Summary: Sawada Tsunayoshi was unassuming. Resourceful. Surprisingly adaptive. A little inept when it came to dealing with romantic affections or unwanted attention. And his hyper-intuition hasn't been wrong yet. Regardless, he didn't need that indication of doom to know that Reborn was the harbinger of utter chaos.
Warning: Liberties taken with the storyline, Out-of-Character Tsuna, Reborn's teaching methods, Mukuro's perverted tendencies, EXTREME-ness, swearing, violence, organised crime and Hibari. Cause his sheer presence in any fic deserves a mention.
DEFCON was one of the world's largest annual hacker conventions, taking place in Las Vegas, Nevada since its first gathering at the Sands Hotel & Casino in 1993. This year, DEFCON would take place at the Alexis Park Resort, and Ru Wen had been looking forward to it for months.
The day had started with Yang Bao setting guidelines earlier in the day, which were along the lines of, "Don't cause mischief, or do anything stupid – which means no alcohol, drugs, or property damage. Uphold the Family honour. And…have fun, will you?"
So Ru Wen had resisted the urge to bounce around in childish glee. He was going to spend his entire time at a convention for hackers and their ilk, possibly meeting Yu-Shiang Whole Fish in the process, who had said he would be there. This was going to be sweet. In fact, the only thing that could put a dampener on his plans was if his online friend of three years turned out to be a fifty-year old man or something equally creepy along those lines.
Unfortunately, there were plenty of factors that could ruin his day. Factors like the taxi driver levelling a gun to his forehead, and the car nearby exploding in a dazzling array of sparks and car parts. Oh, along with the body of a man falling onto their taxi and cracking the windshield. Guess DEFCON's going to have to wait…
Ru Wen had felt an unsettling cold inhabit his bones, but maybe that was because of the man with the gun. Meanwhile, the body that hit the windshield obviously wasn't dead when it got up and started yelling obscenities at the approaching gangsters wielding machine guns, before running off. As this was happening, Ru Wen's current minder, the "Straw Sandal" Yang Liaison Officer Nuan Yi took advantage of the last distraction to jab an acupuncture needle into the driver's neck. After securing the Yang Triad heir's safety, the idea was to have them leave the site before those gangsters at the other end of the street started to blow up more than just cars.
Unfortunately, a few untimely explosions had meant being separated from Nuan Yi, whose direct order was for Ru Wen to stay away from the battlefield and avoid wayward bullets. Ru Wen didn't want to inhibit the older man on the battlefield, and was forced to duck into a side-street to quickly weigh his options. It came as a surprise when he noticed a young boy roughly his age doing exactly the same thing.
The brown-haired kid looked up quickly at his approaching footsteps, before relaxing slightly. "Oh. You too, huh?" Ru Wen shrugged helplessly, wondering whether he should say anything in response. The other kid winced as another explosion rocked the place. "My uncle's back there, but he didn't want me hanging around for obvious reasons."
A European man wielding what was apparently a large power drill was taking apart a nearby vehicle for makeshift projectiles, while Nuan Yi tumbled around like an acrobat as he flung a barrage of needles at his attackers. "I think we should leave now," Ru Wen said carefully as a few opposing men started to get a little too close to their location.
"There's an idea." The other boy quickly grabbed Ru Wen's arm and started pulling him down the street. "RWdragon, this was not how I envisioned meeting you in person."
Ru Wen gaped. "Yu-Shiang Whole Fish?"
"In the flesh!" Tsuna neglected to mention his intuitive grasp on things. Besides, there weren't exactly huge numbers of people in his age group that he knew went to hacker cons.
They did manage to evade any snags as they got to the resort. Ru Wen, gasping heavily, rummaged around in his pockets and brought out an inhaler, taking two puffs for his asthma before croaking, "This was not what I was expecting at DEFCON."
Tsuna, right next to him, laughed under his breath. "After all this excitement, I can only imagine what will happen once we actually enter the building." He extended a hand. "By the way, I didn't introduce myself properly. Tsunayoshi Sawada."
There was a tinge of an accent to the other's English. "Ru Wen Yang," he said, shaking the offered hand. "Would you be surprised if I told you my mother leads a Chinese Triad?" he asked meekly, feeling responsible for what had just happened.
"Eh, my father's in the Italian Mafia, I won't hold it against you."
After the ordeal, the online friendship was cemented. Things like shared hobbies and illegal activity can do that sometimes. But while Yu-Shiang Whole Fish – Tsuna – had lived up to, and indeed surpassed, Ru Wen's expectations, Nuan Yi and Tsuna's pseudo-uncle Petrov weren't as amused by what had happened in the past thirty minutes.
"Ru Wen, maybe we'll have to call the whole thing off."
"Tsuna, I can't take you anywhere."
"If things took a turn for the worse, not only would I feel guilty, the Empress would have made a painful example of me."
"And Nana would kill me and cook my liver!" Petrov then turned to glare at Nuan Yi. "Hey, aren't you a Yang affiliate? Tsuna, it's bad enough you run into the mafia at every possible opportunity, don't go around befriending them!"
Nuan Yi rankled. "Oh, like you're completely legitimate yourself! I saw you tampering with their cars, you expect me to believe you're a model civilian?"
"…Well, I can't argue with that. Let's just forget the past hour ever happened." Petrov quickly turned back to Tsuna and Ru Wen. "I expect you'll both want to make your way inside to foray around the convention?" The two boys quickly nodded, looking as psyched as two nine year olds being let loose in what constituted as the Promised Land could be. "Tsuna, don't wander outside the decided perimeters, and keep your phone handy on you at all times. Don't do anything silly, you know the drill." Petrov raised an eyebrow at Nuan Yi. "Any rules for your charge?"
Nuan Yi ran a hand through his hair wearily. "We've already discussed them earlier. Ru Wen, your mother wants me to give my regards to some of our Russian contacts here, but if anything comes up you know how to reach me."
