Big thank you for the readers and reviewers! Very sorry for how long this one took to come out. But as of now, my school year is over which means all my attention will be here :)
BRYCE
"It's Jane," the flushed girl said to her friends, "I could use some help." My gaze went to Juli, whose green eyes were wide.
"What's wrong?" Dana worriedly asked, standing up and hitting me with her bag as she swung it around her shoulder.
The girl's eyes darted between Paul and I with a look that could kill.
"Just come," she said. I looked at Juli again, who was already standing up. The girls flocked behind their friend. Juli gave me a tight-lipped grin as they hurried off.
"What the heck was that?" Paul muttered. It was the first exchange we had since Dana found us walking towards the caf and offered (actually, demanded) that we all have lunch together. I'm pretty sure she might have followed me after Science, then acted like she randomly bumped into us. I had no idea why she did it, but I wasn't against the idea at all. As awkward as things were between Juli and I since last night, the feeling I got when thinking about seeing her again was always an invited one.
I wanted this lunch thing to continue being a... thing. I liked the idea of sitting with Juli among friends every day. Granted, I'd prefer it be just her and I, but I don't deserve to be picky.
I started at the $5 bill on the table, remembering the embarrassment I felt only a few seconds ago. I'm sure people in the next room could hear my eagerness to help her. After she's done so much for me, the least I could do for her was get her lunch.
I just wish I hadn't been so obvious about it. I swore that Dana was milliseconds away from making a comment about Juli and I that would've made the whole table uncomfortable. I grabbed my emergency food money and stuck it back into my school bag.
The humidity from the morning's rain storm had made its way into the cafeteria. I raked my slightly damp hair back.
"Why are you guys sitting all the way over here?" Garrett's voice was loud. He circled around the table and settled beside me.
Paul and I looked at each other.
"Dana Tressler," I answered.
Garrett gave us a puzzled look, unscrewing the cap on his soda.
"Who?"
"She was in our class last year," I replied.
"Eh," Garrett shrugged, "Not important." We were only a few days into the school year and I was already getting tired of him again. "Do any of you remember long division?" Garrett pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and placed it between Paul and I. "This is due next period."
After lunch, I sat in my Careers class, tracing the scratched-in graffiti on my desk, thinking about last night. I tried to recall it chronologically so my mind wouldn't feel any more muddled than it already did.
Seeing Dad's car outside of the house felt like a punch to the gut. Especially since Juli was right beside me, seeing it too.
I found it wild how quickly my mood changed upon seeing Dad's car. One second, I was happy and wishing I didn't have to go home so I could keep spending time with Juli, then the next, I was a mixture of shock and resentment, and my reason for not wanting to go home had completely changed.
A collective chuckle came from the class, surely due to yet another joke Ms. Ludley had cracked. I faked a smile, even though no one was looking at me to fall for it.
Walking into the house yesterday gave me a chill through my body as I realized that any boundary I had between me and my problems at home was gone. I could hear chatter coming from the back of the house as I slowly took off my sneakers, remembering specifically how the blisters on my feet stung. I had peeked over into the living room, seeing Granddad just as I expected to. He turned to look at me and I quickly settled on the couch next to his chair, not knowing where else I could go.
"He's..." was all I could say, and Granddad's words seemed to fail him too, as all he could do was nod. It occurred to me that the more that time had passed, the worse I felt for Granddad. At least I had school to get out of the house. He had nothing. For a while, Juli kept him company, and I was sure she would have continued to if I hadn't made her feel unwelcome. I felt like everything I'd done in the past while just hurt people.
The coward in me couldn't peel myself off the couch, no matter how badly I wanted to know what was going on in the other room. Granddad's blue eyes stayed on me.
"When?" I whispered.
"Not too long ago," he spoke at a normal volume, and it startled me.
I was pulled out of my memory recall when the girl sitting in front of me was pushing a stack of papers in my face. I habitually took one and passed it behind me without looking to check if the person was paying attention.
