I just want to let you all know that I'm not a complete dork remembering every single line in the LOTR movie. I've got the script bookmarked and have to check it about every two seconds. I just felt the need to tell you that.

Sorry I'm not updating as often. I have truckloads of homework for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Thank you to those who have reviewed! Especially the person who called me the future JK Rowling. That is so awesome.

Anyways, here's your not-so-daily dosage of MR LOTR crossover fanfiction.

Max POV

"I like the bunny," I said, looking at the two pictures drawn in the dust of the floor. Nudge and Angel had asked me to judge their artistic talents with an impartial vote and I had no clue whose was whose.

"It's not a bunny," Nudge sniffed. "It's supposed to be Total."

"Looks more like an overgrown tortoise with bald baby chicken wings and devil horns," Total scoffed, swiping the image away with his tail.

"That's not very nice now is it, dog?" I flicked his ear.

"I have a name, thank you very much," said Total.

"What's yours, Angel?" I asked. "A bear?"

"Not just any bear," Angel finished tracing a halo into the dirt. "It's Celeste!"

"So you know what hers is?" Nudge sat up, dusting her clothes off and frowning. "I'm insulted!"

"Sorry, Nudge. It really did look like Total. I must have been looking from the wrong angle," I ruffled her hair.

"Okay, now I'm insulted," Total said. "I look nothing like that!"

"Ah! That's the way!" Gandalf said, emerging from a deep conversation with Frodo.

"He's remembered!" Merry jumped up, smiling.

"No, but the air doesn't smell so foul down there," Gandalf laughed. "When in doubt, Meriadoc, follow your nose."

We took the stairs down the passage Gandalf pointed out two at a time until we came to a room. Well, room is an understatement. More like a giant cavern the size of multiple football fields. The ceiling was supported by giant columns that made the columns of Rome look like bendy straws in comparison.

"Aye Carumba," I breathed. (Sorry if/that I spelled that wrong. Hehe.)

"Behold! The great realm and dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf!" Gandalf shone his light a little brighter. In front of us I saw a big door made out of slightly decayed wood. Skeletons were strewn around it and arrows sprouted from every nook and cranny of the place. I covered Angel's eyes with my hand, even though she could still see it through our minds. She reached up and yanked it away, wide-eyed and looking slightly sick.

"Gimli!" Gandalf called as Gimli ran forward looking terrified. I jumped after him.

"No, no, no, no, no!" he moaned, dropping to his knees and sobbing.

"'Here lies Balin, son of Fudin, Lord of Moria'. So, he is dead than. It is as I feared," said Gandalf solemnly, reading the inscription on the tomb. I'm just gonna take a stab at this, but I'm pretty sure Gimli knew the guy.

Gandalf picked up a rotting book and started reading from it. It sounded like the diary of doom. He was interrupted suddenly by a loud clang. We spun around to see Pippin standing by a well, touching a skeleton. There was another clang, and a clunk.

"Well, crap," I sighed. "That can't be good."

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf spat. "Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!"

I looked at him in surprise. He didn't look like the kind of guy who would blow up about something like that. If it were Fang or Iggy I would have, but just because I know they wouldn't take it personally. I don't know about Pippin, though, he looked ready to burst into tears.

My skepticism of the wizards leadership abilities were interrupted by the sound of a drum being pounded on. I drew the Gasman and Angel closer to me.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam pointed at Frodo's sword, which he drew. It was glowing blue, which I remembered meant trouble.

"Orcs," Legolas confirmed.

"Get back! Stay close to Gandalf," Aragorn waved a hand at the hobbits and the Flock.

"Stay close to me," I ordered my merry band of mutants, stubbornly contradicting Aragorn. "Gazzy, Angel, Iggy, take your club things and stay away from pointy objects. Nudge, try and stay away from the action and pick off enemies from afar. Fang, you and I… well, you know what to do. If something happens, I seem to remember that well opening into a cavernous pit with lots of air space."

