Warnings: F/F, no beta, vulgar language, angst, injury description etc.
Disclaimer: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN and WB Television Networks
Chapter 8: Wipe your eyes
BPOV
When I got home after patrol, Faith was in the dining room staring at the table, deep in thought.
"Hey," she turns towards me, "I thought you'd be asleep by now. Everything okay?" She gives me an incredulous look. Okay I admit, that was a stupid question.
"C'mon, sitting around here won't solve anything. Why don't you go upstairs?"
"I don't really feel like going to bed just yet."
I sigh, "Do you want to talk about it?" I'm really tired, and to be honest I'm not much in the mood to have this conversation right now, but I'm prepared to listen if she's finally willing to open up a little.
"Not really." She goes back to staring at the table, "I have no idea what I'm going to do." I give her a sympathetic smile. If I was in her position I wouldn't know what to do either.
"It's your decision. We'll support you whether you decide to keep it or not."
"Will you? I talked to Red earlier. She told me about your fight."
"I'm not going to deny being angry at you. I still think what you did was irresponsible, and I'm still pissed at you, but this isn't about that. This is really completely your decision."
God, I hate this. I hate seeing her suffer like this, and I hate that I can't do anything to help. I honestly don't know what I'd like better. No matter what she chooses I'll try to help. I'm not giving up on her again. Last time she needed help I wasn't there, and I'm not making the same mistake again. I promised Angel I'd take care of her when I picked her up, and I will, no matter what.
*****FLASHBACK*****
"Hi," I greeted Angel as I came into the Hyperion. Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley were all gathered there, talking amongst themselves.
"Hey," smiled Angel, "How are you?"
"Just peachy." I know I'm being a bitch right now, but I have the right to, considering I'm about to help my enemy because he asked me to.
"Where is she?" I ask directly. I really want to get this over with as quickly as possible. The sooner I can make sure she can't hurt anyone the better.
"She's upstairs. C'mon, I'll show you to the room." He led me through a set of stairs to a room at the beginning of the hallway.
"Before you go in, I'd just like to remind you to not cause any more injuries. She's barely alive right now, and try to be careful." I scowl at him. Why did I agree to this again? Oh, right, because he can't, and I'm not about to let her run wild again or die for that matter.
"Don't worry. I know what she can and can't take."
"No, you really don't. I told you she doesn't have any Slayer powers, remember?"
"Are we really gonna fight again? I've been here for five minutes, and we're already having an argument because of her."
"This isn't because of her, this is because of your anger. Your need for payback. If you don't think you can control yourself then I'd rather have it if you just let me find another way to take care of her."
"Look, I'm not gonna hurt her, so you can stop with this. I told you I'd help on the phone and I will. Now, let's get this over with." Willow isn't the only with the resolve face, and with that the argument is over.
I open the door, and approach the unmoving figure on the bed. Her dark hair is obscuring her face, but I can still clearly see the bruise on her cheek. Angel is leaning against the door, watching me intently, waiting for my next move. I can't believe he doesn't trust me.
I take my eyes off of him, and look at Faith again. She looks horrible. Every part of her skin I can see is covered in bruises and cuts. Her tank top has turned from white to red, and there's a horrible gash on her right leg, just above her knee. She's wearing shorts, so I can't really see much above her knee. Her left shoulder looks dislocated, and I make move to put it in the right place.
Angel grabs my hand, thinking I'm going to injure her further,
"Don't…"
"Angel, look at her shoulder." His gaze moves, and he lets me go.
"I must have missed it, when I was cleaning her up." He sighs, and goes to help me. We pop her shoulder back in the right place, and as we do, her head moves a little. I notice a red stain on the pillow. I lift her head a bit, and notice a big bandage at the back of her head.
"I'm not sure what it's from. It could be from falling to the floor or being banged against the wall repeatedly. Probably both." I trace my fingers across the material. I don't want to look at Angel right now 'cause I know just from hearing his voice that he's not doing all that well right now.
