A/N:Thank you for continuing to read on. I generally don't make suggestions like this, however, there're exceptions to every rule!: This chapter was written while listening exclusively to Paradise Circus, by Massive Attack, so if you are so inclined I would recommend pulling it up on Spotify or youtube while you read. More at the end.
They walked close, Amber's sleeve occasionally brushing against Jerome's arm, but without touching skin to skin. It was quiet a few minutes longer as they tread the path between the stables and the school. The opportunity was there, but Amber couldn't bring herself to speak. Her hand prickled as it swept ever closer to Jerome's fingers again. She was awash in conflicting signals and impulses, and couldn't fathom where to begin.
And then there was the fear.
Amber was tired from spending so much time lying flat in her hospital bed. She wanted to roam around a bit longer, but it was dangerously close to Victor's nightly declaration of lights-out. She was pretending slowly to prepare for bed for Nina's sake. The poor American was giddy with tears and apologies for leaving Amber alone in their room so many nights, and it was beginning to be quite tiresome to reassure her.
Presently, Nina was pulling on her bathrobe and searching for her slippers, protesting that she would gladly stay with Amber and forgo a night with Fabian even as she prepared to sneak away.
"It's really fine, Nina. Go to Fabian. I hear the new transfer is moving in sometime next week, so seize the day while you can. Or the night, rather."
"Thanks Amber," Nina offered her a strangled-looking smile as she stood by the door waiting for Victor's booming voice.
Amber pulled on some leggings under her oversized night shirt and lay down on her bed, watching Nina wait, pretending to be sleepy. Eventually Victor's voice echoed through the house, and after a carefully calculated interval, Nina slipped out of the room. Amber half expected Jerome to miraculously appear after Nina's exit, but he didn't show up. Amber paced the floor a few times before sliding into some flats and slipping through the doorway and into the dimly lit hallway.
She didn't know where she was going. She turned circles in the hall before deciding to nip up to the top floor, where the attic storage space was. But the attic door was locked at the top of the stairs, so she tip-toed back down, through the hall, and descended to the ground floor. She pressed an ear to Trudy's door, then Fabian's, and heard sounds of night.
When she came to the room Jerome and Alfie shared, Amber hesitated. She tempted herself to test the door handle and found it unlocked. Ever so carefully, she peaked around the jamb and found Alfie snoring, but Jerome absent from his bed.
But he hadn't come to her, so where would he have gone? To the kitchen? Outside, to the trees? The bathroom?
Amber found the kitchen empty, so looked out from all the windows to peer across the darkened school grounds. She didn't want to risk alerting Victor by opening the heavy, creaking front door, so instead she resigned herself to trying to get more sleep.
In the upstairs hallway, Amber could see lamplight shining under her door even though all their lights had been out when Nina left. Perhaps Nina had come back upstairs while Amber had been in the kitchen. She carefully, quietly re-entered the room.
Jerome lay on his back on top of Amber's bed, toying with a plush rabbit he held outstretched over his head. A small photo album rested on his chest. He didn't turn to her, but continued to paw the stuffed rabbit while he spoke.
"How did you figure it out?" He asked.
If Amber could put the pieces together, of course Jerome could do the same in return. "I found it in your room while I was waiting for Alfie. I didn't mean to be nosy. I was just bored."
She stood perfectly still in the middle of the room.
"Is that why you picked me to be your secret keeper? Because Poppy was ill, too?"
"Yes and no. Not exactly."
"Then what, exactly?"
Amber sighed. It was time to let it all come out. "I guess I thought you could understand because of what I thought you'd already been through. I mean, you're hard on Poppy, but it's obvious you care about her. I dunno, Jerome. It wasn't right, was it. And I'm sorry."
Jerome lowered the rabbit to his chest, placing it atop the photo album, and finally turned his head to look at Amber. She was a mess of things that didn't add up to Amber in his mind. Skinny limbs and pale skin, her shirt too big, an un-color-coordinated scarf haphazardly looped to hide the bandage on her neck, hair knotted into a sloppy braid.
Amber walked toward him, feeling his eyes follow her movement, and sat down at his feet. She didn't look back at him. "Daddy called me the day I gave you the note. The lab results from my last doctor's appointment had arrived and there was a whole new list of things I shouldn't eat, activities I shouldn't do. It was getting worse. It's not going to kill me, but it's making things a lot harder.