"I won't have to make small talk with them, will I?" Ru Wen asked anxiously. He'd never personally met those particular allies, but their heir was older than he was, and Ru Wen was at DEFCON to immerse himself in technology, not make nice with 'Russian Mafiya'.
Nuan Yi smiled. "Nah, you enjoy yourself with your friend."
Ru Wen and Tsuna shared high-fives, before running off to have a look around the place. "There's a Capture the Flag contest starting in an hour-"
"-Teams of hackers attack and defend computers and networks, we should sign up-"
"Look at 'em," Petrov muttered as they rushed off excitedly. "An hour ago they were running from car bombs and crazy gun-wielding maniacs."
"Kids. They can bounce back quickly. Oh, there's the Russian allies I was talking about."
Petrov raised a hand. "I don't have anything to do with this. I'm meeting an acquaintance of my own soon, but I'll drift around and keep an eye out on the kids-" he stopped. "Why is your Russian ally hugging my nephew? And why did the lady accompanying him just commit a grab and run?"
"Um…" the Chinese man looked uncomfortable. "I have no idea." He strode over quickly. "You must be the Volkov? I'm Nuan Yi, Yang Liaison Officer."
The young man nodded coolly. "Mikhail. My comrade's Anya Sokoll, Head of Communications."
"I'd like to point out that your Head of Communications just kidnapped our charges."
"Don't worry, she'll return them later," Mikhail said flippantly. "She's just excited to be able to instil the next generation with a healthy respect of hackerdom."
Funnily enough, Ru Wen wasn't too fazed by being whisked away by the Russian lady. "Tsuna, you never mentioned before that you were acquainted with the Volkov."
"Caught their attention after I did them a favour. Rather embarrassing, really. Hi Anya, how are you?" Tsuna said conversationally.
"Fine, thanks. Sorry about the abruptness kids," Anya said shortly, "but I have to introduce you two to someone I know. Innocenti's giving a talk in ten minutes!"
"You'd be surprised how often this sort of thing happens," Tsuna said to Ru Wen glumly.
The Mafia Wants You!
By swordsmagician
Target 008: Mafia Studies
Petrov's Residence
Santa Barbara, California, USA
Santa Barbara was often referred to as the American Riviera due to its geography and cool Mediterranean climate. Petrov liked the weather and the strong art presence of the area, along with the parklands, and as such he had a secure residence there whenever he needed to lay low.
While lying under the Aston Martin he was inspecting, Petrov stretched out a hand to reach for his ringing mobile phone and flipped it open. "Hello? Hey, Song, how's it going?"
The following reaction to the reply was instantaneous. Forgetting where he was, Petrov jerked up and naturally hit his head on the underside of his car. "Fuck!" he swore before wheeling out from underneath the vehicle and clutching his throbbing cranium.
Petrov then jumped to his feet. "What do you mean, Tsuna's taking over a crime family?"
"You know, Vongola Secondo once said that assassination gave him an uplifting, accomplished feeling." Reborn was lounging about, wearing a thin cotton yukata and indulging in the Japanese summer. It spoke volumes for Tsuna's adaptation to Reborn's presence of crazy when he didn't even bat an eyelid.
The words had been aimed at the sleeping Bovino, who'd worn himself out with three consecutive attacks on Reborn. Tsuna picked up Lambo and deposited him gently on the bed while wracking his brain on the rumours instilled in mafia myth. He brightened. "Hey, is this the same Vongola Secondo that was reputedly into orgies and immoral living?"
Reborn's chopsticks missed the bowl and hit the table as his head shot up. "Whatever you do," he said darkly, "don't say that in front of the Vongola."
Tsuna was both shocked and amused. "You mean it's true?"
"No. Another mafia family started a smear campaign in response to Secondo laying siege on their island."
"Ah, the old slander campaign. Did it work?"
"Somewhat. He received many unusual propositions after that from assorted women. And men. Secondo was pissed, but he forgot about that after his attentions focused on a vendetta with another Family."
Tsuna snorted. "I can't believe I'm discussing scandalous activities of Secondo's private life with my tutor." He wondered how the Vongola would react if he did bring up such details to the face of the current Boss. If that should happen, he vowed to have a camera handy, if only to immortalise their scandalised faces.
Out of the blue, Bianchi poked her head around the door. "Hungry, anyone? Can I tempt you with my potato salad?" She held up a bowl of ambiguous-looking, bug-infested gloop that perfectly described why some people referred to food as 'grub'.
"Who let her in again?" Tsuna pointed out to nobody in particular.
The lethal chef sat down gracefully. "I'm here for love."
"She's here for work," Reborn said around a mouthful of food.
"Reborn needs me."
"I thought I'd ask Bianchi to cover some topics in your mafia education."
"I'm going out on a limb here and guessing that the relationship didn't work out due to bad communication skills." But Tsuna perked up. "Wait, what topics would Bianchi specialise in, besides the obvious?"
"I'll be assisting you in home economics and art. Which reminds me," Bianchi rose from her seat, "after battling your uncle I've decided some development of my abilities are in order. So what I'm now creating shall be Poison Cooking II. Twice the killing rate!" she said while flashing a peace sign.
Reborn briefly stopped slurping his noodles. Poison Cooking was already a Class A prohibited foodstuff. If its potency was increased, Poison Cooking II might be banned by international treaty on the grounds of inhumanity.
"We'll be conducting a home economics experiment, so I'll prepare the kitchen. You guys can come downstairs and join me whenever you wish or when I'm done."
While he was disturbingly fascinated by Bianchi trying to bring her cooking to new extremes, Tsuna managed to stutter out, "A-art?" after she'd left.
Reborn placed his chopsticks and empty bowl on the table. "Bianchi is also skilled in disguise, concealment, and art forgery. Her father made big money in the black market trade for artworks and antique goods."
"I see. This doesn't mean that Bianchi's going to live with us. Is she?"
