Author's Note: Dedicated to Wallaby the Coconut, whom my sister fell in
love with on our trip to Puerto Rico. And also to Christina because she
rocks my socks.
Disclaimer: Gah, you know the drill. Once upon a time I didn't own anything in this story. The end.
*****
Chapter Eight - Eggnog
*****
"If you wanna call me baby, just go ahead now! And if you'd like to tell me maybe, just go ahead now! And if you wanna buy me flowers, just go ahead now! And if you'd like to talk for hours, just go ahead now!"
Jack leaned over to me and cocked his head to the side. "Tell me, Famous, does he EVER stop singing?" he asked mildly, nodding at Rounder.
I glanced at Rounder, who had grabbed Chip and was doing a tango, against Chip's will, might I add. ("Said one, two princes kneel before you, that's what I said now! Princes, princes who adore you, just go ahead now-" "ROUNDER! GET THE HELL OFF ME!" "Marry him or marry me! I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see? I ain't-" "JESUS CHRIST, IF YOU MAKE ME SPIN AROUND ONE MORE TIME, I'LL-")
I looked back at Jack. "No, not really."
We both looked up as Rounder went flying over our heads, landing on Boots' bed. "Hey Chip, whatsamatta with you anyways?" he demanded.
Chip just looked at him and mumbled something about pouring kerosene down his throat.
"I don't like kerosene," said Rounder. He then smiled, batted his eyelashes at Chip, and sang, "I am sixteen, going on seventeen, I know that I'm naïve! Fellows I meet will tell me I'm sweet and willingly I believe!"
"I can only imagine what it must be like to live with you guys down in Queens," said Jack. He reached back to pull on his cowboy hat- and let out a yell!
I yelled too. "AAAAAH, JACK! WHAT THE HELL!"
"MY COWBOY HAT!!!!!" He blinked and continued to feel around on his back, as though he just couldn't process the idea that it wasn't there. I think he even sleeps with it on. (A/N: I know, I know, he doesn't. . .but Famous doesn't know that, does she? She's only slept at the Manhattan Lodging House about a million times, but she's a little slow on the uptake.)
"What?" said Rounder slowly.
"My cowboy hat is GONE!" To my utmost surprise, however, Jack didn't go into a searching frenzy like Blink did when he lost his magic marker. He just sniffed and a single tear slid down his dirty cheek. "Why is it gone, Famous?"
"I don't know," I said honestly.
Jack's bottom lip began to tremble.
"But we'll find it for you!" I added quickly.
Chip raised an eyebrow sardonically. "We will?"
"Yes! We will find it very soon and give it back to Jack so he can be a cowboy again!" I said strongly.
"You mean. . .I'm not a cowboy now?" said Jack slowly.
"No! No, that's not what I meant at all! I just- of course you're still a cowboy! Haven't you ever heard of a cowboy who lost his hat?"
"No."
Rounder piped up, "I have! Marty lost his hat in 'Back to the Future: Part III' when the time machine crashed and he was chased by a bear and then he rolled down a hill and hit the fence and fell asleep!"
Chip blinked. "Who the hell is Marty?"
"McFly!" said Rounder, aggravated, rapping Chip's head with his knuckles. "McFly, anybody home, McFly?"
"Get off me!" Chip yelled, prying Rounder off. "And why the hell are you callin' me McFly? I'm Chip, remember? Chip Murphy? Your bunkmate in the Queens Lodging House, the dude who you claimed should know about your 'six- pack'?"
Rounder sighed dramatically and mumbled something about Chip not watching enough good movies. Jack sniffed again.
Just then David came slowly into the sleeping quarters, looking reluctant, holding Les' hand.
"Heya Dave," said Race from the corner where he was playing poker with Mush and Blink. "Long time no see. In fact, I haven't seen you since Skitts pulled off that absolutely BRILLIANT prank on you at Medda's. . ." He broke off and doubled over in hysterical laughter. ". . .and you was all confused. . .Man, that was- AAAAAH, Mush, stop lookin' at me cards!"
"Hey guys," said Dave. He glanced at Jack, who had another tear sliding out of his big hazel eyes. "Uh- Jack, are you alright?"
