~When the Hitachiins have spare time, watch out! These would come to be the watch words for the other members of the Ouran host club.~

"Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki screams, bursting into the club. "I gave you two the job of maintaining the club home page on the conditions you wouldn't mess around!" Everyone looks at him funny. "What's he getting at?" I mumble to Haruhi, She just shrugs her shoulders.

"Right" Said Hikaru simply sitting next to a computer with Kaoru. "In fact, we were up till dawn making a composite photo of Haruhi."

They turn the monitor so all of us could see it. Haruhi's eyes almost fell out, the picture was of her 'shirtless' with her pants both unbuttoned and unzipped. In the background of the picture was the phrase 'When stripped, I'm superb!"

I burst out laughing "wow Haruhi I never knew you were so manly! Sexyyyyy!" She glared at me and pointed at the monitor again. "Yours isn't any better!"

My jaw dropped, Right on the screen was another picture, it was of me 'shirtless' and lying down on the floor, my pants were unbuttoned and unzipped while my hands were outstretched. In the background was the phrase 'Come and get me.'

"Wow your one cool dude Akira!" Hunny screams popping up next to me. I whip around and point at the twins "This is a scandalous abuse of technology!" Tamaki nods his head furiously and points at a overly girly dress in a magazine that he whipped out of nowhere. "Yes! For something like that use this! The frou frou pink included." Haruhi and I scoff "Please Don't!"

~Later~

The last of the customers left and I sigh. 'I wonder how long I can keep up with being a 'guy' until one of these girls figure me out.' The twins plop down in the chairs next Haruhi and me. "Humph, not much is going on here, so... could we visit your house Haruhi?" Kaoru asks. "No way."She says flatly. Hikaru turns to me and wiggles his eyebrows, "How about you're House?" I blush slightly and look away. "Yeah, I'm gonna have to say no."

"Can we spread rumors about you and some girl then?" "No! Whaddaya think I am?!" I yell glaring at them. They both smirk evilly at the same time and chuckle. "To us? Why that's obvious, our toy!" I blushed harder 'What??'

~Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, the club members most dedicated to pleasure. For them, the worlds divided between 'us' and 'not us', and all things boil down to what's interesting or not to 'us.'~

The door to the host club creaked open eerily and a guy with black hair and a cloak on poked his head through. He had some kind of cat puppet on his hand. We all looked at him funny. "For great toys, come to our club." The guy said evilly. "We currently feature an antique magical artifact market with a promotional voodoo doll give away now in progress." I sweat drop, "Who is this cook?"

Kyoya walks up beside me. "That's Nekozawa. He tends to avoid bright lights." 'So that explains the cloak.' Tamaki pops up behind Haruhi causing her to squeak. "Do not get involved with him or you'll be cursed, I guarantee!" I look at him funny, "He can't be THAT bad."

While Tamaki started arguing with me the twins grabbed two flashlights and smiled at each other. Kaoru pointed his flashlight at Nekozawa and put it on full blast, "Oh, would you like some light?" Nekozawa screamed and flailed out of the club in a heartbeat.

"Don't do that!" Tamaki yells looking totally terrified. "You have no idea of the horror of that day that I accidentally stepped on Bereznoff! (Nekozawa's cat like hand puppet.) Rune like writing appeared on the exam I took afterward. And when I looked around, I found I'd entered a strange dimension filled with alien beings!"

Haruhi and my eyes bugged out, 'Really?!' Kyoya adjusts his glasses, "Actually… you were so frazzled you walked into the wrong exam room."

"No! It was a curse! Three days later I woke up… and my legs felt like lead weights!"

"You ran a marathon the previous day."

I sweat drop, 'And to think I believed him for a second there.' Haruhi sighs, "Fine! We'll avoid that weirdo!"

"You know…" The twins interrupt our squabble. "Be careful, he who speaks ill of Nekozawa risks his D*** turning into a ****." Tamaki wails in panic and grabs for his pants. My eyes go wide, "No Tamaki! Don't drop your-" But it was too late. Everyone's jaws dropped and I covered Hunny's eyes. "Haruhi! Check Daddy's D*** please!!" "Oh no! Not now, not ever!" She screams running away in tears.

Kaoru scoffs and sits down in a chair. "Still dull as toast around here, nice day though." Hikaru nods looking out a window, "Akira's coming along nicely I'd say." Tamaki comes up behind them now fully clothed and shaking in anger, "Hikaru, Kaoru, Come here!"

~Host club open~

The twins sat on a couch next to my station sulking with brooms in their hands. A note was stuck to both of them saying 'Not to entertain or speak, kings' orders.' Haruhi gets up from her station and walks over to them, "You guys just gonna sit there?" "Take us to your place." They both demand totally ignoring her question. She sweat dropped "Again, no."

One of the girls at my station puts a hand to the side of her face and 'psst's' at me. "Hey, um Akira? I know Hikaru parts his hair to the right and Kaoru to the left but, are their other ways to tell them apart?" I blush a little 'I can tell them apart because I find Hikaru strangely more attractive. But I can't tell them that!' "Hmm lemme see…" I think a little bit before snapping my fingers. "I guess another way is that Hikaru's actions and words are a bit more cunning and evil." 'And hot.'

