BPOV

"Jonathon, are you packed?" I call up the stairs. "Make sure it's finished tonight, I want to be able to have breakfast and go tomorrow. The cab will be here at six."

"I'm nearly done."

"You need help?"

"No, Mum, it's fine!" I leave him to it, and about half an hour later, he comes bumping down the stairs with his suitcase.

"You've only got one case?"

"Yeah, so?"

"We're going for two months. Maybe more."

"Yeah - so?" I roll my eyes.

"OK, but we aren't going shopping when you decide you're sick of wearing the same thing."

"Fine, I'll pack another case."

I wake him up at five. He grumbles and complains and bitches. I take his duvet and vacate. I hear him crash into the bathroom, and then the shower start running. I take his second suitcase downstairs, put it by the front door with all my things. I'm well prepared for him to come down with a hold-all. I'm on the phone to Charlie when he comes in and starts looking for breakfast. Of course, there isn't any - everything's been cleared out. I've rented the house for two months to a young couple with a kid. They're moving onto Europe, but want to spend some time with her parents. Two months will suit them fine. I'm leaving the keys with Billy, Jake's dad, and they're going to arrive tomorrow. All I need to now is make up Jon's bed with fresh sheets, put his sleeping bag away in the loft.

"Hey, Dad, it's Bella."

"Hey, honey. How are you?"

"We're good. Well, Jon looks like he's been hit over the head with something very large and very heavy, but he'll recover. The flight leaves Phoenix at nine thirty, we're due to land in Seattle at one thirty, and then we'll get a cab for Forks. We should be with you by three."

"A cab from Seattle? Won't that be pricey?"

"I booked it, he's doing it for thirty dollars. It worked out cheaper than flying the last stretch and you know Jon doesn't really like flying."

"Well, I'll pay for it."

"No, Dad -"

"Bella, be quiet. I'm really glad you're coming back, honey."

"OK, Dad," I say, quietly. I can't return that, I just can't. "I'll see you later, Dad."

"See you, Bella." I barely get the phone down when Jon starts questioning.

"Mum, where's breakfast?"

"At the airport, in a café."

"What?"

"We're getting it at the airport, now will you please get ready. The cab will be here in about ten minutes."

We get there in good time, check in with no complications. Only when the bags have gone, and I'm holding the tickets and the passports, only then do I give in to Jon and let us seek breakfast. He bolts down bacon and egg like he hasn't eaten for months.

"You do that in Forks, people will think I don't feed you."

"I'm hungry. Some evil woman woke me up at five."

"She sounds terrible," I say, laughing.

"Nah, she's OK most of the time."

"Finish your drink, we'll have a bit of a wander round the shops. You can buy some snacks for the plane, I'm not paying airline prices."

We have our bit of a wander, I buy a book and some food, he buys food. They call our flight, we go to the gate, do more waiting, then they call our tickets, we get on the plane.

And this is the longest wait of all. The four hours from Phoenix to Seattle, on a plane that Jon isn't happy with. But he hides it, and takes my hand.

"Mum, you know it isn't too late. We can still just get off the plane." The doors close right as he finishes speaking. "OK, so we can't just get off the plane. But we can turn right back round in Seattle if you want. You don't have to go back there."

"You want to meet your father and that's your right. So you can meet him. This is what we agreed, and this is what we're going to do. You aren't doing it alone."

"Maybe I should -"

"It was a journey I had to make alone, and I will not put that on your shoulders. I need to do this too. But I'm scared." He looks at me.

"What can I do?"

"Just hold my hand."

Ironically, after all the worry and fretting over the plane, Jon falls asleep. He leaves me to bite my nails and muse over all the bad stuff that could possibly happen. He wakes up when we land, the bump jolting him out of it.

"Are we there?"

"Yes - come on, sleepy-head. We got a taxi ride to go yet."

The driver is holding a neat sign with the name "Swan" written on it in neat hand. He helps us load the car, and chats companionably as we get in.

"Forks, huh? Me and my wife live on the Rez - Harry Clearwater, at your service, Miss. Don't suppose you know Charlie?"

"He's my father."

"No way!" Harry exclaims, pleasure in his tones. "Not seen you for years, Bella. Why, you must have been only six when I last saw you. You got mighty pretty."

