Ha ha! Still around and writing up a storm! Now, the much anticipated though drawn out rather too long (working on that) continuation!
Chapter 8: "Clash of the Lovebirds: Mousse vs. Jaden vs. Ranma"
*Flashback*
It was a bright and sunny morning on Duel Academy Island. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the waves were crashing upon the beach, and other generic morning stuff was happening. Happosai was teaching me how to dodge properly. Unfortunately, my training today involved flaming arrows, needle beds, and a large bag of salt. Apparently, he thought yesterday's dodge ball bazooka-dodging training was too soft.
Happosai decided that it was time for a break, so he dashed off. Around the same time, near the Slifer Red dorm, Shampoo was walking by, carrying a bowl of ramen. (Tee hee hee.)
"Once Shampoo give ramen to Ranma, he have to fall in love with Shampoo! It also help that I add secret Amazon love potion to noodles," she said, holding up the packet of Amazonian love potion. But just as she tore open the package, and was about to pour it in, Happosai snuck up behind her, swiped the ramen, and guzzled it down.
"Delicious, Shampoo-chan!" He said, as he dashed off once again.
According to Ranma, if there's one thing Amazonian women are good at, it's channeling sadness, shock, and disappointment into concentrated and unbridled fury. Crushing the remaining ramen bowl with her bare hand, she took off after Happosai.
By the time she caught up, Happosai had resumed training me. Sensing the approaching aura of madness and bloodlust, accompanied with "Happosai, die!", Happosai yelled,
"Jaden, defend your master!"
And before I could react, he tossed me headfirst at Shampoo. Catching her off guard, I accidently head-butted her and knocked the both of us out.
When I came to, I saw Shampoo lying unconscious and rushed over to help her. When she awoke, I apologized, but was answered in the strangest of ways: she gave me a near bone-crushing hug and squealed, "Aiyah! Now Shampoo have two strong husbands!"
After explaining how defeating an Amazonian engages a man to her, Happosai started cursing his own luck at not defeating Shampoo on his own while I sat there dumbfound. It was like dealing with a second Tanya, and Obelisk knows I didn't need that twice! All I could mutter was, "Alexis is gonna kill me."
*Flashback end*
"Well," Ranma started, but was interrupted by Mousse as he lunged at Jaden, weapons in hand. Luckily, Ryoga reacted fast enough to hold back Mousse and pull him away from a startled Jaden.
"NO! NOOO!" the duck boy roared, waving the scabbard he almost attacked Jaden with frantically in the air. "First Ranma, now the Kuriboh-head?! I refuse to accept it!" Pointing menacingly at Jaden, he roared, "Tomorrow! High noon! The field in front of the Red Dorm! You too, Ranma! We settle who the best husband for Shampoo is once and for all!"
Before anyone could object, Mousse pulled a smoke bomb out of his sleeve and tossed it at the ground, causing everyone to erupt into fits of coughing as he escaped. As the smoke cleared, all that remained of him was the echo of maniacal laughter.
"Well *cough* Jaden," Ranma said as he recovered, "it seems that you have your first official challenge. Congrats." Jaden was less than amused.
"How am I supposed to deal with Mousse?" he demanded. "The guy's a master martial artist and has weapons coming out the wa-zoo! I don't stand a chance!"
"He has a point," Ryoga agreed. "Plus we need him if we're gonna stop the DDS. Mousse'll turn him into a stain on the pavement before he remembers that, and there's no way to convince him of abandoning this fight. Jaden's doomed, so we're all doomed."
"Not necessarily," Ranma answered with a sly look in his eye. "Jaden, I'll make you a deal. If you craft a champion deck for me, I'll teach you the moves I used to beat Mousse. Deal?"
"Ranma, you can't be serious," Ryoga sighed. He started walking away, not wanting to be part of this mess. Jaden looked just as unconvinced.
"I could barely survive Happosai's training," he questioned. "What makes you think I can be ready to fight after just one day?"
"Cause you'll have me as a teacher," Ranma said grinning.
"Ranma! Jaden! Come out, where ever you are!" Happosai yelled as he leapt through the halls of the Academy, carrying behind him a sack filled with various torture devices for Jaden's training to continue. Unbeknownst to him, however, Jaden and Ranma foresaw this and hid upon the roof, covering all tracks and asking their friends to distract when necessary.
"Ready?" Ranma asked Jaden, taking a fighting stance.
"As I'll ever be," Jaden replied moodily, mimicking Ranma's form as best he could. Ranma rushed forward to deliver a punch to Jaden's face, but was blocked.