"Me- hat," Jack whispered. "It's gone."
"AAAAAH SO IS MY EGGNOG COLLECTION!!!!!" Itey bellowed from under his bed.
"You have an eggnog collection? That's disgusting," said Chip.
"I don't have it ANYMORE, it's GONE!"
"AND SO IS MY HAT!"
"DREAM OF CALIFORNICATION!"
"SHUT UP, ROUNDER!"
"No!" Rounder grinned and put his arm around David's shoulder. "Heya Dave, I'm gonna write a song for you!"
"Oh please, don't do this to me, Rounder," David moaned.
"MY EGGNOG LIES OVER THE OCEAN!" Itey yelled.
"MY HAT LIES OVER THE SEA- damn, it doesn't sound as good when you sing about a hat, does it?" said Jack gloomily.
"Guys, this is MY solo!!" said Rounder in an almost-annoyed voice. (But Rounder is physically incapable of feeling any emotions except excitement and happiness, so his smile didn't even falter.) "It's to that song by Matchbox Twenty."
"I hate Matchbox Twenty," said David.
"Are you kidding me?" said Bumlets. "Nobody in their right mind could ever hate Matchbox Twenty."
"HOORAY FOR BUMLETS!" I said.
"I'm going to sing my song now!" said Rounder. He cleared his throat. "Davey, Davey, Davey, when your shampoo is gone, what will clean you and all the Curly-Qs upon your head? Yeah and maybe, maybe, maybe you'll find something that's a good replacement! But that look upon your face meant that you took Itey's eggnog collection and brought it home!"
"HOORAY FOR ROUNDER!" I said. "I like it!"
"Wait- are you trying to say I washed my hair with Itey's eggnog?" David said slowly.
"Precisely, my dear Watson," Rounder replied.
"THAT'S MY LINE!" Cake yelled, appearing out of nowhere.
"Why on earth do you think I washed my hair with EGGNOG, of all things???" David wanted to know.
"Your hair smells like eggnog," said Les.
Rounder messed up Les' hair. "Precisely, my dear W- Aaah, just kidding, Cake, uh- I mean. . .exactly, Les!"
David ran his fingers through his hair. "It does not. . ."
"Yes it does!" said Rounder.
"Really?" I asked. "Here, lemme smell it."
"Me too!" said Itey.
"ME THREE!" said Race.
"ME FOUR!" said Jack.
"ME FIVE!" said Bumlets.
"ME SIX!" said Chip.
"ME SEVEN!" said Blink.
"ME EIGHT!" said Mush.
"ME NINE!" said Boots.
"ME TEN!" said Crutchy.
"ME FOURTY-FIVE!" said Les.
"YOU CAN'T REACH MY HAIR, LES, YOU'RE TOO SHORT!" David tried to yell, but his voice was rather muffled because of the mountain of newsies on him trying to smell his hair.
"Ewww, it DOES smell like eggnog!" Jack said.
"Make that eggnog gone bad," said Chip, holding his nose. "Itey, how long did you have your collection?"
"About six or seven years," said Itey, counting on his fingers.
"I DID NOT WASH MY HAIR WITH EGGNOG!" David yelled.
"Well actually, your shampoo did taste a little funny this morning," said Les.
We all stared at him. "You- eat shampoo?" said Bumlets slowly.
"Of course! I always taste my shampoo before I use it, just to make sure it's not poisoned or something," said Les slowly, as if we were all a bit dim (and most of us were).
"Well. No sense in taking that risk," said Bumlets, running a hand tentatively through his hair. "Do you think my hair could be poisoned?"
"I dunno." Rounder smelled it. "Nah, it smells fine."
"Hey, let's go sit in the corner and pick bugs out of each other's hair!" said Bumlets enthusiastically.
"Hooray! Can we eat the bugs?"
"ENOUGH!"
We all looked down (except Les, who was so short he didn't need to look down) at Cake. "Yes, Cake?" said Dutchy.
"Hold on, I gotta set the mood," said Cake. He reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out the little pipe that Mush had given him for Christmas several years ago. He lit it with a flourish, put it in his mouth, and tipped his hat so that it shaded his eyes slightly.