I looked down at the aptitude test. I always heard that Careers is easy, but I didn't expect this easy. I couldn't believe that doing a couple questions about my interests was considered homework.
As I mindlessly checked off some "agrees" and "disagrees", my mind drifted back to yesterday.
Dad looked different. It was weird to see him so... defenceless. Mom had a crooked smile on her face and Granddad was still in the front room and I could tell that everyone more than noticed the absence of Lynetta. She had called the night before, unconvincingly saying she had come down with a cold which was why she was missing her the first week of the extra semester of high school that she fought so hard to get Mom and Dad on board with. She stuck to the story of staying at her friend Marg's house. I couldn't believe that I missed her, snarky comments and all, but I did. I at least wanted to see her at school.
Dad didn't even explain, really. He just made some comment about a grass stain on my jeans that I didn't know how to take. And that was that. Mom made dinner while Dad sat in front of the television just far enough from Granddad and even though things seemed to be starting to get back to normal, I knew they never would, because even though a few days may seem short in hindsight, I don't think anyone would ever forget the fact that Dad left.
I checked off another box as the bell rang in time to interrupt me from recalling the awkward memory of sleeping on Juli's floor. I don't know what came over me to resort to knocking on her door and risking one of her parents answering, all just to get out of the house... It was a blur, and frankly, I'd like to keep it that way. The less I remembered, the better.
Then again, the opportunity of seeing Juli Baker first thing in the morning wasn't something I wanted to forget.
I twisted to pick up my book-bag from under the desk and my back protested in pain. As everyone spilled out of the unventilated classroom, a sound came from the PA system. I made my way to English, my stomach stirring in anticipation of seeing Juli again.
As I paced down the hallway, the words "junior football" on the announcements made my ears perk up. I slowed down by a corner and looked up at the nearest speaker in the ceiling, as if staring at it would make it more comprehensible. By then, the soft voice started talking about volleyball and I sucked my teeth in frustration. I was all of a sudden so eager to find out if I'd made the team, when yesterday it felt as if I wouldn't even care enough to check. I made a mental note to go to the gymnasium and figure out where the list of final cuts would be, which I wouldn't have to do if I could hear the announcement.
I walked into English, and when I saw an unfamiliar middle-aged woman writing on the chalkboard, I felt the highest form of relief realizing that I wouldn't have to deal with Coupland today. My eyes automatically went to Juli's seat, to find that she was already looking at me. I subconsciously smoothed my shirt down and nearly winced at how obvious I was to look good for her. I didn't know if she blushed but I definitely did.
I settled in my seat as my memory ran through last night and how restlessly lying in bed turned into a swift walk outside that couldn't satisfy what turned into frustration over Dad coming home, which turned into the decision that I just couldn't sleep at home, which turned into the erratic choice to sleep over at Juli's.
The look on her face when she noticed it was me knocking on the window was one I couldn't forget. I wanted to run once I realized what a stupid idea it was to be there, but my feet felt like they were as rooted into the ground as the baby sycamore was.
Come whenever you need, she said.
"Okay, hi, every-" The sub was interrupted by the period bell. She casually placed her hand on her hip and waited, then continued her sentence, quick as a whip. "Hi, everyone. Your regular teacher couldn't be here today."
"Thank God," a voice from the back said, sending a chorus of chuckles. I could have sworn I saw the sub's lips twitch up into a smile.
"As I understand, you have a quiz tomorrow, so this is meant to be a silent study period, and I'm to give you your homework at the end of the period. I was thinking, however," she raised an eyebrow, "I could give you your homework now so you could do it in class and not worry about it tonight."
For the first time in that classroom, I heard sighs of relief.
"Feel free to work in groups," she comfortably said as she turned to the front desk and picked up a stack of papers, "Just please keep the noise to a minimum."
I heard someone close to me quietly ask why this lady couldn't be our permanent teacher and I nodded to myself in agreement.
