Author's Notes: Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit. This fic is more a series of snapshots than an actual progression of events, and I rely on mostly dialogue to tell the story. If you like it, please let me know. If you don't like it, please let me know because otherwise how will I ever improve?


This is the kind of day James lives for. They killed the opposing team in this morning's championship game. Mrs. Knight then treated the boys to celebratory pizza followed by a surprise trip to the movies. Now it's time to settle down and focus—Carlos and Logan are working on Carlos' science project at home while James and Kendall are at James' house, supposedly perfecting James' pirate walk for the current musical.

The problem is that they can't stop talking about the movie, especially Megan Fox. All four boys agree that she's the hottest thing to come along in forever.

"I'm gonna marry her," Kendall sighs, ignoring the script laying in front of him on the table and the fact that they're supposed to be studying it.

"Keep dreaming, Romeo. She'd never even give you the time of day." James lifts a glass of lemonade to his lips, not adding that it would be her loss.

"She might. If I was older. I'm good-looking." Kendall pauses. "Right?"

James nods, grinning. "Yes, Kendall, you're gorgeous. And I know pretty, so you can trust me."

"Am I really pretty?" Kendall is suffering a rare moment of insecurity about himself.

"Maybe 'pretty' isn't the right word. 'Handsome' or 'gorgeous' is more you. Even 'hot.'" James leans back in his chair. "I'm pretty."

"Okay, so if a nerdy-looking guy like Shia LaBeouf can get her, then I'd have no problem."

"Maybe." James shrugs. "You'd have to lay on the charm. What would you even say to her?"

"How about...'Hi, I'm Kendall'?"

"Nope." James shakes his head. "Too boring. You need to wow her."

"Okay." Kendall sighs, giving it some thought, then shoots James a sexy face. "Want to see me shoot my puck into your net, baby?"

James snorts with laughter, kicking at the floor. "Oh my God, that's so bad. Horrible!"

When they manage to stop giggling, James reaches out for Kendall's hand and pulls him up. "Come on, let's practice this. We can't have you saying stupid shit like that to Megan Fox if you happen to meet her." He positions Kendall near a chair and then seats himself in it. "Okay, I'm Megan. I'm sitting by myself, eating dinner. You're older and looking like your hot self. Go."

Kendall thinks for a few seconds, then clears his throat. "Excuse me. Megan? Miss Fox?"

James/Megan looks up. "Yes?"

"Hi. My name is Kendall and I'm a huge fan. I just saw Transformers today and you were amazing."

"Aww, thank you Kendall! That's a pretty name."

"Yeah, my mom liked it even though some people say it's a girl's name."

"It suits you. Have you had dinner? Would you care to join me?" James is having way too much fun with this. It's like rehearsing for a play, except they make it up as they go.

"Uh...yeah! I mean, no I haven't had dinner." Kendall takes the chair next to James. "Are you in town for a movie?"

"No, I have family here. I'm supposed to meet my cousins for breakfast at some place called Riley's, have you heard of it?"

"Riley's, yeah! It's a few blocks from my house."

"Cool, can you show me?"

"Sure! Want to go right now?"

"Don't you want to eat first?"

"Nah, I can eat at home. In fact, let me pay for your dinner."

"Kendall, that's so sweet! You don't have to."

"I insist, Miss Fox."

James grins. "There! Now that's how you impress a girl."

Kendall nods, proud of himself. "That was fun."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Want to continue?"

"Sure. Walking Megan to her hotel?"

"Okay." James stands up.

Kendall joins him and takes his hand as they walk slowly down the hall.

James is once again in acting mode. "Thanks again, Kendall. I would've been lost."

"No need to be lost while I'm here. Are you cold?"

"A little."

Kendall wraps an arm around James' shoulders and James snuggles in closer. "This is nice. I'm glad you found me."

"Me, too. If you have any free time, we should hang out."

"I'd like that." James turns his face in toward Kendall, and Kendall meets him halfway. Their kiss is softer, sweeter than that first tumultuous meeting of lips. James sighs against Kendall before turning his body inward, and once again Kendall's moves are in sync with his. In each others' arms they deepen the kiss. Kendall teases open James' lips and before too long they are panting into each others' mouths.

Kendall rips his lips away to kiss along James' jawline and up toward his left ear. When he starts to nibble and tug, James' breath catches in his throat. Kendall's name slips out in a rush but it's okay because Kendall is being himself; James is the one playing a part.

"So beautiful," Kendall murmurs against his ear. Something in Kendall's tone flips a switch in James' brain and just like that, his control snaps. He presses Kendall back against the wall, turning the tables so that he is the aggressor. His lips travel down Kendall's throat and suction over Kendall's collarbone, evoking a tortured moan from Kendall that causes James' cock to twitch violently.