I gently put her head back on the pillow. I check her for fever, and notice she's burning up. Lack of Slayer powers and proper food must have seriously damaged her immune system.
"Will she even be able to survive the drive back to Sunnydale?" I ask,
"She has to. We can't put her in the hospital, and I don't have any other healers. We re-bandaged her bigger wounds as soon as we got her out. The clinic gave her a blood transfusion to give her at least a fighting chance against all her injuries, but only time will tell if she'll make it."
I nod in acknowledgement. "I need to know that you'll take care of her. No matter what happens, I need to know that you'll do your best."
"Angel, you know I will. I promise I'll take care of her." I may hate her, but I'd never be able to live with myself if I'd just let her die. We're both quiet for a while.
"So, how do you want to do this?" He asks.
I turn my head from starring at the floor to staring at Faith, "Some rope tied lightly around her hands, and her ankles away from her injuries. I'll put her in the back seat of Xander's car, and make sure she won't slip to the floor. Then drive as fast as I can back home, hopefully without causing additional damage."
"I don't think you need to tie her up. She can't do anything to you."
"You're right, but she can do something to herself if she wakes up."
"She's not suicidal anymore."
"How would you know? Last time I checked you haven't seen her in a while or you'd notice the injuries."
"Hey, don't turn this on me. This wasn't my fault! I stood by her, when all you wanted to do was to get rid of her."
"I know I made a mistake, you don't have to remind me about it, but you're not exactly innocent either." A pause, "look, let's just focus on getting her out of here alive."
*****END OF FLASHBACK*****
And we did, get her out alive I mean. She recovered surprisingly fast. Too fast if you ask me. In a way it was almost easier to have her here unconscious, although if she still wouldn't have woken up by now I'd probably be building her a casket. All that head trauma can't be good for her, and I'd rather not think about having a coma patient in my basement. That would be all kinds of bad.
The next morning things were still the same. Faith hasn't made a decision yet, and as much as we tried to act like nothing's wrong no one could forget the elephant in the room. Faith decided she wanted to train. I wanted to stop her, but I knew I couldn't, so I offered to help her practice her punches if she stays in the house.
FPOV
"You know this bribing thing, and blackmail won't work forever. Sooner or later you're gonna have to let me fight."
"And I'd rather have it later. You shouldn't be slaying right now."
"Oh c'mon on. That's such a load of crap. B, you need me."
"Last time I checked I can still slay. What I need for you to do is stay home, and keep Xander and Will company."
"You got lucky last night. What if today all 20 of them will come at you at once? There's no way you'd win that."
"I'll manage."
"B…"
"Look I've been doing this for a lot longer without your help. Relax alright, nothing's gonna happen."
"I think you just jinxed it," yelled Willow from the kitchen.
We continued like that for the next 30 minutes. Our session was interrupted when I had to make another visit to the bathroom. She didn't let me continue after that. I'm getting really agitated with this. They're treating me like I'm made of glass.
I still haven't told them my official decision. I know most of them want me to keep it, but I can't. I'm not going to keep it. The kid would constantly remind me of how big of a fuck up I am, and I'd probably fuck its life up too. I don't want to turn into my mother. I'm probably gonna told them at dinner.
G-man , Xander, and Red are still researching, and I'd help, but there's no way I could've stayed focused on books right now. Luckily for me, B shares my hate of reading, so we ducked out, and decided to go to the Magic shop instead.
"So, have you decided what you want to do yet?" I give her a look. Everyone's wanted to ask me that, but no one did 'cause apparently they're giving me space.
"B… I can't. I really can't raise a kid."
"You're sure?"
"Very much so, yes. I'm gonna told the rest at dinner, so they can still waste a couple of hours researching." I grin.
"Okay, now I know you're still evil." She smiles, "No white hat would expose fellow white hats through unnecessary torture like that." I laugh. Xander will probably kill me after I tell them.
"I bet G and Red are loving it though. I'm probably doing 'em a favor."
"Oh, yeah? How's that?"
"I'm giving them a reason to read, so they won't look like even bigger dorks than they are."