"Bryce?" My breath caught once I heard my name. I turned around to the source of the sound. "Wanna be in the group?" I looked at Juli and the two other faces who had their eyes on me.
I smiled, "Sure."
JULIANA
As Dana and Allison and I rushed to the washroom behind Jessica's determined march, I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I wanted to stay back at the lunch table where Bryce was. I could tell that I was drifting back to the place where I reveled in Bryce's company, and a little part of me was worried it would end up hurting me again.
"What's going on?" Allison hurriedly asked.
"Jane's having an episode," Jessica said, "She got into a fight with her mom this morning. Over nothing. Her mom was just in a bad mood!"
"Oh no," Dana chimed in.
"Oh no's right," Jessica replied, "Her mom's grounding sentences are brutal. Like, this one time, she grounded her for an entire month and didn't let her go anywhere, not even my house."
"Yikes," I said, reflecting on how Mom and Dad have never even grounded me, but just had long talks with me whenever I caused any trouble, "Is she okay?"
"She refuses to leave the bathroom stall," Jessica said, "I figure four of us would have a better influence than just me."
When we got to the bathroom, we were already ten minutes into the lunch period, meaning the restroom was in its usual deserted state. The only occupied stall was in the corner, where I could see Jane's usual penny loafers.
"Hey, Jane?" Jessica called, leaning against the stall door, "We're all here and we really want you to come out."
"I'll be fine," a concealed Jane replied in a choked voice.
"Come on," Jessica mumbled, her concerned state a surprise to me. I hadn't realized how much she cared for her friends. "My mom packed a Blondie I'm willing to ration," she said suggestively, earning a chuckle from the other side of the stall door.
"What happens if she doesn't let me go to the party?" I heard Jane sniffle.
"We'll sneak you out," Allison spoke up.
"Windows do have more than one function," I retorted, remembering last night.
"Yeah," Jessica crossed her arms, amused, "That's how much we love you."
The door's lock squeaked as Jane peeked out of the stall, her cheeks pink and her eyes pinker.
"Girl, that dress is so cute!" Dana squeaked, holding her hands clasped as if she was just proposed to.
Jane smiled as she pulled both sides of the floral piece, "Thanks!" I felt a sense of accomplishment. We did our job as friends.
I looked at Jane and was reminded of Bryce and how much he disliked being in his house, too. I sometimes felt guilty over the fact that I had such a good home-life when lots of other people didn't. How come I was lucky and they weren't?
"I can't wait to move out," Jane said as she made a bee-line to the mirror and tended to her appearance.
"And move to Hollywood," Jessica stood beside Jane.
"And marry Ricky Nelson," Jane answered. We all shared a laugh.
"Oh, those eyes," Dana swooned.
As we left the restroom, it was clear that Jane wanted to stay as far away from civilization as possible. Allison suggested we sit outside, so we went to the field by the gymnasium and sat in the grass. It was still a bit damp from the rain, but with the sun beating down on us and the breeze offering a nice change from the inside of the school, there were no complaints.
"Oh, who were those boys at the table?" Jessica asked as she rifled through her lunchbox. I surveyed the grounds, only seeing a few other groups outside, most of them looking like seniors that were prisoners during outside time. We sat across each other, cross-legged in an even circle.
"Boys?" Jane snickered.
"You didn't miss out, Jane," Dana put her hand up in the air, "One of them is a bundie as quiet as a mouse and the other only has eyes for Juli."
"Dana," I sighed, taking a bite of the pear Allison gave me.
"What?" she chuckled, "I just happened to run into them on my way to the cafeteria! I figured, the more, the merrier."
"Oh, you just happened to run into them?" I rallied.
Dana gave me a mischievous grin, "What matters is, he practically jumped at the chance to buy you lunch, didn't he?"
"Because he's nice."
"Because he's in love with you." The group threw their usual cat-calls in my direction.
I'd be lying if I didn't say I enjoyed it when Dana played match-maker. I didn't know why she was so invested in Bryce and I going steady, but the comments she made about the way he looked at me made my heart flutter.
