So this underwent so many re-writes that I'm personally sick of it. This fics recently undergone a massive plot overhaul, okay that's an exaggeration, but I have changed certain elements. Personally I think it'll be better this way (I wouldn't have done it otherwise) and hopefully you guys will love it too.

Since I've changed some elements, Crimsongaze will be happy to know that I have no longer ruined part of the story for her.

Enough from me, on with the chapter!


Chasing the Light

Hissing through her teeth, Soi slowly made her way towards the Eleventh bar. She kept her right arm tight against her body it throbbed with every step she took, a dull ache in her left thigh wasn't quite bad enough to make her limp but hurt enough to constantly grate on her consciousness. She stopped a moment to adjust herself. Using her left hand to support her right elbow she gently angled it away from her body; it was already swollen. It was an old nagging injury; several months ago she had wrenched her elbow while trying to pull herself up a wall. Every so often she managed to hurt it again, usually while sparring or simply by trying to lift too much weight. Today she had managed to give it a knock that had in all probability worsened it to a stage where she should probably forgo any form of exercise for it.

She had been out jogging, the previous night had been cold and several patches of ice were spread throughout the park; she hadn't been paying attention. It was her own fault; she'd ignored her surroundings and slipped. Her instincts taking over she had tried to roll. Her right arm taking the brunt of her body weight, unfortunately her elbow hadn't been strong enough to handle her body weight and had collapsed under her. She had twisted it and landed heavily.

The Eleventh bar had been the closest place for her to go for help. She hated hospitals and didn't deem the injury severe enough to warrant medical attention anyways. Grimacing against the pain she soldiered on, nearly smiling when she saw Ikkaku's car parked outside the bar. She'd been worried that no one would be in, or that only Kenpachi would be; chances were he'd just tell her to fuck off.

It hadn't been a great morning so far...

/\/\/\

Soi opened her eyes slowly, one arm was trapped beneath her body and completely numb, the other was free and hugging a cushion tight to her. Shifting, she rolled onto her back and flung her working arm over her eyes before groaning. It felt as though her brain was swollen and pressing against the inside of her skull. She rubbed at her eyes and winced, and then she froze.

"Oh for fucks sake..." She muttered before forcing herself to sit up. She was naked. "Wonderful." With great effort she rolled off of the couch and landed on all fours on the ground. Big mistake, the sudden movement caused her stomach to lurch and she was nearly sick right there. Eventually, after much gagging and swallowing, she managed to climb to her feet. Her clothes appeared to be strewn about the room, she gathered her trousers and what she assumed was her top and made a valiant effort at getting dressed. The trousers were easy to navigate, the top not so much and she was forced to give up and drop it back on the floor. Thankfully Yoruichi had left a shirt lying across the back of the couch and Soi had pilfered it, favouring the larger garment than to walking around the apartment half-naked. At this point she had taken a moment to rock unsteadily on the heels of her feet, her world was disconcertingly unbalanced. After a moment of swaying she stumbled to the bathroom. Soi had discovered several years ago that if she mixed her drinks, even if she only deviated the once and no matter how little she drank, she'd have to suffer a terrible hangover. Which made her wonder why she had decided it would be a good idea to do so last night.

The bathroom was warm and exactly the temperature she didn't need right no. She soldiered on regardless, dropping to her knees in front of the toilet to partake in her usual hangover ritual; a vigorous course of vomiting followed by immediate rehydration. Afterward, and feeling much better, she shuffled to the kitchen and made herself a coffee. The alcohol haze was lifting from her mind and she set about slowly piecing together the puzzle of the previous night.

She wished she hadn't bothered. She wished that the previous night could have remained lost to her consciousness that it had never happened. Childishly she considered pretending that she couldn't remember, that the alcohol had blacked it from her mind; but she knew that it wouldn't work. She hadn't been that drunk, she'd hardly been drunk at all, a little bit tipsy was all; she wasn't half the lightweight that Yoruichi was. There was no way she could pretend that she didn't remember, Yoruichi would know.

