Being alone isn't as bad as it seems

I'm rushing to get books out of my locker because class starts in three minutes. They all start falling out as I try and push them back in. Then I hear footsteps. I turn and look at the only person in the hall, besides myself, and it's Santana. She's limping and holding her stomach in pain. I race to her side, dropping all my books while doing so.

"Santana, what happened?" I ask worried and she looks up at me.

"Britt..." she says breathlessly and falls into my arms. Her lip is split and her eye is purple. She's hurt and wincing in pain with every moment that passes by.

We're not done here

"Santana, wake up." I say and shake her gently. "Help! Someone help, please!" I shout into the hallway. A teacher storms out, and takes her to the nurse's office. I follow him because she needs me and I won't leave her side until I know she's okay.

About an hour later, I'm still with her. She's lying in a bed and I'm sitting beside her waiting for her to wake up. Finally, she does. Her eyes are red and her face is pale. Seeing her hurt just fills my body with rage.

"Holy crap." she states and winces in pain as she holds her stomach. Our eyes lock and I sigh.

"Why did you do that, Santana?"

"What are you-"

"I know what happened. Why didn't you just leave it alone and swallow your pride? None-"

"Swallow my pride?" she asks and sits up. "After what these people did to my brother, you expect me to swallow my pride? I can't, Brittany. I have to take care of myself, because if I don't who will?"

A pang of guilt slaps me across the face. I lace my fingers with hers and look into her eyes. "I will." I reply weakly and a short breathe escapes her mouth.

She lowers her gaze to the floor. "I don't want to be here anymore. I'm done, Brittany." she says with a shaky voice. "I'm so freaking done."

I shake my head in denial and stand up. My backpack slams to the floor and I feel like everything is going too fast; I can't keep up. I'm finally starting to realize my feelings for her and she just wants to go away? Vanish into thin air without even acknowledging my existence?

"No, Santana! No. Okay? You're not done. I've been telling myself that for the past week and it gets me nowhere. Why? Because every time I feel like giving up, you pop into my head and make me want to stay. You are the reason I'm still here. So please, just don't leave me.." I beg her and a tear streams down my face. Her eyes begin to water and I know my words hit her hard. I know it sounds crazy for me to think of ending my life, but sometimes, I just don't want to be here. My parents don't find any interest in me whatsoever. Santana has been the only one to ever make me feel like I matter. I feel like I have a purpose when I'm with her. She understands my flaws and weaknesses without criticizing me. She's the first person to actually notice how much I'm dying inside.

"I won't leave Britt, but can you promise me something?" she asks and pulls me closer to her. Her hand reaches for my right wrist and turns it so that my scars are visible. I nod and she strokes my cuts gently with her thumb.

"Stop hurting yourself."

"I-I can't, San."

"Try," she says weakly and a tear streams down her cheek. "Promise me you'll try..."

I breathe in deeply and bite my lip, contemplating what I'm about to do. Make a promise and keep it, or make a promise and break it. I'll dot it. Just for her. "I promise." I respond and sit down next to her again. The nurse comes in and hands Santana a pack of ice, but the pain in her stomach prevents her from reaching too far. So I grab it from the nurse and place it gently on her cheek, a little beside her eye. I get closer to her so that I won't press too hard and hurt her. Our faces are centimeters away from each other's and I can hear her breathing getting heavier along with mine. Her lip is swollen and her eye is purple, but I swear she looks so captivating. I stroke my thumb across her bottom chapped lip and stop before it reaches her open wound. My eyes start to wonder around the room and land on some healing ointment. I grab a small pack and squirt some on my index finger, then make my way to her again. I gently rub it on the left side of her lip and stare into her eyes.

"Hello ladies," the nurse comes in again and goes to her clipboard. Santana looks down shyly and I look up at the nurse. She hands Santana a bottle of water and furrows her eyebrows. "You want to tell me how you got those injuries, dear?"

"Just softball practice." she responds and glances at me.

"It doesn't look like a very soft ball." the nurse jokes with a giggle. I smile and I can see Santana's face grow red. The bell rings, but I don't know what period I'm supposed to go to.

