Mistakes
Jago sat with me holding my hand as I wailed and shouted. Then it was over. I hadn't taken the herb that Alec had given me. I had my wings, my senses, my skin, my hair–everything. Jago was fascinated. Not as fascinated as Amir had been, but he still looked on with awe. I looked away and curled into a ball on the floor. He touched my skin and my wings and my hair. I lay still wishing more than anything in the world that it was Amir who had hugged me and Amir who carried me upstairs and into the darkness. I wished that it was Amir who was exploring me as I lay curled into a little ball.
After a while Jago cradled me in his arms and sang to me. I cried. I cried long and hard. I wanted to go home. I wanted to see Amir, but I wanted to learn about the Rider. And I wanted to kill him.
When I woke in the morning I was on Jago's bed and his arms were wrapped protectively around me. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to go back to the library! The man, Goethe, wouldn't help me now. I couldn't remember what had happened the night before. I looked at Jago. Did I sleep with him? I yawned and slipped out of Jago's grasp. He stirred and sat up. He looked at me as I perched on a chair watching, my brow creased with worry. "Nothing happened." he said. I frowned. "My word! What do you take me for? A scoundrel? I haven't known you but a day!"
"You still slept in the same bed that I did."
"You were having nightmares! Talking in your sleep. I was comforting you!"
I looked up alarmed. "What did I say?"
"You said something about a man and a kiss. I think it was about that Rider. You looked very scared and worried."
I let my tears fall. "I miss him so much! I shouldn't have sent him away! I was so afraid! Now I'm regretting it and I wish I had never come here! But I'm not giving up! I'm going to find that Rider and kill him!" I knew I was shaking. "Can you read?" I asked. He laughed. "Will you help me then? I can't read and I know that Goethe will not be able to help me all the time."
"You met Goethe already? Wow. Mum is making some breakfast if you want any. I'll just leave you to freshen up a bit." He laughed again and I blushed.
"I really don't need to, freshen up, I mean. I only brought one other dress and I'd like to keep it clean." I said. He turned in the doorway.
"Rose, you're all right."
I looked at the floor. "I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I would prefer to be called Gaia. That Rider might be here and if he hears my name I'll be deader than a squashed bug." Despite my eagerness to make the moment easier, he didn't laugh. "Sorry," I whispered weakly. He chuckled and left.
I went to the Library and found Goethe waiting patiently behind the desk. "Oh! Mr. Goethe! I'm so sorry I did not come back last evening. I ran into some . . . trouble."
"Abby told me, Gaia." he responded, smiling kindly. "I wish I could instead bear your pain."
I faltered. "How do you know Abby?"
"She is the step-sister of my late wife." he answered shortly. "Come, we have many things to do and only a few hours in which to do them. Jago should be here in a few moments. He comes and helps with organization and such." Goethe led me far into the maze of bookcases to a section that was filled with particularly old books. They were all hand written in the old language. I sighed and sank to the floor. He sat next to me and began pulling books off the shelf. I noticed they had been marked with a silver dot and when Goethe touched them it disappeared. I pretended not to notice. He opened the first one and skimmed the pages. "See this word?" he asked me and pointed to a word on the page. I nodded. "That is Abdul. This one is weaknesses and this was is defenses. Remember this. You can help us search."
I nodded and opened a book. It smelled a lot like the first one Amir had brought to me. The memories rushed back and I felt like I could feel Amir with me. I scanned the pages. Every time I found those three words between the two dots called periods, I told Goethe. Soon Jago joined us and he was much more successful. "Look!" he exclaimed at around noon right before we were going to stop and eat dinner. "The Abdul's only enemy is the Phoenix. I thought all the Phoenixes were killed during the War of Dreams."
"Maybe," proposed Goethe. "We should discuss this over some lunch. Let's go to the Golden Phoenix and eat. I have a few questions for Gaia that you and your mother might want to hear. I looked up panicked, but Jago reassured me with a smile.
"Uncle, you go ahead. I need to talk to Gaia, if she doesn't mind." Jago said quietly. I nodded and Goethe left us. "I'm really sorry, Gaia. I shouldn't have slept with you last night. I think I was just a little bit jealous."
I blinked. "Jealous, of who?"
"Amir." he muttered. "I let my heart get ahead of my mind and it wasn't very smart. I'm sorry."
I laughed. It was so different from the way I usually laughed. I almost stopped, but I couldn't. "Jago." I hugged him. " I'm sorry. I rushed in on your mother and you. I should have left."