"What, you think she's going to live with her brother when he can't even stomach the very sight of her?" The duh factor was unspoken, but loud and clear.
"Guess not." Tsuna frowned. "Hang on, where does Gokudera live anyway?"
Reborn shrugged. "Don't know, don't care." He smiled slyly. "But it's the job of the Boss to look out for the wellbeing of his subordinates. I trust you'll figure it out."
Great. Now Tsuna felt guilty because he knew little to nothing about Gokudera. He didn't even know why he couldn't even stand the sight of Bianchi's face, though he had some inkling as to why.
Thinking about Bianchi brought him back to the problem of the Poison Scorpion taking over his kitchen. "We're all going to die of food poisoning," he whispered. "And it's going to be your fault."
"Some would consider it a small price to pay for seeing it first hand. By the way," Reborn's voice rose, "escaping via the window is not an option!"
Tsuna froze with one leg over the windowsill and an emergency overnight bag over his shoulder. "Goddamnit."
Jerome Pavlov's Residence
Toronto, Canada
Canada was actually a strategic country in terms of Mafia activities, not only because it was a rich country but because of factors like the economy, legislation, and protection of a prosecuted person's rights. The likes of the 'Ndrangheta, hailing from the Calabria region in Italy, found Canada a comfortable and less-hostile place for operations.
Not that Jerome would know too much information on this. Unlike his friends Petrov and Hyun Song, Jerome had no relations with ties to the Mafia, aside from one pseudo-nephew in Japan. But between his profession and a former colleague from med school, he knew much more than the average bystander, whether it was rumours of illegal organ trafficking, drug dealings, or patent diseases being created by some unsavoury Family.
However, Jerome had been more interested in spending his day off doing something less depressing than thinking about appalling criminal activities. He opened his email while drinking his morning cup, frowning when an unread email with an unfamiliar address came up. It was possibly from Tsuna, who would exercise caution by using one-off emails to stop raising unnecessary scrutiny.
Jerome prayed this wasn't anything like last time, which involved some Italian mafia family and Somalian pirates. (What was that Italian family called again anyway? Tosamo? Tomato?) And despite everything, he felt cautiously optimistic that things wouldn't be hell in a hand basket.
[Inbox: 1]
BEING GROOMED AS MAFIA HEIR. VONGOLA HAS SUPPLIED TUTOR FROM HELL. CURRENTLY UNDERGOING NEGOTIATIONS. HOPE YOU'RE WELL. PLEASE DELETE MESSAGE. TS.
Jerome promptly spat out his coffee.
While Bianchi clattered away in the kitchen, Reborn was sitting opposite Tsuna on the dining room table, almost obscured from vision due to the books, folders, old newspapers and files that took over most of the wooden surface. "Alright then," he said, "I've been compiling my study plans."
"…Should I be worried?" Tsuna asked, eyeing the tottering piles of books and such that surrounded Reborn.
"Let's put it this way," the chibi hitman said calmly. "You weren't raised like some of the other forthcoming mafia heirs of your generation, which means you're already seen to be at a disadvantage." Reborn consulted his clipboard. "So, there's a lot to cover. Vongola Family History, International Mafia History, Mafia Geography, Languages & Slang, Finance & Business, Basic Fitness, Basic Weaponry 101, Technology 101, Food Prep & Poison 101, Mafia Protocol & Convention, Forgery & Drama, Rhetoric…"
Tsuna's eyebrows were steadily rising with each inclusion in what Reborn had dubbed his 'Mafia Studies'. "I have to learn all that? Do all bosses go through this?" he said, stopping the ever-growing list.
Reborn looked at him like he was stupid. "Every Family does things differently, but I'm here to make you well-rounded. Some bosses won't even know half of what you'll eventually learn, but you won't be just any Mafia Boss, you'll be the Vongola Mafia Boss."
They sort of stared at one another. "I'm assuming that's significant," Tsuna deadpanned.
Reborn smile was sharp from beneath his fedora. "Aristotle once said, 'The fate of empires depends on the education of youth.' I take that concept very seriously."
"Wasn't one of Aristotle's students Alexander the Great? Who later had Aristotle's grandnephew Callisthenes executed?" Tsuna said, grimacing as the thunk of knives on chopping boards reached his ears from Bianchi's domain.
Reborn shrugged. "We're in a different situation. For starters, Aristotle wasn't an Italian hitman."
"Additionally, I'm not a charismatic king from Macedonia pretending to be of divine origin."
"True." After Reborn's words there was a suspicious sound of what appeared to be a chainsaw in the kitchen. Tsuna could only wonder what Bianchi was doing in there. "Tsuna," Reborn said quietly as the background noises continued, "some day all humans must eventually die."
The Japanese teen was wary. "Which philosopher are you quoting this time?"
"Me."
Either way, it wasn't a very reassuring statement.
"Juudaime~!" An all-too-recognisable voice drifted from the direction of the entrance, causing them to look up. "I bring watermelon and an undisclosed amount of explosives!"
"And your subordinate arrives to pay his daily respects. Better greet him before something's destroyed." Reborn's words weren't exactly a gross exaggeration, and Tsuna got up to open the door.
Gokudera straightened and proffered his offering when Tsuna arrived. "Juudaime, want some watermelon? It's supposed to be really sweet!"
"Thanks, but you didn't have to," Tsuna said hastily. With Bianchi in the house, things could get messy. "I'm kind of in the middle of something at the moment."
Gokudera's eyes immediately sharpened. "You in some trouble? If you want, I can take care of it."
("No worries, I'll take care of it!")
Tsuna shook his head to dislodge that memory. "Not exactly. Reborn's going over study plans-"
"Excellent!" the bomber declared. "I'll help you in any way I can!"
"But-" Gokudera had already entered the house, and was making a beeline for the door. It was all Tsuna could do but rush after him and brace himself for the fireworks.
"Good day Reborn!" Gokudera greeted.