"Not that I don't like your friend or anything sweetie, but you need rest and she needs to get to class. You'll see her pretty face later."

I bite my lip so I won't smile like a goof-ball. I'll see you later." I tell Santana. She nods and I can feel the nurse looking at me. My heart beats faster and I start walking.

"Wait," I stop by the door and face the nurse. "what period am I going to?"

She giggles and looks at the time. "fourth period."

"Okay." I say under my breath and glance at Santana one more time. As I walk to the locker room, I hear giggles and whispers from behind me. Here we go again. I open my locker and start to change, then walk out to the roll call numbers.

"Hey blondie," one of the girls that cornered Santana and I last time calls for me and pushes me up against the brick wall outside the locker room. "Where's your friend?"

"Where are yours?"

She scoffs and leans in closer to my face as if she were about to kiss me. A smirk comes across her face as I breathe heavily in anger. "You lesbo." she states and starts walking backwards towards her friends. I clench my teeth and walk over to the gym equipment. The teacher hands me a basket ball and I begin to dribble it to the court. Just focus on this. Dribble, dribble, shoot.

"Nice shot." I hear someone say from behind me and I turn around.

"San, what are doing here? You need to rest. Go back-"

"Chill out, Britt." she says and takes the basket ball from my hands. "I was bored...a-and I missed you." her head lowers in shyness and I smile.

"Come over today." I blurt out.

"Okay."

"I mean, if you want. I don't want-"

"I want to." she replies and bounces the ball to me. I smile and we start playing a one-on-one game until the teacher calls us for the equipment. Santana walks me halfway to the locker room, but suddenly grabs her stomach, wincing in pain.

"Crap." she breathes out. "I think I'll go back to the nurse."

"Good idea. I'll pick you up there after school..." I state and look to the floor. She nods and walks towards the nurse's office. After a quick shower, I start changing.

"Hey Barbie," the girl from earlier comes from behind me and slams my locker shut. "Having fun with Pocahontas?"

"Get a grip Pinocchio," I say and push her. "Your nose is in my business again."

She clenches her teeth in anger and opens her mouth to say something, but-

"Lindsay," a coach with short blonde hair calls her name. "Don't start trouble."

She glares at me and I chuckle.

"Bye Lindsay." I wave goodbye to her sarcastically as she walks away. It felt good to stand up to her. Finally, after weeks of putting up with her crap, she sees what it feels like to be bullied.

I finish changing, and then head out to the cafeteria. As I walk, Rachel is walking towards me.

"Hey Brittany!" she says happily and links her arm with mine. "I heard about Santana. I didn't know she played softball!"

"Yeah, me either." I reply and look to the floor. Now we're at the lunch line. She grabs two trays, one for me and one for her.

"Okay Brittany," she says and takes a seat next to Quinn. "Spill."

"Santana should be the one to tell you, not me."

Quinn's eyes widen and she glances at Rachel. "I'm going to go check on Santana." she tells us and gets up. "I'll see you later." she kisses Rachel's cheek and walks away.

"What the-Quinn!" Rachel shouts and watches her walk out the cafeteria doors. She huffs and throws a carrot into her soup. It splashes all over her face and I giggle. A smile comes across her face and I give her a napkin.

"Quinn told me about the jerks that pick on you..." she begins and wipes her face with the paper towel. "I know what it's like. I hated this town, this school, and these people. At one point, I didn't even want to walk on this planet. One day, I was crying in the girl's bathroom because I was slushied for the sixth time in one day. Quinn came in and saved me. She looked so bubbly and happy, but once she opened up to me, I knew I was hurting just as much as her..." she sighs and I can see tears ready to fall from her eyes.

"I don't know if I can handle anymore of this."

"You can, Brittany." she tells me and places her hand on mine. "I know you can."

Tears are in my eyes, but I quickly blink them away. "I hope so."

Hours later, the dismissal bell rings. I walk over to the nurses office to pick up Santana. She's reading a book. I slowly make my way to her and sit on the corner of the bed. Our eyes lock immediately and I swear you can hear my heart beat from a billion miles away. She reaches to take off her glasses, but I stop her in her path.