Slowly her head dropped to her arms and she groaned. Her masochistic mind played her and Yoruichi's fight over and over again in her mind. She desperately wanted it to stop, but was afraid to force the memory form her mind because that would only bring another memory to the fore front of her mind; a much darker memory. She tensed as her treacherous mind took her to the events after the fight.

She felt sick again.

She picked herself up from the stool she was sitting on and slowly made her way towards the Goddess' bedroom, each step heavy and wooden. After what almost felt like an eternity she found her fingers curling round the handle on the door. She paused and took a moment to steady herself. She needed to make sure that she was doing the right thing, that she had considered all the facts. Was she sure of what had happened last night?

Coward

She could just walk away? Leave and never come back.

Coward

It would be a fitting end to such a dysfunctional relationship. Swallowing she half turned away from the door fully intent on fleeing but found herself stopped. Her body jerked as something pulled hard on the shirt she was wearing. For a fearful second she thought that she had been caught, that Yoruichi was awake and dragging her back. She spun and felt the shirt bunch and pull again. The hem was caught and twisted on the door handle. She stared at it, her shaking hand moved to unwind the fabric. She stepped back and hung her head in shame.

Spineless coward

She closed her eyes, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth; once, twice and a third time for good measure. She forced herself to calm. Her hand, trembling slightly, gripped the silver handle and she pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The room was dark, only the barest hint of light escaped through hastily closed blinds. Soi stepped further inside, although the rest of the apartment was warm it felt cold in here. She turned to face the bed.

She felt herself tense again, she moved forward automatically and stopped a few feet away from the large bed and stared. She had expected to find Yoruichi asleep, snoring her way through her problems like she usually did. Yoruichi was asleep, but rather than being flung out across the bed in her usual manner she was curled in the very centre of the bed hugging her knees up close to her body. At some point in the night she must have kicked the covers off of the bed or perhaps she hadn't bothered with them in the first place since she was shaking with the cold. She looked strangely small and child-like curled up like that, shivering her breath hissing through her teeth.

Soi took a step back, her hands bunching into fists and her eyes squeezing closed. She remembered Yoruichi's strong arms holding her down, the feel of the Goddess' body pressed tight against her own breath hot on her bare skin. She remembered the feeling of complete helplessness. Of desperately wanting her to stop, wanting to be released, wanting to be held and...

Soi violently shook her head, confusion lacing her thoughts.

She remembered Yoruichi shuddering against her. Had she kissed Yoruichi? She recalled stroking a dark cheek, the bruise she had caused burning her own hand. Yoruichi had trembled against her, had pulled away and fled.

Worst of all Soi remembered the look in those golden eyes.

The Chinese girl opened her own eyes and forced herself to look down on the woman in front of her. Yoruichi looked so fragile and vulnerable curled in the foetal position and drowning in a sea of white. Soi took another step back and looked away. She switched to auto-pilot; carefully she picked the covers from the floor and draped them over the sleeping woman. She checked the window and finding it open closed it, satisfied that she was leaving the room in slightly more hospitable conditions she left.

/\/\/\

Soi's small hand thudded against the large door of the Eleventh bar, each time she beat her fist against the wood a thrum of pain would vibrate through her injured arm. She gave the door a kick and staggered back.

"You know Kenpachi isn't in, right?"

She spun round. Madarame Ikkaku was leaning against his car, his arms folded against his chest. Unbelievably, he was dressed in a short sleeved shirt, the cold weather clearly not affecting him whatsoever. He tilted his head to the side and looked at her, at least she thought he was looking at her; he was wearing dark sunglasses and she couldn't see his eyes.

"Clearly not otherwise I wouldn't be knocking," She replied feeling annoyed and a little bit foolish. "Do you have the keys?"

"Yup," He pulled them from his pocket and smiled. "Do you want in?"

"That would be nice."

"Why?"

"Because I have a hunch that Nazi gold is buried here," She quipped back. "Why the fuck does it matter?"

"Temper, temper," The bald man pushed himself away from his car and sauntered up to her. "You been fighting?"

"No."

"Did you lose?"

"I haven't been fighting," She snarled. "I was out running and fell."

