Matt here: I finally got around to updating this, so enjoy. I like pie! Meeps!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and some delicious pie! YAY!

Naruto was sitting on the bridge, waiting for Kakashi to come. He was alone as he had just visited Sasuke in the hospital, and Sakura was off with Lee somewhere.

Kakashi, appearing out of a tree: I'm sorry I seem to have gotten lost on the path of life... NARUTO! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING?

Kakashi had suddenly noticed that Naruto was not wearing his normal coat, but was instead wearing a bright orange speedo.

Naruto, pushing his bulge out: Oh, Kakashi-sensei, I've been a bad ninja, I think you need to use your Secret Finger No Jutsu on me, ... and don't be afraid to use your full power... (EWWWWWWW!)

Kakashi: Naruto, you are gonna tell me what the fuck is going on, or I will kick your ass so hard that the next time you shit, you'll be taking a dump on your own face!

Naruto, pulling back his bulge: Sorry, I just heard that Sasuke tried to kill himself because he lost his fangirls, and that if I did something incredibly gay it would get them back and Sasuke wouldn't want to kill himself anymore!

Kakashi: ... ok, were gonna forget this ever happened, we're not gonna train today, and your gonna get yourself a girlfriend.

Naruto: But Sakura...

Kakashi: And it's not gonna be Sakura.

With that, Kakashi disappeared in a puff of ninja smoke!

Naruto: Ah fuck...

Meanwhile,...

Matt, throwing a kunai at a target: So Gaara, ... how are we gonna get 73h 8008135?

Gaara: What the fuck? Did you just speak with numbers?

Matt: Yeah, it's 1337 speak .

Gaara: Well stop it, it hurts my tattoo.

Matt: Sorry,... I'm just ticked at the Emo love scene in Avatar today, I mean, Zuko and May?

Gaara: Whoa! Her names spelled May? I thought it was spelled Mei?

Matt: Huh... I guess it doesn't matter,... anyway, how are we gonna get teh boobies?

Gaara:... I HAVE AN...

Matt: Without going on a homicidal rampage.

Gaara: I've got nothing.

Matt:...

Gaara:...

Matt:...

Gaara:...

Matt:...

Gaara:... so, we gonna do anything?

Matt: ... nah, a plot device should be coming any second now...

Suddenly, Hinata appeared.

Matt: Right on cue.

Gaara: Matt! Hinata's a girl! Does she got teh boobies?

Matt: No, sadly, Hinata does not get teh boobies until part 2. Right now all she has it that... fine... sweet... ass... can't take it...

Matt then jumped onto Hinata's leg and humped furiously. (Can you blame him?)

Kiba, shouting over the grunts: HEY! That's my leg!

Matt, holding tighter to Hinata's leg: It's mine now!

Kiba started growling, and Matt growled back. The two pounced onto each other and fought, creating one of those cool dust clouds that cover up the violence, like in cartoons!

Gaara: Well, why my friend fights your friend over leg-humping privileges, would you mind explaining what you need?

Hinata: I ... uh... need help confessing my love to Naruto-kun.

Matt and Kiba looked up from their fight.

Matt: Have you tried practicing with that Naruto plushie you have in your coat?

Hinata: Well... uh...

Kiba: She couldn't even confess to that.

Gaara: Have you tried the direct approach?

Hinata: Well... uh...

Kiba: When ever she tries, he always goes on about being Hokage, or ramen, or getting Sasuke back.

Matt: Hmm,.. it seems that we're gonna have to make Hinata hot... ter... then she already is... Quick! Kiba! Fetch me a pair black string panties, a cardboard box, a tube of toothpaste, a flamethrower, a deer, some money from a Monopoly board game, and a mix tape featuring the greatest hits of the eighties!

Kiba then ran off, Akamaru holding on tightly to his hood.

Gaara: ... what do we do while he's gone?

Matt: ... I know! Gaara! Take that sand gourd off your back!

Gaara: No way, man!

Matt: Come on! It's not like a bird will swoop down and take it!

Gaara, taking off his sand gourd: I guess your right...

Suddenly, a bird swooped down and took Gaara's sand gourd, but Gaara punched it in the face, causing it to explode.

Matt: Huh... that was weird...

Suddenly, Gaara's sand gourd got sucked off screen.

Matt: It's YOU!

???: Op hey!

Meanwhile,...

Brogan and Neji were sitting under a tree, enjoying the calming breeze.

Brogan: Hmmm,... it's really nice out isn't it?

Neji: Yeah, it is... huh, what is your friend doing with my teammate.

Brogan: Where?

Neji: Behind us.

Brogan: Why do you have your Byakugan activated?

Neji: I wasn't looking at your boobs!

Brogan: Uh... so... wanna go see what they're doing?

Neji: Yeah, sure.

The two ninjas then quietly followed the other two ninjas to an open field.

Brogan: What the...

The two ninja then jumped onto each other and began making out and removing each other's clothes.

Brogan: Whoa...

The two ninjas had managed to remove each others' shirts, revealing Sakura's boobs and Lee's abs... what? You didn't know that Lee's jumpsuit was a two-piece? How the hell did you think he took a piss? Completely strip?

Neji, thinking: Damn, Sakura has some nice tits.

Neji, out loud: Damn, Lee has some sexy abs.

Brogan: WHAT?

Neji: Ah shit, I said the real thing out loud and the fake thing in my head!

Brogan: Uh... ok...

Meanwhile,...

Pat, dancing: HAMTARO! Little hamsters, Big adventures! MY BEST FRIENDS! We like sunflower seeds! Crumb, crumb, crumb! MY HAM-HAMS!

Meanwhile,... again,...

Shikamaru, jumping in a window: Here at last!

He put Ino down behind the bed and hid behind a chair.

Temari, jumping through the window: SHIKAMARU NARA! GET OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!
Shikamaru: NOW!

Shikamaru, Ino, and Choji all jumped out from there hiding spot. Choji had been hiding in the fridge.

Temari: What the fuck?

Team 10: SURPRISE GLOMP!

Temari was pinned to the ground with Team 10 on top of her.

Temari: What the fuck is going on?
Shikamaru: It's your surprise birthday party.

Temari: My birthday was over a month ago.

Shikamaru: Look, I'm incredibly lazy, it was either this or nothing.

Temari: Fine, just get off of me.

Team 10 then got off the Birthday Girl.

Temari: But I caught you having sex with that Pig-bitch!

Shikamaru: That was to trick you into following me to Choji's room, where we had the party set up.

Temari: So you had sex with your teammate in order to throw a surprise party for me?

Shikamaru: Yes, yes I did.

Temari: That's... that's... that's just... so... sweet!

She then scanned the room to notice that the room only included a large cake and a "Happy Birthday" banner, with "Late" written in between the words.

Temari: So,... is this it or...?

Shikamaru: No, we're gonna meet up with everyone else at The Inebriated Weasel.

Temari: So, what are we gonna do 'till then?

Shikamaru, smirking: Well, I was hoping...

Temari: For the last time! I don't want a threeway with you and Ino for my birthday!

Shikamaru, snapping: Ah man!

--- End of Chapter ---


So, sorry it was a bit short, but I wanted it to build suspense. Also, the first person to guess who stole Gaara's Sand Gourd gets a red shirt role in the next chapter or two, so enjoy. I like pie! Meeps!