"Ciaossu."
"Is Juudaime's esteemed mother here?" he said, placing the watermelon next to an outdated newspaper with the headline, 'Accusations of Bribery: Mafia Queen Walks Free'.
"Hayato?" someone who definitely wasn't Nana called out. Gokudera instantly started to froth at the mouth as Bianchi materialised into the room.
Tsuna sighed. "That's going to get old."
Fifteen minutes later and Gokudera was sitting at the dining table, glowering. "I knew my sister would show up here and create trouble for the Juudaime."
Bianchi felt slighted. "I'm here to help Tsunayoshi out of the goodness of my heart!"
"Don't make me laugh," Gokudera growled while evading eye contact.
The Poison Scorpion rolled her eyes while muttering something along the lines of, "Little brothers."
Reborn got back to business and ignored the little spat. "Right, before I start teaching I want to get some idea as to how much you know." He looked up keenly. "Tsuna, here's how it works. If you lie or pretend you don't know something when you do, you'll just have to learn it all over again via the Reborn School of Pain and Eternal Suffering."
Tsuna wasn't looking too happy, but he reluctantly concurred. It would just waste time on both Reborn and his part, anyway.
"How well are you with the history of the Vongola Family?" Reborn started.
"Not a lot," Tsuna confessed, as Gokudera listened to his answers eagerly. "Just an outline of things, myth, allegory. Rumours about Vongola Quinto receiving his katar from a friend in the Indian Underworld, Vongola Ottavo having an unwanted harem. I can't always differentiate truth and the outright lies. Nevertheless they're quite entertaining."
"That's to be expected, so I'll keep it in mind. History and Geography?"
Tsuna's expression cleared. This was easier. "I could access all sorts of information from books and online about the history of the mafia. It might be a little different to the inside knowledge you have, but I'm fairly confident it's accurate. Geography's a lot more difficult, because feuds and the like can always cause borders and territories to change, but info on international mafia activities is always available if you know where to look."
Reborn's smile had grown bigger. "Astonishing. You're not completely useless."
Gokudera was beaming. Bianchi pulled over a chair and sat behind her brother. "So Tsuna knows more than some random guy off the street," she sighed, "which is all well and good. But that's all the boring details. What I want to hear about are personal accounts. Like your experience in the Junior Chef competition, from one former contestant to another."
"Who told you about that?" Tsuna could only sweat in his seat as three sets of eyes zoomed in on him. "Hyun-jisan had better not have blabbed." They were still unrelenting, and he sighed. "Do I really have to talk about it?"
"Yes, you must," Reborn said instantly. "This is vital family bonding. The more embarrassing the anecdote, the better."
"Not if you don't want to," Gokudera said loyally, but Tsuna could tell he was dying to hear about it. After all, Gokudera didn't know too much about Tsuna either.
His eye twitched. "Alright, I'll tell you. But in exchange I get out of that home ec lesson."
"Deal," Bianchi said as she brought out the purple popcorn.
At least he'd live to see another day. "After my stint in the competition," Tsuna began the tale grudgingly, "it came to me that while cooks are to be respected in their own right, cooks that deal with the Underworld take the notch and crank it up to eleven. There's something eerie about a man that can slice an entire cow in less than four minutes, and is brave enough to throw out hardened criminals who become rowdy in his restaurant."
Reborn nodded. "I may not be a chef, but I can understand your sentiment. Hold a knife like this," he pulled out a knife while dragging the large piece of fruit Gokudera had brought towards him, "and you can cut a watermelon effectively. Hold a knife like this," the hitman changed his grip, "and you can cut the throats of four assassins without breaking a sweat."
He arranged the watermelon tastefully on a plate while Gokudera and Tsuna stared with wide eyes. Bianchi just sighed dreamily. "That's the kind of thing I look for in a man."
"Right," Tsuna mumbled. "Moving on. I was almost twelve when Hyun-jisan signed me up, in order to get some hands-on awareness into the underworld of cookery, partly because he was worried I wouldn't know what to expect if a mafia chef tried to kill me."
After his initial reservations, Reborn decided that he approved of Hyun Song.
"The event took place in Thailand, and there were about one hundred and nine contestants, all under the age of sixteen. We had to make three dishes – entrée, main course and dessert, all including orange as a key ingredient."
"And? How'd you do?" Bianchi asked, while Gokudera bit into a piece of watermelon.
"Well, what with Hyun-jisan being a baker and specialising as a pastry chef, my dessert was excellent, but my other dishes were pretty average. However, the problem wasn't the cooking, even with the rampant sabotage that was taking place at some of the tables." Tsuna huffed. "It was the fact that after the time limit was up and the judges started to taste the dishes to determine the winners, there were one hundred and nine contestants milling about doing nothing."
His listeners took no time in grasping the situation. "There would be a number of sharp and heavy cooking implements lying around," Reborn said expressionlessly.
"And unused ingredients left over," Bianchi added, thinking back to her own experience at the tournament when she'd won after the entire participating group found their dishes had become radioactive. It was such a shame that she'd been banned from every Underworld Junior Chef Tournament since.
Gokudera just winced. He knew about his sister's exclusion, at least when she'd been eligible to enter. He'd heard stories about the incident, and more than one chef had referred to that year as the Year of the Poison Scorpion.
Tsuna nodded. "Naturally, a food fight broke out. And what a food fight it was," he reminisced. "I saw one girl KO three other people with orange cream pies. A giant spaghetti monster squared off with a gigantic pizza monster somewhere in the back. Sentient soba noodles were seeking to eat the other competitors. A guy near my table tried to kill me with a meat cleaver. Pure, unbridled insanity, but no one died because then they'd miss the award ceremony, and nobody wanted that."
"Someone tried to kill you with a meat cleaver?" Gokudera sputtered.
"That would be Contestant No. 28." Tsuna scratched the back of neck, discomfited by the look Gokudera was giving him. "Both of us were almost disqualified after we started fork-fencing in the stands."