"Huh?" He cocked his head to the side. "Unlucky." He pushed her roughly out of the way and inserted the key into the lock. "Go on in, the alarm isn't set."

Gritting her teeth against the pain in her arm she walked in. It was strange seeing the bar bathed in natural light; she was used to seeing the dull glow of the lights that helped hide the state of the place. With daylight she could make out exactly where the real damages was, and which tables were bolted to the ground.

"So, you tripped up," Ikkaku said from behind her. "Break anything? The way you're holding your arm I wouldn't be surprised."

She shook her head. "It's just bruised, it's an old injury. I just need some ice and to sit down for a while."

"Be my guest," Ikkaku walked past her and went behind the bar. "Need the first aid kit?"

"We have a first aid kit?"

"Somewhere," He answered looking about the bar. "Here it is."

Soi walked over to the bar and looked down at the small battered box that Ikkaku had retrieved from behind the bar. He opened it and Soi couldn't help but roll her eyes, it was filled with crayons.

"Guess Yachiru claimed this," she said.

"Looks that way," he confirmed. "I'll go get you some ice. Take a seat." He turned to head towards the cellar and then stopped. "Oh, and Yumichika's about here somewhere, so don't be surprised if he makes an appearance."

"Wonderful," She muttered. She did as he told her though, sitting down at the nearest table and closing her eyes. It didn't take Ikkaku long to return with a bag filled with ice, he sat down opposite her and wrapped the ice bag in a towel, handing it over to her. Gratefully she took it and pressed it against her elbow, hissing at the contact.

"It's a good job you didn't get those injuries in a fight," He told her. "You'd have lost your job here. We don't have any room for staff that can't defend themselves." He took a pack of cigarettes out from his pocket and opened them. Pulling put a single cigarette he tapped it against the packet a few times before sticking it in his mouth and lighting it. His lighter was worn but expensive looking; he flicked the lid of it open and close several times as he watched her. "It isn't just about defending yourself though; you need to be able to throw in the offensive too."

"Is there a point to your story?"

He took the cigarette from his mouth and flicked it; ash floated down and littered the table between them. "I ain't ever seen you fight."

"I don't care," She replied. "Kenpachi wouldn't have given me the job if he didn't think I was up to it."

"You got the job because you came with recommendations," Ikkaku said. "Shunsui, Ukitake and your benefactor all said that you could handle it. Now," He leant back in his seat placing his hands behind his head. "I'm not saying a woman can't fight as well as a man, hell I've seen Tatsuki-Chan kick guys twice her size ass. I've seen your benefactor put a guy through a door. But you, well I'm not too sure you can cut it in a real fight."

Soi drew her teeth back in a snarl. His condescending tone set her on edge, his relaxed pose showed that he felt absolutely no threat from her and his continued use of the word benefactor to describe Yoruichi made her angrier than she had felt in months and it really wasn't a good day to be ticking her off. "Any more problems with me you'd like to spit out?" She demanded.

He removed his sunglasses and folded them hooking them over his shirt collar. "I only have one problem with you," He said calmly. "You're all bark and no bite."

She flung the ice in her hand straight into his face and launched herself from the chair and over the table, injuries be damned, she'd fucking kill him! Her left arm stretched out and seized the front of his shirt and she used the momentum from her jump to push him backwards and to the ground, her thigh and arm screaming in protest. She saw the shock on his face as his back hit the ground, her feet landing either side of him. Her right arm went straight down towards his exposed throat but jolted to a stop and she cried out in pain. He had grabbed hold of her injured elbow, his fingers digging into the tender bruised flesh.

"Not very smart," He said coolly. "Trying to fight me when you're injured like that."

"Fuck you!" She spat.

"Please do," he replied smugly.

She punched him with a left hook. He released her arm and shoved her back with his foot and she went into the table behind her. When she had recovered he was on his feet and grinning at her, a thin trail of blood leaking from his nose.

"You know," he said wiping the blood away with the back of his hand. "You hit like a girl."

