Chapter 8 – I guess I'm your sister
Brooke goes inside to pick up her purse, and we go to her car. We don't say much on the short ride. We suddenly stop, way too soon in my opinion. Peyton's house is a good one. There's a light on, on the second floor.
"It's her room", Brooke says, "It's like her little world, you know? She feels safe, there. Well, at least she used to feel, before…" she doesn't finish her sentence, just keeps looking at the window.
I don't say anything either, way too nervous to talk. Should I be here? Wouldn't it be better if we met when things are a little better for her?
"Kinda scary, huh?" Brooke looks at me, understandingly. "It's ok if you don't wanna go now, I can take you back home."
"No, I… I wanna go. I just… what should I say?"
"Just make sure she knows how strong she is. She'll get through it, but she needs someone there to remind her of that strength."
"So I take it you're not coming…" I say it with a small voice.
She gives me a sad smile. "I'm sorry, I can't."
I nod my head and finally open the car's door and get out. Brooke winks at me, reassuringly. "You'll know what to do, kid. I'm sure you'll both be fine."
"Thanks… and thanks for the ride."
She says "no problem", waves and drives away. I gulp, and slowly walk towards the house. After what seems like days, I finally gather up enough courage to ring the bell. There's no answer. I ring once again, reach for the door knob, but the door is locked. Makes sense, after what happened. I ring once more, but honestly, I'm almost relieved she's not answering. It's like… my work is done, I did all I could. Just as I'm about to leave, the door opens, to reveal the tall, blonde girl I've heard so much about. She has a couple of cuts on her face, she's wearing sweats and slippers. And as soon as I look at her, I see what everyone else's been talking about. Anyone walking on the street could probably look at us and tell we're sisters. My hair is long and straight, hers is shorter than mine, and a little wavy. But it's the same color. Her eyes are green-ish, mine are dark blue. But it's the same expression, the same hidden secrets. I could see it all in her eyes. We look at each other for a long time, not saying anything. Until she shakes her head and closes her eyes for a second, before looking at me again.
"Can I help you with something?" she asks, her voice is weak, and she still looks at me like, at some level, she already knows who I am.
"I'm Megan", I say, carefully, "I guess I'm your sister", I try to give her a small smile, but I'm too nervous for that, so my expression is probably a little freaky.
Her jaw drops, in shock. And a few moments later her expression changes. "Look… if this is some kind of joke…" she starts to say something, but then she looks right into my eyes and stops. She knows I'm not lying, but she's still looking for a way, for an excuse, so she doesn't have to deal with this right now.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake…"
"Why did you come?" she asks, before I can even turn my back.
"I guess… I should've come before, but I didn't want to… I was scared to death"
"I figured, and I understand. But what made you change your mind?"
She's being careful, she's being distant. Can't say I didn't expect that.
"Ok, there's something you need to know. Susanna, the woman who's working with you at Tric… she's my mom. I met Karen and Lucas…"
"What?" she suddenly seems not so happy. I knew she wouldn't like it that Lucas didn't tell her about me, but I didn't want the first conversation we had to be based on a lie. I know how much she's had of lies already. "If Lucas met you, he knew who you were, and he didn't even tell me…"
"Please, don't blame him. I begged him not to tell you anything, I wasn't ready…"
"So you asked him to lie to me? God, for a moment I thought you were different. You two are unbelievable!" She's about to close the door on my face, but I stop her.
"I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry I asked him to lie to you. If you wanna blame someone, then blame me. He was just trying to help", I'm on the verge of tears now. I had no idea things would go this way.
"You should be sorry. You and Lucas", she suddenly says, her voice strong and cold, "because it is your fault. It's all your fault", she slams the door shut, and I hear her crying. Damn it, what was that about? I know it wasn't right to lie like that, but still, it's not like it was this huge betrayal or anything. I knock softly on the door again.
"Peyton? Can we please talk?"
"Get away from my house. And don't bother coming back." There's so much anger in her words. And they hurt much more than I'd like to admit. I wipe my tears and slowly walk away. I soon start to run, back to my house, to my room. I run past Brooke and Rachel's house.
"Hey! Neighbor girl!" I hear Brooke calling, but I don't stop. Not until I'm in my room, door locked, music blasting through my stereo.
Great way to get to know my big sister, huh? I just wanted to understand the reason she got this angry. But that's not really the worst thing. Worst thing is that she's there, all alone, breaking down in tears. She doesn't want to see me, she most probably won't want to see Lucas too, Brooke won't go see her. And Lucas will probably be mad at me for what I said. So I do the only thing I can when I'm like this. I write.
Look around
Aren't you tired of the lies?
Tired of fighting
And saying goodbye?
Look around
Do you like what you see?
Do you feel what happens
Deep inside of me?
Cause I don't
I see tears
Do you see them too?
I feel loneliness
And I know
You feel it too
I know it hurts
Inside of you
Can you change me?
Can you save me?
Can't you see
How I wanted it all
To be
I read what I just wrote. And I know the "you" I kept referring to is Peyton. And that scares the hell out of me, cause I guess I saw in her a potential friend. Not a friend like the ones I usually have in school. A real one. But now I probably ruined any chance of having her talking to me. Ironic, huh? When she called me, I hung up on her, and now that I looked for her, she's the one who doesn't want me around. Damn it, that girl has too many issues; even more than me, I'd say. I tried, I was honest, and she went crazy. So maybe it's not really my fault. Yeah, I like that idea.