"Heh, at least the old fiend managed to beat some reactions into you. First rule of Saotome True Anything Goes Martial Arts: no matter what, get in the first hit. Do what you can to throw the first punch so you can get your opponent on the defensive."
"I thought people were only supposed to use this stuff if someone else threw the first punch," Jaden questioned, innocently. Ranma smirked as he gave his response.
"In martial arts, getting the first hit can mean the difference between victory and defeat, sort of like getting the first turn in Duel Monsters. If you don't go in giving everything you got, you won't last a minute." Ranma then leapt back and retook his stance.
"Next," he continued, reaching into his sleeves, "I'm gonna see just how well you dodge."
Jaden had no worries. Being forced to dodge bazooka-launched balls of red, rubbery death by Happosai had him ready for any punch Ranma could throw at him. Before he could blink, however, Ranma was already closing the distance between the two, arm reared back and ready. Utilizing the leg strength gained from running around the island, Jaden was quick to dodge to the left just as Ranma's fist grazed him.
Changing direction, Ranma repeated the move and Jaden dodged again, continuing this pattern until returning to their previous positions.
"Ha! This is the best the great master Ranma can teach?" Jaden mocked. But Ranma simply chuckled as he raised his fist, quickly pulling it back as if to throw another punch. However, as he did so, Jaden's limbs quickly snapped together, his arms bound to his sides and legs unmoving.
"What the?!" Jaden cried in astonishment, while Ranma opened his pulled-back hand to reveal a cluster of long, nearly invisible strings connecting to the ones that bound Jaden.
"I hid these narrow wires inside of my sleeves and attached some to you with every punch I threw. How's that for 'the great master'?"
"No fair! That was a dirty trick!"
Ranma sighed as he answered, "And that's just how Mousse will fight in your match tomorrow," Ranma released his grip, letting the strings loosen and freeing Jaden, "so you need to learn how to notice every trick Mousse sets before he can spring them on you.
"Your final lesson is this: finding your enemy's weak-point and using it to your advantage. For example, I exploit Ryoga's temper by taunting him in our fights because rage throws one off. He gets careless and ends up having his strength turned against him, so anger is his weak-point."
"Oh, I get it," Jaden pondered, "just like how Akane is your weak-point, right?"
"What's that supposed to mean?!" Ranma yelled defensively.
"Nothing, nothing at all," Jaden replied, smiling slyly.
"Cause it's not like I like her or anything. We're just friends, got it?" Ranma countered, noticeably flustered and in denial.
"Of course, of course," Jaden shrugged, silently proud that he was already getting the hang of using his opponent's weak-point against them.
"Anyway," Ranma continued, calming back down, "if you want to defeat Mousse, you have to use his weakness to your advantage. I'm sure you've noticed by now, but he's not exactly big in the seeing department."
"Yeah, I got that impression when he glomped a cactus he claimed was Shampoo."
"Without his glasses, he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a wrecking ball. Use this against him, and victory is all but assured."
"Yes, sensei Ranma," Jaden bowed.
Ranma took a new stance as he said, "Now, we continue."
Later that evening, in the Red Dorm, Ranma and Jaden continued learning, only now with the roles reversed.
"Now remember, the major part of this combo lies in when you activate this trap card," Jaden lectured, "not before the Battle Phase, but right when it begins."
"Geez," Ranma commented, looking perplexed at the card he held, "you sure know a lot about this game. How come you stay here in the Slifer Dorm? I heard it was losers."
"I just like the color red," Jaden responded as he shrugged his shoulders. "Besides, dueling has nothing to do with what you wear or where you live. I've beaten my fair share of Blues and Yellows, and I didn't have a fancy room or buffet."
"But it wouldn't hurt, right?" Ranma joked, making the pair laugh.
"Ranma! I know you're hiding Jaden, his little friend sold you out!" Happosai yelled as he hopped down the trail to the Red Dorm, dragging a tied up Chazz behind him.
"Ow! Let me go, you old goblin!" he demanded as he was dragged over rocks and twigs lining the trail. "I'm too rich to be treated this way!"
"Quiet, you! Jaden, you have hell to pay for skipping out on training to play with your friends, and I'll make sure you pay in full!" Happosai hopped up the steps of the building to Jaden's room, then tossed a firecracker at the door, blowing it off its hinges as he intruded.
"Now I've got- Hm?" The room was empty, save for a few stray cards on the floor. Happosai picked them up and growled as he turned back to the tied up Chazz.
"You lied to me, you brat!" the goblin roared as he repeatedly hit the boy over the head with his pipe.
"Ow! Ow! No I did not! Ow! Jaden said to keep an eye out for you so you wouldn't find him here! OW! Stop that!"