She spun on her heel, her left leg curving round high towards his head. He blocked it but was completely unprepared for her following kick from her right leg which caught him hard in the side. He stumbled and she lashed out with her feet, pivoting on her heels always keeping one foot firmly on the ground and the other in the air on the offensive. He dodged back from her. Slapping her kicks away when he could and ducking and weaving where he needed to.

He caught one of her legs tightly against his body and stepped sharply back pulling her off balance. He threw her trapped leg round causing her to whirl round. Before she'd made a full rotation she felt his arms wrap tightly around her from behind; pinning her arms to her body. With ease he lifted her off of the ground, her kegs kicked out at the air. He turned and her foot contacted with the bar. He gripped her tighter squeezing the air from her lungs and crushing her elbow into her body. Her flailing legs kicked into the bar again and this time she grinned and kicked simultaneously off from the bar propelling them both backwards. Ikkaku lost his footing and they both went down. His arms released her as she fell on him crushing the wind from him; she rolled backwards and landed nimbly on her feet. Not even taking a moment to consider what her next action would be she charged forward all rage and fury and roaring frustration. She didn't know how it happened, she had no idea what he did, but somehow the world spun upside down for a moment and then the floor came crashing up to meet her.

She screamed out but felt strong arms pin her down. Ikkaku was above her, one arm holding both hers down above her head; he was sitting on her legs. She couldn't move. He smiled down at her. "You lose," He said at last. "Good job you're not my type, I have you in a very precarious position."

She wanted to scream at him but felt drained all of a sudden all the fight leaving her system. "Let me up," she said breathing heavily.

He shrugged and let go of her hands and climbed to his feet. "Do you feel better for that?"

She paused and looked up at him. "Yeah," She answered honestly. "I do."

"Good. Now get up."

She did as she was told and gingerly climbed to her feet, wincing; her whole body ached now. Ikkaku didn't say another word, he simply handed her the ice back and sat back down. She followed suit, picking up her tipped over chair and sitting on it. "So, what was that for?" She asked after a moment of silence.

"You looked like you need to vent," he replied. "Don't go telling me what your problems are though. I don't care." He pulled his cigarettes back out of his pocket, the packet was crushed and he fished out a wonky ciggie. "But if you're distracted then you won't be able to do your job. What if we got some sort of loony in here that started tearin' up the joint?"

"I'm sure you or Kenpachi would take care of it."

He smiled. "Probably. But what if we're not around? This place attracts idiots who think they have something to prove. We always have to be stronger than them. If you're phasing out then you're no good to us." He lit his cigarette. "You got problems then take em out on your benefactor. That's what she's there for, right?"

"Don't call her my benefactor."

He grinned. "That's what she is though, isn't she? Your patron. She may as well put a leash on you and enter you in a –"

"Shut up!" Soi screamed at him.

He stared at her wide eyed. "Alright, calm down." Taking the cigarette from his mouth he held it out to her. "Smoke this and fuck off. Your shift doesn't start till tonight." She took the cigarette from him. He nodded and climbed to his feet. "I'm going to go find Yumichika; you'd better not be here when we get back." He walked away.

Soi stubbed out the cigarette on the bar top. Her elbow was throbbing now, the pain etching through her whole arm. She closed her eyes and leant her head back, feeling the strain on her neck she rubbed it with her hand.

She remembered Yoruichi's fingers splayed over her throat.

What should I do?

Sighing she sat straight and removed the ice bag. Her arm was bruised from wrist to bicep, her elbow a dark purple-blue. She started when she felt her cell vibrate in her pocket. Retrieving it from her pocket she was dismayed to see that the screen was broken. It could be anyone calling, but she could hardly ignore it. What if it was her parents? She slid the lid up and held it to her ear.

"Yeah?" She said hoping that it was someone from college or one of her brothers.

"Soi!" Called out a brash voice. "how ya doin'?"

Soi frowned. "Who's this?"

"It's Kuukaku, you stupid fuck!"

Oh great...

"How did you get my number? Did Yoruichi give it to you?"

"I stole her phone," Kuukaku replied in a normal tone that suggested stealing was an everyday occurrence between her and Yoruichi.

