oOo
Chapter Eight
Clara
oOo
The Doctor protectively shielded me. He squared his shoulders and somehow seemed to grow large. He kept one of his hands tightly around my wrist, keeping me pinned to the wall. His spine was rigid and his whole demeanor had change. The lust-filled man had transformed into a fierce protector. His sharp eyes glared at the intruder, examining and assessing him, until some recognition flared in his eyes.
"I remember you ... " The Doctor said with some surprise in his voice. "Why didn't I remember until now?"
"Probably because I triggered those memories. We are not supposed to meet again." The other man said.
"No we are not. Why are you here? Has something else happened?" His tone was cautious.
"You know very well why I am here, Doctor." The man spat angrily.
I felt the Doctor's fingers dig deeper into my flesh at the angry words the stranger threw. "And I suppose you are here to stop me, Doctor?" He replied with as much rancor.
Doctor? He had called the stranger Doctor. What was going on here?
"What do you mean, Doctor?" I asked, trying to push my way around the Doctor but he held my wrist firmly, almost painfully so, but with some pulling and twisting on my part, I managed to get free and side step around the Doctor. When I faced the stranger I was shocked to find that the stranger was no stranger, well not really, I had seen him before, in my nightmares. There was no mistaking the floppy hair and the Victorian clothing. "Who are you?" I asked my voice stronger than I felt.
The man with the large chin and the old eyes turned to me. He was silent for the longest time as he regarded me with a bit of surprise, but to my dismay, he ignored my question, and in fact he totally ignored me.
"You know very well that this can't work." He turned back towards the Doctor.
"Why? Because this might change your future, well things can change." The Doctor replied harshly.
The stranger took a step forward, his eyes glaring menacingly. "I know what the Ood showed you ... " He pointed at me. "You know she is from the future. My future!"
"That does not mean anything! The future is always changing."
"Not this!" The man with the floppy hair snapped. "It's already happened, this is a fixed point. She is an echo of the real thing, only here to save you, to do one final act to save us ... " His tone was angry but it suddenly softened. "To save me."
I pulled free from the Doctor's grasp and rushed in between both men, facing the intruder. "Someone needs to tell me what is going on!" I shrieked.
The stranger took a step closer to me. "I am the Doctor." I was about to protest but he held his hand up for me to be quiet. "From the future. I am him." He pointed to the Doctor behind me. "And he is about to do something that could change everything, not just my future but the future of the whole universe."
"By taking me to a dance?"
The new Doctor looked away from me glancing above my head to my Doctor. "By falling in love."
I wasn't quite sure how to reply to that. The whole situation was odd enough. I was staring at the future man who I had just been kissing, and more unnervingly he said I was only an echo of a future Clara that he knew. Just like Walter Simeon had said ... An echo of a girl.
"I don't understand." I whispered suddenly feeling weak. "I am not real?"
The new Doctor's face loss all its raging emotions and suddenly in a gesture of affection he cupped my cheek.
"It's complicated ... You are real, so very real ... but you were never meant to live a full life. You, the you from my time did something very brave to save me and it sent copies of her – you, into the whole of time and space to save me, over and over." His thumb gently stroked my skin. "You must know, feel it inside you that there is something you have to do, something big."
I gave a quick nod as tears pooled in my eyes.
"Stop it, just stop it!" My Doctor stepped forward and slapped the other Doctor's hand away from me. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him. "I have lost so much ... too much! I won't lose this; I won't let you take this away from me." He started to walk away, dragging me along with him. "I have sacrificed everything to save the universe, over and over. I just want this ... One moment …"
"Doctor, please, you are making a huge mistake!" The new Doctor called out as we walked away. I glanced back at him; his expression was sad but sober. "You know what you have to do Clara, don't let him lose himself to this, he will hate himself in the end!" The Doctor yelled out to us.
oOo
Rushing back to the TARDIS the Doctor dragged me inside. The TARDIS doors slammed shut behind us with a loud bang and the Doctor dashed to the console. He furiously pressed some buttons and pulled a few levers until the ship was making its familiar engine noise and left the beautiful planet of Aurora behind.
I didn't trust myself to speak for a long moment so I simply watched the Doctor as he started to fiddle with the first thing he could find to avoid looking at me. He brought out his sonic screwdriver and slipped his plastic framed glasses onto his noise. With his brow pinched he glared at one of the many levers of the TARDIS as if it had done something unforgivable.