Kaoru burst out laughing from what I said, "Hahaha sorry Hikaru!" Hikaru glares at him. "Hey, I just don't try to hide it. But the real evil lurks in you, Kaoru." Kaoru immediately stopped laughing and slung his arms behind the couch, looking away from Hikaru dully. "You should talk Hikaru, your full of selfish notions."

"It's you who takes my notions and runs with them Kaoru. If you don't like 'em leave 'em."

"I just hate to leave you twisting in the wind Hikaru. Besides, though you call her a toy you're actually quite fond of Akira aren't you? You sure like to touch her."

Hikaru and my faces turn bright red. "What?!" Tamaki screams hauling ass over to the couch. Hikaru quickly regains his composure and snorts, "Don't say such imbecilic things Kaoru." "Yes! There are better things left unsaid!" I yell from my station putting in my two cents. "I'm not attracted to that scrawny twig." My embarrassment quickly turned into anger. "Hey! Who are you calling a scrawny twig?!"

The doors to the Third Music room opened and Renge runs in all starry eyed. "Oh splendid! Akira's got himself caught in a love triangle! And the ones who love him are twins to boot!" The twins look at her dully, "Button it, Otaku." I sweat drop as she runs to Haruhi in tears. 'Didn't she go back to France?'

The twins went back to glaring and chucking insults at each other. "You bug me, always slipping into my bed!" "Well, you're too insecure to sleep by yourself!" The girls from their station watch with hearts in their eyes looking back and forth.

By the time they were done yelling at each other they were totally out of breath. I sigh, 'Please tell me it's over-' "Were finished!!" They suddenly screamed at each other. Everyone in the Third Music rooms eyes almost popped out. "What?!"

~Conclusion 1: Boredom=Flared Tempers=Hard Words~

~Next Day, Class 1-A~

Haruhi and I were sitting in our seats waiting for class to start. I slammed my head on my desk. I was bummed out all day yesterday after I left the host club. Hikaru's words kept running through my mind. I'm not attracted to that scrawny twig. I groan 'I should have known that he wouldn't be into me! Who would want to go out with a girl disguised as a guy anyways?' Haruhi cleared her throat, ripping me from my thoughts. I lifted my head up and looked at her. "Is something wrong?" She asked, slightly worried. I smiled at her sadly. "I'm just thinking about something foolish." She gave me a calculating stare for a minute before something seemed to click in her head. "Akira, by any chance do you like Hikaru?" My cheeks turned pink and I looked down, 'She can read people so easily.' I was about to answer her when the doors to our classroom slid open.

My mouth dropped open, "Hikaru?" He stood in the doorway looking normal as ever... well, except for the fact that his hair was now flamingo pink! He walks over to the desk on my left and sits down. Turning to me he grins really big, "Morning!" I nod and look at his hair again. "How, uh wild." If possible his grin got bigger. "Isn't it cute? I'm gonna be pink from now on!"

The door to the classroom slid open again and Hikaru glared at the twin that just walked in. "No longer shall I be mistaken for Kaoru!" My eye twitched, Kaoru's hair was styled just like Hikaru's except for the fact that his was friggen purple! Kaoru, completely ignoring Hikaru's comment went and stood at the desk that was on Haruhi's right. "Morning Haruhi! I slept like a log -ALONE- last night, but had this bad dream where I dyed my hair pink! Can you imagine me doing something that lame?!"

Just as Kaoru was about to sit down, Hikaru pulled the seat out from under him causing him to fall on his ass. Kaoru glares at Hikaru and tips him over in his chair as well. Haruhi and I sweat drop. 'This is going to be a looong day.'

~Lunch~

I lean on Haruhi in exhaustion. The twins have been dragging us around this school ALL DAMN DAY! Not to mention they can't do one thing together without ripping each other's heads off. At the moment they are getting lunch but it doesn't look like it's going so well -_-'

We both turned around to see the rest of the Host club heading towards us. Kyoya sighs, "I heard a commotion, and their still at it I see. That's not good for the club image." Tamaki beams at Haruhi and me. "Oh! Haruhi! Akira! I hardly ever see you in the cafeteria. Here to see me??" "Nope." We both reply simply. "The twins dragged us here."

Haruhi wanted to talk to Tamaki for a little bit so I went ahead to find a table. "Akira!" Hikaru yelled over all the voices and pulled up a chair. "This seats open." I walk over and plop down in the seat. He turns to me and points at the lunch box that I had in my hands, "What're you eating today?" I shrug. "Hmm nothing really, just some chicken pot pie." He smiles "Yum! Wanna trade?" "Er sure." We swap our lunches and I look down at the fancy food. 'Hm I've never had the schools lunch before.'

