Chapter 8
Hey guys. Thax again for the reviews. So he're the chapter as promised. Seven days, three Chapters. Phew. Cubit2,LLB, TiaReh, Elise Deschat, grannyv3,Sue2556, benswa, lenail125, Texas50fan, DelMarVaDweller,JeanBlythe,BronsonL, Agentofshield27 and guests ,you guys rock. Thx for the reviews. And the favorites , following. As usual.
Lets get on with it, shall we?
"Ah...I was actually headed somewhere Danny." Steve says exasperated.
"Where? To the office? And then pretend like you slept at home like a normal person in the morning right?" Danny says searchingly at Steve. "I know Steven. So stop the charade already and sit down and have some pizza and beer with me." Danny says, getting comfortable on the couch, getting the remote and flipping through the channels.
Shit!
Now what's he gonna do? He puts his game face on, ready to deny.
"Please sit down will you?" Danny says, indicating the couch.
Steve doesn't move, "Danny, I am really not in the mood for..."
"For what? I wanna tell you about Rachel ok? Something huge is happening in my life and I want my best buddy to be in on it. Alright?" Danny yelled
Steve's curiosity is piqued; he relents and takes a sit in the recliner sofa. Feeling as if he's gonna be on trial anytime soon.
"So Rachel and I are thinking, well talking of getting back together." Danny starts.
Steve is dump struck, for a moment he just stares. "Danno are you serious or you're just pulling my leg to make me spill?"
"I am very serious, yes."
"Wow Danny, are you sure? I mean when did this happen?"
"Well, we had a fight as usual, Rachel and I. Then, I don't know, she just broke down and told me stuff. And right now, I tell you buddy I am as confused as Santa on Easter, you know."
Getting Steve's full attention Danny went on. "She told me things that make me very happy but at the same time leaves me in a very difficult position, you know."
Steve sighed, "Danno I am happy if that's what you want, and I know that's all you've ever wanted buddy. You never stopped loving Rachel, even I know that. But I will not be a good friend if I didn't at least point out some things to you. Like, are you sure you can trust her this time? She's not gonna run off to Stan if this doesn't work out? What about Amber... I mean Melisa?" Steve asked seriously
"Well, that's why I said this puts me in a very difficult position, didn't you hear me say that?"
"Ok, so what do you want to do?" Steve asks
"I don't know, after the hell she put me through, I still love Rachel. She is probably the only woman I could really love that way. Me and Rachel, we fight and all but she's about the only woman I can really be me with. Then Melisa, man she's a wonderful girl, she really is. I have to tell her about this but I can't do it on the phone right? She went to L.A for some business or other. I really like her you know."
"But she isn't Rachel." Steve finishes for him, melancholy. Danny just looks at him in confirmation.
"What did she say anyway? Rachel." Steve asks
"Well she said that, you know... that I was the only man who's been able to break her heart, even now that we're no longer together. I am still the only one who breaks her heart." Danny says
"Am sure that goes for you too buddy. What about Stan." Steve asks
"She says she is leaving Stan. For good this time, she promised. She said she and Stan have never been the same after he found out about Charlie. I mean, I don't blame the guy. Thinking that bundle of joy is yours one minute then the next you find that he's not. Been there, done that. And what pisses me off is why she left me in the first place. It's the lamest thing. She said she was tired of waiting every day, wondering if that was the day a uniform was gonna knock on the door and tell her that I had died in the line of duty. But what I don't get about that is why she had to leave and waste all this time. All this time we have been apart because she was afraid of losing me. She lost me anyway. We lost each other all because of some baseless fear of losing me." Danny ranted.
"I don't know Danny; I think I understand her a little better now. It might have felt better to distance herself from you. You know, she might have thought it would make the blow a little less painful if it ever did happen. Kinda like cushion the blow or something. She must have been plagued with nightmares of you dying. Fear does things to people." Steve said somberly.
"Well, a lot of good that did. Now look how complicated things are. And look at all the time we have wasted, ha?" Danny complained.