"Come on!" Happosai sneered as he dragged the Red in black clothing away with him. "If Jaden's not gonna learn how to fight, it's up to me to save the world! You're gonna teach me how to play this game so I can be the new hero! We'll call the show 'Hap-Po-Sai GX!'"
As the sounds of Chazz yelling at the old man faded, Jaden and Ranma crawled out of the shadows on the roof, relieved that Happosai wouldn't be bothering them anymore, now that he found a new source of entertainment.
"I feel sorry for Chazz," Jaden admitted, "but still, better him than me."
"Well, at least we can go back to practicing. There's this one combo I want to try-"
"Darlings!" Shampoo cried happily upon finding her beloveds and glomping them.
"Tomorrow better come soon," Jaden coughed out, his ribs being crushed under the force of the Amazonian bear hug.
At last, the day of the fight had reached high noon, as the three fighters stood in the open field in front of the Silfer dorm, a crowd of onlookers present and growing. A few notable spectators included Akane, Shampoo, Genma, Pegasus, and Ryoga, despite his claim of not wanting to be involved.
"So why are they doing this again?" Akane asked deadpanned.
"Aiyah!" Shampoo cheered happily, "Ranma and Jaden now fight to see who love Shampoo most! Is so romantic!"
"So why are they really doing this again?" Akane asked Ryoga, earning a look of hatred from Shampoo and a cough sounding like "Jealous".
"Cause Mousse is a jealous idiot and Jaden suffers from the same 'wrong place, wrong time' syndrome Ranma has," Ryoga replied as dejectedly as Akane.
"Aah," everyone other than Shampoo collectively said in understanding.
"Ranma! Jaden!" Mousse pointed towards the two with both arms. "The time for battle has come! Now, we fight to the death for the lovely Shampoo!"
"So Ranma, did you practice that combo I taught you last night?" Jaden asked the pig-tailed warrior, ignore Mousse's ramblings of "love" and "destiny".
"Yeah, but I'm a bit concerned about after I activate the Spell-Trap part," Ranma conversed with the duelist, also paying no attention to the weapons-user. "What if they use Magic Jammer or something first, then the whole strategy goes straight to-"
"Now die!" Mousse yelled, apparently done with his speech and charging towards Jaden with a sword drawn from his sleeve. Jaden, not missing a beat, ducked under the lunge and delivered an uppercut. The blow connected with Mousse's jaw and sent him stumbling backwards as Jaden took a stance. Ranma used this opportunity to rush forward and kick the sword out of Mousse's hand, the blade flying through the air before sheathing itself in the ground in front of a now startled Genma.
Regaining his senses, Mousse leapt a few feet away from Ranma and drew a chain sickle from his robe, swinging the weapon expertly before tossing it towards Ranma. He sidestepped out of the way before grabbing the chain and wrapping it around his fist. With a hard tug, he pulled Mousse off his feet and flung him towards Jaden, who leapt into the air.
Jaden delivered a sharp drop kick to the stunned martial artist, hitting him square in the ribs and giving a finishing blow, or so he thought. Suddenly, a sharp pain tore through Jaden's extended leg, as Mousse had actually caught the attack with his free hand, tacks hidden between the fingers and now embedded in Jaden's thigh. The glasses-wearer let him fall to the ground, clutching his leg as it started to numb.
"My own brand of paralysis poison," Mousse gloated, catching a punch from Ranma and tacking him too. "Non-lethal, but soon it'll spread through the rest of your lower body and leave you without a leg to stand on, so to speak." Ranma could already feel his arm grow heavier as well, while Jaden managed to stand tall and take a new stance.
"That's so underhanded!" Akane shouted in shock, while Ryoga and Genma were struggling to hold back a furious Shampoo.
"Then we'll just have to kick your ass sooner," Ranma taunted as he threw out a punch with his good arm. Mousse dropped the sickle and tacks as he pulled a small ball from his sleeve, throwing it to the ground and releasing a smoke cloud. Ranma and Jaden pulled themselves from the smokescreen and searched frantically for Mousse. Dragging this fight out in their current state would not end well.
Suddenly, an arrow pierced the ground behind Ranma, who looked up to see Mousse in a nearby tree, a crossbow partially hidden in his sleeve.
"Seriously, how does he hide all this stuff in his sleeves?!" Jaden yelled frustrated, as he bent over backwards to dodge another arrow. "And I'm betting these are poison-tipped, too."
"All fair in love and war to him," Ranma clarified, "and for Mousse, the two are really interchangeable. We have a problem, Jaden. My arm has completely turned to stone and the other is starting to follow."
"Same with my legs," Jaden returned, falling to one knee. "Whatever Mousse put in those tacks, it's speeding up."