Aragorn and Boromir were wedging weapons between the door handles and holding them shut. Boromir seemed to catch sight of something and he turned on his heel.

"They've got a cave troll," he moaned. Right, this was the part with the troll and someone almost dying.

"I'm guessing it's not very bright," I called to my Flock. "Pretend it's a giant, ugly Eraser!"

"Eraser's are already ugly!" Nudge pointed out, smiling slightly. At that moment, the door exploded, sending fragments of wood flying everywhere and goblins or orcs or whatever spewed into the room. I immediately planted my foot on the chest of one and kicked, sending it flying through the air into a fellow evil creature burped up from the fiery torturous depths of Tartarus who accidentally skewered it.

"Nice one," said Fang, blocking a sword that sliced through the air towards his face. I pulled out a knife and spun around, burying it in something's neck. I checked up on each of the Flock every couple of seconds. Call me crazy, but a mob of pointy weapon wielding things tends to strike me as threat to smaller children.

Nudge was next to Legolas, firing arrow after accurately-hitting arrow, though admittedly much slower than him. Fang was hacking at whatever discolored limb came his way. The Gasman and Iggy had a matchbox and a long tube out. I screamed at them not to do whatever they were going to do unless they wanted me to kill them after fifteen tons of rock crushed us. Angel was hugging Celeste with one arm and had her stick/club thing over her shoulder, casually telling goblin after goblin to stab its teammate in the back. Literally. Total was next to her, nipping ankles every once in a while.

The troll was the real problem. The thing was huge, at least five times the size of an Eraser, and swinging around a spear and stabbing at everything that moved. I'd guessed right, not the brightest thing in the world. After we'd cleared out most of the goblins, I took a deep breath and jumped at the troll, sticking a knife into its shoulder. I may as well have ordered a single wasp to sting it for all the good a deep knife wound did.

You were right in the comparison to Erasers, the Voice said. Just take Eraser fighting techniques to the extreme and you're sure to win.

Yeah, sure. I was strong, but this thing could probably pick up a car no biggie where as I could only tip one over if I really tried.

Breathe, ordered the Voice. I sucked in a breath just in time to feel the spear butt slam into me and throw me through the air. I hit the stone wall, and slid down, staggering as I landed on my feet and coughed, trying to refill my lungs.

"Ow," I wheezed. "You're so gonna get it, you big fat - !"

"Frodo!" Aragorn cried out, and I looked just in time to see the hobbit thrown through the air with the spear stuck in his gut. He slammed into the wall, and him being your average untrained mythical creature, seemed very much more effected by it than I had been. He was the guy who almost died, I knew, so I wasn't all that worried. A quick glance at Fang told me he was thinking along the same lines. Still, I plastered on a phony worried face and leaped down towards the troll again, this time with a new strategy in mind. I was vaguely aware of the hobbits going crazy, slashing and hitting every inch of skin visible. What would I do if the troll guy were a giant Eraser? Use my small size to my advantage. I jumped, twisting my arm around what could be called its neck and stabbed it in the throat. In a flash I ripped my knife out and dropped to the floor. The thing screamed and stumbled for a second before collapsing.

"Oh snap," I breathed, kneeling beside Frodo and screwing up my face to keep from laughing.

"Oh, no," Aragorn's eyes were wet as he looked at Frodo's limp body. I bit my tongue and discreetly prodded the undead hobbit with my thumb. He gasped, eyes flying open.

"I'm alright," he panted.

"He's alive!" Sam said, wide eyed.

"You should be dead! That spear would have skewered a wild boar," Aragorn said.

"Hobbit ke-bab, anyone?" said Fang.

"I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye," Gandalf said.

Frodo unbuttoned the top of his shirt to reveal what looked like a very shiny, very hard, very expensive tank top.

"Mithril!" Gandalf exclaimed. Say what? "You are full of surprises, Master Baggins!"

"What's mithril?" the Gasman asked.

"A treasure beyond comprehension that renders the wearer all but unkillable where it is worn," Aragorn explained.

