Cracked

I walk out of the appointment in a daze. My mind basically shut down after the doctor's proclamation. Thank goodness all three of my brothers were there to listen to whatever else was said. I vaguely remember hearing a mixture of voices before someone gently led me out. My brain comes back online as we're heading back home.

"Twins." I breathe out finally. That's what had me going into a sort of shocked state. The doctor turned on the sonogram and pointed out the image of not one, but two small beings. The guys seem startled by my voice.

"Bit of a shock, huh sweetheart?" Dean says gently, looking at me through the rearview mirror. I'm sitting behind him while Cas is on the other side, behind Sam.

"I'm having twins." I respond monotone, still not able to wrap my head around it. "Twins!" I shout hysterically. That's about the time that the panic rises up. I try to control it, but the attack makes it hard to breathe.

"Dean! Pull over!" Cas shouts "Cat? Cat, breathe!" he says to me. I try as I feel Dean pull the car over on the opposite shoulder. Soon he has my door pulled open and careful pulls me out. The burst of fresh air helps a bit.

"Breathe with me, okay?" Dean says, crouching in front of me. He grabs my left hand and places it on his chest before taking slow exaggerated breaths. I try to mimic him as I feel someone sit on my left and rub my back while someone else sits on the other side and grips my hand, grounding me.

When I finally calm down, I mumble, "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, kiddo. It's all a bit much." Dean replies sympathetically.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sam says from my left, still rubbing small circles on my back.

"It's just…twins. One baby was scary enough, but two? How can I raise two kids by myself?" I answer, feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.

"Cat, look at me." Dean commands. I look up from my lap and look into his grassy eyes. "You won't be doing this alone. We'll be with you every step of the way. You're our sister after all."

"Thanks, Dean." I reply shakily. "I appreciate y'all's support. It's just-"

"You miss Kevin." Cas finishes in a voice brimming with understanding.

"He should be here. These are his children too, and he'll never get to see them blink their eyes open or hear them giggle. He really wanted a family. I never thought I'd be able to provide that for him, and now? I really freakin miss him! He should never have left me alone like this! I'm gonna screw this up, like I always do. I've always been a screw up, always getting hurt, being the victim, getting the people I care about killed. I can't be a mom! This is some kind of cruel joke. 'Let's make the most damaged person in the world a mom. That'll be a laugh.'" I rant. This is the first time I've had a full on meltdown and voiced how I feel about this. I refuse to look at any of their faces, not wanting to see the pity in their eyes.

"Cat-" Sam starts.

"Save it." I snap, cutting him off. I don't want to talk or listen, I just want to curl up on my bed and cry. "Can we just go home?" I plead, voice tired.

I can practically feel the silent conversation going on over my head before Sam lets out a frustrated sigh and Dean says, "Sure, sweetheart." Cas helps me back into my seat before we continue on towards the Bunker. As soon as the engine shuts off in the garage, I exit the Impala and walk quickly to my room. As soon as I enter, I lock the door for some privacy and grab my stuffed dragon before collapsing on my bed.

Sobs rack my body as I finally let out all the emotions I've been reigning in for months. First, I had to be strong to survive, and then I was being strong for my family. I was trying to hide it, but cat's out of the bag now.

After what feels like several hours, there's a knock on the door. "Cat? Can I come in?" Cas asks through the door. Remembering how much he has helped me in the past, I drag myself off the bed and stumble over to unlock the door. I pull it open and see a concerned Cas standing in the hall.

"Come on." I murmur, turning and shuffling back to the bed. My sob fest has left me drained. He follows behind me and shuts the door before sitting on the bed beside me.

"Do you want to talk about what happened earlier, or anything else?" he asks, not pressuring me. I've always appreciated his approach. He waits for me to be ready instead of forcing me to talk.

I, of course, spill my guts. I tell him all my grief, fears, insecurities, and basically every negative thought that has been floating in my head. He sits there and listens without ever interrupting, his attention never wavering. By the time I finish airing everything out, I'm exhausted. I break out into a huge yawn at the end and Cas urges me to get some rest. Seeing nothing wrong with that suggestion, I promptly snuggle under the covers and fall asleep to the gentle rhythm of Cas stroking my hair soothingly.