He bent down to eye level with the lever and held it with one hand while he pointed his sonic screw driver with the other. When nothing happened he mumbled something inaudible and stretched out to push a glowing blue button, but with it just out of reach it caused him to lose grip on the sonic screwdriver and dropping it to the ground. It made a loud clanging sound as it hit the grated floor and rolled for a moment until it fell through one of the many floor grate holes. The Doctor let out a surprising foul curse and bowed his head in defeat.
We both stood stone-still for a long moment until he broke the silence. "I'm sorry." He said softly.
I swallowed thickly several times until I found my voice. "That man … that was you?" I asked, standing quietly to the side.
The Doctor didn't look up. "Yes ... my next regeneration ..." He straightened himself up. "I met him once before ... but I forgot, because well, it's complicated, but yes that is me."
"Oh," was all I could muster out of myself. I did my best to keep my thoughts rational and detached; I didn't want to fall apart. I couldn't.
Except my mind replayed the Doctor's words. He was right. It felt like there was something I had to do, a mission that I needed to accomplish and nothing would feel right until I did it.
The Doctor exhale loudly. "I am not going to lose you Clara." He lifted his head and gave me the most piercing stare I had ever witness. "I can't lose you." His voice cracked with emotions.
He straightened up to his full height and without hesitation he approached me, his face serious. He stopped inches from me and cupped my cheeks lovingly. Unable to resist I leaned into his touch. My eyes fluttered shut but I quickly made myself reopen them. I didn't want to miss a single moment of this, of him. My Doctor. His strong jaw was clenched and his eyes narrowed on me.
"You are so beautiful," I found myself whispering out loud.
The Doctor's face suddenly relaxed, losing some of its tension. "I have to take you home."
Shocked by his surprised words I took a step back. "Ww-what?"
"I can't keep you here with me." He bowed his head sadly. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself if ... If something happened to you."
"So it's true, what the future you said ..."
"Clara ..." He sighed. "There isn't much I can count on, but myself is one. I might be a different man when I regenerate, with only memories of the old me, but that man, it was still me, and all I want to do is keep you safe, now and in the future."
"But I am safe!" I cried, unable to believe this was happening, how had this night gone from the most wonderful night to the worst?
"I've lost too much ... In just this form." The Doctor's eyes glassed over with unshed tears. "Please ... I know if you go home, you'll be safe."
"No I won't!" I suddenly shouted, sick and tired of everyone telling me where my life was supposed to go. "Simeon is still out there, and he won't ever stop looking for you."
The Doctor took off his glasses, his face sad but with resolve. "I can't lose someone else, Clara."
Unable to hold the angry tears anymore, I felt them trailing down my cheeks. "If you take me home, I will just go looking for you. I am not leaving and that is final." With that I stomped off to find my room, leaving the Doctor gaping at me.
oOo
Stomping through the maze of hallways I finally came to the door I thought was my room but after entering and slamming the door; I glanced around and saw Donna sitting in the bed with a book on her lap. She looked up at me with the same annoyed look I was feeling inside.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in." She quipped, slamming her book shut. "I go out to the console room to find it empty. Neither one of you bothered to tell me we were at some posh ball!" She stood and strolled closer to me. "I thought you were both kidnapped or something. I rushed out in my night-clothes only to see you all dancing and laughing, well let me tell you –" But Donna quickly stopped her rant when she got closer. Her face immediately softened. "Oh, no, what happened?" Her anger dissolved as she immediately wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. "What did that skinny bean pole do to you darlin'?" Donna cooed gently.
I wasn't one for sharing my emotions with just anyone, but it was as is a flood gate had been opened and everything burst out of me. I told Donna everything. From the lovely dance we had shared to the unfortunate arrival of his future self and his ominous warning. When my tale was done, Donna escorted me to her bed. She sat beside me and with loving care she took my hands into hers.
"He wants to take me home." I finally said after several minutes of silences. The bitterness was hard to hide in my tone.
"Because of what his future-self said?"
"No, because he said he doesn't want to lose me ... But taking me home is exactly what he would do."
Donna gave me a sad smile and it was hard not to notice the sudden dampness of her eyes. She gave my hands another tight squeeze.
