Chapter 7: Hell
There are no windows. There is no way of telling when night or day is. My room is my only safe haven. I spend my time in a dream like state. Not there but aware of what was around me. I feel nothing anymore. There are burns on my arms and bruises on my knees but I don't feel it. The only pain I feel is the pain of my heart.
Time can only be counted by the events I go through. I count the morning and nights by the person who delivers my food, the days by ECT treatments, the weeks by the bathing days, and the months by the "desanitizing" process. It's been a 3 years because today was my 19th birthday. My birthday was the day they shaved the little amount of hair I grew in the past year.
I can no longer remember my family or my sister. The only thing I remember about them is their names which I carved on the wall next to my bed 3 years ago. Most of my time was spent thinking about them. Trying to force myself to get visions about them, just to see their faces, but I couldn't. My only friend was Kari. The girl in the next room.
But not anymore. About a year ago she was taken. I don't remember what happened; I just know she didn't come back to her room one day. She was replaced by a crazy Russian woman. I couldn't understand a word she said. She just screamed most of the time.
The door opened and a woman walked in with the trey of food. She set it down, smiled and left. She usually delivers my breakfast, a mixture of bread and oatmeal. I think she was deaf because I usually talked to her and she looked like I was crazy and smiled. Wonder why….
I got a birthday present today. I wasn't going to have ECT today because there was a…..complication. Sure enough a little later devil man came in.
"Well today is your lucky day. You don't have treatment today." He said.
"What did you eat all of the electricity?" I said sarcastically.
"No, Dr. Hessi died this morning." He seemed a little happy. I started laughing. He looked at me with a strange face.
"Why the hell are you laughing?" He said coming towards me.
"Because I could have told you last week. Syphilis is a bitch…. "
"What? How did you know that?" He said confused. I smiled and tapped my head. He frowned.
"We will continue with your treatment tomorrow when our new doctor comes in" he said and slammed the door behind him.
Hope had come after all. I knew that tomorrow will be the end of my hell.