"Don't take them off. You look pretty with them on." I say and push her hand away gently. She lowers her gaze as her cheeks turn slightly pink. I lower my head so that our eyes meet again. "Beautiful actually..." I say weakly and she smiles.

"Well uh, ready?"

She nods and grabs her backpack. We walk on the path that leads to my house, but decide to go to my cabin instead. I unlock the door and she slowly walks inside.

"I like this." she whispers as she lies down on the couch, looking up at the ceiling and resting her hands on her stomach. My eyes can't unlock their gaze from her direction as I sit at a small desk by the fireplace. All of a sudden, she grabs her backpack and takes out a long, rectangular notebook with thick blank pages.

"Can I sketch you?" she asks and plays with the pencil in her hand. I nod. "Stay like that." she says and grabs a chair, pulling it further away from me.

"I'm going to teach you how to deal with pain." she states and starts stroking her pencil against the white page. "Close your eyes. What do you hear?"

I shrug. "Nothing."

"Listen harder."

"Mm, I hear your pencil."

"What else?"

I breathe out and sit up straight. "The wind blowing against the leaves. The water current streaming down the creek. The clock ticking..."

I pause for a moment and continue listening. "Your breathing. Your heartbeat. And the sound of your tongue when you lick your lips."

I open my eyes. She's walking to me and I quickly begin to hyperventilate. Her body is in front of me as I sit motionless below her. I look down, but she reaches for my chin and tilts my head back up so that I'm staring into her eyes. Piercing brown eyes that never fail to capture my attention.

"I can read you, Brittany. Every single part of you." she whispers and I can see she's trying to fight back tears.

"What do you see?" I ask weakly. She breathes out and kneels down so that we're at the same eye level.

"I see a girl trying to keep a good impression. She's hurt. She stays silent, but her eyes scream for attention. They seek laughter, and beg for love; while her heart stays completely broken and bleeds from the inside of her chest. Externally, she's fine. Perfect smile. Perfect hair." she tucks my bangs away from my face and exhales. "Perfect everything. Internally, it's a different story. She lies to her friends; to herself just to cover her scars and bruises. All she wants is someone to notice how much she's hurting. Someone to look in her eyes and tell her that everything will be okay. And it will be."

A tear streams down my face and she immediately wipes it away. Her touch sends electrifying shocks down my spine. In a good way though. The things she does always have good intentions. How does she do it? She reads me like a book. It's weird because no one has ever taken the time to actually look into my eyes and figure out what they're saying. The very moment those words escaped her lips, my feelings for her grew. I've never felt this way for anyone. I've never wanted to hang on to someone as much as I want to hang on to her. I look behind her and my eyes land on a picture. My grandma and I at the zoo. I've lost both my grandparents and now I'm left alone. She turns around to see what I'm staring at and presses her lips together.

"Her funeral is tomorrow." I begin to sob and she brings me closer to her. My head rests on her chest as she gently strokes my hair. "I have no one. They left me here with people that don't even like me. Every time I wake up, I forget that they're not here and I don't want to even be on this freaking planet anymore."

"Brittany, don't ever say that. You can't leave. Remember what you told me this morning when I said something like that? I need you here, so don't leave." she says uneasily and breathes in deeply. "Listen," we separate and now she's staring into my eyes. Her thumb wipes away the tear about to fall off my cheek. I lower my head again and stare at the floor. "I know what it's like to be left alone. They say they'll never leave you and end up doing exactly that. Then, you're left without anyone to guide you. You think you don't have anyone right now, but look right in front of you..."

I look up at her and she smiles weakly. Her palm cups my cheek and her touch stimulates the rhythm of my heart. "You have me." she whispers. I lean in closer to her face because I swear I could hear her heart calling my name; her lips begging for mine; and her skin wanting my warmth. All of a sudden, we hear thunder roar from the outside and we quickly jump back. I didn't even notice it was raining. She giggles and I can see her face turn bright red. I rub the back of my neck embarrassed and look at the clock.