"Clara, he's lost so much ..." She hesitated for a moment but seeing my mournful expression she swallowed that hesitation. "He is going to kill me for telling you this ... but when I first met him –" She gave a slight laugh, "that seems like ages ago now, but I was about to get married. I ended up in the TARDIS by accident." She waved her hand dismissing those events. "That is a story for another day, but anyway, when I ended up here, he had just lost someone, he was devastated."
"Who did he lose?"
-"A woman ... he said she was a friend, but I knew it was more, that she meant more to him. Her name was Rose. She traveled with him before I did."
A sudden stab of jealously went through me at those words, which was ridiculous, after all the Doctor didn't belong to me, and he was over nine hundred years old, of course there would have been others ... I just had not expected someone else who was from the same time as me, that she would have known him as he is now.
"Rose ... what happened to her?"
"She is in another dimension." Donna said simply, as if that sort of thing were normal.
"What?"
"There was a battle at Canary Wharf."
I nodded.
"I remember it; no one forgets something like that."
"Rose very bravely saved the world. She is safe with her family, that's all that matters now." The Doctor's suddenly spoke from the doorway.
I whipped my head in his direction and felt my heart squeeze. Standing the doorway, the Doctor was casually leaning against the frame. His hair was slightly damp from a shower. He had changed out of his tuxedo and wore a pair of blue trousers along with an off-white button up shirt which was untucked from the trousers. His casual demeanor took me by surprise, but he looked incredible.
He gave Donna and me a weak smile.
"Clara, could I talk to you?" He asked almost bashfully.
Donna gave me an encouraging pat on the back. I nodded and automatically stood up and followed the Doctor out of the room. Neither one of us spoke until we reached a different part of the TARDIS, or maybe it was the same, I couldn't tell, all the corridors looked the same. The Doctor walked into a room and I followed without question.
Upon entering I was surprise to find myself in what I assumed was the Doctor's room. It was quite large, almost the size of my whole apartment and just as well furnished. I tried to take in the room, but my eyes kept drifting back to the large bed, which stood several inches from the ground and reminded me a lot of an antique bed.
The Doctor immediately started to pace.
"Clara ..." He started but quickly clamped his mouth shut, as if he was trying to gather his thoughts. His anxious prowling was starting to make me nervous. I quickly sprang into action and walked in front of him so he had to stop his pacing. He let out a soft chuckle and ran his hand through his wet hair, making it stick up every which way. "I'm sorry." He suddenly said.
"You haven't done anything wrong."
"Maybe not ... but –" He paused, his gaze meeting mine. Once again I felt my heart flutter. His expressive deep brown eyes softened, as if he knew and understood what he was doing to me. "I don't know what I should do." He whispered his voice pained and sorrowful.
I took a step closer so our chests were only inches from each other. "I don't think that's true." I whispered back. "I think you are just afraid."
The Doctor released a soft sigh. In the next instant he cupped my jaw in his hands, forcing me to crane my neck up to look at him. His fingers felt wonderful. Rough and abrasive, but utterly provocative, they were sensual and strong. I felt my whole body tingled. A warm, prickling lance like feeling seeped past my skin, and sunk right into my bones.
"Clara," he said, his voice as gentle as his touch.
The sound of my name on his soft lips was intoxicating. I fought the urge to grab him by the neck and kiss the breath right out of him. Slowly I set my gazed on him and when our eyes met, he lowered his head. My breath caught in my throat. The Doctor did the movement so slow that it gave me time to protest as he slanted his lips over mine, but I didn't. I couldn't, not when I suddenly craved his kiss with everything inside me.
He was dangerous, mysterious and exciting, and with all the events going on, my future was looking iffy. Who knew if I had a tomorrow? The future Doctor's prediction still rung in my head. I had to allow myself this pleasure without guilt. Without hesitation. Without pause. I was going to enjoy every moment with my Doctor, no matter how bad it was for me. I had never wanted anything more right now than the man in front of me.
He brushed my mouth once, twice. Perhaps he'd had every intention of leaving it like that, a brief, innocent touch, but I didn't let him, seizing the moment. I opened my mouth and gave him my tongue. That was all the encouragement he had needed.
There was nothing gentle about it either, not the second time around. There was only an undeniable need. Moaning low in his throat, he claimed my mouth. His tongue swept past my teeth, sinking deep, demanding total surrender. He angled his head to the side for deeper contact. His fingers tangled in my hair, clamping tight.
