A/N: I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up! Once we got back, I had a horrible case of writers block. Luckily, I think it's pretty much gone, and so updates should be more frequent. Thank you for everyone who is sticking with me! You are all wonderful. And again, reviews are absolutely beyond appreciated and are very, very motivating to me! Hope you all enjoy this. I know it's not as long as usual, but I wanted to get SOMETHING up so you all knew I didn't abandon this.
BPOV
Five minutes later found me lying on an uncomfortable hospital table in Carlisle's office, in an even more uncomfortable position. Tears were already beginning to fall from my eyes, and I was clutching Edward's hand with everything I had. "I will be as quick as possible, Bella, okay? I can stop at any time. All you have to do is let me know." Carlisle explained in an attempt at comfort, but it did nothing for me. Regardless of what he said, I was about to feel violated all over again, regardless. I closed my eyes as tight as I could when I saw Carlisle move to begin the exam. As soon as I felt him, a scream tore from my lips before I could stop it. I frantically tried to lift myself up off the table, ignoring the pain rippling through my body. Edward's cool hands gently held me in place, without pushing me back down. "Bella, please, you're okay. Shhh, you're safe. It's just me and Carlisle. Nobody is going to hurt you. Please lay back down?" Edward's voice was soothing, but strained. I regained my composure enough to lay back down. This time, I clenched one hand onto Edward's, and the other to the table. Anything to stop me from reacting like that again - it was embarrassing.
After what felt like a lifetime, but was likely only about 10 minutes, Carlisle draped a sheet over my lower half and let out a troubled sighed. Edward tensed immediately, and a low growl escaped from his chest before he got enough control to stop himself. He already knew what Carlisle was going to say, and now I was even more terrified, judging by his reaction. "Bella, I'm afraid there is a bit of a problem." My heart was racing at Carlisle's words. He was visibly struggling with telling me this. How bad was it? WHAT was it? "You are severely bruised, but that will heal on its own, in time. I'm not too worried about that. What I am worried about, though, is that you have a serious 2nd degree Perineal tear. It…will requires sutures." At this, the room began spinning sickeningly, and everything in me wanted to curl up and sleep forever. Instead, I buried my head into my hands and tried to block everything out. After I had just barely gotten myself through the exam, now he had to be down there putting in stitches? How much more did I have to go through? Could I even handle that? I didn't know. I didn't feel like I could handle anything else.
"I will have it done in 5 or 10 minutes, but I can certainly put you under a general anesthesia, if you'd prefer. You would simply sleep through the whole ordeal.." Carlisle offered kindly. I appreciated his thoughtfulness, but the only thing scarier than having this done at all, was the thought of having this done and being entirely out of control. "No. No. I don't want to be that…vulnerable." a deep blush quickly rose to my cheeks. I felt ashamed to say that in front of them, fearing that they would think I was in some way saying I did not trust the Cullen's. That wasn't it at all, and I hurriedly tried to explain that to them. "It's not that I think you guys would try to hur-" Carlisle held up his hand to stop me. "It is absolutely fine, Bella. Whatever makes you most comfortable is what we will do. And do not worry, none of us feel offended in any way. We understand." He finished with a kind smile that eased my mind slightly. I offered my best excuse of a smile back at him.
"Would you like me to stay, Bella?" Edward asked. "Yes. please." I grasped his hand again, hoping to convey my need to have him here with me. "As long as you want." He whispered as he gave me a halfhearted smile, and brushed a strand of hair off my face. For a moment in time, I forgot where we were; what was about to happen. Looking into his beautiful, golden, eyes, getting lost in them was as easy as breathing for me. My peace was interrupted when Carlisle cleared his throat. Edward turned to look at him, and I could clearly tell they were having one of their silent conversations. Normally, this would have frustrated me. Now, I was just relieved the attention wasn't on me. As soon as that thought crossed my mind, Carlisle turned to look at me. "Are you ready, Bella?" Hesitantly, I nodded. Honestly, I wasn't ready at all. But I knew I was never going to be.
As Carlisle gathered his tools in one area, the more afraid I was becoming. I attempted everything I could think of to calm down, but nothing was working. Even Edward was trying to help soothe me, but everything was in vain. I was about to give up, when I was suddenly hit with an idea. "Edward, do you think Jasper could.. Try to help me calm down?" Now I felt some hope. Maybe with Jasper's calming, I could actually get through this okay. My hope faded to nothing as I saw Edward's pained face grimace, before he looked down at the ground. "He's…not here. I'm sorry, Bella. They left to give us privacy. I didn't think about his ability.. I'm so sorry." I could hear how it hurt him to not be able to give me the only thing I had asked for. Though not being able to get help from Jasper's gift was utterly disappointing, the worst part of this was seeing Edward upset over it. "No, it's okay, Edward. Don't apologize. I'll be fine, I was just wondering." I assured him, not sure that I would be fine at all, but I would do anything to get rid of his pain, even if it was only temporary.
I knew by Carlisle's still form that he was ready, and it seemed best to get this over with as soon as possible. He gave me a questioning look, and I nodded at him, signaling I was ready. He lifted the sheet up just as a question crossed my mind. "Carlisle, can you..can you just let me know what you're doing before you do it?" I almost blushed at the question. It felt silly to ask, but I couldn't help that it made me feel better to understand as much as possible of what was going on. "Of course I will, Bella." I gripped onto Edward's hand and worked on slowing my shaking as much as possible. "You're going to feel a little pinch, okay? After that, you will be numb and won't feel anything else." That eased my mind a little. But, just barely. Just because I couldn't feel it, didn't mean it wasn't still happening.
I stared up at Edward with tear-blurred eyes, and he looked at me with the most loving expression. I was surprised anyone could look at someone as disgusting as me in such a loving way. "I'm going to suture it now, Bella. This should only take a few minutes." Carlisle announced. Edward began humming my lullaby and soothingly rubbed the underside of my hand. Carlisle continued to voice his actions, and the tenseness never left me. I dedicated myself to solely focusing on finding every hue of yellow in Edward's eyes. A few times I felt an ache-y sort of pain down there, and winced. But I was happily surprised that before I was finished, Carlisle was. "The stitches will dissolve by themselves in a few weeks. You did wonderfully, Bella! You can go lay down now. Take it easy for a while." He smiled at me and began cleaning and clearing his things. "Thank you, Carlisle." I mumbled, not exactly thankful for this situation, but certainly thankful for his kindness and patience. He really was an incredible person. Er, vampire.
I turned myself so my legs were hanging off the table, eager to get out of here and into bed. Edward offered his hand to help me off the table, and I gladly accepted. As much as it hurt me to walk, I was more afraid of being carried. Though our progress to his room was agonizingly slow, Edward was patient, as always. He helped me into bed, and as I curled up on my side to face him, he crossed the room to sit against the wall. "I love you. I am so proud of you, you did amazing, Bella." he whispered from across the room. "I love you, too." Was all I could manage back. The emotional stress I'd been through was catching up to me, and I felt myself drifting off. Edward began humming my lullaby again, and I found my eyes drooping closed from his angelic, calming, voice. Within minutes, sleep claimed me.