"Nope. I'm pretty sure they're proud of their dorkiness."
- (A/N: I adjusted the style on this next part so it's a little easier to read. The current conversation is now bold. The words in italic are God knows what, and normal is still normal ;))
I brought the last of the dinner to the table, and sat down. I'm really nervous about this. I know they'll respect my decision in the end, but that doesn't mean they're gonna like it. B said she's got my back, and will support me if this turns into an argument which it probably will. I'm sorta afraid that me and Willow will have another big fight, and one of us'll lose control.
"The dinner was very good, Faith."
"Thanks G." Okay, this is it. I didn't want to do it before because there was a high chance that people would be leaving the table, and I was hungry. Sue me.
"So, I've made my decision about the baby." Four sets of eyes turn on me. Buffy gives me an encouraging smile. "I'm not keeping it. I know some of you wanted me to, but I can't. As soon as Willow gets my record cleared I'm going to go to the doctor and end my pregnancy."
"This is such bullcrap! Don't do this just because you're scared. Do not run away from the problem again."
Buffy: You're not gonna run, Faith. What the hell? Is B talking?
"This isn't… Red what do you want me to do? You can't force me…"
Faith: What do you wanna do? You gonna throw me off the roof? Again? Huh? Did I just say that?
"Well why not? You know I can just leave the records on until it's too late."
Buffy: Any reason why I shouldn't? I give her an incredulous look. She said she'll back me up. That's not helping.
"You're not gonna fix anything with that. That won't solve anything."
Faith: There's nothing I can do for you, B. I can't ever make it right. Don't force me into this.
"So what? You're just gonna throw yourself down some stairs? Take the coward's way out?"
Buffy: So you're just gonna take off again? Leave us to clean up yet another one of your messes? I never said that!
"It's better this way."
Faith: It'd make things easier for you.
"How is this way better? This is better for you! And sooner or later you'll screw up again."
Buffy: Till you get bored with the whole guilt thing, decided to come back to shake things up? This is me and B on the rooftop.
"YES! You just made my point. I will screw up again, and that's why I can't be a mother."
Faith: That's not gonna happen.
"No! Not if we help. You have four of us here willing to pitch in."
Buffy: You're right. It's not. No, no, no!
"I knew you weren't not gonna let me make my own decision."
Faith: Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance. I'm getting a little dizzy.
"Faith, this is clearly the wrong one! You're acting out of your fears, your insecurities. You're not thinking about the baby. You made a mistake, I get it, but make the best of it. Don't let your baby's life end because of that. Don't make it a victim of fear."
Buffy: I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel, Riley, anything that you could take from me, you took. I've lost battles before... but nobody else has ever made me a victim. I clutch the end of the table for support.
"No. I know what I'm doing, and this isn't about fear. I am not keeping it because it would be irresponsible of me to do so. Just think about this objectively." Why is the room spinning? "I don't have any money, I don't have any space for the baby, its life would be constantly in danger, he or she won't have a father, I am a really bad role model and lots more." I grit my teeth and close my eyes. "This is my choice to make, and I made it! For once I know what's right. Please accept that." The last part was more of a whisper.
Faith: And you can't stand that. "I'm sorry- You're all about control .- I can't.- You have no idea what it's like on the other side! -I can't,- When nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! -and won't- There's just pain and hate, and nothing you -support- do means anything. You can't even... -murder!"
BUFFY: Shut up!
"Shut up!" I can't hear anything anymore. I grab my head, hoping to stop the room from spinning, and after a second everything turns black. The last thing I hear is a whispered "just tell me how to make it better."
TBC
A/N pt.2: I suspect I was either high or drunk when I wrote the 2nd part of FPOV. I'd try to explain it, but I can't. *oops* Hopefully it will get a little clearer on what's going on in the future chapters. If any of you have any good ideas or suggestions for the story please tell me.
Also I am really sorry about how I showed Willow in this story. I'm actually a fan of Waith and Fuffy, and right now I'm just bending the characters in a way that enables story progression. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)