I could tell I was as a red as a beet, and Allison came to my rescue as usual.
"Do you want this half of my sandwich?" she asked me, "It's tuna."
"How is it even possible to enjoy fish?" Jessica shook her head, "It's so..."
"Fishy," Dana snarled.
"Thank you," Jessica said.
I gratefully accepted the meal and looked at the others, "Because it's good!"
"Oh my God, did I ever tell you guys about the time I had food poisoning from some trout my uncle caught last summer?" Jessica stated.
Jane made a face, "Good lunch-time topic."
"Great lunch-time topic," Jessica held her hand out to her best friend, who shooed it away, "I couldn't even ingest crackers."
"Jessica," Dana half-laughed while wincing.
"My mom was all, Not all fish is bad, give it a try, dear. Oh, I gave it a try. And I paid."
"Don't tell us how," Allison shook her head, chuckling.
Jessica widened her eyes, "The runs." The group of us recoiled and moaned our ews and ohs. Jessica laughed as Jane pushed her dangerously close to the mud puddle she warned us about when we first sat down.
Once lunch was over, my classes seemed to speed by. History was loud and Science was eventful. As I sat in English, looking at the substitute teacher, I couldn't help but feel guilty.
Last night, Bryce didn't want to be home so bad that he was willing to sleep on my floor to avoid it. Today, Jane was crying in the girl's bathroom because her mother took her frustration out on her. I had such a good family and home-life. How come I was one of the lucky ones? How come some kids had to dread going home, while I was always excited to? I had parents and brothers who I knew would go to the ends of the earth for me. Some had no-one.
I wondered how much of an influence the people I grew up with had on who I am. And how different people like Bryce and Jane would be if they weren't in such toxic environments. Would Jane not care so much about high-school status and being validated by other people? Would Bryce not be so quiet and secretive? I thought back to the night we had dinner at the Loski's and absorbing what kind of man Bryce's dad was... Cold, blank, condescending. I didn't want Bryce to turn into that.
I bit my lip and stared at the door, wondering what Bryce walked home to yesterday and what his Dad said and what happened exactly. I wanted to ask him, but that was risky. One wrong question and he'd close up quicker than the day is long.
As if on cue, he walked into the room. It was certain. I definitely liked Bryce Loski again. My mouth went dry as my eyes followed his figure, realizing his shoulders were even broader than I thought they were.
His brown eyes met mine and he quickly looked down, picking at his shirt. He sat down in his usual seat a few chairs away and I was sent back to junior high, staring at the back of his head, wondering what he was thinking about.
I thought I really liked him before, but ever since the beginning of last summer when I learned who he was under the exterior, I recognized that this was the deepest crush I'd ever had on anyone. Once he planted that tree, I could see that he wasn't the aloof coward I thought he was. As I got to know him, really know him, I realized that Bryce Loski was funny and caring and patient and sharp and strong. He was more than the sum of his parts. He really was. It just took me time to notice it.
I was right back to where I was when he first moved into the neighborhood, only this time, I was deeper. Way deeper.
The relaxed substitute teacher suggested we get into groups and Donna, who sat in the desk beside mine, reached out and touched my arm.
"Wanna get in a group?" she insisted. I turned over to her with a smile, remembering our conversations in art class last year. Well, more like her conversations with herself. She was quite the chatter-box but it wasn't totally unbearable. "We can split doing the questions then copy them from each other."
"Sure," I shrugged, and her face lit up.
"Kathy?" she called. The girl in front of me, who I never knew but Donna apparently did, turned around. "Wanna be in our group?"
"Nah, I better study," she shyly responded, "Gotta get in Coupland's good graces and do well on that test, yknow?" Donna screwed up her face and moved on quickly, poking the shoulder of the guy sitting in front of her.
"Wanna be in our group?"
He turned around, jutting out his bottom lip.
"Okay," he answered.
"What's your name again?" she abruptly said.