"Hey, he looks kinda like Sherlock Holmes!" said Rounder. "That's ironic! He'll be so excited when I tell him. HEY CAKE, GUESS WHAT? YOU LOOK KINDA LIKE-"
"SHHH!" Steel hissed, nudging him in the ribs.
"Well someone's a grump today. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Mr. I-like-to-be-mean-to-Rounder-because-I'm-jealous-of- his-six-pack? Huh?"
Steel promptly ignored this and watched Cake, who had started to slowly pace the room.
"I have been watching this series of events carefully for the past few days," he said in a flawless British accent. "First Harriet went missing. . .then we lost Blink's magic marker. . .then Jack's hat, and now Itey's eggnog. Before I continue with the diagnosis, is there anyone else who has found that something dear to them has gone missing?"
There was a general murmur as people considered the last time they had seen their precious items. I was all set; I had my coconut Wallaby right there in my pocket, so I knew he couldn't have gone anywhere. Then Bumlets exclaimed, "Wait! I think I lost my collection of left-shoes!"
"Oh no!" said everyone in unison. Then we all scrambled over to the special shoebox, which we found to be empty.
"Oh no!" we all said again.
"Never fear, peace shall be restored to Manhattan once I am through," said Cake imperiously. "Is that all that has been lost?"
"Uh. . .yeah," we all said.
"Okay, we can stop talking in unison now!" said Race.
"Okay, Race, sorry," we all said together.
"GAAH!" Race groaned, leaning on my shoulder.
"Shut up, I'm having a moment here!!!" said Cake. He then returned to his British accent. "So. . .so far we have lost an insect, a magic marker, a hat, an eggnog collection, and a collection of left shoes, am I right?"
"RIGHT!" we all said.
"There has also been a mysterious attack of a killer chicken-"
"And I had a nightmare about a potted plant!!!" I added.
Chip quickly turned his snigger into a hacking cough.
"Piecing the information together, I have come to a conclusion and I have found the culprit!" said Cake. He paused dramatically. "I am sorry to reveal that the wrongdoer is none other than-"
"Me."
We all turned. "YOU???"
Dutchy smiled wickedly. "Yes. . .me."
DUN DUN DUNNNN! TO BE CONTINUED!!!
*****
Shoutouts!!!
Breezy233: You SHOULD feel special, because you are! (lol, that was about as cheesy as it gets.) And- BEHOLD! Bumlets was actually IN this chapter a little bit! I would have put him in more, but I'm obsessed with equal division of lines. (Except Rounder seemed to get the most in this chapter, didn't he? I confess, I have a crush on my own character! lol) And by the way: UPDATE YOUR STORY SOON! I REALLY WANNA READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AAAH! :- )
CTB4life: I love Racetrack too, he rocks!! Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you like my extremely bizarre story. ;-) I love your name, by the way. CARRYING THE BANNER!!
Scout73: Two reviews, aaah thank you!! Believe me, if I had a picture of Rounder I'd be making copies and plastering them all over my room. (I'd give one to you, though, because you're cool.) He's really very popular with the ladies, isn't he? ;-) lol, thanks for the reviews!
Repeat: Of COURSE Blink will find his magic marker in the end!! Lol, I cracked up when you were like "CURSE WHOEVER STOLE THE MAGIC MARKER! (unless it was rounder, then it's ok)" Gah, you're so funny! But- it wasn't Rounder!! DUN DUN DUNNNN! lol, ttyl
ershey: I'm cool? Why hasn't anyone ever told me? You're cool too! lol- I honestly have no idea how Race and Famous got their PJs on, there are some things they don't tell even me. Sometimes it's safer to just drop it. ;-) Thanks for the review, I love ya lots!
Sapphy: Rounder's off searching for a castle in the clouds to whisk you away to. "What's the point of whisking her away if I have nowhere to whisk her away TO?" he had said, aggravated that I didn't understand his pattern of thought. Ah well. He'll be back soon, with more ideas for my most peculiar story. ;-) Thanks for the review, my boys are anxiously awaiting your next one!
*****
Author's Note: Aaah, cliffhanger!!! This was a really short, screwy chapter lol- sorry to all the Dutchy fans, I love him too; don't worry, all shall end well. Thanks for reviewing, I love you all!!!