"What the fuck do you want?" Soi demanded.

Kuukaku laughed. "Do you kiss ya mother with that mouth?"

"Get fucked, Shiba!" Soi hissed. "I don't know what you're trying to do here but I –"

"Uh huh,"

"- don't want to talk to you or to Yoruichi. The pair of you can go play your – "

"Uh huh,"

" – stupid fucking games with someone else!"

"You're kinda angry, huh?" If anything the Shiba woman sounded amused.

"I don't have anything to say to you or to-"

"Whatever."

"I'm hangin-"

"Shut up," Kuukaku cut in. "Yoruichi wants to talk to you."

"Wait!" Soi called out but knew that it was too late.

Hang up, hang up, hang up

She didn't. She stayed on the phone pressing it tightly to her ear, her heart somewhere in her throat.

"Hey Soi," Yoruichi said her voice sounding odd, hoarser than usual.

Soi swallowed. "... hey,"

What was she supposed to say? She was completely unprepared for this conversation. She could feel herself trembling; butterflies were dancing in her stomach.

"So, uh, how are you?" Yoruichi asked.

Soi's jaw dropped. She felt anger surge in her that Yoruichi had the gall to ask such a pointless and loaded question. She was about to shout all her fury out on the Goddess when Yoruichi continued.

"That was a stupid question," She said quickly. "Look," she sighed. "Where are you?"

Still angry, Soi didn't feel like giving Yoruichi the answer. "Out," she stated instead.

"Okay."

Neither of them spoke. Soi waited, she was a little interested in what Yoruichi had to say for herself and was also enjoying the fact that the older woman was clearly out of her comfort zone.

"We need to talk."

Oh...

She didn't like those words, or the tone they were spoken in. What little satisfaction Soi had been feeling from Yoruichi's discomfort was now drowned in blind panic. She gripped the edge of the table with her free hand and forced herself to speak.

"Agreed," Somehow she had managed to keep her voice level.

"Right, well, could you meet me back at mine?" Yoruichi asked.

It was too quick, she needed time to think. "I'm a little busy right now." She cringed at the lie. Behind her the bar door banged open and Ikkaku and Yumichika sauntered in, the latter talking loudly. Soi pressed her hand against her ear so that she'd be able to hear Yoruichi over the din they were making.

"Oh."

Did she sound disappointed? A little shocked? Soi couldn't help but feel slightly satisfied at that.

"What the hell you still doing here?" Ikkaku asked loudly.

Soi ignored him.

She heard Yoruichi cough. "When are you going to be free?" she asked, her voice sounding higher than usual.

"I shouldn't be too long. Give me an hour or so."

"Okay," Yoruichi's seemed a little brighter on this. "Uh, what are you doing?"

Why do you care?

"I'm out," Soi answered forcing her voice into a neutral tone.

"Right."

Neither of them spoke. Soi thought she could hear Yoruichi breathing heavily.

"You all right?" She asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Yoruichi replied thickly. "I'll see you in an hour."

"Right," Soi hung up and dropped her phone on the table. "Fuck!" She kicked the table.

Ikkaku and Yumichika stared at her. "I'll go make coffee," Ikkaku said to Yumichika. "You can field this one."

/\/\/\

Soi was thankful to leave the Eleventh bar. If Ikkaku's idea of helping someone was to get into a fight with them, then Yumichika's was to console them on their lack of beauty. The pair had kept her there for over an hour babbling away about absolutely nothing. Now she was risking running late and also hadn't had time to actually think over what she was going to say to Yoruichi.

She was going to be late at this rate. The Eleventh bar was too far from Yoruichi's apartment, it would probably take her another half hour just to walk there. She quick walked, weaving between the crowd of people milling about, keeping her arm tucked close to her body. It was no good. The streets were just too crowded, slowing her progress. She slowed to a stop so that she could consider her next move. A taxi would be the most sensible option if she wanted to make it to Yoruichi's in good time.

If I want to make it there at all, She thought. Do I?