"Ed," the boy casually said as he turned his desk to face our haphazard circle.
"I'm Donna, that's Juli," Donna rushed. She turned to me, "Anyone else we can ask? The more people, the less questions we each have to do."
My head immediately went to Bryce's direction.
"Bryce?" I half-shouted. He quickly met my gaze. "Wanna be in the group?"
He smiled, "Sure."
Once the four of us were facing each-other, the desks of rows interrupted and pages in front of us, the classroom had already gotten fairly loud. The substitute surprisingly didn't seem to mind as she reclined at the desk with a book. My eyes traveled from the questions on the page to Bryce. I watched him as he slightly squinted at his paper.
"Hmph," Donna uttered, "How can you have fifteen questions on a three-page story?"
Bryce looked up at her then over to me, and I quickly averted my gaze. I spent my entire childhood happily public with my crush on him and now I could barely deal with him catching me staring.
"Let's get cracking," Ed unenthusiastically suggested.
The English period ended right as I wrote down my last word, completing the homework. I smiled to myself in satisfaction. Donna unfortunately wasn't near being done, as telling her story about the baby squirrel that ran into her house took out a good chunk out of her work-time. She complained about having to finish her homework and studying tonight as we dragged our desks back to their rightful places.
As soon as the bell rang, I paced down the aisle towards the door everyone was flooding out of. Bryce got out of his seat right as I tried to walk by and we collided. We shared a chuckle as I stepped back, giving him space to stand up.
"Sorry," he said.
"Use your blinker next time," I retorted. He let out a deep laugh as he collected his books. I watched his profile, sure that he really did get taller every day and I wasn't just crazy.
His dimples caved into his cheeks as he continued to smile at my lame joke, "Hey, did you by any chance hear the announcement before this class? Something about football?"
"Yeah, I actually did," I chirped, recalling my memory, "Team lists are posted on the gymnasium doors. I know for soccer for sure, and maybe volleyball..."
His brown eyes met mine, "That worked out, I was gonna go there anyway. Wicked. Are you going to... go? Check? On- on the doors?"
I smirked at his stammering as we started to walk out of the classroom, "Yeah." I knew I wasn't going to get on the soccer team but I became wildly curious if he got into football. I figured I wouldn't ask unless he offered the information. The poor guy had already been in enough embarrassing situations with me in the past few days.
"They make up the teams so early in the school year," Bryce mused, "We haven't even been here a week."
"Yeah," I repeated, speaking over the loud chatter in the hallway. We shared a moment of semi-comfortable silence.
"My back," he began, "It's- it's better, by the way."
"Oh," I looked at him with a smile, "I should run a hotel service then." Bryce laughed again. I always thought he was simply easy to amuse but once I saw him with other people, I realized he only laughed as hard and as frequently as he did when I was the one telling the jokes.
"I'd just request an earlier wake-up call," he played along. I playfully raised an eyebrow at him.
"You're really gonna complain?"
"No, no," he looked legitimately concerned, "I'm just kidding- thank you, I did thank you, right?" I gave him an expectant grin and he dropped his head in his hand.
"You gotta stop doing that," Bryce shook his head.
"You gotta stop making it so easy!" I replied. The light tone of our conversation reminded me of the ones we had in the summer when we biked around to unfamiliar parts of town. I sighed.
We reached the gymnasium corridor, which was already so busy. Bryce and I parted ways and I went to where the girls seemed to crowd, and he went to where the boys were. I soon found "Junior Girls Soccer" at the top of a page and scammed the list of names. Allison was there, which made me feel overjoyed. After a few checks just in case, I saw that my name wasn't on the list. I hated to admit it, but a part of me wished it was. Failure was always hard to swallow for me. But I saw it coming. That was a bad day for me to have any kind of try-out.
I turned on my heels and floated towards the other side of the corridor, and spotted the back of Bryce's head. I anxiously waited, my fingers crossed for him. He deserved a win. When he turned around, his face said it all.