I tasted a hint of cinnamon and something else, something raw and utterly carnal. I couldn't name it, not exactly; I only knew it was like nothing I had ever encountered before. I wanted more, so much more. Our tongues thrust together, eager and needy. I found myself gripping his shirt, holding him to me as if I feared he would slip away.
Heat was building inside me which slowly spread and branched through the rest of me. My nipples hardened and strained against my shirt, abrading with my every movement. My legs weakened just as the Doctor growled and sprang away from me.
"Doctor?" I asked breathlessly.
The Doctor ran his hand through his hair; his expression was pained as he started to mumble to himself.
"I can't do this ... I can't ..."
I watch him sympathetically. "Doctor?" I asked again, my breathing a bit less labored.
"I can't!" His eyes were wild. "If I do this ... If we do this ... I will be completely lost to you Clara." His voice lowered to a whisper. "I'm afraid. I don't know what to do."
The Doctor hung his head in shame, as if he had just revealed one of the worse secrets ever. He sank down onto the large bed he had wandered next too. I felt a surge a compassion for him.
"Why are you afraid?" I asked, matching his whispering tone.
Not looking at me, the Doctor kept his head down. "Because if we take the next step ... if we go there, it will be all too real, and when I lose you, I don't know if I can survive it. My future self was right ... this is insanity."
I couldn't help notice his choice of words. When he loses me. Not, if he lost me ... But for some reason the choice of words did not frightened or worry me. Somehow the visit of the future Doctor had been that confirmation we had both been denying ourselves, well for me it had been.
I had always known there was something different about me, that I had to do something and the older I got, the more urgent that need was becoming. I had always assumed I was just an ambitious woman, but now, being here with the Doctor, it was all starting to make sense.
"We both know you will live through this, Doctor." I said firmly, referring to seeing his future self.
"We officially changed the future, Clara. You changed it, nothing is sure anymore."
"Doctor, you will be fine, we all are." I repeated, a bit more sternly.
The Doctor's eyes widened at my forceful tone. Finally looking up at me in surprise, as if he knew what I wanted. He stared at me in a trance. I slowly moved towards him. Reaching him in less than ten steps, I stood before him, clutching the small jumper I had wrapped around my shoulders earlier. Hesitantly, I moved to sit on his lap so that I faced him, resting a leg on each side of him. The Doctor froze in his seat, but he made no attempt at moving me from him.
Not yet, at least.
I gazed at him intensely, my hands lifting slowly to cup his face. My movements were hesitant and uncertain, and although the Doctor's eyes were full of uncertainty, he did nothing to stop me.
"No more thinking Doctor," I whispered. My heart sputtered for a moment.
The Doctor quirked one brow in my direction, seeming bemused as my hands trailed down the length of his arms to take his hands in my own.
"Clara ... I – I need to think." The Doctor started slowly, his tone confused and almost sounding pained. "We should talk about this, what if this is what sets things in motion for your end –?"
But the Doctor was unable to finish his sentence. I had enough of this. I suddenly felt this boldness surge inside of me. I slowly brought his hands up, my limbs shaking violently. The Doctor simply watched me, hypnotized by my action, I pressed his hands against the soft, fabric of my dress right at the mound of my breasts.
"I don't want to think about that, Doctor; I want you to –" I paused, feeling shy, but I knew I had to say it, for the both of us. "I want you to touch me." I felt heat creep up my cheeks as I blushed profusely.
The realization of what I wanted dawned on the Doctor. A mixture of emotions played on his face. The usually composed and in charge man was coming undone. I knew he cared for me. Actually I knew that it was more than simple caring at this point.
We both had fought this attraction for each other and I was sick and tired of it. The Doctor gave a sudden single nod, his face resolute. He lifted his hands out from under my hold and moved to grip the collar of my jacket. Slowly, he pulled the material from my body, revealing the creamy expanse of my shoulders to his hungry gaze.
"I can't keep fighting you Clara." He spoke softly, his eyes lifting from my body to my eyes. "I also always have been a firm believer in seizing the moment ..."
He reached down to grip me by my waist. Turning roughly, he pressed me down onto his bed, moving to straddle me. He was less hesitant in his actions now, caught up in the aura of lust that had surrounded us both. Bending down, he captured my lips in his own. This time there was a certain urgency to our kiss. My lips parted for him almost instantly, his tongue twirled and danced around mine in a struggle for dominance as he pressed his body against my own. His whiskered skin teased mine and I shivered at the manly feel of him.
