Monitor duty. The dullest task ever conceived by sentient life, and yet for many operations, one of the most critical. Nothing ever happened, and when it did, the most you could do was inform your superior, then sit back and watch, no matter how much you wanted to go out with the troops and do something. For Dinobot, it was the worst form of torture ever imaginable.

Today wasn't so bad though, he had to admit. The monitors were all clean, not a Predacon in range, but he had a duty-shirking rodent to keep him company. The tiny copper Maximal was happily nestled between his legs, completely hidden from sight for everyone but him. Not that he needed to look down to see the little wretch when a pair of linkcables discreetly connected their bodies, allowing constant, silent communication.

For the most part, Rattrap chatted away mindlessly, reminding the stoic warrior Cheetor on a gossip binge, but somehow, he didn't mind. He certainly wasn't complaining when the rodent would nuzzle or hug his shins, the tender motions accompanied by a snippet of song. Though the lyrics were generally vulgar, they had a certain poetic quality, and without the appropriate music playing in the background, the spy was doing nothing more than reciting loosely structured poetry.

Rattrap didn't find that bit of teasing amusing, but it didn't stop him from doing it, either, and he certainly didn't keep his hands off Dinobot's legs for very long. The warrior reciprocated the attention by, well, not keeping his legs off Rattrap for very long. He ran his foot over the little mech's thighs, aft, chest, or really, any part of the rodent he came into contact with. Little bursts of happiness and amusement shot through the link whenever he caught the nimble bot between his shins, half-sparkedly crushing him and jostling him about, and he'd get a little nip for his efforts. He knew he really shouldn't encourage Rattrap's work-avoiding behavior, but no one had come looking for him yet, so he wasn't so concerned about it.

It wasn't until his shift was almost finished that Optimus Primal approached, his lips turned down in a puzzled frown.

"Dinobot, have you seen Rattrap at all today? I've been looking all over, but I can't find a trace of him! I am this close to crawling into the vents."

"Clearly you haven't looked everywhere if you haven't done a thorough search of the ventilation system," the raptor quipped, the corners of his lips quirking up into a smirk. Between his legs, Rattrap grabbed the Saurian's leg and pressed his face into it, giggles bouncing through their link.

"My question still stands, Dinobot. You've been at the monitors all day; have you seen him?"

"Primal, that little wretch would not let me go a single day without being subjected to his foul presence. Tis a superfluous question to ask me. Of course I've seen him."

"Oh, prime!" Optimus chirped, an expectant smile lighting up his face. It didn't fade as Dinobot turned back to the monitors, and arbitrarily cycled through the security cameras. It was still there a cycle later when Rattrap started singing through their link, his slim fingers tracing the ridges of Dinobot's shingaurds. It finally faltered when it became apparent that the warrior wasn't paying any attention to the mech standing at his shoulder, and Optimus heaved an explosive sigh.

"Dinobot, iwhere/i did you see him?" the Maximal commander asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. Rattrap was clearly rubbing off on the raptor, and he wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"Oh, he was flitting around the bridge several megacycles ago," Dinobot shrugged, smiling to himself as he craddled Rattrap between his shins. The rodent threw a suggestion at him, and the words were out of his mouth before he could think about them. "I ate him."

"You.... what? Dinobot, that's not funny."

"Mm, no, it's not," the warrior agreed, glancing up towards Optimus and biting his lip. Rattrap's giggles were making it hard to keep a straight face. "But if it's any consolation, he was quite sumptuous. A bit sweet in places, but over all, he was a rather succulent little morsel. I wish there was more of him."

"That's... you... what?" Optimus's eyes went wide as he spluttered, taking a step back. He wasn't sure if Dinobot was pulling his leg, being serious, or if this was some thinly veiled innuendo. The Saurian might not look like he was capable of being crude, but Primal had been privy to more than his share of fights between the rodent and the raptor. "Please tell me you're joking. I know he's annoying but at the same time, we can't really afford not to have him around..."

"Awww, dat's awfully sweet'a ya ta say," Rattrap smirked, pushing Dinobot back so that he could poke his head out and rest it on Dinobot's thigh. "But he really did eat me. Pinned me to wall and slurped me right down."

Optimus stared. His optic twitched and his mouth opened and closed a few times as if he was going to say something, but nothing ever came out. In the end, he just turned on his heel and walked away, the two mechs watching his retreating back with matching smirks.

Once their leader was out of sight, Dinobot turned down to the rodent in his lap and smiled fondly at him. "That was a ihorrible/i thing to do."

"Pft. You enjoyed ev'ry minnit of it."