I hear my mom's car, followed by the usual "Meg, I'm home". Should I tell her I know about Peyton? I probably won't see her again, so it's not worth it, is it? It'd get my mom upset over nothing. I climb down the stairs to see her.
"Hey mom! How was dinner?"
"Really good! Karen's cooking… amazing! Luckily, your great mom here was able to save you some of it", she hands me a box with some food that smells delicious. I run to the kitchen, put it on a plate and heat it. With everything that's happened, I actually forgot to eat. I never forget to eat. All it takes is that smell to remind me of how hungry I am. I sit by the table, my mom joins me.
"Oh my god, mom, this is really amazing. Almost as good as yours", I laugh sarcastically, probably with some food stuck in between my teeth.
"Very funny! I'd be mad at you for making fun of my cooking, but it is much better than mine, so you're forgiven", she smiles.
I hadn't seen my mom smiling like that in so long. A true, happy smile. I guess my dad leaving was actually a good thing for her. She just sits there, while I eat. It should be uncomfortable to me, but it's not. Feels nice.
"Mom… I have to tell you something", I say, even before I think. What? My brain chose this moment to talk to my mom about Peyton?
"What is it, honey? Everything alright?"
"It's about dad… and why he left."
"You know we were fighting a lot…"
"About his daughter", I interrupt. God, my mouth is out of control today, I guess it's not even connected to my brain anymore. What's with me deciding to spill everything to everyone? Is it truth day or something? Mom's quiet. She looks at me and nods.
"You already knew about her, huh?"
"Yeah, when you and dad fought about it, right after you found out… it was hard not to hear all the yelling."
"I figured you should probably know, but I just… don't really know how to talk to you about her."
"It's ok, just… let me talk, then", she nods as I go on, carefully. Really carefully. "She called me, right after you told me we were moving. I knew she lived here, and I didn't want anything to do with her… that's why I was so mad about the whole moving thing."
"It's Peyton, isn't it?", mom interrupts me this time. It's like she was 99 percent sure, she just needed a confirmation. A confirmation I give her, silently, by nodding. She doesn't seem upset. "You know, Meg… when Karen offered me the job here, I said no. It took me two seconds to answer, and the answer was no. Because I knew, eventually, I'd meet her. But then I thought of you. She's family, at least to you she is. And maybe it'd be good if you two met."
"What? Really? And… you're ok with all this?"
"Look, what your father did, it wasn't right, it wasn't fair to you, or to me. And I just wanted to forget this girl even existed. But you know what? This was unfair on us, but also on her. He never even cared to see if she was ok, and with a good family. And when I met her at Tric… I could see so much of Elizabeth in her, and it hurt. But after a while I realized… there's also so much of her in you. She's a good person, she's dedicated, she's responsible… and as much as I'd love to blame her for what her father… well, your father too, did, how could I? She doesn't even know it. Her dad, your dad, whatever, he's the one who made mistakes, not her, and, god, I hate to admit it… not even Elizabeth."
You know what I love about my mom, right here, at this moment? She's being completely honest with me. She's not talking to me like I'm a stupid little kid who can't understand her problems, or our family's problems. And I'm amazed by everything she says. I thought she hated Peyton, and that the idea of me meeting her, I thought it was like her worst nightmare. But she knew from the start I'd end up meeting Peyton in Tree Hill. And it wasn't easy for her, coming back, but she did it anyway. She doesn't even blame Elizabeth now.
"Mom? Do you know about the reason she didn't show up today at Tric?"
"Yeah", she sighs heavily, "Lucas and Karen mentioned it at dinner. I was kinda worried about her."
"Me too. So I… I kinda went to see her."
"You did? Wow… that was really brave of you. Did you two talk? Does she know who you are?'
I nod. "And she knows you're my mom, too", I bite my lower lip, "Sorry, I thought it was a good idea to tell her everything. Lucas recognized my name when you introduced me, he knew who I was but I asked him not to say anything…"
So I tell her the whole thing. The phone call and the podcast. Then Lucas, the other podcasts, Brooke, and, finally, the not-so-pleasant conversation with Peyton. It doesn't really go naturally, telling my mom about these things, but I manage to say pretty much everything.
"Honey, I wish we'd talked earlier, it must've been hard for you… And, about Peyton, just give her some time, ok?"
"Some time? Mom, she told me not to bother going back there."
"Of course she said that. She's just been through something terrible, she's defensive, she's scared. Don't worry about it", she softly puts her hand on my face, wiping one single stubborn tear that falls from my eye. "Just remember… she's just as scared as you. She'll come around. And if she doesn't, then we'll go talk to her again."
"We?"
"You think I'd let my little girl face it all alone?", she smiles.
I can only hug her, so tight she can barely breathe. But she doesn't complain.
"I love you, mom."
"I love you too, my girl. I know I don't always have the best way of showing it, but I love you so much."
That was the first time I ever said that to my mom. It was also the first time I actually believed her when she said it to me. I know she meant it this time, every word. And for a while she gets me believing things really will be fine after all.
So they finally met! And I know you probably wanna kill me right now, cause they barely talked, but they'll talk more on the next chapter, promise! I'm really sorry it took so long for me to update, things are just crazy with college and everything. I hope you're still reading and that you'll keep reviewing! Oh, and there's a reason Peyton overreacted like that, it'll be explained later on. Probably 2 or 3 chapters from now. Reviews are loved!
Poem that Megan writes... by me again! Actually, it's parts of something I wrote. Oh, and I'm probably gonna post the last chapter for That I Would Be Good this week. So yay! Review that too! Please?