Reborn shook his head. "Makes me wish I'd had the time to see the proceedings of that year," he said wistfully. "I'd pay good money to watch adolescents try to decapitate each other with spoons."
"Yeah, you and the ten-thousand strong crowd that turned up on the day," Tsuna deadpanned.
Bianchi clapped her hands. "I do love those tournaments. They're thrilling to watch, and even more so to participate in. Did you win?"
"No. A lot of the others have been learning to cook as soon as they could hold a spatula in their hands. Others went to special culinary schools. There were even those apprenticed to chefs who'd been employed by mafia families. They had years of skill under their belts from feeding picky mobsters." Tsuna bit back a grin as he munched on the watermelon, which really was sweet and juicy. "You know, the guy that tried to kill me with the meat cleaver took third place."
"He obviously didn't deserve the win."
"Oh, I don't know about that," Tsuna said to Gokudera, still grinning. "The guy could cook. His main dish was chicken marinated in orange sauce with a side of orange-speckled Turkish bread and Caesar salad. All the judges agreed that it was delicious.
"Just stick to being a mob boss," Reborn advised. "You can hire someone to cook for you."
Petrov's Residence
Santa Barbara, California, USA
The emergency meeting took place at Petrov's place. Armed with a laptop, a world map, and the pooled knowledge of their experiences, the three of them spread around the counter and put their heads together to address the situation.
But not before they exchanged some good old-fashioned complaining over much-needed alcohol.
"I should have known something like this would happen," the Korean cook lamented. "This is terrible."
"Are you kidding? This is an outrage!" Petrov said loudly. "No nephew of mine will be leading a criminal syndicate! At least, not until he graduates from high school!"
"Come on you two. Let's think about this carefully. What kind of precedents are we talking about when it comes to leading mafia families?" Jerome tried to act rationally.
Petrov just snorted in the face of Jerome's rationality and took another swig of his Chianti. "It's the mafia. Most of the time they do whatever they fucking want."
"A lot of mafia kids grow up knowing about the business and being trained for it," Hyun said calmly. "There's an assassin school of good reputation in Hungary, and if I'm not mistaken, Mafalda Ladies College is a popular choice among the Italian families. But there's still plenty of mafia progeny who attend normal schools and lead law-abiding lives. I didn't follow my grandfather's footsteps to become an assassin, although Grandfather Hwan was always a bit depressed by the idea that I wanted to bake cakes for a living."
"But Tsuna doesn't fall into either category," Jerome pointed out. "The Vongola didn't seem to plan arrangements pertaining to his future, and now they're just going to put him up to the Decimo title? Why? Where's the sense in that?"
"Well, let's see," Petrov said bitingly. "Vongola Nono's old."
"…Okay. Anything else?"
"What else do you need, he's old!" Petrov moaned. "He's in his sixties, at the very least. He's going to have to retire sometime, providing he doesn't bite the dust first."
"It's actually commendable he's alive," Hyun said, "once you consider the life expectancy rates in his career, he must be good."
Jerome massaged his temples. Seriously, he was a doctor, not a criminologist. "Didn't you mention before that the Ninth Boss had four sons? Why aren't they-" he stopped and reflected the stupidity of this. "Oh," he said weakly. "Sorry, that was a silly question. Tsuna wouldn't even be considered if there were other people qualified for the job."
"Three sons dead, one AWOL," Hyun Song finished. "Say what you like about him, Vongola Nono hasn't had the best of luck with his successors. Although he might be on to something when Tsuna became more than just a footnote on the list."
"Lucky him," Petrov muttered derisively. He'd been in a foul mood ever since the phone call from Hyun he'd first received, not that they could blame him. Jerome was going to have to replace his old computer after reacting to the very blunt email Tsuna had sent.
"So," Jerome placed his empty glass on the counter, "this Reborn, he really is tutoring Tsuna?"
"That's right," Hyun said. "He's one of the best assassins in the industry."
"And the Sun Arcobaleno to boot," Petrov said, waving a finger in the air. "You don't get to be a part of that crowd without some serious credentials. I've heard that Reborn's got achievements for all sorts of things, from university-level mathematics to a diploma in theatre."
Jerome pushed up his glasses. "He is quite formidable then."
"I was under the impression that Reborn was dealing with the Cavallone," Hyun said, turning to Petrov. "Don't they have a boy taking over the family business?"
The Bulgarian was in deep thought. "That may be the case, but Cavallone's allied to Vongola, so Reborn was doing them a favour. And as the keystone in their alliance, the Vongola have priority. Face it; he isn't going to leave Japan anytime soon."
"Very well." Jerome's eyes narrowed. "What are we going to do about this?"
"I'd like to put forward that I'm going to need prior notice if I have to get my hands on anything really illegal," Petrov announced. "Just a thought."
The doctor rolled his eyes, but they sat in silence until Hyun spoke up. "Did I mention Gokudera? Tsuna's self-proclaimed right hand man. Nice boy, very enthusiastic," Hyun said blithely as his comrades proceeded to choke on their wine, "Has an uncanny fondness for explosive devices."
"…You mean to tell me…that Tsuna's already got mafia MINIONS?" Petrov roared.
"You're secretly proud, admit it," Jerome murmured into his glass after his recovery.
"Yes, but that's beside the point!"
Hyun Song was noticeably holding back his laughter now. "It's not like you can just turn up on the Sawada doorstep with a declaration of war. How's Tsuna supposed to explain that to Reborn when he's trying to be discreet?"
Petrov was offended. "I can be discreet."
Jerome was not completely convinced. "Last time you said that you managed to rack up 1.2 million dollars worth of property damage after destroying three warehouses full of marijuana owned by a drug baron trying to kill you."
"Fine. I guess I could put plans of retribution on hold and cash in a few favours instead. Keep an ear to the ground, observe mafia undercurrents."