The mood of the room was thick with sexual electricity.
He invaded every sense I possessed. His muscles bunched and flexed under my hands as his tongue swept over mine. I heard him growl low and deep in his throat like some caged beast.
I shivered again, as I brushed my fingertips against the warm nape of his neck, playing with the soft tender skin there before I ran my fingers upward, through the chestnut strands of his hair. How I loved the way this man felt in my arms. His earthy smell made my head swim.
The Doctor was obviously more skilled in this area, despite his plea for ignorance, no one could live as long as he had and not have a secret passion hidden deep inside, but that secret was being revealed and I was all too willing to listen and take it all in. Reaching beneath him, the Doctor skillfully released my breasts from the confines of the strapless dress, revealing a strapless red bra. At the sight of the lingerie, he grunted in pleasure, the sound deep and primal.
"Clara, you are my undoing," he breathed against my lips.
I couldn't think straight with his lean body on top of mine, the evidence of his desire pressed up against my stomach. It ignited my own ache for his body to be all over mine. Never in my life had I wanted a man like this. He dipped his head to my neck; his teeth scraped my skin as he nipped it tenderly.
Reaching behind me, he unhooked the bra from the back and shimmied the flimsy piece of satin and silk down my arms before discarding it to the side.
Without breaking his hold, the Doctor laid on top of me and kissed me fully and deeply. He grounded his swollen groin against the part of me that suddenly ached for him with an unnatural urgency. Moans of pleasure escaped my mouth as I started to fumble with his shirt, clumsily trying to unbutton shirt. The Doctor chuckled low at me impatience's, but having enough of the blasted thing, I grabbed a fistful of the soft fabric and simply pulled on each side, tearing the buttons off.
"Hey, I loved that shirt!" He cried, shocked, looking down at his exposed chest.
"I'll get you a new one." I murmured pulling him back down.
His mouth crashed into mine as we both worked at taking the rest of the shirt off from him. My hands slipped to his back, feeling the warm, smooth skin. I hissed at how wonderful he felt.
Prying his mouth from me, the Doctor panted hard as he stood and with a mischievous grin extended his hand out for me to take. I sat up and with an expert hand he unzipped my dress and helped me remove it. Naked except for my underwear I blushed as the Doctor's eyes stared with an insatiable hunger. With a new found haste, he tore off his trousers.
With speed he laid back down and dipped his head, kissing the vulnerable skin on my neck. I moaned in response at the incredible sensation.
"Clara ... my Clara ..." The Doctor murmured softly. He stopped and everything paused around us. Grabbing my hand he intertwined his fingers with mine. He gazed down at me in the most loving way. "I want you to listen very careful ... I will tell you something." He paused and I tried to concentrate on what he was saying. His perfect, lean naked body pressed against mine was making it hard to remember my own name. I nodded for him to continue. "It's my name, telling you my name is like sharing a promise, it's special and should never be shared with anyone else."
I felt my breath hitched. I knew with his tone and the way he looked at me, this was nothing to be taken lightly and I was just not another woman the Doctor had found, I was the one. The Doctor leaned in close to my ear, so close that his lips touched my lobe. His breath tickled as he whispered the most amazing and magical thing I had ever heard. With that, his hand trailed down to grip the band to my underwear. He jerked the material down roughly and discarded them.
-"You are mine now, Clara Oswald. Forever and I will go to the ends of this universe for you."
With nothing separating us, the Doctor pressed himself against me and showed me how special I really was.
oOo
Several hours later I groggily woke up to find myself snuggled up against the Doctor chest. A small smile curled on my lips as I recalled our night together. The Doctor had been insatiable and after the fourth time we had made love we had both passed out of sheer exhaustion. Now I found myself still tired and pleasantly sore but something felt wrong.
But before I could wake the Doctor a shrill sound echoed through the room. The Doctor sat up with speed, seeming confused, but moments later he jumped out of the massive bed and rushed for the door.
"Doctor?!" I called, "Doctor?" He skidded to a stop and turned to me. "What is that sound?"
"The TARDIS alarm, something is wrong."
I nodded and jumped out of bed just as the doctor rushed out the door. "Doctor!" I called again, "you are naked! You might want to get dressed." I shouted with a giggle despite the dire situation.
With a lopped sided grin he ran back inside the room, grabbed his trousers and slipped them on at an unimaginable speed. He then rushed back out the door while slipping on his shirt.