She chewed on her lip and thought back to last night. What could they say? As much as Soi wanted to blame Yoruichi for the whole thing she knew she couldn't. She remembered the feel of the Goddess pressed against her and Soi swallowed.

I'm not angry, She realised. And she wasn't, instead she felt nothing but shame. She was ashamed at her own weakness, her own neediness and lust.

Soi searched her pockets in the vague hope that she'd have some money. All she had was her phone and an old receipt, she sighed. She was wearing her cargo pants that she usually wore for Parkour jumping. She rarely carried anything with her when she was out running. She slipped her hands into her back pockets and slumped slightly. She froze, her left hand brushed against something unmistakably crisp and made of paper. Slowly, she pulled out the foreign object and stared at it; it was a brand new 5000 Yen note. Since when did she carry that much money in her pocket?

Soi smiled warmly. "Such a fucking idiot," She murmured. Well no, not an idiot, but not very subtle with her helping hand either. It was enough to help Soi with her groceries and other things, but small enough that Soi probably wouldn't think it too odd to have been left in her back pocket. It was easily enough for a taxi to the Heiress apartment. Soi wasn't usually one for believing in signs; but somewhere between breaking her cell and somehow having enough money for a taxi she could possibly be converted.

/\/\/\

Yoruichi slouched back on her couch, her feet resting on the coffee table occasionally tapping along to the tune she plucked out on the worn old guitar resting on her lap. It had been her first guitar, once belonging to Kaien she had won it off of him after thrashing him at a computer game. He had been livid that he'd actually lost, and to a girl as well which only added insult to injury. He'd been adamant that Yoruichi wouldn't be able to learn how to play it which had led to another bet. Like so many other things in her life, the Goddess had mastered how to play the guitar with ease. She wasn't entirely sure if Kaien had ever forgiven her; she'd made him give her a lift to school every day for a full month and had also made him carry her bag. She smiled at the memory. It had been worth the rumours of them dating just to see the usually easy going Shiba Kaien in such a flunk.

Her eyes turned to the clock on the wall. Soi was running late, it had been nearly two hours since Yoruichi had called. She wasn't too worried though, Soi always made good on her promises and she hadn't really specified how long 'or so' was. Yoruichi leant her head back against the couch and let the fingers of her left hand dance up the frets while her thumb brushed against the strings, it was awkward since she was left handed but he'd long ago grown used to it. She closed her eyes and let the slow melody she was strumming wash over her. Her eyes snapped open when she heard a key in the door. Chucking the guitar down, she leapt to her feet and bounded over to the door and wrenched it open. Soi all but fell through the suddenly open door.

"Shit! Are you trying to kill me?" She asked her eyes wide.

"Sorry," Yoruichi apologised. She waved the younger girl in and closed the door. "I'm just kinda antsy. I've been doing a lot of thinking and – holy shit! What happened to you?" Yoruichi stared down at Soi in shock.

"Huh?" Soi said looking perplexed.

"What happened to you?" Yoruichi repeated. Soi looked terrifyingly like she'd gotten into a fight and lost quite badly. Her hair was mussed up one of her braids having come loose; her left cheek was grazed and smudged with dry blood and most worryingly of all she was holding her right arm close to her body, cradling it.

"Oh, I fell," Soi replied with an indifferent shrug.

"You fell?" Yoruichi intoned not quite believing the lack of concern Soi was showing herself. Calm down Yoruichi mentally told herself. She's clearly alright. Otherwise she'd have gone to hospital like a normal sensible person. Of course Soi often showed a remarkable lack of common sense. "Right, well, go sit down. I'll get the first aid kit."

"I'm fine."

Yoruichi stared at her in disbelief. "You don't look fine."

Soi looked down at her feet. Slowly she stepped out of her shoes and gently shoved them over to the door. Looking back up to Yoruichi she opened her mouth as though she was going to say something but clearly thought better of it. She shrugged and walked over to the couch sitting down.

Yoruichi sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "How far did you fall?" She asked walking into the kitchen and rummaging through a cupboard looking for the first aid kit her assistant had insisted she own.

"Not too far," Soi replied. "I'm pretty sure it looks worse than it is."