Hyun was staying positive. "Maybe it's not as bad as we think it is? I mean, Reborn's looking out for Tsunayoshi. I'd prefer having the Sun Arcobaleno on my side rather than against me. With Reborn around, Tsunayoshi might be able to stay out of trouble."
They looked at him blankly. "Please, this is Tsuna we're talking about. He can't even walk into a bookstore without running into criminals."
"Right." Hyun slumped dejectedly. "Remind me why Tsuna's such a mafia magnet again?"
They all pondered this rhetorical question like ancient philosophers speculating about the mysteries of life, or in their case, why nephews are continuously drawn into mob schemes.
"Thanks for coming over today, Gokudera-san." They were in his room while Reborn chilled in an inflatable pool out in the yard and Bianchi sunbathed.
Gokudera grinned. "No problem! In fact, I'm honoured to hear about your deeds before we met." Tsuna's smile wavered. The Junior Chef tournament was one thing. He was just glad they didn't ask to hear about when he'd had to infiltrate Charmaine Girls Academy. He'd spent a good part of a month attempting to bleach that from his brain facilities.
"Oh!" Tsuna recalled something he had wanted to ask. "Gokudera, I hope I'm not being obtrusive, but I was wondering about your reactions to Bianchi. Is it because…?"
Gokudera's face fell. "Yes, it is. Here's the thing," he sighed. "I lived with my sister until I was eight, and we used to have a lot of luxurious parties at our castle. When I was six, I was supposed to perform on the piano at the gathering, so my sister baked me cookies."
Tsuna had raised an eyebrow at hearing that Gokudera used to live in a castle. But if his father had been a mob boss, who'd made a fortune off the black market, then it wasn't that much of a stretch of the imagination.
"It was only later that we would realise my sister possessed the skill to make all of her cooking poisonous. From the ensuing dizziness and severe nausea of her food, my piano performance was bizarre, yet it received high accolades from the guests. Possibly they were being polite, but most of them thought it was an abstract piece that purposefully defied traditional convention. In any case, my father was in a good mood, and the performances would continue. And Bianchi…," he shivered, "…would make more cookies."
"That's just tragic."
Gokudera nodded emphatically. "Every time I see my sister's face, my body can't take it. I'm sorry you had to see such an appalling display!" he swiftly apologised. "It's a terrible weakness! You're probably disgusted at such a shortcoming."
"Are you kidding me? That's a terrible way to be traumatised for life."
Gokudera blinked. "You don't find it annoying?"
"It's not like it's your fault. Besides, I've had troubles with cooking," Tsuna said. "My first shots at cooking may not have been on par with Bianchi's cuisine, but it was bad."
"How bad?" Gokudera just had to ask. "As in, 'needs more salt' bad?"
"As in 'not fit for human consumption' bad. Even the chihuahua down the street wouldn't touch my food. I was crushed."
Gokudera's mouth twitched into a smile. "It's not Bianchi's cooking. I would have eaten it."
"Trust me, I wouldn't have asked that of you," Tsuna chuckled quietly. "It wasn't easy, but I'm now proud to say that my cooking's edible. And considering his father's a sushi chef, Yamamoto's food shouldn't hold any danger of poison unless you want to eat fugu."
The Italian was not wholly relieved. "Still, with Bianchi around, I'm useless! I couldn't even glance her way today without feeling the urge to hurl. But she's supposed to help you, so I don't want to get rid of her if she'll be able to teach you something useful."
Tsuna rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Suppose we just get rid of her temporarily?" he said, inwardly cringing at how cliché that sounded aloud.
But Gokudera must have liked that idea. "We can exploit my sister's weaknesses!" he decided. "She was obsessed with an ex-boyfriend that passed away; I'm sure that she'd chase him to the ends of the earth if he appeared!"
Now, where had Tsuna heard that last line before? While the idea had merit, it might be a little cruel if this man was dead and she hadn't gotten over him. Also, Tsuna was getting the impression that he'd have to hire an impersonator. "What did he look like, and what did he die of?"
"I have a picture! Oh." Gokudera visibly deflated. "I never met the guy, but I heard that he died of food poisoning. Guess she'd only chase after him if she wanted to finish him off."
Their plotting was interrupted by a loud bang downstairs. "I'm going to be away for a while!" Bianchi called. "Reborn wants to eat good eel on the hottest day of the summer, so I'm going to Hamana Lake! Tsuna, when I get back there's going to be a quiz on spices and their properties, so you'd better not slack off while I'm gone!" Both Tsuna and Gokudera peered out of the bedroom window to see her whiz off into the distance on her bicycle. Meanwhile, Reborn was still chilling in his swimsuit.
"You think he heard us?" Tsuna asked suspiciously.
"Reborn is the best of the best. I wouldn't put it past him to have supersonic hearing," Gokudera said wisely. He had not been aware that one of Reborn's skills was actually being able to communicate with bugs.
The hitman put his arms behind his head and lay back lazily. It was always remarkable what people would talk about once they thought they were out of earshot. After all, the two boys hadn't noticed the large Hercules beetle relaying him information.
When Tsuna thought the hitman might be bugging the place, he hadn't meant literally.
Reborn adjusted his sunglasses. "It's good to be me."
"Alright, it's settled! For emergencies, I'll get my hands on no less than fifty kilos of gelignite, and nothing you say will deter me from my decision!"
"Song, I think Petrov's drank too much."
"Mm."
Like on the first day that they'd met, it was now just Reborn and Tsuna once Gokudera had left, sitting side by side at the table. Only this time, they were reading an Italian newspaper and criminology book, respectively.
"…And it turns out Gokudera's renting an apartment. That's not going to be cheap." Tsuna was currently rifling through one of the texts Reborn had wanted him to read to supplement his mafia studies, 'L'Uomo delinquente.' "Maybe I should ask Hibari about property prices around here."
Reborn sipped his espresso thoughtfully. "The Vongola boss allocates a stipend to Gokudera that covers his expenses."