-Saturday
Disclaimer: Gah, you know the drill. Once upon a time I didn't own anything in this story. The end.
*****
Chapter Eight - Eggnog
*****
"If you wanna call me baby, just go ahead now! And if you'd like to tell me maybe, just go ahead now! And if you wanna buy me flowers, just go ahead now! And if you'd like to talk for hours, just go ahead now!"
Jack leaned over to me and cocked his head to the side. "Tell me, Famous, does he EVER stop singing?" he asked mildly, nodding at Rounder.
I glanced at Rounder, who had grabbed Chip and was doing a tango, against Chip's will, might I add. ("Said one, two princes kneel before you, that's what I said now! Princes, princes who adore you, just go ahead now-" "ROUNDER! GET THE HELL OFF ME!" "Marry him or marry me! I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see? I ain't-" "JESUS CHRIST, IF YOU MAKE ME SPIN AROUND ONE MORE TIME, I'LL-")
I looked back at Jack. "No, not really."
We both looked up as Rounder went flying over our heads, landing on Boots' bed. "Hey Chip, whatsamatta with you anyways?" he demanded.
Chip just looked at him and mumbled something about pouring kerosene down his throat.
"I don't like kerosene," said Rounder. He then smiled, batted his eyelashes at Chip, and sang, "I am sixteen, going on seventeen, I know that I'm naïve! Fellows I meet will tell me I'm sweet and willingly I believe!"
"I can only imagine what it must be like to live with you guys down in Queens," said Jack. He reached back to pull on his cowboy hat- and let out a yell!
I yelled too. "AAAAAH, JACK! WHAT THE HELL!"
"MY COWBOY HAT!!!!!" He blinked and continued to feel around on his back, as though he just couldn't process the idea that it wasn't there. I think he even sleeps with it on. (A/N: I know, I know, he doesn't. . .but Famous doesn't know that, does she? She's only slept at the Manhattan Lodging House about a million times, but she's a little slow on the uptake.)
"What?" said Rounder slowly.
"My cowboy hat is GONE!" To my utmost surprise, however, Jack didn't go into a searching frenzy like Blink did when he lost his magic marker. He just sniffed and a single tear slid down his dirty cheek. "Why is it gone, Famous?"
"I don't know," I said honestly.
Jack's bottom lip began to tremble.
"But we'll find it for you!" I added quickly.
Chip raised an eyebrow sardonically. "We will?"
"Yes! We will find it very soon and give it back to Jack so he can be a cowboy again!" I said strongly.
"You mean. . .I'm not a cowboy now?" said Jack slowly.
"No! No, that's not what I meant at all! I just- of course you're still a cowboy! Haven't you ever heard of a cowboy who lost his hat?"
"No."
Rounder piped up, "I have! Marty lost his hat in 'Back to the Future: Part III' when the time machine crashed and he was chased by a bear and then he rolled down a hill and hit the fence and fell asleep!"
Chip blinked. "Who the hell is Marty?"
"McFly!" said Rounder, aggravated, rapping Chip's head with his knuckles. "McFly, anybody home, McFly?"
"Get off me!" Chip yelled, prying Rounder off. "And why the hell are you callin' me McFly? I'm Chip, remember? Chip Murphy? Your bunkmate in the Queens Lodging House, the dude who you claimed should know about your 'six- pack'?"
Rounder sighed dramatically and mumbled something about Chip not watching enough good movies. Jack sniffed again.
Just then David came slowly into the sleeping quarters, looking reluctant, holding Les' hand.
"Heya Dave," said Race from the corner where he was playing poker with Mush and Blink. "Long time no see. In fact, I haven't seen you since Skitts pulled off that absolutely BRILLIANT prank on you at Medda's. . ." He broke off and doubled over in hysterical laughter. ". . .and you was all confused. . .Man, that was- AAAAAH, Mush, stop lookin' at me cards!"
"Hey guys," said Dave. He glanced at Jack, who had another tear sliding out of his big hazel eyes. "Uh- Jack, are you alright?"
"Me- hat," Jack whispered. "It's gone."
"AAAAAH SO IS MY EGGNOG COLLECTION!!!!!" Itey bellowed from under his bed.