"It's getting late." I say while wiping the excess tears from my face, and then grab her stuff along with mine. As soon as we walk out, it's pouring. We start laughing hysterically and run to my front porch. Jeffery said my parents weren't home yet, so I brought Santana inside so she could dry up.

"Amelia?" I call for her and she walks out of the kitchen cleaning her hands with a white cloth.

"You girls are all wet!" she says worried and I giggle.

"It's okay. We're fine. Santana is here..."

She smiles and shakes her hand happily. "Tienen hambre?"

I look at Santana and scrunch my nose confused.

"Yo no, gracias." Santana says with a smile and looks back at me. "She asked if we were hungry. I said I didn't want anything."

"Ohhh." I reply finally understanding. She giggles and I grab her hand to take her up to my room. Her body begins to shiver as she sits on my bed. I get some pjs from my drawer and hand them to her.

"Hurry and change. You're going to get sick."

She smiles and starts changing. Her wet clothes slowly start coming off and I'm watching her from across my room. The water droplets drip down her stomach and I start breathing rapidly again. Her wet hair and glossy lips are just making everything worse. Worse for me. She finishes changing and I take the wet clothes from her hands and put them in the dirty hamper.

"Aren't you going to change?" she asks me as she does her hair in a side braid.

"Oh, y-yeah, yeah." I stutter, then get my pjs and start taking off my shirt. She's staring in a different direction, but keeps glancing my way. I slip on my sweats and start taking off my necklace, but my hands are too cold to grasp the end of it.

"Here, I'll help you." Santana comes from behind me and moves my wet hair to the side. Her hands are warm now; they send shock waves that ignite my body with a single stroke.

"Done." she whispers and I slowly turn around her face her. She smiles and places the necklace in the palm of my hand.

"Thanks." I say with a smile and put it on the dresser beside my door. She lies down on the right side of my bed and I take the left. I'm facing the ceiling and she's facing me with both hands beneath her right cheek. She's doing it again; reading me. I turn to face her and our eyes lock. Our hearts beat at the same time. Simultaneously. And we become one. Her dark brown eyes pierce through me and capture my soul. For the first time, I know what it feels like to matter to someone; to look at someone and know that they need you. It's okay, because I need her too. More than she knows. Her hand comes up from under her cheek and pulls my moist hair behind my ear.

"You have no idea what you do to me when I look at you." she whispers and I sigh at her touch.

"You're beautiful, Brittany. I'll never understand why anyone would want to leave your side." her voice is so sincere and so calm, my heart can barely take it. I'm not use to people saying those things to me. Especially someone like Santana. Supposedly, she's the biggest bitch at McKinley, I guess it's different with me.

"Really?"

"You don't believe me?"

I shrug. "No one has ever said that to me except for Amelia. I don't believe her though." I say and sit up. "but for some reason, I believe you."

She smiles and sits up along with me. Her hand interlocks with mine and I can hear my heart pumping ferociously. Our eyes meet and her head leans in slightly towards mine. I know what she's doing, I just don't know if I should stop or continue along with her. Faces inches away from one another's, but all of a sudden-

"You can never let me handle my crap!" my father shouts and the front door slams.

"It's not my fault you don't do anything right!"

My eyes widen and Santana looks confused. "What?" she asks.

I swallow hard and stop to listen. "My parents." I reply and go into panic mode. She jumps off my bed immediately and grabs her things.

"Your clothes..." she tells me as I lead her out to the balcony.

"Keep them." I say with a shaky smile and she nods. It's not raining anymore, but I give her an extra jacket anyway. She's climbing down the ladder as I watch her from above.

"Bye, be careful." I whisper to her.

"Kay." she replies with a small smile and runs out the gate quickly. My heart starts beating normally again and I walk back into my bedroom. I don't mind ME getting punished by my parents if she was here, but I would never forgive myself if they ever lay a hand on her. They would because they're kind of careless like that. Anyway, now I'm lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I can still feel her warmth on the side she was on just moments ago. My thoughts replay our moments together, and my memories with my grandparents. I'll miss them and if Santana leaves, I'll have no choice but to join them.