"Tacks…that's it!" Ranma thought. "Jaden, I have a plan. Wanna give the bad doctor a taste of his own medicine?"
Mousse was too busy reloading his crossbow to hear the two scheming, choosing to double the amount of paralysis poison to end the fight sooner.
Ranma, rushing recklessly towards the tree, used the last of the strength in his right arm to punch the tree, shocking Mousse out of his tree. He landed on his feet, however, and aimed his arrow at the now charging Ranma, ready to shoot and end their fighting, when he heard something.
"Hey! Shampoo, no! Stop, quit it! That tickles!" Jaden shouted out, confusing the onlookers as Shampoo was still being restrained. However, what mattered was that Mousse had turned towards Jaden to see what was going on, only to receive a shoe to the face, knocking off his glasses and essentially blinding him.
"How's that for a dirty trick?" the now-single-shoed Jaden smirked as Mousse turned back to Ranma too late. Ranma shoved him to the ground with a full body tackle, scattering the arrows and crossbow. Mousse, back still to the ground, winced, but started to pull another weapon from his robes.
But as he tried to pull himself up, he found he could not move, wincing again as he felt numerous small stabs on his back. When he tried to roll over and look, it was clear that he had landed on his own haphazardly scattered poisoned tacks! He struggled to stand and continue, but the more he tried, the harder and heavier his body grew, until he was helpless as Ranma loomed over him, grinning wickedly.
"Uh, no hard feelings, right?" Mousse sweat dropped, just before blacking out as Ranma landed a strong drop kick to the duck boy's abdomen.
"Hey, Jaden!" Ranma called over to the other fighter. "Mousse is out cold! You want to finish this fight? We still need to decide who's stuck with Shampoo!"
"Naw, I'm beat!" the Slifer shouted back, sprawling out on the battlefield. "Can't move my legs an inch, now, so I'm done! You win, she's all yours!"
"Oh, lucky, lucky me," Ranma grumbled as the crowd erupted into cheers for the winner, although Ryoga and Akane were still as apathetic as before.
"Truly Ranma remains unmatched in underhanded fighting," Akane chuckled tiredly.
"It's not exactly a victory you'd be proud of," Ryoga added with the same drained expression.
"That's my boy!" Genma laughed as Shampoo rushed past Jaden and Mousse, then turned around, leapt on top of Mousse's face a few times, and then ran back to her beloved.
"Darling!" she cooed, hugging the paralyzed Ranma in a death grip. "Husband know Shampoo faithful to him all along, right? Shampoo had no feelings for Jaden what-so-ever, yes?"
"Of course you didn't," Ranma choked out sarcastically, "like I could be that lucky."
"Ranma!" Akane roared as she pulled the two apart angrily.
"Oh, come on, Akane! Like I could have kept her from hugging me. My arms aren't working!"
"Fine," Akane groaned as she dropped Ranma, calming down a bit as her burning anger cooled into a warm simmer, "but I not going to be so easy next time. We better get you three idiots to the infirmary and see what we can do about that paralysis junk."
Genma, Ryoga, and Akane worked together to hoist the trio up and carry them off back to the school with the rest of the crowd, ready to continue their training after some R & R.
Unbeknownst, however, peering through a telescope atop the island's semi-dormant volcano, a dark green goblin in special optic goggles and gray camouflage had been watching the entire fight, while the rest of his squad, each identical to one another in their matching uniforms, had recorded all the data with their equipment.
The head goblin in the fancy specs attached a small com-link device to his ear and spoke into an attached microphone.
"Dark Goblin Surveillance Platoon calling the Feared Four, over. Data on unknown fighters being transferred to your location. Mission completed, requesting pick up, over."
"Affirmative, Green Leader," a gruff voice on the other end of the line scratched. "Standby for pick up in 1700 hours, soldier. In the mean time, investigate the dueling strategies of the enemy so we may create counter measures."
"Yessir!" The goblin saluted, and his platoon followed suit. "By 1700 hours, significant if not all data on enemy tactics will be gathered for processing, sir. We will await further or-"
"Let me talk to him, a-Ha a-Ha!" a new voice cackled over the link. "Nuh-uh! It's my turn, chicken finguhs!"
"Uh, sir?" the goblin asked quizzically.
"Both of you idiots shut up!" the first voice yelled at the other two, effectively silencing them both. "Excuse that previous outburst, soldier. See you at 1700, over and out." The line went dead, and the platoon leader was left to bring his giggling squad back to order. Each member of the recon squad admired their commander for his strength and tactical genius, but no goblin could understand why a DDS like him would put up with such fools as the other three members of the Feared Four.