"Wait a minute, how long has this been going on? When did you and Rachel start seeing each other?" Steve asks curiously. "How long have you been hiding this from me?"
"Shut up Steven, alright. Don't start with me with the secrecy thing and we haven't been 'seeing' each other, as you put it. We've just been talking." Danny says, then slumps back on the couch dejected. "You realize what this means to me right? I mean, just the idea of having my family back Steve. It's... overwhelming."
"I know buddy. Man... this is huge. I really hope this works out for you man. I would love nothing more than to see you happy. When you and Rachel got back together briefly that time, that was the happiest version of you I'd ever seen." Steve says
"Thanks man." Danny says "And I can say the same for you Steve." He said suggestively
Steve raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"I mean the kind of love I shared with Rachel, you shared with Catherine. Man, you can't replace that so easily, trust me, I've tried. You can move on alright but you can't replace it, you know."
Steve grimaced and looked away, he doesn't want to talk about Cath, the one woman who did manage to break his heart, when most people didn't think he had a sentimental bone in his body.
"As much as I like Lynn, she doesn't make that much of a dent on you. That means you can't really love her that much." Danny says observantly
"Maybe it's for the better Danny. Who wants their heart broken anyway? It's not worth the risk." Steve said
"The best things in life are those that are worth fighting for." Danny quipped
"Alright Shakespear." Steve mocked.
"Well that's too bad; I would have made an awesome uncle to your ninja babies." He said nonchalantly. "Say babe, seeing how this is a time for sharing and I've shared with you my deepest secret, how about you do the same?"
Steve looks away with a grimace, here we go. "Well, let me do the world a favor Danny and have you know that you ... over share." He said sarcastically
" Of course you'd say that, being as emotionally constipated as you are. Now I know that Joe must have told you to let me know what's going on with you. So how about it?"
"Now about that, why would you go to Joe to gossip about me?"
"Gossip, Steve we are worried about you. And Joe is like a father to you, there's no gossip in family. Remember, Ohana?"Danny says. "Now come on babe, talk to me, ha. Please, this is driving me crazy seeing you like this." Danny pleaded.
Steve can see Danny's worry; he can feel how earnest he is. Maybe he should just tell him. Maybe nothing will happen if he does. This is just silly, he shouldn't be putting Danny through this.
"Hey, Commander Mcgararett, since when did you start ignoring orders ha. Your C.O ordered you to tell me your secret and you should start spilling now. Go ahead." Danny says, imitating a military commanding tone, knowing his friend has a little OCD about following orders. He's employing every tactic now. He is not going home without knowing once and for all what's bothering Steve.
Steve snorts at Danny's new tactic, and gives him a lopsided grin. "I was gonna tell you anyway and not because you have to order me or ask Joe to order me to do it. Ok?" Steve said
"Whatever you say partner, but I know for a fact that the Navy programmed you to follow orders like a good solder robot. Deny it if you want. Now, why didn't I think of that sooner? You're practically automated to follow orders." Danny stated
"Oh is that so. Well then to prove you wrong, I am no longer going to tell you." Steve said in defiance.
"Alright alright Steve, you're not a robot. If I didn't see you bleed more times than I can count I'd be less convinced. I was joking, come on, what's with all this seriousness, ha? Now tell me. What's been bugging you?"
Steve takes a breath and gets ready to tell Danny, and not because there was an order thrown in there or anything. Just thinking of that makes him want to not tell him, just to prove him wrong. But this has gone on too long and he can see that it's starting to affect his friend.
"Promise me you won't freak out." He says, looking pointedly at Danny.
Danny just stares at him for a moment, "Well, now I am gonna freak out Steven. How many times do I have to tell you, if you don't want someone to freak out don't ask them not to freak out with that look of horror on your face. Now I am completely freaked out. Just get on with it."
Steve holds out one hand to stall him, "Ok, ok. So... I've... I've been having these dreams...nightmares really. With you...dying." he says the last part looking at Danny cautiously
Danny just nods his head understandingly, probing him to go on as he listens attentively.