POVPOVPOVPOVPOV

Cas looks down at the sleeping girl sadly. He had convinced an extremely worried Sam and Dean to give her a few hours and then let him try getting her to talk. He's glad she finally let it all out. They all knew she was hiding her feelings, and it had worried them. Now he knows what she was hiding, and it makes him hurt for her. She carries such a large burden for one so young, and most of it is her own thoughts. She seems convinced she'll never be a real mother, but he knows differently. She has so many great qualities that she just can't see.

Sighing sorrowfully, he whispers, "Why can't you see what everyone else can?" Careful not to wake her, he exits the room and travels down the hallway to the library. Sam and Dean are anxiously awaiting his arrival, hoping for some news.

"How is she?" Sam jumps up as soon as Cas comes in sight.

"Sleeping. I think she's doing better after talking, but only time will tell." Cas replies, voice heavy with sorrow.

"Is there anything we can do? I hate when she gets like this, shutting us out." Dean voices.

"Most of it is how she perceives herself. The best thing we can do is show her how we see her without being overbearing." Cas decides.

"We can do that, easy." Sam replies confidently.

"So, twins." Dean says, wanting to discuss this new development. They had focused most of their worry on Cat, but now that she seems better he wants to address what they learned.

"I know. It's incredible! Two little Winchesters." Sam exclaims excitedly. He was thrilled by the news and soaked up everything the doctor said.

"She definitely needs to stop hunting. That was a close call with the Grigori. Another few inches left and it would've severed her spinal cord. We can't let her put herself in danger anymore." Dean declares, protective big brother mode coming out in full force.

"She won't agree with that, and I don't think it will be good for her in her current headspace. So much of how she measures her worth is in how useful she is. You take away hunting now and she'll tailspin again." Cas lectures. He has quickly discovered this trait of the young woman and is hesitant to cause her more stress. Not only is it bad for her, but it could also negatively impact her babies.

"What if we had her on research? She's become an invaluable asset with how much lore she has read in her spare time. Then she's helping, but out of harm's way." Sam proposes.

"I could live with that. Cas?" Dean approves.

"It seems like the best solution." Cas finally agrees.

"We'll have to tell her everything the doctor said. She kinda zoned out for a while after the twins reveal." Sam continues after everyone green lights his plan.

"We need to set up a nursery and start getting baby things. She's due in September and it's already late April. We need to be prepared, especially since you never know what could happen in our lives." Dean begins to worry. He's realizing just how much they're going to have to do to be ready for the new arrivals.

"There's that spare room next to hers, we could convert it. Nice coat of paint and a decent cleaning out should be all it needs." Sam suggests. He had already consider this as soon as they had gotten her back. None of them really have any experience with babies, so this is going to be a learning experience for all of them.

"Perhaps discussing these things with Cat might cheer her up. I think the worst of the shock has worn off and planning their future could help her warm up to the idea of being a mother." Cas muses.

They continue to discuss the newest development until they decide to make some dinner. Hoping to coax Cat out of her room, Dean fries some shrimp and makes cheddar bay biscuits. He recently learned through a passing conversation that she loves this meal, and had bought the ingredients to make it for her as a treat.

When the food is almost ready, Sam goes to wake Cat up. She was feeling nauseous that morning so she hadn't eaten much all day. He hopes Dean's plan works. After getting no response to his knocking, he cracks open the door. He stands there for a minute looking at the curled up form of his little sister. She looks so vulnerable to his eyes. He walks over and sits beside her, reaching over and moving her hair out of her face.

"Cat, honey, you need to wake up." he calls gently. Her only response is a groan as she snuggles deeper into the covers. "Come on, sweetie. Dean made fried shrimp and cheddar bay biscuits just for you. You don't want to disappoint him, do you?" It's a bit of a low blow, but it has the desired effect. With another groan, Cat opens her eyes and fixes him with a sleepy glare.