"Well, thanks Harry," I say, smiling at him. "How is Miss Sue?"

"She's fine, dear, and I see you've lost none of that pretty Southern accent and charm. Who is this young man? Tall, isn't he?"

"This is my son, and yes, tell me about it." I suddenly remember that Billy is from the Rez. "Harry, I don't suppose you remember Billy Black?"

"Of course I do, Bella, I'm not senile just yet," he says, smiling at me through the rear-view mirror. "Not seen him for years now. Not since his wife died in that accident and he moved down south with the kids - the youngest just a baby."

"Jon here is friends with Jacob Black, Billy's boy. Lovely man."

"Small worlds, eh, Bella?"

"Indeed it is, Harry, indeed it is."

I give Harry a tip when he puts me and Jon in front of Charlie's house.

"Harry, if you don't mind, could you keep the news that I'm back in town to yourself?"

"Certainly." He's barely driven off when Jon is gathering up suitcases. I steel myself, and go up to the door. I already know it's open, so I get inside as rapidly as possible. I don't see anyone, and I hope that nobody sees me. There are people in Forks I want to see again - Alice and Rose for instance. But I want to meet them on my terms, not in public and not when other people will see me. I need to find Emmett. Jon wants to meet his father, but I resolve to wait until he's gone to bed that night before I ask Charlie any questions.

"Bella, honey, can I get you a drink?"

"Sure, Dad, just coffee."

"Right before bed?"

"I don't think I want to sleep tonight, Dad," I say, sadly. I don't, I can't. I don't know what I'll see when I close my eyes. I'm scared of what I might see in my dreams. He makes us both coffee.

"So, why are you really back, Bells? And don't tell me it's just a holiday. I know you too well."

"Damn right. I'm back for one reason, and that reason is because Jon wanted to meet his father. He has a right to do that."

"Are you ever going to tell me who his father is, Bella? Because I know it isn't Edward, I didn't need you to tell me that when you sent the pictures over the years."

"No, Dad, it isn't Edward. Dad, you have to understand that - I need you to understand that I can't tell you all of it yet. I haven't even told Jon most of it. I'm not ready yet."

"I don't know, Bella. In your eyes sometimes - you look afraid of something. Who is his father?" I take a deep breath, and look him in the eyes.

"Emmett McCarty. And believe me, I wouldn't tell you if I didn't need to know where I'd find him."

"McCarty? The family who moved in when you were 18?"

"Yes. Sixteen years ago, while I was still with Edward, I had an affair with Emmett. I got pregnant, I got scared, and so I left. And I left for a lot of reasons, Dad, not just because I didn't want the gossip about me."

"And you won't tell me what those reasons are, will you?"

"Not right now. I will, I promise. But tonight is not the night. Are they still here, Dad?"

"Yes, they are. Still living in the same house too - although Emmett's moved out, obviously, he's 34 now. Carlisle is still at the hospital, Esme interior designs and Emmett is - well, Bells, Emmett is my Sergeant at the station. And Jasper is - I don't think you ever met him, he's the older boy, Emmett's brother - Jasper is a teacher here."

"Dad, you haven't mentioned Jon, have you? To Emmett? You haven't mentioned him?"

"No, no! you told me not to tell anyone! I said nothing to anyone here, even though it was damn hard not to go around showing every person the pictures of my grandson as a baby."

"Thanks, Dad," I say, relaxing. Charlie can no more lie than I can.

"Bella, if Jon wants to meet his son -"

"I'm going to have to impose on you terribly. Can you bring Emmett here? Tomorrow night?"

"I can. The boys at the station were meant to be going out for drinks anyway. It'll be no trouble to ask him to drive by here first, so I can grab something. I'll get him to come in with me."

"Driving?"

"Emmett doesn't drink. Not even a drop at Christmas. I asked him why that was once. He said that the woman he loved had been hurt by alcohol." I have no right to ask - but my masochist self goes right on and asks him anyway.

"Is he single?"

"Yes. I've never seen him with a woman, never heard him mention one. He told one of the boys at the station that he was waiting for her."

Those words buzz when I eventually go to bed. He isn't waiting for me. There's no way he waited sixteen years.

I pray to whoever might be listening that when I see him, I feel nothing.