Cautiously I picked up some food with my fork and put it in my mouth. My eyes instantly glossed over and I looked like I was in heaven. 'So good!' Hikaru laughs slightly but immediately stopped when someone sat in the chair next to me. I looked over at the person with the fork still in my mouth and noticed that it was Kaoru. He smiles at me, "How is it Akira? You can have my lunch too."I took the fork out of my mouth to say thank you but he surprised me by grabbing my face gently and pulling it closer to his. He brings a spoon filled with food up near my mouth and I blushed a little. "Here say 'ahhh'"

~Hikaru's POV~

I look over in Kaoru's direction and slightly glared, there he was with his hand on the side of Akira's face and the other with a spoon full of food, pulling her in closer than necessary to feed her it. I then saw her blush a little and a sudden rush of jealousy ran through me. I clenched my fists under the table, 'Why did she blush? Does she like him or something? And what's with the sudden interest in her Kaoru?!' What ever. I need to do something about this.

~Akira's POV~

I was just about to eat the food that Kaoru got for me when Hikaru suddenly chomped down on the spoon. Kaoru glares at him and hurls a piece of bread at him but he deflected it with the cover of my lunch box. They immediately start chucking food at each other and I quickly duck under the table for cover. Tamaki ran over to knock some sense into them but ends up getting a fork thrown at him. He does a back bend to dodge it and the fork ends up landing... in the vice principal's soup! 'Aw crap!' I think quickly getting up from under the table. The vice whips the soup off his face and looks around. "Alright. Who threw the fork?" The twins immediately point at Tamaki. "Suoh?! I'm astonished! You of all people behaving so irresponsibly." I quickly find Haruhi and got out of the cafeteria, "Er, come on Haruhi time for class!"

~After School, Host Club Room~

Everyone (Excluding Hikaru and Kaoru) was sitting at a table totally exhausted. After Tamaki got scolded we all had to clean up the whole cafeteria... and the twins never showed up to help!! "Why is it..." Tamaki started while glowering up at us. "The twins are fighting, but were the ones getting knocked around?" Kyoya nods, clicking away on his calculator. "If this situation continues we'll have to suspend the clubs 'Brotherly Love' offering. And accept the inevitable decrease in business. We'll formulate a penalty to impose the twin later, Oh! And Akira!" He finishes looking up and giving me a condescending smile, "I've determined you bear no REAL responsibility. Their reaction to your simple observation was wholly unwarranted." I sweat drop. 'Please don't tell me that was sarcasm.'

Hunny looks down sadly at his cake, "Hikaru and Kaoru have never fought before." Haruhi and I look at him funny, "Really?" He nods his head. "I've known them since kindergarten. They never seemed to need anyone else's company." "Yeah" Tamaki adds, "I've only known them since Middle school but they were always out of place. A very closed relationship you might say." I looked down sadly and Tamaki tries to cheer me up again. "But maybe this fight is a good thing! Maybe it'll open up their world a bit more." 'So things are alright like this?' I think while getting up from the table and walking over to a window. Squinting a little I saw two identical figures standing in the courtyard. I think for a second before running out of the Music Room. "Akira!" Everyone yells running after me. 'If this is their first fight it seems to me that they need someone to referee the proceedings.'

~Especially to declare that things have gone far enough and it's time to make up.~

By the time everyone had gotten to the courtyard the twins had already started another turns to Kaoru looking totally enraged. "Sheesh this really ticks me off, Kaoru we may be alike in so many ways but I'm tired of being mistaken for you! Now that I think about it I hate you!"

~In fact, he doesn't mean it.~

Kaoru looks a little taken back but quickly regains his composure. "You think I feel any different?! Look!" He yells whipping out one of Nekozawa's voodoo dolls. Haruhi and I look at each other shocked. "I've put your name on it Hikaru! So whatever this doll suffers you'll suffer!"

"Hey put that away "Haruhi yells. I clench my hands and run at them. "Prepare yourself Hikaru-" But he never got to finish because I tackled them to the ground. "Stop it!" I yell with tears in my eyes. They both look at me stunned. "This is a sibling squabble not a fight to the death! You're both wrong and acting like idiots only proves it!" Haruhi nods and picks up where I left off. "Now stop this and make up or Akira and I will never invite you to our houses."

They both look at each other and smile evilly. "So...you'll invite us if we make up?" Hikaru pulled out a script and Kaoru turned the voodoo doll over so we could see the word 'losers' written on it. Haruhi and I Anime fall as the twins do one of their 'Brotherly Love' acts."They totally tricked us!" I yell blushing at the embraced boys.

~Conclusion 2: There is nothing more demonic than two bored twins.~

~The Next Day~

Hikaru and Kaoru sit at their station with their hair still pink and purple. "Alright!" They yell. "It's the 'Which one is Hikaru' Game!" One of their customers raised her hands. "That's easy! Hikaru has the pink hair, and that's not gonna change for a while you know!" I walked by but stopped behind them when they said she was correct. I smile sweetly and ruffle their hair, "Did you guys switch? I mean is Kaoru pink today?" I whisper to them so the girl wouldn't hear. They both blush and watch me walk away.

~Has a world composed of 'us' and 'not us' been invaded at last?~

"Akira has gotten pretty sharp about us Hikaru." Kaoru mumbles, Hikaru nods. "How's this, we make her our adopted son." "Hmm I like the sound of that."

~It will take a while for the twins to realize that it has~