CHAPTER 7:

TRAIN OF THOUGHT

Harry could have done to Hogwarts via Floo or Portkey, but he opted, if only because of the novelty of the experience, to head there on the Hogwarts Express. Baum was there already, waiting for him. He'd brought with him his Quinques, and what other materials he needed. After considerable negotiation, Eto was coming with him, if only to see Hogwarts once.

Harry was going, as was Baum, in the usual outfit of the CCG, aside from snazzy suits. A white trenchcoat over said suit. Wizarding robes could go screw themselves.

Harry soon found the carriage he was looking for. Ron and Hermione were Prefects, of all things (well, Hermione was definitely prefect material, but Ron? He wasn't a bad bloke, just…not what Harry thought of as responsible or mature), so he was able to look for his quarry. And soon, he found him.

He knocked on the door politely. Eventually, he got a rather wary, "Yes?"

"Sorry, may I come in?"

There was a brief conversation, before the door was opened by a rather dotty-looking blonde girl with wide, pale eyes. "…Yes, I think you can. And bring your strigine(1) friend with you," she said.

Harry entered, sitting down opposite the occupants. One was the girl, and the other, a rather stocky boy about his age, holding a vaguely cactus-like plant in his arms. "Good morning," he said politely. "I am Provisional Investigator Harry Arima of the Commission for Countering Ghouls, and this is Sen Takatsuki. I will be assisting Professor Baum in teaching you Defence Against the Dark Arts."

The boy, rather anxiously, gave him a wan smile, and said, "Hi. I'm Neville Longbottom."

Harry's first impressions of the Boy Who Lived was that he was a wimp. Then again, given the descriptions of the escapades he went through from Hermione and Ron, well, Harry was surprised he wasn't more anxious. Timid, yes, but there was something in those eyes that Harry had a small smidgen of respect for. Small, because he could tell he would have his work cut out for him. This boy was in danger of folding under pressure.

"And I'm Luna Lovegood," the girl said with a sunny smile.

"Good to meet you two."

"…Excuse me, Sen Takatsuki was it?" Neville asked timidly. "Are you a Muggle?"

"I'm an author…though I suppose you could call me a Muggle. I am well aware of the magical world. I was just curious about Hogwarts, and wanted to see it before I headed back to Japan."

"You're allowed to do that?" Neville asked.

Harry chuckled. "Try telling Sen not to do something, and she'll do it anyway. She's like a cat."

"Mrowr," the green-haired Ghoul deadpanned.

"Funny. I would have picked her as being an owl," Luna remarked.

Now, Eto was indeed wearing a rather cute shirt with an owl on it, but still, there was something about the blonde girl's comment that had them both on edge. But then, she turned to Neville. "…I'm sorry I couldn't come over. Even if I wasn't with Daddy, searching for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, your grandmother doesn't like me."

"…I don't think she likes anyone, save for herself," Neville muttered. "She keeps firing the tutors she sends me because she thinks they're not doing enough to whip me into shape. I…I don't want this!" he snapped. "I don't want to be the Boy Who Lived! She's trying to make me into something I'm not! I'm not brave, I'm not powerful, I'm just…just Neville."

"…Neville…if it weren't for you, Hermione would have been ground into paste by that troll. Quirrell would have gotten the Philosopher's Stone, Ginny would have been taken over completely by that diary…even if you aren't the Boy Who Lived, you're still one of the bravest people I know," Luna said quietly.

Eto smiled. "Yep. Even though you're a scaredy-cat, you act anyway, right? It may be a cliché, but that is true bravery, acting in spite of fear, not without it. Besides, even if you aren't, Harry here will whip you into shape. Whether you like it or not."

"…Sen, please don't," Harry said quietly, before he returned his gaze to Neville. "I'll be honest, I don't believe in that Boy Who Lived crap. But a lot of people will expect you to be, aside from your grandmother. I've got to help you be ready for whatever comes your way."

"…Must be easy for you," Neville said, looking away, his face a mixture of resentment, envy, and even some admiration. "You're an Investigator, you hunt Ghouls for a living, and…"

"…And my status is due to hard work. Push-ups, sit-ups, and plenty of juice," Harry said, perhaps a bit more flippantly than he intended. "My big brother put me through very intense training. I'm nowhere near his level, even what he was like at my age. It's not easy, being an Investigator. Turnaround is high. But…I do it to try and make the world a better place." Taking pity on the stocky boy, he leaned forward. "You wanna know something? The old fart in charge of the CCG in Tokyo sent me here because he couldn't stand me pranking him."

This broke the ice, as Neville chuckled nervously. "Really?"