Steve goes on to tell him about everything that's been happening. "So yeah Danny...I am freaked out about this. I am seeing you die every time I close my eyes and I can't...I just can't." Steve says brokenly. His chest feels tight and his throat constricted with emotions. Telling Danny about this has had him reliving everything all over again. He looks up to find Danny just staring at him, he can't read him but he's certainly not freaking out. It's just one long tense moment. Danny is not saying anything and now Steve is starting to feel awkward. The guy is thinking of finally getting his family back and now he has just dumped a bucket of fish on him by telling him he's gonna die. Shit, he shouldn't have told him.
Danny finally cleared his throat. "Ok, let me get this straight. You've been dreaming of me dying and that's got you all strung up like this?" Danny asked and Steve just stares at him without answering. He is so tense, waiting for the rant from Danny who would undoubtedly blame him for getting him killed in his dreams.
He is startled to see Danny double over on the couch, holding his tummy, howling with mirth. What the fuck! He guy is in full blown mirth he's tearing up with it. It's not one of his pre- rant giggling moments either. No, this is pure laughter, hilarity. Maybe he's having a moment. Maybe this is him freaking out. Danny heaves, trying to catch a breath to get himself under control.
"Oh...oh my God this is fantastic." He broke down again, laughing
"Danny what the hell!" Steve is outraged
"Oh...this is wonderful. God has a great sense of humor my friend, and the joke is on you." Danny says, looking upwards thankfully, still trying to get his breath under control.
"You're doing this? Really, right now? You're doing this." Steve says incredulously
"What am I doing, ha? What?" Danny asks defensively
"You're trivialising my suffering. As always." Steve says
"Oh fancy that. Steve, I am not trivialising your suffering buddy. I am glad that this is your kind of suffering."
"Are you kidding me right now?"
"Oh, I am not the one who's kidding Steve. It's just sad that it has to take you dreaming about me dying to get it through your thick skull that we're not invincible, super seal! Now it's your turn. See, I am not freaked out, because mine are not just nightmare of dying, they are real every time I am with you. You have no idea what it is like to watch you die Steve. Mine are not nightmares, they are real. Now you could never know until you walk in those shoes buddy. And here's your pair." Danny says seriously now. He sees realization dawn in Steve's eyes.
"Danny..."
"No Steve, you listen to me. You go off to Korea, without backup and get captured by Wo fat, you get captured by the Taliban, you get captured by Wo fat again." Danny says, counting with his fingers. "I watched you die Steve, the light going out of your eyes. Wondering if I was finally going to bury you this time while at the same time trying to land a damn busted up plane."
"It wasn't my fault I got shot Danny."
"No it wasn't. None of that was your fault. Poor judgment maybe, but not your fault. What is your fault however is you, first day out of hospital after I had given you my liver to try and keep you alive. You go and jump off of buildings chasing a serial killer Spider-man and busting up your stitches. The Paramedics had to stitch you back up. And was that all? No Sir. You had to chase the guy again, that same day. And had I not yelled at you to stop you would have jumped off of that building after that perp to your certain demise. And you know how I know that? Because, perp Spider-man, who was a way better jumper than you , couldn't make that jump and fell to his death. And you were willing, without hesitation, to jump after him. First day out of hospital where I had just given you my precious liver, you wanna go and waste it all over the pavement chasing after a useless perp!"
Steve feels thoroughly chastised; he had never looked at it that way. "Well, he wasn't that much of a better jumper than me. I matched him step for step and I was just coming from the hospital, so obviously I wasn't a 100%." Steve stated
"Unbelievable. Really? That's all you could take from all of that preaching of mine. This is it?" Danny says, incredulously.
"Ok Danno, I am sorry. Look man, are you ever gonna forgive me for that incident?"
"Like I said before, jury is still out on that one. Verdict is still pending. However, seeing as you are learning a lesson out of these nightmares of yours, maybe I might." Danny said saucily
"But Danny this is different, did you not hear me about the ... I don't know what to call them, daymares? Danny these are happening for real as well."