Finding the first aid kit Yoruichi made her way over to Soi. She sat down on the coffee table and faced the small girl sitting opposite her. "I'd rather you didn't go jumping off of buildings."

"And I'd rather you didn't smoke."

"Touché," Yoruichi smiled and held out her hand. "Give me your arm."

Silently, and with only the slightest of pouts, Soi held her injured arm out for Yoruichi. "Since when did you know first aid?"

"Hey, I was a professional athlete, you learn how to look after yourself," She slowly wrapped a bandage round the bruised and swollen elbow. "I'm surprised you don't know any first aid. I mean; you're a black belt in a ridiculous amount of martial arts but you don't know what to do with a sprained ankle. Somewhere along the line I'd have thought that you'd have learnt at least the basics. There." Yoruichi leant back and admired her own handiwork. "Don't go lifting anything heavy or leaning on it, doctors orders." She reached forward to brush her fingers against Soi's cheek, but the younger girl flinched back and away from her. Yoruichi froze, her hand hung between them; slowly she withdrew it and placed it flat on her thigh. She bit her lip and looked away, all too aware of the awkward air between them.

Soi shifted back on the couch and further away from Yoruichi. The silence seemed to stretch on for an agonising amount of time. Finally Soi broke it. "You wanted to talk," She said her voice quiet.

"Yeah," Yoruichi said her voice slightly hoarse, her throat felt very dry all of a sudden. She licked her lips and swallowed trying to will some moisture into her mouth. "Last night," She started turning to face Soi. "Well, I'm not proud of it to say the least."

"Which part of it?"

Yoruichi winced. "All of it," She replied in a hushed voice. She took a deep calming breath. "Look, I can admit that I probably shouldn't have gone off and danced with someone else, but you don't really leave me many options on that front. Let me finish," Yoruichi said quickly holding up her hand to silence Soi who had opened her mouth obviously about to protest. "You can yell at me once I'm done explaining myself, deal?"

"Fine," Soi nodded.

"Good," Yoruichi took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I don't think you've ever danced with me, and I mean ever. It probably does make me a bad girlfriend going off and leaving you whenever we go out somewhere, but I get bored just sitting round talking." Soi had a pained look on her face and she looked away from Yoruichi who continued talking. "I mean we go out to socialize right? I like meeting new people, that doesn't mean that I'd rather be with them then you just that at that moment I want to try something new."

"Or someone new," Soi muttered under her breath.

Yoruichi flinched. "Low blow," she mumbled sliding back on the table putting more distance between her and Soi. "I don't have the best track record when it comes to being faithful, we ended pretty badly last time and I know that I was to blame for that. I'm not going to deny it. But," She leant forward and looked Soi dead in the eye. "I really am trying this time."

Soi sighed. "I know you are," she edged forward on the couch. "What about when we got back from the club?"

This was the part Yoruichi had been dreading. Her insides went cold and she wrapped her arms round herself. Soi was staring at her; those icy grey eyes seemed to be looking right through her. Yoruichi bounced her knees nervously her fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her top.

What is wrong with me? She wondered. Why am I so nervous? I never get nervous.

Now she felt annoyed with herself. She opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out so she closed it again with a snap. Soi was frowning at her, confusion evident in the small girl's eyes. Yoruichi forced herself to remain still.

Get a grip. It's just Soi.

"Last night," she started surprised at how strained her voice sounded. She coughed. "Last night, I..." She trailed off.

What? I what?

Soi slid back up the couch and away from Yoruichi. The frown had slipped from her face and was replaced by a look that was infinitely sadder ... and perhaps a little fearful.

Yoruichi stood up suddenly and moved away. She kept an arm wrapped around herself, her free hand going to her face and rubbing her eyes. She couldn't stand it she hated the way that Soi was looking at her.

"Fuck!" She barked out kicking at the coffee table. She drew in long shaky breaths, the back of her hands pressed against her eyes.

