Disclaimer: I own Ashley Mathews. I absolutely do not own the characters of the Outsiders. Those belong to the great S.E. Hinton.
The rest of the school day didn't even register with me. The mixture of emotions I was feeling I couldn't even begin to describe. I didn't have every class with Ponyboy but he came to see me every chance he could. As soon as the bell rang at the end of the day I beat it out of the building as fast as I could.
I realized I was about to head straight past that house again when I froze for a split second, turned, and headed straight for the park. I couldn't bring myself to go past that house again.
I walked to the park when I finally heard the voice that had been trying to get my attention for fifteen minutes.
"Ashley!"
Looked half startled and half guilty at the owner of the voice.
Ponyboy had been trailing me the whole time. His facial expression was a mixture of concern and bewilderment.
"Pony…" I started but my voice got caught in my throat and I turned away.
"Ash," Pony said as he reached to me a turned me around to face him. I lowered my head to avoid eye contact, "listen, I think we've got to talk about this."
I shook my head, "I told you, I don't want to talk about him."
"Baby," he said and pulled me against him tightly, "don't shut me out. I understand you try and take care of things on your own, but you don't have to."
I exhaled and just leaned against him as he held me silently. I couldn't bring myself to say the things that I was thinking. There was so much damage left in that man's wake. Including me.
The truth of the matter was that I was damaged goods. My father left because he didn't want me. I couldn't understand why Ponyboy did sometimes. That was the difference between the two of us. Ponyboy came from a great family. His parents were great people who loved all three of their sons. They may not have been rich or anything, they had their struggles, but they had everything that really counts. Unfortunately they passed away a few years ago in a car accident. It was awful, and it took a toll on all three of those boys.
But my father left me by choice. He didn't want me.
Any I was afraid if I told Ponyboy that he'd realize that I was right and he'd leave.
And then there was that girl. I couldn't get her out of my mind either even though I tried.
My body tensed up with all of the thoughts my head was trying to process and I pushed against Pony, "I'm sorry. I need some time to think things out for myself."
I turned and bolted as fast as I could away before Pony was able to respond.
Luckily for me I happened to have the night off from the Dingo, as did Angela. Also, I didn't have track practice so I found myself on the stoop of the Shepherd's house. I rapped on the door impatiently.
"Ash," Tim greeted me opening the door, "come on in."
I gave Tim a nodded and walked past him. Tim may be a hood, but I was family as far as he was concerned. Angela and I had been best friends since the beginning of time. I walked into Angela's room where she was lounging on her bed on the phone. As soon as she saw me she raised her eye brows.
"Uh, I gotta go," she told the person on the other line and promptly hung up the phone. I sat down next to her on her bed and let out a breath of exasperation. Angela jumped up from the bed, headed out her bedroom door and promptly returned with two beers.
"Got anything stronger?" I asked dryly.
She laughed and cracked the beers open, handing me one.
"Spill," she demanded. And I did. All of it. Well, as much as I could make sense of it anyway. I told her how I felt about my father, how I was confused about that girl, and about how I was feeling about Ponyboy.
"Yes, but have you talked to Pony about that?" Angela inquired.
I sat and shook my head silently, staring at the bottle in my hands, sighing.
"Why?"
I looked at Angela, "how could I? I mean, things have been great between us. But then this asshole rolls back into my life and reminds me of how much he messed up our lives and how I am just….damaged. How could I talk to Pony about that? I was able to live in denial for a long time but not I got my wake up call."
Angela rolled her eyes, "Ash, I'm about ready to slap you. What you and Pony have has nothing to do with your dad. What you and Pony have is the real deal. He loves you. Go to him. Talk to him. Love him."
I felt my eyes brim with tears. Deep down somewhere I did feel that Angela was right. Pony was about the most kind and compassionate person I had ever met. I was just afraid to open up to him about this. "I don't know, Angela."
"Well, I do. That's why I'm your best friend. Now go straight to the Curtis house and talk to that boy before I kick your butt," she said as she nudged me off the bed with her foot.
I began to amble towards the door before I stopped and turned, "what period did you cut out at today?"
Angela laughed, "Just last period. Gym. You're the athlete, not me. Now get!"
I held my breath as I walked back out the door. Tim, now in the driveway working on his car, gave me an inquisitive look as I passed him. Usually I would stay much longer, but he shrugged it off and went back to what he was doing.
