A/N: I'm sorry! This past semester almost killed me! But I'm back! I know it has been so long and I'm sorry you guys! This semester is over and I'm finally going to do my best to update! Thank you all for your patience and AMAZING and Kind reviews! This chapter is near and dear to me! It's a new vulnerability in the characters... And this chapter isn't a memory, it is the PRESENT TIME... Anyway, ENJOY!
Chapter 8
Present:
Anxiety: First Step
A mouse. That was what she was feeling like at that exact moment, like a mouse cornered by the predatory cat that has been chasing it for so long now. Even as Sydney slowly stood, her eyes not once leaving Rose's. Eddie, however, remained seated, not wanting to frighten her and make her shut down. But they were both looking back at her expectantly, waiting patiently to tell them about this Dimitri. Both had been standing behind Rose's front door, both in pain from the screaming they could hear from Rose as she slept. Sydney had begun to feel panic fill her, not knowing what to do or who this man was.
Eddie, however, had placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her from kicking down the door. He'd always been the most cool-headed when it came situations like these. All except for that one night; Eddie had thought that in the long run he would feel some sort of guilt for what had happened, but everytime he remembers what happened to Rose, all of that guilt for what he and Abe had done vanishes.
Rose felt fear swirl in her stomach, making her almost want to hurl. Dimitri. Even if she were to tell them the truth, it would be like opening a Pandora's Box. There was just too much; too much pain, too much regret. She could feel her breathing begin to become labored, her arms and hands tingling and numbing in that all too familiar way as she wrapped them around herself. Sydney and Eddie could see the signs and they immediately went to her.
Eddie quickly reached for a chair by the dining table and Sydney gently eased Rose onto the chair. It was like being in a room thirty degrees cooler as Rose began to shake. She could feel her mind begin to cloud as her memories played in her mind like a slideshow, one image swiftly moving after another. But it was one memory in particular that helped her breathe. A single smile of his and she felt herself relax. He'd always had that effect on her, even in those moments where she hated that smile the most.
Eddie and Sydney's voices had become muffled to her as they argued as to where they would be able to conjure up either fluoxetine or some sertraline; just fancy names for Prozac and Zoloft.
After a few moments, they both quieted and looked down at Rose. Her breathing was still slightly uneven, but calm nonetheless. Sydney and Eddie turned to look at each other in surprise. Rose's anxiety attacks started after that summer in Berkley, but never have they been able to calm her unless they had medication nearby, to see her calm on her own was something they were flummoxed about. But at the same time, they were extremely grateful for it.
Both looked at each other guiltily as they came around to kneel in front of her, "We're sorry Rose, we didn't mean to gang up on you," Sydney said as she placed her hand on Rose's knee.
Rose nodded at both of them, but even she herself couldn't believe she'd been able to recover so suddenly. It's something that she couldn't even explain to herself. It had happened once before, where his smile helped her, and however sadistic as it sounded and seemed, it was right after she reached her apartment. When she'd left him. Rose had immediately felt herself break down, but for whatever reason, recalling the day, recalling the moments with him, it was for some inexplicable reason that his smile was able to help her calm.
Sydney and Eddie remained quiet, neither of them wanting to bring about an attack again.
Rose looked at her two friends who were now looking at the carpeted floor. She knew they felt guilty and she didn't want them to feel that way.
"You're first step is to open up, Rose. If you are not honest to the people who love you, who can you be honest to? You can't expect to be honest to yourself, you know that better than anyone…"
She'd hated Olendzki for saying that. She'd been riding her ass to come clean, if not to her, then someone who was closer to her.
Olendzki.
She was another problem of hers. She withheld her sigh in knowing that the date was fast approaching. She'd be meeting up with her again in a matter of weeks. Dr. Olendzki had seen, not much, but at least some progress and only needed to see her once a month. She'd stopped going altogether a year after graduating Berkley, but had to resume when she'd returned from Italy. To say that Dr. Olendzki wasn't surprised was an understatement. She'd completely weirded out Rose when she looked at her over the dark rim of her glasses, "I'd wondered when I'd be seeing you again, Ms. Hathaway." Damn hag.
Rose shook off that memory as she looked back at her friends, the very same friends that had been there through hell and back for her. They'd put up with so much from her and for her. The inner fight she was having with herself was slowly dissipating as she squeezed her hands into fists on her lap and then released them, feeling the rush of blood flow through her as she summoned the courage. She wouldn't tell them the whole truth, but she would tell them something.
With a strong and steady breath she steeled herself for their response, "I met Dimitri back in Italy…"
Sydney and Eddie looked back at her in slight surprise, their eyes holding the very same question Rose was dreading answering, "Last year."
Then they looked at her in surprised as understanding flashed through them, however, it was Sydney who was brave enough to ask, "Is he the reason why you did not return to Italy this summer?"
