He'd always been conflicted about quarians. The females looked absolutely stunning in their tight, curve-hugging environment suits, and they all seemed to be built where it mattered like goddesses. Well, what he imagined goddesses might look like, anyway. The chicken feet were a little odd, but no stranger than the string-things on the back of asari heads. And the masks… If they'd been a little rounder, or a little flatter, he might have found them mysterious, but, instead they reminded him more of a giraffe's head.
Jacob had just stared at him as he shrugged off the man's questions after Freedom's Progress.
"So, you hit on Miranda, but not on that Tali'Zorah. What's wrong with you? Didn't you see that suit and hear that voice?"
"I have some standards."
"Like I believe that. The quarian was crushing on you. Hard."
"Yeah, well, not a lot I can do about that. She's not my type."
"What, smart?"
"You don't think Ti—Miranda's smart?"
"Don't want to get my head shot off if she hears my answer."
Now, here he was, back on the Citadel, and this time with that cute thief at his side. Tits had insisted on remaining aboard the Normandy, but Jacob had jumped at the chance to see the station again. Kasumi oohed and ahhed at just about everything, including the patterns on Lia'Vael's suit as they watched the little volus and the ugly C-Sec officer harass the quarian.
"We have to help her, Shep! She's so cute!" Sometimes he wondered about Kasumi.
"I know, I know."
"You don't sound like you want to. I thought you'd like a damsel in distress."
"I don't think Shepard likes quarians," Jacob said, "even if he likes everything else with boobs. Like all those asari shopkeepers."
"I like quarians just fine."
"So go help her already! She looks so helpless."
"You don't like men, do you, Kasumi? That's kind of… er… hot."
"Shep, just go help her!"
"Fine."
So, a little idle "investigating" with the C-Sec officer, the volus, and the pissed-off quarian, and he was plowing through shop after shop trying to track down the volus' credit chit. He took his time asking Deleia Sanassi question after question about her goods and her contact information. You know, for Spectre business. Kasumi elbowed him as he cracked a smile at the woman and gave her a little wink that set her to tittering.
"Kor Tun wasn't even up here!"
"You don't know that for sure."
"She just said she hadn't seen the volus on this level at all!"
"Just because she didn't see him doesn't mean he wasn't here."
The thief tittered beside him. "Makes perfect sense, Shep. But you can flirt with the other asari on the right floor, you know."
Yeah, Kian Louros. Not a bad idea, sexy, not bad.
"Did I ever ask you…"
"If I liked women? Yeah, you did. Just a minute ago."
Jacob snickered.
"And what's the answer?"
"That's up to you to find out." Kasumi nudged him with her elbow.
"So, do you?"
"You just have to figure it out."
"I'm trying, and you're not helping any."
The other asari had seen the volus, but not the chit. Despite her earlier giggling, she seemed nowhere nearly as convinced to cough up her contact details for "Spectre business." Great, Cerberus downgraded my "touch." If the salarian had been female at Saronis Applications, he might have been more eager to leave the suddenly suspicious asari. Finally, it took Jacob grabbing his arm and pulling for him to break the conversation. The asari sighed behind him as they left, or maybe she said, "Phew." Either way, he glared at the Operative.
"You interrupted my investigation!"
"She doesn't have anything, Shepard. The salarian does."
"And how do you know that? You have spycams installed in the shop or something?"
"Because he's all that's left."
"Not true," Kasumi said, "the ramen chef might have something."
"Right," Jacob said.
"Hungry, Kasumi?"
"I could eat."
"Me too. We should make an evening of it."
"Shep, I prefer women."
"I knew I'd get the answer out of you!"
"Not really, but that quarian sounds like she's going to hit someone."
That at least was true: Lia'Vael's protests could be heard all over the block. He sighed and made his way to Saronis Applications. At least the salarian was friendly, and there was something about being called, "my favorite customer." Because not even the hot Deleia had said that about him. He left with a few new upgrade schematics, a discount, and some information to help the quarian.
"Give her some credits," Kasumi said after he'd shoved the volus for the hell of it, and intimidated the C-Sec officer.
"She said she's fine."
"Shep!"
"She already ran off."
The thief eyed her rapidly retreating back. "So, you really don't like quarians, do you? Every other woman here, you've tried to scam personal information out of, or wrangle a date. But you left this damsel in distress still in distress."
"Quarians are ok with me."
"Then why?" Jacob asked. "You try to get anything and everything else into bed with you. Why not quarians?"
The thief flinched.
"Ok, maybe I am a racist. I like my women to survive sleeping with me. If a woman's going to die in my bed, I want it to be from ecstasy, not from an allergic reaction or because I gave her deathpox."
"Yeah, you're a racist, Shep." Kasumi elbowed him again. "You totally forgot to hit on that turian woman."
"What turian woman?"
"At the café."
"That was a woman? Hm. But she'd just die on me too."