"Only I don't die." Danny quipped
"Why are you being so nonchalant about it? I thought you would at least freak out." Steve said
"Well I freak out everyday Steve. Every day I've known you, it has become my lifestyle.
"Danny I don't think you understand, you've had a gun pointed at you since this case started more than I can count. And you barely make it out intact, barely."
"What, like the time when Morello had a gun to my head the day before this whole case started? Like last week when we had to drive around in the jungle with an unsteady dirty bomb and it nearly fried us like Kentucky Chicken? And that had nothing whatsoever to do with this case. Or every day of my life with me always getting shot at? Babe, you gotta chill, this has nothing to do with this case. This is just you getting a cautious. It just had to take you having nightmares about me dying to get you to rethink your strategy. Then the usual happens and you quickly connect it with the case we were working at the time. Still working." Danny says reassuringly, looking at Steve.
Steve is not convinced but it does make sense. Maybe it had to take seeing Danny die to shake him out of his comfort zone of grenades and bombs. Is this what he's been putting his friends through? Did they feel this way when they had to watch him almost die every time? Is this how Danny felt? Shit, that was bad.
Danny continued, seeing how what he's saying is actually getting through to Steve, "This is how I feel each time you do your Ninja Seal stunts and almost get yourself killed in the process. And it's not a dream for me Steve. It's real. Every time. So maybe now that you've experienced what it's like, maybe you'd be a little careful with your life ha? And stop acting like you're goddamn expendable. Because you have people who will be devastated if you die Steven. People who will find it very very hard to go on. You understand?" Danny says earnestly, looking into Steve's eyes. They look at each other for a moment, all cards are out. All the emotions are transparent in their eyes. They don't need to say anything. It's written all over their faces.
Then Steve clears his throat, dissolving the tense moment, "You love me." He said it with a lopsided grin on his face.
"I do." Danny said, not helping the grin that plasters his own face. "And if this is a lesson for you and you decide to tone down a bit on the ninja reckless moves, I just might reconsider the retirement early thing. For you."
"Thanks Danno." Steve said gratefully
"Of course that also means the restaurant you tricked me into naming after you's gonna take a back seat for a while longer." Danny said
"I didn't trick you Danny. You said you would. I heard you." Steve protested
"See there you go again. Shut up will you. And I haven't agreed to anything yet." Danny quipped
"But you did. Right after the bomb blew off. I heard you say it."
"You didn't hear anything, you were deaf remember, and so was I. So let's agree to disagree and we will revisit this conversation at a later date. Say, when it's relevant?" Danny said
"That's not fair. Verbal agreements..."
"Shut up you big goof." Danny said, throwing a cushion at him. "Say we eat the pizza and call it a night?" he said
Steve sighed, "I don't know if I can do it Danny. I am afraid to close my goddamn eyes for even a second."
"Hey hey hey, I got you buddy. Finish your pizza, I'll be right back." Danny said, getting off the couch and walked out the door
"And where are you going?" Steve asked
"Just eat your pizza please." Danny said, with a backward glance.
Steve eats the pizza, he is ravenous. God, he was hungry. If Danny doesn't come back soon from wherever he's disappeared to he may not find anything left to eat.
Danny walks in at that moment, "You eat like the animal you are." He commented
"Hey where did you go?" Steve asks, ignoring the comment
"I told you I got you didn't I?" Danny says, holding up a bottle of whiskey.
Steve smirked, "That your solution?"
"This is a one night deal. 100% guaranteed to make sure you don't dream about me tonight babe. I am gonna pump your brain full of alcohol you won't even remember your own name, let alone mine. At least for tonight you get to sleep. Think my liver can handle it?" He asked, claiming his seat back on the couch.
"I think your liver can handle it for one night. Come on pass the bottle." Steve said, sitting back on his recliner.
Danny takes a sip and passes the bottle, "Don't get addicted to this stuff buddy. I can't promise to drink with you every night."
"You got it. No chance of that with your constant nagging though." Steve quipped taking a swing at the bottle.
So there you go. Don't forget to tell me what you think. Peace out.