Need more skin. Kendall's shirt is the enemy and needs to be vanquished. James steps back enough to lift the fabric up and over. Kendall raises his arms to help, and the second he's free he dives in again to capture James' lips with his own. James' hands glide up and down over arms, stomach, back, neck, hair, whatever he can touch of Kendall. And still it's not enough.

He's so hard that he's actually aching. Kendall's lips are on his collarbone now, sucking and biting and is that going to leave a mark? God, I hope so. Mark me, Kendall. He lifts Kendall's hips and pulls him close, again matching their bodies up perfectly, and yes. Yes, Kendall is just as hard. Kendall is fucking loving this, so much that he's alternately grunting and whimpering and grinding against James while his hands go to what is apparently their favorite place to be: James' hair; they pull and twist and it hurts but it's so fucking good and James is so caught up in Kendall's everything that he almost misses the next words from Kendall.

"Fuck, Megan. So hot."

Megan.

Oh. Wow. That hurts. More than James can even bear to think about right now. So he decides not to think about it because Kendall is kissing him and sucking on his skin and rubbing up on him and nothing else really matters right now except making it last. "Yes, Kendall. Yes."

He's so lost in the sensations that when Kendall lifts his head and freezes, it takes him a moment to realize something's wrong.

"What's that?"

"What's what?" And then James hears it; a car door slamming and the sound of a garage door closing. "Fuck," he mutters. "My mom."

"Shit." Kendall reaches down for his shirt and then they run to James' bedroom, closing the door behind them as Kendall tugs the shirt over his head. They share a long look that says everything and nothing, and then both of them are giggling so hard they can barely stand up.


The friendship between James and Kendall does not change much outwardly; the only difference is that now Kendall spends the entire weekend at James' house rather than a few hours on Saturday and Sunday. His mom drops him off Friday evening and does not pick him up until Sunday afternoon. Kendall would have expected her to complain about him not being home, but for some reason she doesn't; maybe it's because things are quieter when it's just Logan and Carlos.

Carlos in turn spends every weekend at the Knight house, sleeping in Kendall's bed and becoming a true member of the family. Katie welcomes him as a brother, and Logan is grateful for his presence in the too-empty room.

Behind closed doors, Kendall and James continue to make out whenever possible, but always under the guise of role play. Usually it's James who is playing a part, but occasionally Kendall does and those are the rare nights James feels the most complete because Kendall is whispering his name. Their physical interaction intensifies at such an alarming rate that after a month of weekends spent together, the foreplay of "acting" is almost non-existent but instead a catalyst to get them into bed and moving against each other. James knows that Kendall is as turned on as he is, but he's not sure how to address that issue. If he brings it out in the open, it might scare Kendall away because James fears that Kendall isn't comfortable enough with his own sexuality to even consider the possibility of being gay. So instead James keeps his mouth shut about what's going on between them and just goes with it, treasuring each caress and kiss as if it's the last. Nothing is better than being devoured by Kendall.

After two months, they hit a snag. James discovers that there is a line Kendall is not willing to cross. They are in mutual but unspoken agreement that clothing is a nuisance and must be discarded at the first possible opportunity, but boxers always stay on. James tries over and over to get past this, but when he even attempts to slip a hand inside Kendall's shorts, Kendall squirms and moves his hand away. Again, they don't discuss this, it just happens and it makes James crazy. Doesn't Kendall know how good it would feel? He can pretend James is a girl if he must, James doesn't even care about that, but for God's sake, let me touch you! Let me show you!

It's a wall James cannot get over no matter how many different ways he tries, and it builds up a mounting frustration in him that slowly turns to resentment. Kendall shows no hesitation with any other activity between them; in fact, James can no longer dress down in gym because his entire neck and torso are covered with hickeys on a constant basis. He does not mind this in the slightest, and even endures the unsuspecting ribbing from the guys with a secret smile. Kendall grins at him when Carlos and Logan start the whole "Aww, is baby too shy to show off his muscles?" teasing, and that look from him each time makes James' heart almost burst. Kendall is beyond proud of his handiwork.

There are times when James is tempted to return the favor, but he is careful because if both of them suddenly have issues with undressing, it could lead to some uncomfortable questions. Sometimes James wants the world to know about him and Kendall; other times, he enjoys sharing a secret of this magnitude with his best friend and knowing that as soon as they are alone, it will begin all over again. He knows it can't last forever, so he cherishes every second while it does last.

It isn't until the following school year that James finally has a breakthrough with Kendall, and it comes about in a way he never could have expected.


September 2008

"So. Who's Sarah Fremont?"