"Yeah. Like one time, I booby-trapped one of his parcels with a dye-bomb. They usually use those in banks to mark bank robbers. He had a beard almost as long as Dumbledore's, and he had to shave part of it off," Harry said, chuckling at the memory. "I also laced his coffee supply with laxatives. Same for his grandson. His son…well, he's a nice guy, so I didn't dose him. Actually, I recently gained an apprentice in pranking. I was forced to have his initial training overseen by a collaborator of mine, due to being sent here, but I see great things happening with him…"


"The key to a truly successful prank, young Suzuya, is a balance of anger, humiliation, and impotence," Kureo Mado remarked sagely, as he sat next to the young albino boy, watching Itsuki Marude tearing off rather girly-looking stickers from his motorbike, including one that proclaimed the bike to be Rainbow Dash. There was even a loudspeaker playing the theme to My Little Pony that Marude tore off the bike and stomped on. "You want your targets to have that right mixture of being undeniably and utterly pissed, but unable or unwilling to come after you. You either do that through either covering your tracks, or doing petty but annoying pranks that they can't retaliate against you overtly without seeming petty themselves. I must say, your first true prank is not bad."

Rei Suzuya bowed to the pop-eyed Dove. "Thank you, Senior-Sensei-Senpai. But…I just want to know…is there something about that bike that makes you want to ride it, headfirst, into a Ghoul stronghold to make an awesome entrance?"

"…You know, I never thought of it like that, but now that you brought it up, I can't help but agree, Young Suzuya," Mado said.

"Oh good, so it isn't just me," Rei mused.

Walking over to the pair was the familiar burly form of Shinohara, who looked at Mado and Suzuya, then at the bike, then at the pair, who didn't even bother looking innocent. Arima, who was following him, said, "It seems that we do not have to worry about a lack of interesting events in Harry's absence, do we?"

Shinohara sighed resignedly, though a smile twitched at his lips anyway. "…Pile of paperwork's gonna be as tall as the CCG HQ, I just KNOW it…"


Harry knew Eto was laughing inwardly at the thought of the chaos Kureo Mado and Rei were cooking up. He certainly was. "…An apprentice in pranking?" Neville asked.

"The problem with the CCG, as with any long-running institution, is that it becomes calcified, being run by men with ten foot sticks up their arses," Harry said bluntly. "All about rules and regulations. Plus, Japan is VERY big on hierarchy, more so than here. I may be a member of the CCG, but I am also an iconoclast."

"Meaning, my little mini-Reaper likes to stick it sideways to the stuck-up idiots in charge of the CCG," Eto purred.

"…Oh dear Merlin, have you met the Weasley Twins already?" Neville asked plaintively.

Harry nodded. "Yes, but…I prefer to work with people I know. I have given them some pointers about how to use more mundane materials for pranking. And I've introduced them to the joys of wasabi."

"…Wah-sah-bee?"

"It's a paste made from the Japanese horseradish," Eto supplied with a smirk. "Very hot, too. It's used with sushi and other dishes. It'd put hairs on your chest, I'd bet."

Harry then noted the plant clutched in Neville's arms. "Mimbulus mimbletonia," he identified.

"That's right," Neville said, smiling. "How did you know? Are you into Herbology?"

"Not exactly. My magical education is mostly geared towards DADA and related subjects. But I also look for possible sources of pranking entertainment. And Stinksap is wonderful for placing into random places in one's superiors' offices. They kept thinking I somehow had a cow take a dump in there," Harry cackled.

As Neville, Luna and Eto joined in, the former somewhat nervously, the door slid open, and Harry found his good mood evaporating with it. The reason was that a boy with coldly handsome and pinched features, framed by immaculate blonde hair, stood in the doorway, a prefect's badge on his robes. He just screamed trouble, his demeanour arrogant. Oh, and he was bookended by a pair of thuggish-looking minions who looked like they were grown in a vat.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" moaned Neville.

"Manners, Longbottom, or I'll have to give you a detention," the boy sneered.

Oh joy, a Malfoy. Harry had heard of their arrogance through Sirius and Remus, and heard stories from Ron and Hermione of one Draco Malfoy. This must be him. Harry said, calmly, "And where are your manners? You did not knock on the door before entering. Or does a Pureblood think himself above such niceties?"

"…And you are?"

"Provisional Investigator Harry Arima of the Commission for Countering Ghouls. Teaching assistant for Defence Against the Dark Arts," Harry said, his tone clipped. "And this is my girlfriend, Sen Takatsuki."

"…A Muggle, no doubt," Draco made the mistake of sneering. "Hogwarts definitely is going to the dogs if they allow the likes of her in…"

Harry stood, and stood confrontingly close to the boy, glaring at him. "…Now, you listen to me. She is only visiting, because she was curious about Hogwarts. She is aware of magic, and frankly, it is people like you, overprivileged twats who think blood and money mean more than intelligence and talent, that give her a bad impression of wizards. For your information, she is a successful author, and has been for the past couple of years, whereas I doubt you have written anything more lengthy than an essay, Draco Malfoy. I presume that is your name?"

"Yes, it is!" Draco snapped. "And you will regret your words!"