"You have an eggnog collection? That's disgusting," said Chip.
"I don't have it ANYMORE, it's GONE!"
"AND SO IS MY HAT!"
"DREAM OF CALIFORNICATION!"
"SHUT UP, ROUNDER!"
"No!" Rounder grinned and put his arm around David's shoulder. "Heya Dave, I'm gonna write a song for you!"
"Oh please, don't do this to me, Rounder," David moaned.
"MY EGGNOG LIES OVER THE OCEAN!" Itey yelled.
"MY HAT LIES OVER THE SEA- damn, it doesn't sound as good when you sing about a hat, does it?" said Jack gloomily.
"Guys, this is MY solo!!" said Rounder in an almost-annoyed voice. (But Rounder is physically incapable of feeling any emotions except excitement and happiness, so his smile didn't even falter.) "It's to that song by Matchbox Twenty."
"I hate Matchbox Twenty," said David.
"Are you kidding me?" said Bumlets. "Nobody in their right mind could ever hate Matchbox Twenty."
"HOORAY FOR BUMLETS!" I said.
"I'm going to sing my song now!" said Rounder. He cleared his throat. "Davey, Davey, Davey, when your shampoo is gone, what will clean you and all the Curly-Qs upon your head? Yeah and maybe, maybe, maybe you'll find something that's a good replacement! But that look upon your face meant that you took Itey's eggnog collection and brought it home!"
"HOORAY FOR ROUNDER!" I said. "I like it!"
"Wait- are you trying to say I washed my hair with Itey's eggnog?" David said slowly.
"Precisely, my dear Watson," Rounder replied.
"THAT'S MY LINE!" Cake yelled, appearing out of nowhere.
"Why on earth do you think I washed my hair with EGGNOG, of all things???" David wanted to know.
"Your hair smells like eggnog," said Les.
Rounder messed up Les' hair. "Precisely, my dear W- Aaah, just kidding, Cake, uh- I mean. . .exactly, Les!"
David ran his fingers through his hair. "It does not. . ."
"Yes it does!" said Rounder.
"Really?" I asked. "Here, lemme smell it."
"Me too!" said Itey.
"ME THREE!" said Race.
"ME FOUR!" said Jack.
"ME FIVE!" said Bumlets.
"ME SIX!" said Chip.
"ME SEVEN!" said Blink.
"ME EIGHT!" said Mush.
"ME NINE!" said Boots.
"ME TEN!" said Crutchy.
"ME FOURTY-FIVE!" said Les.
"YOU CAN'T REACH MY HAIR, LES, YOU'RE TOO SHORT!" David tried to yell, but his voice was rather muffled because of the mountain of newsies on him trying to smell his hair.
"Ewww, it DOES smell like eggnog!" Jack said.
"Make that eggnog gone bad," said Chip, holding his nose. "Itey, how long did you have your collection?"
"About six or seven years," said Itey, counting on his fingers.
"I DID NOT WASH MY HAIR WITH EGGNOG!" David yelled.
"Well actually, your shampoo did taste a little funny this morning," said Les.
We all stared at him. "You- eat shampoo?" said Bumlets slowly.
"Of course! I always taste my shampoo before I use it, just to make sure it's not poisoned or something," said Les slowly, as if we were all a bit dim (and most of us were).
"Well. No sense in taking that risk," said Bumlets, running a hand tentatively through his hair. "Do you think my hair could be poisoned?"
"I dunno." Rounder smelled it. "Nah, it smells fine."
"Hey, let's go sit in the corner and pick bugs out of each other's hair!" said Bumlets enthusiastically.
"Hooray! Can we eat the bugs?"
"ENOUGH!"
We all looked down (except Les, who was so short he didn't need to look down) at Cake. "Yes, Cake?" said Dutchy.
"Hold on, I gotta set the mood," said Cake. He reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out the little pipe that Mush had given him for Christmas several years ago. He lit it with a flourish, put it in his mouth, and tipped his hat so that it shaded his eyes slightly.
"Hey, he looks kinda like Sherlock Holmes!" said Rounder. "That's ironic! He'll be so excited when I tell him. HEY CAKE, GUESS WHAT? YOU LOOK KINDA LIKE-"
"SHHH!" Steel hissed, nudging him in the ribs.
