite-bastards completely shut down the idea and suggested to go to some shady art convention or something those girls like a lot. In the end, I had to pay for the nightclub's reservation cancellation and everything…" the geezer continued.

"In the end, that's the real reason why you're mad isn't it? Also, you're the one that shamelessly suggested the nightclub idea, why are you blaming us? Of course, no one would want the Shogun to go to a nightclub especially after what happened last time in the hostess club…" Kondo pointed out.

"So! I suggested a fun way to show those girls their place to Sho-chan and he humbly accepted, said it could be the perfect entertainment for his birthday. Some bastard-amanto are going to come too so why the heck not?" the geezer ignored Kondo.

Okita stood up and took off his eye mask completely, finally. A fun way?

"Listen you herd of idiots! Tomorrow we'll be having a match with the Mimawarigumi in front of the Shogun!"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH?!"


"So? What do you guys want us to do about it?" Gintoki picked on his nose as he sat king-like in front of the Shinsengumi first squad's leader.

"Come now, Danna. The timing is too suspicious, especially with how Hijikata-san is like this…" Okita looked over to where Toshi was, still tied up. Okita appeared the minute Shinpachi was smacked in the head the second time by Gintoki and asked for a job.

"Listen here, it's too troublesome! This guy's too much of a trouble already and you just jog in here adding more trouble! No way, no way am I doing it! Don't you guys have trust with your members? Think they're all too weak against those elites? Does that Gorilla-Chief know about you asking for help?" Gintoki stood his ground.

"We'll pay you… whatever the amount you want…" Okita said.

"….." Gintoki stared at him with a 'what the heck are you saying, can you hear yourself right now?' expression.

"Ummm…" Toshi interrupted. The two look over to where he was, Shinpachi, Kagura and Hasegawa were peeking from the hallway.

"…Hijikata-shi, said that Okita-shi should go back and forget about it-degozaru" he passed on the message from his inner self. "…and, Sakatashi, how long am I supposed to stay tied up like this?"

"….See? Even the high mighty Vice-Chief doesn't want you asking for our help!" Gintoki scoffed.

"…the guy who let his guard down and turned into an ultimate Tsundere has no right to talk…" Okita said, he stands up from his seat and walks over to where Toshi was.

"Okita-shi?" Toshi called, confused.

Okita unsheathes his sword and with one slash, releases Toshi from the sadistic ropes.

"What are you doing?! What're you going to do if he goes berserk again?!" Gintoki stood up and panicked.

"Then just let him… he's worthless anyway, just let him try kill Kondo-san. All the more excuse for me to kill him and take his job…" Okita sadistically smirked. "Then he wouldn't have any more authority to tell me what I'm not supposed to do, right?"

"O-o-oi! Calm down! What do you think you're doing? Don't turn my beloved home into a massacre scene! Okita-kun!" Gintoki tried to stop him; Okita continued to swing his sword toward Toshi, who luckily continued to dodge.

"U-uwaaaa~!" Toshi panicked. "O-okita-shi! Please STOP!" he sees his cursed sword in Gintoki's hands and quickly runs for it. "Oi! Come back here!" Okita ordered.

"GAh!" Gintoki screamed when Toshi pounces on him to get the sword. Toshi successfully retrieves his sword and stands up proudly, quivering. "Ha-haha!" he faces Okita to see… a demon, a sadistic demon pointing his menacing sword right at him.

Toshi runs away. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Wai-wait Toshi! Where are you going?!" Shinpachi screamed as he tried to follow the speed of freight. "Toshi! Come back! You still haven't told me how you feel about me-aru!" Kagura added in.

"Enough with that!" Shinpachi scolded.

Okita followed as well but stopped right outside the house. "Tch, he got away…" he receives a hard smack in the head. "-ouch!"

"Bastard! Look at what you did!" Gintoki scolded.


Author: ….I'm hungry… sorry for the mistakes, gaaaaaaaaah rewatched a bit of gintama and I completely forgot how toshi uses 'degozaru' GAAAAAH I'm really SORRY!…thanks for reading from all the way up there to all the way down here and surviving~!