"No. I won't. I've been told you have a habit of threatening to tell your father whenever things don't go your way. Let's put it bluntly. I'm more scared of Ghouls than I am of your father, and I fight them, and kill them, on a regular basis. Hell, I'm more scared of my own big brother, or haven't you heard of the CCG's Reaper in Britain? And the thing is, I don't go running to him every time I have a problem, as he usually has better things to do. I try to solve my problems myself, unlike you. Now, I'm not sure how the pecking order goes, but I think even a teaching assistant outranks a prefect, and if I see you abusing your authority, I will come down on you like the proverbial ton of bricks. So, in conclusion, thank you, fuck you, and goodbye." With that, he slid the door shut.

"…You know, Harry, it's not sporting to engage in battles of minds with those who are woefully unarmed," Eto snarked. "Not that I'm complaining, mind. I think his brain got rotted away by all the bleach he's been applying to his hair."

"No, that's just the Oxidising Cranial Worms," Luna said blithely. "They're parasites, you see, that cling to the scalp…"


And so the rest of the train trip passed by, with Eto and Luna discussing imaginary creatures, with Luna agreeing to allow Eto to use some of the more horrifying ones for a possible horror novel, as long as she got credit. Harry, meanwhile, answered some of Neville's hesitating questions about what it was like to work for the CCG. Harry knew, thanks to what Sirius and Remus, along with Baum, had told him that Neville's parents worked in the DMLE.

Harry found himself warming to the Boy Who Lived. True, he was still a wimp, and clearly under the thumb of his grandmother. But he despised that, and he had some reserves of courage beneath his timidity. He would never make it within the CCG, or even the DMLE. He seemed more at home pottering around in a garden. But neither was this boy someone to anger. Despite his fear and timidity, this was someone who would defend his friends to the bitter end, and if he got out from underneath his grandmother's thumb, he would bloom.

However, he knew he was heading into a viper's nest at Hogwarts, mostly because of one Dolores Umbridge. God, he wished he was back home, killing off Ghouls. That'd be much simpler…

CHAPTER 7 ANNOTATIONS:

Don't worry, Harry, you'll get to kill some Ghouls and Death Eaters soon.

Oh, on a tangential note, it's worth pointing out that I am far from the only fic to have Janus as a title, including one with split personalities. I say this because a story with the same title and a similar plot device has recently been updated, and while I couldn't say it consciously influenced me, it's still a good story, and I thought I'd put in a disclaimer as well as a plug. This Janus story is by Jaenera Targaryen, and is a Fate/Stay Night story where Sakura unlocks something like the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception…only not quite like that. Give it a shot if you like Fate/Stay Night.

Review-answering time! rmarcano321: Well, the line between villain and hero is pretty blurry in this fic (Harry is, after all, the boyfriend of a sociopathic cannibal who can turn into a bloody huge monster). But if we're talking antagonists, then definitely Tsuneyoshi Washuu. He made Harry the British's problem.

DZ2: For this fic, I'm not bashing Molly…well, save for Harry and Eto's rather prejudiced opinions, though given Molly's own prejudices, who can blame them?

Leicontis: The Alice in Wonderland reference was unintentional, but apt. And as I told Leicontis in correspondence, Eto has already eaten Umbridge in my story Raptor of the 20th Ward…shortly after disembowelling her (plug, plug). Killing off the Batrachian Bitch in many gory and cruel ways is fun.

Guest: Some Ghouls, like Hinami and the Nutcracker, actually do have what are known as chimaera or compound kagunes, so you may potentially be onto something. But kagunes' types are generally dependent on the location of the kakuhou, the organ that produces the RC Cells for kagune. And I don't think Ron would be like Rize. I'd think he'd freak out more like Ken, really, unless you really, really went down the bashing route. Speaking of bashing, while you raise several good points about Dumbledore, he's a flawed but good man here. Though it is possible Harry and Edward may yet retaliate against him if they learn about Snape's role in divulging the prophecy to Voldemort, and Dumbledore covering for Snape since.

I considered including the Bond films in my list, but they're produced by an American company, so I decided against it, and I kept the list to films. You meant Joe 90…confusing it no doubt with one of my favourite series, Blake's 7, which I recommend, if only because Kerr Avon is basically Snape as a computer hacker. And it wasn't Terry Jones, but Gerry Anderson. If Terry Jones did a puppet series, I don't know it off the top of my head.

I also personally feel that even canon Augusta knew it, and encouraged it subtly, if only to try and force the magic to come forth from Neville. And I don't go for the fanon that magical babies would fight termination with their magic, which, I might add, I only recently saw in a fanfic, can't remember which. Besides, I think it's more likely that Eto being able to have a normal diet in conjunction with human flesh would be better able to make the pregnancy work.

1. Strigine is an adjective meaning 'owl-like'. Luna is hinting at her knowing what or who Eto really is.