Calm down

Get a Grip

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

She let out a long breath and dropped her hands to her side. Turning to face Soi, she balled her hands into fists to keep them from fidgeting. "Last night," she repeated. Soi wasn't even looking at her anymore she was turned away and looking to the window. Yoruichi took a tentative step forward determined to explain her actions, she reached a hand out and gently touched Soi's shoulder. Soi turned her head and looked at the hand resting on her shoulder, her eyes lifted and she looked directly into Yoruichi's golden orbs.

Of all the things she smiled. "Just say that you're sorry and we'll leave it at that," She said.

Yoruichi stared at her. She pulled her hand sharply away as though she'd just been electrocuted. This wasn't like Soi at all.

"When we got back here from the club, what happened between us..." she trailed off a faint blush staining her cheeks and she looked away.

What? That wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to go at all. Where was the fire? The fury? You should be angry, you should be furious with me.

"Soi..." She hung her head. "You have every right to be angry with me. I, when we got back here, what I did."

"Just say you're sorry," She made it sound so undemanding.

I'm sorry.

Yoruichi opened her mouth and once again found that she had no words. Soi was looking at her, that mixture of sadness and fear still etched on her small face.

I'm sorry.

Simply apologising wasn't enough. Yoruichi wanted to explain herself, to try and make Soi understand why she had done it. But she didn't know the answer herself.

Slowly Soi looked away from her. "You can't do it, can you?"

"I..." This time Yoruichi looked away. She couldn't, the words just wouldn't leave her mouth. It would be so simple, so easy, to just say those two little words. And yet she couldn't.

A bitter laugh escaped Soi's lips. "You actually can't apologise," She stood up and strode past Yoruichi and towards the door.

Wait...

"Soi!" Yoruichi spun and bounded over to the door. Soi had it half open when Yoruichi collided into it slamming it shut. "Wait, just wait."

Soi tilted her head and looked at Yoruichi out of the corner of her eye. "I'm making it easy for you."

"I don't want you to make it easy for me!" Yoruichi yelled. "For fucks sake! Shout at me! Scream at me. I deserve it."

"What would be the point?"

Yoruichi stared at her incredulous. "Why aren't you angry?"

Soi leant her head against the door and closed her eyes. "Okay," she said finally. She swallowed. Yoruichi could see her throat working. "Why did you do it?"

"I was angry with you," Yoruichi admitted. "I mean really angry, I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life."

I was scared...

"You looked, I thought that, well," She was shaking, her limbs trembled and her breathing was uneven.

I thought you were going to leave...

"You looked disappointed," Yoruichi continued.

I thought you were going to leave me!

Soi raised her head and looked at Yoruichi.

"What I did..."

I had to give you a reason to stay...

"... I wasn't thinking..."

The only way I know how to keep you is with...

She was going to be sick. She could feel her stomach churning and bile in the back of her throat. She turned away, unable to look at those grey eyes any longer. She fell against the door and slid down to the ground burying her face in her hands.

The only thing I have to offer you...

"Shit!" She desperately tried to suck air in through tightly clenched teeth.

"Yoruichi..."

The goddess lifted her head to look up at Soi.

"It's okay," Soi said, her eyes were dark and the look on her face was far too close to pity for Yoruichi. "It's okay."

"No," Yoruichi replied softly. "It's not."

Soi sat down next to her. "I suppose not," she said. To Yoruichi's surprise Soi leant her head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Oh...

Yoruichi's shoulders slumped. "What are you apologising for?"

"Because I think I let something slip by me," she answered. "Something really important." Yoruichi felt Soi's small hand in her own. "But it's okay, because I know now."

Yoruichi didn't say anything; she held her silence and stared at her feet. She closed her hand around Soi's and squeezed it. Soi shuffled closer to her and Yoruichi closed her eyes leaning her head against Soi's.


Whew! Another chapter done! And it's still fairly depressing...

I don't know how the fight between Soi and Ikkaku happened, it wasn't planned or anything. Weird how things like that happen.

Remember to leave a review (they are like crack to me!) and tell me what you think. If you didn't like it, don't be afraid to say so. Seriously, even if you hated it leave a review (preferably a constructive one, but if you just want to tell me I suck then that's okay too).