James looks up from his plate of fish sticks and tater tots. Everyone else at the table is engrossed in Carlos, who is attempting to build a working volcano with his dinner. Even Mrs. Knight can't bring herself to scold him, but instead watches with fascination.

At their end of the table, James takes a drink of milk before answering Kendall. "A friend. You've never met her?"

"No. You've been texting her a lot, though."

Well. This is interesting. "Yeah. She's pretty cool."

"How do you know her?"

Kendall's plate is untouched, and how did James not notice before that he wasn't eating? "She's in the musical. Incredible voice."

"Are you going to the movies with her this weekend?"

"Kendall, have you been reading my text messages?" Oh my God, is Kendall jealous?

"Don't avoid the issue, James."

"Have you?"

"Are you going or not?"

"Why, you wanna come?" James doesn't know what is making him tease Kendall like this, but maybe it's time Kendall starts to appreciate him more. "We could double. I'm sure Jenny would go with you. Or even Heather. Oh, you know who thinks you're hot? Mandy." And yes, Kendall's face turning to stone as James speaks is awesome.

"So you're going."

James shrugs. He hasn't even considered accepting the offer, but Kendall doesn't need to know that. "I haven't decided."

"Well. I think it's a bad idea. You really need to rehearse the musical more, you're having a lot of problems with the dancing number."

Seriously? Because James could swear Kendall was complimenting his dancing the last time they rehearsed it. "I'm sure we could skip one day."

"Fine. If you want to throw away your chances of becoming famous over a girl, especially after everything I've done to help you, that's your problem. Mom, can I be excused? I'm not hungry."

"Sure, honey. Do you need something? Maybe a little Pepto?"

"No, I'm fine. Just gonna go lie down."

"Okay, let me me know. We can leave for James' house after dinner. Oh, Carlos!" Mrs. Knight is suddenly distracted by the mess he has made all over the table.

Kendall glares at James. "I might stay home tonight."

James watches Kendall walk out of the room, knowing he shouldn't be happy about this, but feeling so smug he can hardly hide his grin. After a few minutes, he follows. "Kendall?"

"I really don't feel good, James. Go away."

James smiles again but forces himself to be serious. "Can I come in? Please?" He can hear the exaggerated sigh through the door.

"Fine.

He makes his way through the gloom of the darkened room until he is staring down at Kendall's prostrate form. "If you don't want me to go with Sarah, just tell me." Please, Kendall. Tell me.

"You don't even know her."

He tries another tactic. "Why are you going through my phone?"

"Since when do you care if I see who you're talking to? Do you have something to hide?"

"From you? Please. You know everything about me, Kendall. More than anyone else."

"So why didn't you tell me about Sarah?"

"There's nothing to tell. You think that's the first time I've been asked out on a date? Seriously?"

Kendall sits up. "There have been more?"

"Of course. Kendall, look at me. Look at me. I get asked out almost every day."

"I didn't know that."

"It doesn't matter. I've never accepted."

"How come?"

Oh my God, this is it. We're finally going to have THE TALK. James is terrified and elated at the same time. "Why do you think, Kendall?" He sits down next to Kendall and takes Kendall's right hand in his left, heart beating against his rib cage.

"I don't know. Because you're a moron?" But Kendall's hand tightens on his, a sign of his insecurity.

"Yeah. I must be." Because I'm in love with my best friend. Only the words won't come out. James opens his mouth and...nothing. He tries twice more to say it, to say anything, and...no. Nothing. His chest is tight and he can hardly breathe.

"James, you know you can't let anything get in the way, right? Of your dream? Not even girls."

"Um..." James clears his throat. "Kendall..."

"I'm serious. I know you want to date and everything, but you can't." Kendall turns to face him, hand squeezing harder. "It's just not a good idea. You can't lose your focus."

"My...focus." Right. "Kendall, my focus is..." And what is WRONG? Why can't I just say it?

"Your focus needs to be on you. Not Sarah. Not any other girl. Just you. And maybe hockey, too."

James laughs, he can't help it. "Always hockey."

"Right. Because hockey is important. Almost as important as you being famous. In fact, I think we need to work on your acting some more. Tonight."

"I thought you didn't feel good? And you said my dancing needs work?"

"Yeah, but it's your acting we need to focus on. Definitely acting. Let's come up with something new, something that's out of your comfort zone. I'll think about it and we'll work on it at your house tonight."

"Okay, coach." James smiles because Kendall deluding himself into thinking it's all about the acting is almost funny. Almost. It would be better if Kendall would just admit that he wants to make out and that he's jealous about Sarah, but...James will take what he can get.

What he gets that night blows his mind.