"You could have told me that earlier!"
Reborn ignored that last line. He could be just as difficult as Tsuna. "Gokudera's mathematical skills shall have to come into play when he arranges his budget to pay for rent, groceries, clothes, school supplies, dynamite and even cigarettes, which, mind you, are becoming quite expensive…" he trailed off.
"Yes, I know. Yamamoto and I are going to visit sometime in the future. Remind me to get a nice laptop for Gokudera's housewarming present."
It was nice that Tsuna could take a hint. Reborn believed that Gokudera needed some stability and reliance in his life and it was Tsuna's responsibility as a friend and boss to be aware of the wellbeing of his right hand man.
Just as Gokudera would be to Tsuna, because it was pretty obvious that Tsuna was getting into plenty of trouble on his own and needed people to look out for him, lest he do something stupid while Reborn wasn't around to smack sense into him.
Reborn stared at his watch. It was already some time past three. "Nana's gone with Lambo to enrol him into Namimori Kindergarten. Looks like he'll become a regular fixture here."
"Possibly. I've got a representative from the Bovino family who'll be stopping over in the near future," Tsuna said distractedly. "Something about a misunderstanding over the words of their boss and a literal interpretation on Lambo's part. His aunt was upset, and quite apologetic about the fuss Lambo may have done. Surprisingly, she appeared a lot saner than the rest of her Famiglia."
Reborn frowned. "You were able to contact the Bovino's via email, and you still sit there and deny any mafia contacts?"
Tsuna looked up innocently. "I'm sorry, did you say something?"
Reborn shook his head at his student's continual rebuffs. "At least you're familiar with the Bovino. I'll have to go over some of the Vongola history and our alliances for your benefit. And there's another thing that has come to my attention." Reborn pinned his student with a stare of utmost seriousness. "I had believed it to be inconsequential, but perhaps it should be addressed now rather than later."
Tsuna was fast becoming uneasy.
"Later on, you'll often be meeting such allies, or other variously important people. You'll even be a representation of the Vongola. And while you're in training and relatively obscure now, I should begin preparing early." Reborn inattentively stroked Leon. "I was in your wardrobe the other day-"
Tsuna's mouth dropped. "What do you mean, in my wardrobe-"
"-and you're clothes just aren't up to par. I'm going to have to take you shopping some time. Maybe hire a tailor to whip up some snazzy suits. Hoodies and jeans just aren't going to cut it at formal occasions."
"A mafia boss might have the need of good dress sense, but I don't see the need for you to take me shopping," Tsuna protested, "Especially if it's for… pimp mafia suits. I'd feel like a complete fraud wearing one and I believe the money's better spent elsewhere."
Reborn shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, already mentally arranging to place a few orders with a tailor that he knew.
Oblivious to Reborn's scheming, Tsuna was just thankful of the fact that he'd had the foresight to stash away some incriminating stuff before Reborn had arrived. The phone call from the Volkov giving him the heads up of the situation had helped.
But the fact that Anya had told him the news was a bit odd. As Head of Communications and a colleague of sorts when it came to tech work, the fact that she'd called was not suspicious, but it was when Mikhail hadn't featured. He was probably busy running his Family, but Tsuna wasn't looking forward to the ideas of the Russian turning up on his doorstep one day only to meet Reborn. And when the Volkov were at the scene, there was a good chance that the Acerbi would show.
And maybe some more people with a vested interest in this affair. Tsuna wrenched himself from that headache-inducing thought to focus on the chibi-hitman. "So, why were you in my wardrobe exactly?" he had to ask.
Reborn merely shoved Tsuna's head to the open book lying on the table. "Just shut up and read."
At least Tsuna wouldn't be the only one to suffer. Reborn would have his own fair share of headaches throughout the approaching ordeals. It seemed…fair.
Gokudera's Apartment
Namimori, Japan
Gokudera expected that he'd undergo all sorts of trials while in Namimori. Of course, he'd endured quite a few trials, but this one would be his toughest yet, and would span years if not his entire life. Being the second of the Vongola Decimo wasn't the sort of thing to be taken lightly. Even if Vongola Nono had seen something in Gokudera, others had been less convinced of his capabilities. Tsuna wasn't the only one under evaluation, as it were.
The thought made Gokudera frown. At least in Japan, he wouldn't have to deal with the continual assessments made by the rest of the Vongola in Italy. Now that he was aligned with Tsuna, he should be more concerned of the closer scrutiny of the Ninth Generation. In fact, one Coyote Nougat had made no pretence of the fact that he harboured doubts. Gokudera wouldn't put it past that crowd to test his resolve and capabilities, and the very idea irked him.
The bomber unfurled a large roll of paper on his dining table, revealing a map of Namimori and the surrounding regions. Gokudera observed it carefully, noting all the marks on its surface. The baseball idiot's home was actually closer to his apartment, lying on the most direct path to the Juudaime's place. A number of warehouses were marked in red, along with other choice locations. The office of the Momokyokai Yakuza was here, the Song Bakery here, Namimori Middle School there…
He had meant to ask the Juudaime some questions, but after today he'd decided that they could wait. There were other people he could go to for information, and Kusakabe had been only too helpful. Then again, Kusakabe had realised things from here on would only get more complicated, and while Gokudera couldn't share classified mafia information with the prefect, he was perfectly able to give the older boy an idea of the scope of things, so the DC could act accordingly if they so wished.
He set the map aside to examine a sheet of paper with phone numbers of the DC members, before his eyes fell onto a large key numbered 312. Kusakabe had said it opened one of the units in a secure storage facility the DC made use of, which Gokudera was free to use if he wanted to safely stockpile his explosives and things. He could only imagine what the Disciplinary Committee were stashing in their respective lockers.