Suddenly there was a pounding again, and I almost jumped.

"Crud," Fang and I said together.

"To the bridge of Khazad-Dum!" Gandalf ordered. Say again? Honestly, all these words were getting muddled in my poor noggin and giving me a headache.

We ran out the door, back into the big cavern we'd come in by, breath uneven. Even I was slightly winded. Running, fighting, and more running really take it out of a girl. Suddenly we were surrounded by tiny clicking noises, like claws against stone. I looked up. Goblins were pouring out from the ceiling. We skidded to a halt. I raised my fists as the others drew their weapons, ready to battle it out. The ceiling was high, and I was pretty sure we could wing it outta there, no problem if things got bad.

There was a distant roar and the goblins froze, then scuttled back up the pillars as quickly as they'd come down.

"What new devilry is this?" said Boromir.

"A Balrog, a demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond all of you," Gandalf whispered. Haha, wanna bet buster? He raised his voice to a yell. "Run! Quickly!"

We ran. I'd learned from experience that running away never seems to help, no matter how much good flying away does. And I knew this wasn't going to end well. We stumbled down some steps, the Flock leaping down entire flights and landing lightly on our feet. We caught a couple glimpses of the Balrog, which was a giant thing with ram horns and a flaming whip and sword.

"Lead them on," I heard Gandalf order Aragorn. "The bridge is near. Do as I say, swords are no use here."

Him lead us on? From what I'd heard, the guy spent most of his time hanging out in the forest alone for no reason whatsoever. I was guessing his leadership skills weren't on par compared to, say, me. I decided to grit my teeth and bear it, though, seeing as we were in an epic chase to the death on foot. I can't remember the last time I had one of those. Possibly never. I am mucho more comfortable in the air.

We crossed a narrow bridge, the Flock being the only ones jumping onto it and sprinting without a heartbeat's hesitation. There was a thump and the bridge cracked in half, sending us stumbling backwards. Legolas leaped across, then called for Gandalf to do the same. Soon everyone was across except Aragorn, Frodo, Nudge, and me. There was another thump and the chunk we stood on split away from the rest of the bridge even more, throwing us backwards. My wings were tingling, ready to be snapped out.

"Nudge!" I said, interlacing my fingers and holding my arms out in front of her. She nodded and took a running start before jumping up and stepping on my hands. I tossed her through the air, lending her momentum, and she hit the bridge on the other side, smashing into Fang. Aragorn, Frodo, and I threw our weight forward to make the gap smaller as the chunk we stood on swayed dangerously. It crashed into the other part of the bridge and we dived forward. I executed a quick roll on impact, and in an instant we were running again.

We ran some more until we were on another bridge. This one was longer, and I was panting as we sprinted across. As we reached the other side, the Balrog caught up to us. Gandalf jumped forward back onto the bridge, his sword and staff waving around in his hands.

"You cannot pass!" he boomed. The Balrog hesitated.

"Gandalf!" Frodo screamed.

"I am a servant of the sacred fire, wielder of the flame of Anor! The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun!" Gandalf thundered. The Balrog stepped forward and stretched out its wings so far they touched each wall. God, I so wanted to be doing that right then. "Go back to the Shadow!" The sword sliced through the air, hitting Gandalf's with a ringing clang. It shattered into a million pieces. How's that for size doesn't matter?

What have I told you? Said the Voice.

Yeah, yeah, whatever, I rolled my eyes and Fang shot me an are-you-crazy-or-did-the-Voice-just-say-something-weird look.

"You shall not pass!" Gandalf continued. He slammed his weapons into the bridge. There was a sound like thunder, and the bridge shattered right under the Balrog's feet. The thing fell, shrieking into the pit. I felt butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I knew what happened next. As the wizard turned, the whip lashed up, catching him around the ankle and sending him sprawling. He managed to grip the the bridge, but it looked like he was being pulled down or something.

"Gandalf!" Frodo screamed again.