Rose couldn't help herself as she bit down on her lip. She could handle the most intimidating of corporate CEOs, but ask her about Dimitri Belikov, well he was the only one who could ever bring her down. And they both knew this. Dimitri wasn't an idiot, far from it, in fact. That was another mistake, letting him affect her in such a way that Belikov would have been an idiot not to have noticed.
Eddie had been silent, but it was his question that made her wince, "What did he do to you?" his voice was low and demanding, though there was an undertone of a dangerous anger. Rose couldn't help but flinch again, and this time both Sydney and Eddie noticed. They could see the struggle in her gaze, the way she kept squeezing and releasing her hands from fists to palms pressing down on her thighs. They wanted to diverge from the topic, if only for the moment so as not to make her feel attacked once again. But they didn't get to say anything.
Rose couldn't bring herself to look at them as she looked towards her windows, curtains still hanging in place. This was the last bit of information she would give them, this was all she could handle in one day, "He didn't do anything to me… I–It's what I did to him."
His eyes felt heavy, the fluorescent lights from above making them ache and throb painfully. He'd always hated hospitals. Anything to do with death and he'd run. Everyone could say what they wanted of him, but his personal life was something that could never be touched.
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in through his nose as he tried to loosen his grip on the chair's arms, but it wasn't as easy as he'd thought. All he could smell were disinfectants and death. The sounds of gurneys and doors sliding open and closed all too familiar. It was as if he were ten years old again, doctors and nurses all encroaching him with no news of his family.
From afar, a nurse looked on cautiously at him. She could see the strain on his neck as his grip remained tight around the chair with his head leaning back on the wall. He looked like he'd be sick soon, if not on full out anxiety mode. She was just about to walk towards him when she saw two figures rushing towards him. She couldn't help but gape at the couple holding hands as they ran towards the anxious man. The woman was a beautiful platinum blonde, her height like a model's, but it was her eyes that caught the nurse's attention. It was like looking at two Jade gems.
The man accompanying her was also handsome; his dark black hair a stark contrast to his pale skin, but again, it was his eyes that drew her breath in. They were an icy blue. It was a couple that seemed as though they'd stepped out of the television, or at least as if they were celebrities.
He felt as though it'd been hours since he received any news but knew that if he looked at his watch it had only been minutes.
"Dimitri!" he instantly pushed himself off the chair, something to do as Christian and his fiancée, Vasilisa Dragomir, approached him. Dimitri could admit that Lissa Dragomir was beautiful, but it was a beauty that he himself couldn't respond to. Christian gave Dimitri a brief hug and pat on the back and stepped back as Lissa also gave him a hug with a warm and supportive smile. Ever since Lissa and Dimitri met it was like a constant battle of wits, almost a tug of war with Christian being the ribbon in the middle of the rope. But now wasn't the time for it.
Instead, though feeling thankful for having them with him, he couldn't help but feel a bit of irritation grow in him. "I thought you were supposed to be in New York," was all he could say. Today was supposed to be the first step. They were supposed to meet today with Mazur & Co. And with Rose.
Christian suppressed his anger at Dimitri's small burst, Lissa noticing them with the stare down decided to step in. She placed a calming hand on Christian's forearm as her soft voice spoke up, "We rescheduled."
Dimitri wanted to scream, but he bit down on his tongue as he noticed the doctor coming towards them. Both Christian and Lissa noticed Dimitri's change in demeanor, turning they saw why.
Not one for intricacies Dimitri finished walking up to the doctor, Christian and Lissa following, "How is she?"
The doctor noticed Dimitri's fiery gaze, something that told him he needed to skip introductions, "She is stable, however, she wishes to speak to you."
Not being told twice, Dimitri left Christian and Lissa alone with the doctor. He knew that Lissa would get everything he needed to know from the doctor, she was that good. He almost didn't knock. With just one knock he slowly turned the doorknob. Stepping in he felt all breath leave him, his chest and stomach tightening at the sight of her being hooked up to wires and machines.
She gave him a weak smile as he hesitantly approached her. She could tell he was fearful, it was bad enough he was in this place to begin with. He took her outstretched hand in his as he sat in the chair by her bed.
Dimitri bit onto his cheek to keep himself composed, but even he couldn't help the way his shaky voice spoke her name, "Cersei…"
A/N: DON'T HATE ME! If I have readers reading any of my other fics, I am so sorry to be leaving you all with such drama and heartache! This chapter made me, personally, choke up! The tides are rough and the winds of change approach us! For all three of my fics! Again, thank you all for your amazing patience and support, it's thanks to you all that my writing is what it is! I'll update soon because even I want to know what's next! And I want to ask you guys this: You guys want to break away from this and straight to a smexy memory? Or do you guys want me to go straight to Dimitri and Cersei? A pause from heartache or do you guys want it like a band-aid: swift and quick? Let me know in a review so I can get started! See you guys (hopefully) soon!