So, my main objective for the time being is to acclimatize myself, foster connections and work on my techniques while supporting the Boss. Reborn's officially started to cover the theory behind the mafia, and chances are good that Reborn's reporting everything we do, and how we're going. Add to that any outside parties or assassins on another Family's payroll, and there's a chance we'll be dealing with a lot of people in the coming months. And the Juudaime has yet to meet the Vongola's allies, who'll be just as interested as the Vongola on how capable a Boss he'll turn out to be…
Gokudera rested his chin on his arm. He'd been told before that he was brash and reckless, and he couldn't exactly deny that. Still, there was nothing wrong with a proactive approach to things, and Gokudera was not the sort of person to sit back and hope for the best. No, better to take direct action and actually do something.
What had Yamamoto called this, a game? "Heh, sure it's a game," Gokudera said aloud. "Where the returns are high and the stakes are higher." He pushed up his reading glasses while looking back to the map, absently reaching for a pen to write down notes. "And there's no way I'm going to let myself be unprepared for what the Vongola, or anyone else, throws at me or the Juudaime."
Anon. Reviews Corner
Sezony: Thank you, what a compliment! I've really enjoyed writing this, and now I'm back I hope to bring more chapters. And I had Tsuna explain that chef competition for good mafia family bonding times :D I hope to bring more shocked!Reborn sometime soon. Thanks again for the reviews!
Kieran Phoenix: Just discovered? Well, welcome to my little story here! I'm glad that I could make you laugh; at times it's very difficult to write something humorous. I hope now to put the hiatus behind me, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll be trying to write more. Thanks for reviewing!
phil: Thanks, I try to keep things up to standards. Tsuna's got more than a few crazy anecdotes and allies under wraps, never fear – they'll slowly appear on the scene or pop up when least expected. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and thanks for the review!
Fanfiction Lover (Jay): You spoil me! I still have a lot to learn and develop, but I'm enjoying myself very much when I'm writing, so I adore the fact that you adore it. I'll continue to aim for a natural writing style, if such a thing can be achieved (sometimes I wince when reading over things, they seem forced to me.) I'll readily admit that I'm a sucker for character development, so we'll see how I go when things continue. Thank you for the review and the good luck (my exams are mercifully over) and I hope you'll continue to enjoy this.
KoreanYaoiFangirl: Thanks! Writing Tsuna is hilarious – regardless of whether he's Dame-Tsuna or not, he tends to get into all sorts of trouble, now and before. It's eye-opening for me. I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter, and thanks for the review!
green-road: Tsuna and Reborn – welcome to the dream team. Well, sort of! Hilarity and chaos is how things operate around here, so Tsuna will continue to deal with all sorts of trouble, and Hibari + the DC will find ways to get in on the action. Hope you liked the latest chapter, and until next update! Thanks for reviewing :D
Kaen307: Oh, you're too kind! I don't think anyone's offered to write me poetry. So long as you're enjoying yourself, it's all good :) Ah, Dino, only mentions at the moment, but his day will come. Due to demand, Ru Wen and Tsuna's first meeting in person was the flashback of the chapter, though they've known each other for longer - I'll have some more on their tomfoolery in future. Thanks for your lovely review ;)
Estrella85: Well, I'm glad you gave this fic a try! I'm trying to keep things in perspective and stay away from super Mary Sue territory, so I'll see how this pans out. It's nice to hear that my writing flows and my OCs are okay; I also must admit that using the original plot as a sort of guideline allows me leeway for some of my own ideas and twists while following canon. There will probably be deviations as I bring some of side-plots in and whatnot. In any case, I hope you will continue to enjoy, and thank you for reviewing :)
Lusalma: Thank you! It's been really interesting playing around with the script and canon, and writing this Tsuna is quite entertaining. And yes, this is being continued, as you can see!
MXM: Tsuna and Hibari are cute in their own way, though those on the wrong end of Hibari's tonfas wouldn't readily agree. I'm glad I could make you laugh, thanks for the review!
XienRue: Thanks, hope you enjoyed the latest chapter!
ImploringIdeal: Thanks! Reborn's now going to break out the study plans, 'cause he's got work to do :D
Author's Note: …I bring chapter?
Well, guess that means I'm back! Still getting into the groove of things, but I've left you guys hanging for four months, so here's coverage on Poison Cooking debacles, the Uncles, and Tsuna starting his mafia studies. Apologies if the back-story seems rushed or anything, it took quite a few drafts before I tentatively went with this version. Iemitsu wasn't aware of Tsuna being in Las Vegas at the age of nine. Nana, on the other hand, is reminded of how much Tsuna takes after his parents in the tricky scrapes department.
I've also sadly realised that I've made an error Tsuna's age by my own confusion during research. While Tsuna's listed as fourteen, he celebrates his birthday in October, and being in middle school he's currently thirteen instead, so I've rectified that. Sorry folks!
Gelignite (also called blasting gelatin, and even jelly) was invented by Alfred Nobel, who'd invented dynamite earlier on. However, gelignite is safer to handle without protection (provided it's not near anything able to detonate it). Not only is it cheaper, it burns slowly and can be stored safely, which means it's used in mining and such. Gokudera probably knows all about it. Speaking of Gokudera, writing him is the strangest thing. He's had that proper mafia upbringing that Tsuna missed out on, and combined with his genius, I've got this Gokudera actively trying to live up to that right-hand man role in different ways. He should know what such a job entails, and damn if I don't get a kick out of having him forge connections with those DC delinquents, or doing loads of stuff off-screen like Tsuna does.
I hope I'll be able to have details on how things operate in Namimori, but likewise, I haven't forgotten about the characters that haven't featured recently. Some of you have been asking for the likes of Hana, Yamamoto, Ryohei, Mukuro, Verde, even Mikhail and Dante – they'll all have their time, I've just been organising things to see where they'll best be able to appear. Maybe, one day, we'll even find out if Hibari actually has parents.
Here's to hoping for prospective updates for 2011. Thanks for taking the time to read, review and/or put this on alert. An early Merry Christmas to you all :D