"Fly, you fools!" Gandalf snarled, and then he let go.

"No!" Frodo moved to go forward, but Boromir stopped him, scooping him up and turning to run.

Well, you may be saying this to yourself: MAXIMUM RIDE, YOU ARE A MUTANT FREAK WITH SUPER STRENGTH WHO CAN FLY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LETTING THIS GUY FALL TO HIS DEATH, YOU MORON?!

Well hold your freaking horses people, I'm getting to that part. I darted forward, shooting Fang a meaningful glance. He made to follow me, more slowly.

Maximum, you can't save him, said the Voice.

Can too, I thought snidely.

You can't change the general outcome of things. It could make everything go wrong.

I ignored it, and was just about to leap off the bridge when I felt a white hot pain split my head in half. Oh man, not now. I fell to my knees, clutching my skull. I heard someone cry out my name, but I could barely hear it over the sound of someone screaming – was it me? I couldn't tell. The last thing I thought before I was pitched headfirst into darkness was: crap.

Fang POV

I reached out to grab Max's wrist as she fell forward off the cliff, screaming and moaning. I tried to suppress the panic building up in my chest as I heaved her upwards and slung her arm around my shoulder. It wasn't easy, by the way. She was writhing and squirming like a sugar high snake and deafening me with her screams. She kept trying to grab her head. I couldn't tell how conscious she was, if she was at all. I dragged her forward, slightly grateful when I felt Aragorn put her other arm around his shoulder. We ducked out of the mines into the blinding sunlight and collapsed onto the rocks, gasping.

Immediately, Max lay still and stopped moaning. I saw her eyes moving beneath her eyelids, her fingers curl into fists, and her teeth clench and I knew she was talking to the Voice. I held her hand and her eyes opened quickly. She sat bolt upright, her forehead smacking into mine. I fell backwards.

"Geez, Max, give me a concussion why don't you?" I sighed, trying not to smile in relief.

"Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark," Iggy snorted.

"Sorry, Fang," she rubbed her temples.

"I thought the brain a – I thought they stopped," Angel said, sitting down next to Max, who hugged her.

"Me too, honey. It was you-know-who, I think," Max shrugged, referring to the Voice.

"Stupid idiot," Gazzy wiped his nose and sniffled, dropping down on Max's other side. I shifted forward so my knees touched hers.

"Why didn't you save him, Max?" Nudge was sitting on a rock, trying to keep tears from leaking out. "I mean, you could have. Why didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Nudge," Max whispered. I forgot that the younger kids hadn't seen the movie. We hadn't described it in great detail, either. "It's gonna be ok."

She stood up shakily, and I immediately was next to her. Gratefully, she leaned against me.

Around us, the hobbits were crying, except for Frodo who was just looking out at the sky. I wondered if he wished he could just fly away, leaving the world behind. Grimly, I almost smiled, knowing I could do exactly that.

"What happened to you?" Gimli looked at Max with a raised eyebrow, trying to hide a devastated look.

"Nuthin'," she grunted. When he looked doubtful, she added, "Headache. Bad one. Pounding migraine. Just hope it never happens to you."

"Legolas, get them up!" Aragorn ordered.

"Give them a moment, for pities sake!" Boromir's eyes were moist and sparkling. I'd never liked the guy, but looking at him sort of made me feel sorry for him.

"By nightfall these hills will be swarming with Orcs," Aragorn insisted. "We must reach the woods of Lothlorien. Come, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Fang get them up. On your feet, Sam."

Max didn't even object to the fact that Aragorn had told him to get the kids up instead of her. She just shakily rubbed Nudge's back and helped her to her feet while I held her steady. Iggy didn't look the least bit concerned and the Gasman tried and failed to mimic his facial expression. Angel had read our minds and stood up immediately with a bounce and skipped over to Aragorn.

Don't look too cheery. They'll think you're some sort of insensitive freak, I thought, hoping she was reading my mind.

I am a freak, she thought back.

You know what I mean.