Umh...yeah...there's mind rot ahead. I wasn't initially planning on it, but it is there and is a quite a bit more than before. Please be forewarned.
"Dead?" We all nodded, not one of us feeling envious of Jon's position as messenger. It's amazing, and almost sad, how quickly things can go from the whole table picking on me about my apparent cluelessness (I'm serious! She doesn't like me!) to a topic as grave as this.
The pair went back to their silence, not uttering a single word even when they followed each other back to the room they'd woken up in this morning. It was after dinner, so I knew they would have no reason for returning to us, but I also knew they wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight. It took me weeks to get more than an hour of unaided sleep at a time after my family was stolen. I was on sleep meds for months after that, the images of my family's slaughter refusing to let me go. Even though I knew it wasn't my fault, I never did get past the feeling that I could have done something, I could have done more than just stand off on the sidelines, cowering with my sister.
I couldn't stop myself from remembering my days back home that night as I lay in my cot, listening to the quiet breaths of my sister on the other side of the curtain. Megan was all I had left. She was the only one I managed to save back then. I lost both my parents and my three and five year old brothers we never brought ourselves to speak about. We didn't have a clue what had happened to Max and Alex, all we know is that they were taken. Not killed on the spot like our parents were, like we were likely about to face before we were saved, they were just taken. God only knows where they are now and what's become of them. I wonder if Alex, the older one, even remembers us now.
Maybe that's why I'm so hell bent on protecting Megan now. It's not solely because she's the only family I have left, but because I failed my younger brothers and I refuse to do the same to her.
Jon has told me before that my sister is always the only sibling I have, but he never tells me why. Sure, he's mentioned that in a few realities, I simply never had any siblings other than my sister, but I know that's not true for all of them. Have I failed my brothers in every world they exist in?
I fought back the tears threatening to form. I knew I should probably just let my emotions out for once, but I don't want to wake Megan and have her worrying over me. We've both had to grow up so fast, but I refuse to let her lose what little childhood she has left. There's no need for her to take on a burden I can handle on my own when she already has so much to deal with. Maybe it was stupid, but I kept my emotions in their tightly capped bottle, even when I wanted to let them out and cry. Someone had to be strong for us, and I was willing to be the rock Megan needed in her life.
A silent laugh left my mouth as I remembered the last day of peace we had before our lives got turned upside down. It was Max's third birthday, and we were all down by the pond of a lake that resided near one of the outer boundaries of the District. Max was such a happy, carefree, little kid. He always had a smile on his face, and for a three year old just beginning to really grasp the concept of language, he was rather good with making comebacks to whatever comment his older brother made. I'll admit, sometimes his remarks made little sense, but the boy was a quick thinker. He would have done great things with his life, given the chance.
Then, there was Alex. I remember him chasing down his younger brother, with a similar goofy grin plastered on his face. He wasn't as quick witted, but he never backed down from the few challenges he found in his short life. Every time we tried to keep him out of something, he'd find his way into it eventually. The longest I ever remember it taking him is a month.
It had always amazed me how close those two were. Alex hadn't taken very kindly to Max's arrival and had never seemed to warm up to him until Max figured out how to talk, how to communicate. He picked up on his language skills faster than most, and as soon as he did, Alex refused to leave his side. He no longer cared that Max was his pesky little brother, Max was Alex's best friend and that's all the pair ever truly gave a damn about.
I felt a sad smile forming on my face, and the tears once more threatening to break free of the bottle I'd tried to keep them contained in.
Then there was a knock at the door, a familiar voice on the other side asking to come in even though it was already past midnight. I heard Megan get up, woken from her light slumber and Claire appeared in the door, greeting my sister before walking past the curtain in the middle of our shared room to my side of it. She looked as if she were trying to convince herself to do something, then her expression changed entirely. I hadn't yet had a chance to wipe the stray tears from my eyes.
"Are you okay?" I nodded, not really trusting my voice at the moment. I was as close to a wreck as anyone would ever see me and I was sitting in front of an admittedly hot girl. I may not be good with emotions, or really care what other people thought of me, but I knew I didn't want anyone, especially her, to see me with these unshed tears in my eyes. I knew tears weren't a sign of weakness, but they were a sign of vulnerability, something I did not like showing to anyone.
"Don't lie to me. I know you aren't okay." She grabbed my hand and I just stayed quiet, trying to distract myself by wondering why she was here in the first place.
"I'll be fine." I left off the silent "eventually" that I was thinking in my head.
"You need to relax some, get your mind off whatever it is." She was right, and I knew it. "Let me help you some." I looked up in surprise as her hand moved away from mine. My breath caught in my throat as I saw her hands moving to lift her shirt up and over her head.
I wanted to keep my eyes off her, I really did, but I couldn't. "You shouldn't have done that." My voice came out weaker than I intended.
"I want to, and you know you do too. Let me help you." My mind could only wonder at how she might possibly be planning on helping me to relax. I thought of the farthest we could go, and felt my cheeks heating up. We weren't even dating, she wouldn't go that far, would she? Besides, I didn't think I was ready for that with anyone yet. I hadn't...you know, done it, before.
She moved closer to me, and I couldn't bring myself to move away when her lips suddenly collided with mine. Slowly, I let myself give in and move my lips against hers. I'm still not fully aware of who deepened the kiss and when it happened.
Claire grabbed my hand again and brought it up to rest on her bare chest, a moan escaping her lips when my hand made contact. At this point, I heard the door slam shut in what I assume was Megan leaving before she got an earful of something she didn't want to even know about.
She straddled me, her hands wandering the expanse of my own exposed torso as she kissed me. I wasn't sure just how much I wanted this, but I couldn't deny that it was keeping my mind off the memories of the old days. She started to grind against me, awakening arousal in my body as my hands began to explore without her guidance. I knew where this was going, but I couldn't bring myself to stop her.
Maybe she was right, maybe I did just need to relax with something as simple as sex.
I watched as she lifted herself off me to pull her shorts down, revealing a lack of underwear as I just stared. Never before had I realized just how little I knew about a woman's body.
My nerves tingled as she brought her fingers to the hem of my sweats, dragging both them and my boxers down as I just laid there, my mind a mess of nervousness, excitement, arousal, and confusion. Why was she doing this and why was I letting her?
Then, I felt her mouth in a place no one had ever touched before and my mind went blank, the sensation finally taking over my mind all together.
She kept pushing forward, farther and farther until she was suddenly on top me again, then around me. It took me a minute to realize we were doing the deed, and I hadn't stopped her once.
It wasn't until we'd finished and I'd...come...inside her that I realized something.
We weren't using a condom and birth control is in short supply here.
I could hope this pleasured relief from the guilt that constantly plagued my mind wouldn't come back around ot bite me in the ass, but I knew better than to expect that.
God, Megan was going to kill me for this.
That did make sense right? If it didn't I apologize, I'm a bit brain-dead from EOC testing today...
Comments and feedback are as welcome as always! :D
Invisible One