"And I didn't know what to do. I was scared, and I wanted someone to talk to. Trudy knows, but it's so weird to talk to her about it when she's sweet to me all the time. I tried to talk to Alfie, and it was all so bad. He didn't understand. And then I remembered the photo album, and thought just maybe you could help me. I don't know how or why. Stupid of me."
A silence stifled the room, and Jerome allowed it to remain awkward.
" I'm sorry," she said again, staring off into nothing in particular. "I wanted to believe you could be strong for me, comfort me, support me. But then when you actually showed up, you took my arm after supper and I thought 'this is my chance'... And I couldn't take it. There you were, with your floppy hair and your cocky comments, and what I wanted I couldn't ask for." Amber sighed again. She felt as though she ought to be crying, but she wasn't really sad. Just disappointed in herself and confused by the situation.
Jerome struggled up into a sitting position, the album and rabbit falling into his lap. "Amber, look at me." It wasn't a request but a command. She obeyed. From his face, Amber got the impression Jerome was just as tired and restless as she was.
"You don't need me to be strong for you. You're strong for yourself."
Her gaze fell again. "But I have all these-"
"No, no," he cut her off. "That doesn't matter. You are strong. But promise me something: do not ever put me through something like this again."
The venom in Jerome's voice surprised Amber. Her head lifted, her eyes meeting his again. What was this? He spoke again.
"If we are to be friends, if I am to remain your confidante, you must never keep dangerous or potentially life-threatening secrets from me ever again. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"And do you want me to be your friend?" His expression was difficult to read. Amber knew she was hesitating too long, but she had to be sure of herself. Of him.
"Yes. If you'll have me." Her delicate limbs trembled with tension, and there was a barely perceptible twitch in Jerome's face. He leaned forward over his knees, giving Amber a hard look.
"Of course," he finally let out, breaking into his mischievous smile. "After all, you've seen me cry. I'll have to keep tabs on you."
She smiled back, turning bodily toward him and curling her legs under her where she sat. They shared a moment of quiet peace and Amber felt as though she had finally received the correct medicine for what had been ailing her these past weeks. And when the moment passed, both of them having begun to breathe a bit more easily, Amber climbed up the bed and lay down beside him, resting her head upon Jerome's chest.
Her hand lapped over him, moving the photo album away from them across the bedspread and grasping the ears of the plush bunny before tucking herself into him. Jerome's arms closed around her, as well. His hands settled upon her hair and side, his fingers entangled in silver-gold hair, her pulse warm beneath them.
Jerome noted a suddenly deeper inhalation of breath and spoke before Amber had a chance. "And stop apologizing. It's really annoying."
"You're really annoying," was her friendly come-back. Jerome's chuckle rumbled in his chest against Amber's ear, and she smiled. Jerome couldn't help but entangle his fingers in her hair and sigh contentedly.
Somehow Jerome had fallen asleep beside her, his breaths evening, heartbeat slowing slightly in its rhythmic lullaby. Amber couldn't remember ever remaining awake after Jerome, as he had always slipped away sometime before Amber awoke and Nina returned in the morning. She considered rousing him, but she didn't want to forsake his warmth and solidity beside her. Though her mind's gears continued to turn, she was calm, and felt safe beside him.
Instead of prodding him awake, Amber carefully extricated herself from Jerome's embrace and rose to turn off the lamp and replace the photo album on the bedside table. She draped her purple throw over him and gently eased herself under her covers. Jerome murmured in his sleep but continued to doze as she rewove herself into his side.
It was more difficult to keep her eyelids from drooping in the dark. Amber gazed at Jerome's too-close, sleeping profile and mused quietly to herself. "Do you love me, Jerome?"
"Mmmm..." issued from his throat, and he rolled onto his side, tightening his embrace of her, yet slumbering on.
With a sigh, clutching at the plush rabbit between them, Amber felt through the layers of blankets for Jerome's heartbeat against her palm.
A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Jamber111 and z3stygurl97, for their encouragement and support. SullyClarke, too, for her many reviews. As always, your reviews, concrit, and feedback are so much appreciated! I'm tickled pink to hear from anyone. Thank you for reading, and I hope you all continue to enjoy the story and not hate me too much! -the PuffleHuff
