Nothing to Forgive

Chapter 8

Staring down at her sleeping daughter Carly was amazed at how big she had gotten in the time they had been apart. She had been home for a week and she still couldn't believe the changes that the last two months had made.

After moving around from place to place it was good to be home- good to be with her babies again. Michael was getting released tomorrow- Morgan and Josselyn were back under the same roof with her. You would think that her life would be just about perfect.

Sitting down in the rocking chair by the crib, Carly tried to hold on to the peace that being near her kids usually gave her. Up until a month ago she could swear her life was finally going to fall into place. She had finally managed to find strength within herself- not calling Jason or anyone else to make herself feel better or secure. And then once again the bottom fell out. After leaving him in Venice she had sworn that she wouldn't cry anymore tears for him. She would let him have his own life and she would move on the best she could without him. What she couldn't explain was why at the very moment she had decided to let him, he started to call 4 or 5 times a day. Sometimes he would leave a message and sometimes he wouldn't- sometimes she would listen to his messages over and over again just to hear his voice. Learning to live without him was hard, but trying to stop loving him was killing her.

A month ago in Greece...

Looking down at her phone, Carly had been able to fight the urge to pick it up. She knew it was Jason- and she knew just how easy it would be to pick it up and fall back into her same old patterns. Watching the sunset she tried to enjoy the scenery around her. The view from her hotel room was amazing, but she couldn't find any joy in it tonight.

Ironic that he would choose to call her at that particular moment. It was as if their connection could carry over the distance despite the obstacles that she had thrown between them. She knew that she was going to have to face him when she got home. But, somehow she managed to convince herself that she had time to prepare herself for their conversation... to mentally and emotionally make herself strong enough to live with whatever the outcome would be.

Walking back to her bed she threw her phone on the nightstand and crawled beneath the covers. She would give herself this night to cry for herself and the drama she was facing and tomorrow she would pick herself back up and carry on.

Closing her eyes she tried to forget that lying on the nightstand was the one thing that could blow everything a part again.

Looking back she realized that night for the turning point in her life that it was... Everything was about to change again.

Not just her having to help Michael adjust to being home again, but the changes she was facing in a lot of the relationships in her life.

Coming home to find out that Jax had left on several business trips leaving Josselyn in Mercedes' and Bobbie's care for most of the time she was gone had really pissed her off. She understood that his life wasn't going to stop just because she had gone off to figure things out, but his neglect toward his daughter really just killed any remaining love she might have felt for him.

A pleasant surprise was the changes in the dynamics of her relationship with Alexis. It boggled the mind that the women had actually become sort-of-friends. It started off with Carly checking in on Morgan and sending Alexis and the girls little gifts along with Morgan's from the various places she visited. Then the women began discussing places that she had been and places she should go. Since she had been home, her and Morgan had dinner with the Davis' family twice and not one argument occurred.

The only person she had not had contact with was Jason and that in itself was where she was having the problems. Despite having seen Sam at Alexis' house she had originally thought that she would tell him, but after a day of him not showing up she concluded that he must not know she was home.

Or, maybe he had just finally given up on her... and was accepting that she couldn't carry on the way that they had been for so long.

Jason didn't know how long he sat outside her house debating on whether or not he should try and talk to her. After his conversation with Spinelli earlier that night and his last conversation with Sam there were so many different feelings he was experiencing that he wasn't sure where to start.

Whether he should give Carly time to adjust to being home or to make her let him back into her life. This was the problem he faced- because if there was one thing he had learned while she was gone, it was that he hated not being part of her world.

**A/N- Don't really like Sam... sorry... conversation with Spinelli will addressed... I debated writing in the Jackal because his "Jackal Speak" is hard to master!