"But you didn't. I'm glad." he leaned down and brushed my cheek with a small kiss. "I have learned now that you won't ever be able to let go of Amir."
I smiled. "If you were in love, you would understand."
He took my hand and we walked to the pub. Goethe sat at the counter, a mug and a meal in front of him. Abby stood behind washing the wood counter. She looked up and smiled. I dropped Jago's hand. I sat next to Goethe and watched Abby fix the meals. I turned to Goethe. "Well?"
He sighed. "Where shall I begin? Gaia do you remember anything about your parents? Anything at all?"
I didn't look up at him. "My father's name was Marc. My mother's name was Elena. My mother had black hair and olive colored skin. My father's hair was black and his skin was pale. There isn't much else except my father's favorite flower was the bleeding heart and my mother's favorite animal was the Meadow Lark."
"I don't know how to say this, my dear." Goethe said. He looked at Jago. "You tell her."
Jago came and rested his hands on my shoulders. "Gaia–Rose. I am your cousin, half cousin to be correct."
I gasped. "That means that Abby is my Aunt and Goethe–no that's impossible. No! My parents were killed thirteen years ago!" I said loudly and stubbornly.
"It's true, Rose." Goethe said quietly. He grabbed my hand and I shut my eyes. "Your mother died, and the Rider thought he killed me too. I went away to protect you. Until a few months ago you were safer than I had ever imagined.
"I've spent the last few years researching the Abdul." he added as though it was just a silly afterthought.
I sat up. "Then you know where they are?" I was hopeful; maybe my story would have a happy ending after all.
He nodded. "I've been planning an expedition for years now. I was this close to going a few weeks ago, but I had to hope that you would come and you did!" I threw my arms around him and hugged him. "Papa, we all missed you terribly! Orothro is leader now."
"I know, my sweet. I know."
I looked up at Abby. "I met you once, didn't I?" She nodded. "You were six, I think."
"Now I have one thing I want you to do, Gaia." said Goethe. "I want you to go home. You are in love and now that you know I'm alive, I pray that you will not go after the Abdul."
"Papa! I need to go! You know what he could have done to me!"
"I know. Then at least wait a week or two then meet me at the western edge, okay? I will be there if you need me."
"You won't come?"
"I will, when the time is right. I have a brother there that I have not seen in thirteen years. And friends as well."
"Okay. I will leave tomorrow." I hugged him once more.
That night Jago and I sat on the roof and talked. He wanted to know more about me and I wanted to know more about him. "So, are you really leaving then?" he asked. I nodded.
"Even though I've only been here two days I miss my adopted family. I miss Yaffa and Ormond and Orothro. I even miss that stupid horse that saved my life, even though I hate horses. I just need to go home."
"I'll miss you." he whispered hoarsely. I grabbed his hand.
"I'll miss you too. I'll miss the Library and Papa . . . Will you look after him for me? He won't stay in the village. It reminds him too much of the past."
"Of course I will." he whispered. He turned toward me. "I love you, Rose."
What? "Um, Jago, this isn't right. I have Amir."
He sighed, frustrated. Then he pulled me into him and held me tightly. Despite my protests he wouldn't let me go. When I looked up he kissed me. I was too surprised. I let him. He rolled onto his back pulling me on top and suddenly we were kissing. His hands roamed and searched, but I pulled away before he could find the laces of my dress. He looked at me his eyes wild. Why doesn't he regret this? I thought. "Jago! No! I love Amir! I'm sorry–"
"Gaia, can't you do anything impulsive for once in your life?! He won't find out!"
"I couldn't keep it from him, Jago. Good night!" I hurried down the stairs and into the room Abby had given me. I locked the door and crawled into the bed. Then remembering Goethe I unlocked the door and went down the stairs. I ran to him and hugged him tightly. He laughed. Then looked me over. I knew I was flushed. "Goodnight, Papa. I love you." I kissed his forehead and turned to Abby. I hugged her and kissed her cheek. I turned to go upstairs, but I knew I had to tell Papa. So I leaned down and whispered in his ear. He stiffened and I knew he would love to beat Jago, but he smiled and pushed me away. I went back up stairs. Jago was in my room. "Jago, I'm sorry." He scooped me up in his arms and kissed my neck. "Jago . . ." I started to cry. He stopped. "Please . . . I love . . . him." I managed between sobs. Jago sat me on the bed, kissed my cheek and left. I curled into a ball and fell asleep.