"Well someone's a grump today. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, Mr. I-like-to-be-mean-to-Rounder-because-I'm-jealous-of- his-six-pack? Huh?"
Steel promptly ignored this and watched Cake, who had started to slowly pace the room.
"I have been watching this series of events carefully for the past few days," he said in a flawless British accent. "First Harriet went missing. . .then we lost Blink's magic marker. . .then Jack's hat, and now Itey's eggnog. Before I continue with the diagnosis, is there anyone else who has found that something dear to them has gone missing?"
There was a general murmur as people considered the last time they had seen their precious items. I was all set; I had my coconut Wallaby right there in my pocket, so I knew he couldn't have gone anywhere. Then Bumlets exclaimed, "Wait! I think I lost my collection of left-shoes!"
"Oh no!" said everyone in unison. Then we all scrambled over to the special shoebox, which we found to be empty.
"Oh no!" we all said again.
"Never fear, peace shall be restored to Manhattan once I am through," said Cake imperiously. "Is that all that has been lost?"
"Uh. . .yeah," we all said.
"Okay, we can stop talking in unison now!" said Race.
"Okay, Race, sorry," we all said together.
"GAAH!" Race groaned, leaning on my shoulder.
"Shut up, I'm having a moment here!!!" said Cake. He then returned to his British accent. "So. . .so far we have lost an insect, a magic marker, a hat, an eggnog collection, and a collection of left shoes, am I right?"
"RIGHT!" we all said.
"There has also been a mysterious attack of a killer chicken-"
"And I had a nightmare about a potted plant!!!" I added.
Chip quickly turned his snigger into a hacking cough.
"Piecing the information together, I have come to a conclusion and I have found the culprit!" said Cake. He paused dramatically. "I am sorry to reveal that the wrongdoer is none other than-"
"Me."
We all turned. "YOU???"
Dutchy smiled wickedly. "Yes. . .me."
DUN DUN DUNNNN! TO BE CONTINUED!!!
*****
Shoutouts!!!
Breezy233: You SHOULD feel special, because you are! (lol, that was about as cheesy as it gets.) And- BEHOLD! Bumlets was actually IN this chapter a little bit! I would have put him in more, but I'm obsessed with equal division of lines. (Except Rounder seemed to get the most in this chapter, didn't he? I confess, I have a crush on my own character! lol) And by the way: UPDATE YOUR STORY SOON! I REALLY WANNA READ WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AAAH! :- )
CTB4life: I love Racetrack too, he rocks!! Thanks so much for the review, I'm glad you like my extremely bizarre story. ;-) I love your name, by the way. CARRYING THE BANNER!!
Scout73: Two reviews, aaah thank you!! Believe me, if I had a picture of Rounder I'd be making copies and plastering them all over my room. (I'd give one to you, though, because you're cool.) He's really very popular with the ladies, isn't he? ;-) lol, thanks for the reviews!
Repeat: Of COURSE Blink will find his magic marker in the end!! Lol, I cracked up when you were like "CURSE WHOEVER STOLE THE MAGIC MARKER! (unless it was rounder, then it's ok)" Gah, you're so funny! But- it wasn't Rounder!! DUN DUN DUNNNN! lol, ttyl
ershey: I'm cool? Why hasn't anyone ever told me? You're cool too! lol- I honestly have no idea how Race and Famous got their PJs on, there are some things they don't tell even me. Sometimes it's safer to just drop it. ;-) Thanks for the review, I love ya lots!
Sapphy: Rounder's off searching for a castle in the clouds to whisk you away to. "What's the point of whisking her away if I have nowhere to whisk her away TO?" he had said, aggravated that I didn't understand his pattern of thought. Ah well. He'll be back soon, with more ideas for my most peculiar story. ;-) Thanks for the review, my boys are anxiously awaiting your next one!
*****
Author's Note: Aaah, cliffhanger!!! This was a really short, screwy chapter lol- sorry to all the Dutchy fans, I love him too; don't worry, all shall end well. Thanks for reviewing, I love you all!!!
-Saturday