"You're lucky 'm hungry." she mumbles as she begins trying to extricate herself from the covers. Sam aids her in disentangling herself and pulls her to her feet. "Did he really make biscuits?" she asks, excitement waking her up a bit more.

"I wouldn't lie about that, Cat." he teases good naturedly. He's glad to see her smiling and happy again. She's glowing again by the time dinner is over, making the guys smile. They stay and talk for a while after their plates are cleared away. Cat surprises them all by being the one to bring up baby shopping.

"So I guess we gotta buy double of everything for the babies, huh?" she starts.

"Yeah." Dean replies. "We thought we could use the spare storage room next to yours as a nursery. It won't take much to clean it out and put a fresh coat of paint on the walls."

"That sounds great!" she exclaims happily. "I've been thinking, and I want to go gender neutral, maybe a nice nature theme like a forest." They continue discussing and arguing over everything they'll need. Sam even pulls out his laptop so they can look online. "I'm actually excited about this. Don't get me wrong, I'm scared as hell, but I'm gonna be a mom! I thought it would be impossible for so long and it was always intimidating, but I think the four of us can pull this off. I could never do this without you guys. I hope you know that." Cat confesses out of the blue while they're comparing the quality of different brands of cribs.

"I'm excited to be an uncle and I know you'll be a rockin' mom." Dean declares. Sam and Cas voice their agreement, warming Cat's heart.

*Time Skip*

"Hey, Sam?" I start, drawing his attention away from the computer.

"What is it, Cat? Do you need something? Dean's in town if you need him to pick you up something." Sam spouts off.

"Actually, I wanted to propose something to you." I reply with a bit of excitement and hope.

"Oh, go ahead then." he tells me with an easy smile.

"Well I was hoping I could help with the Book of the Damned." His smile disappears in a blink and is replaced by a frown I've become intimately familiar with and hate. "Just let me finish!" I continue hurriedly, cutting off his rejection. "I'll be safe and can help keep an eye on things. I have read a ton of these books and files, more than you, Dean, and Cas combined. I can help, Sam. Just give me a chance!" I plead.

His face melts into a look of indecision. "Well I don't know, Cat. Rowena is a dangerous witch and I don't want you getting hurt."

"When will y'all get it through your thick skulls that I'm not a freakin' delicate flower?! She'sin iron chains, I'll be fine! Besides, you're planning on bringing Charlie in, right?" I argue.

"Well yeah but-" Sam responds, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"If you think Charlie can handle it, then so can I." I state stubbornly.

"That's different! She's not-"

"Pregnancy doesn't make me weak, Samuel. You know what, I'll make you a deal. You let me help, and I won't ask to hunt during the rest of the pregnancy. I'll be the lore master or whatever." I can see that he is close to breaking so I throw in one last hit in. "Besides, I haven't seen Charlie in months! I need some girl bonding time. The testosterone has become suffocating since the Tulsa case a few weeks ago."

"Dammit, Cat. Fine! I have a few conditions, though. You're never allowed alone in the room with Rowena, you stay a safe distance away from her at all times, and you stay there. No running off alone."

"Thanks, Sammy!" I squeal, kissing him on the cheek happily. He has no idea that I have alternative reasons for wanting to go. I still want to help, but I also want to meet Rowena and save Charlie.

"Geez, what has you so excited?" Dean comments as he comes down the steps. I hadn't heard the door, but it looks like he didn't overhear anything important.

"Sam agreed to let me spend a few days with Charlie. I've missed my best friend." I tell him, not exactly lying, just omitting certain truths.

"Did he now? You went for the weak link, huh?" he teases. "It's fine with me too. You deserve some girl time to gossip and braid each other's hair or whatever."

"Thanks, De! I'll start packing!" I exclaim, rushing out before either of them change their minds.

POVPOVPOVPOVPOV

The brothers watch the retreating form of the young woman before Dean speaks up. "Did you find anything else on that case?"

"No, just the reports you found."

"Good idea on letting Cat visit Charlie. This way she won't be put in danger on a hunt you know she would try to tag along on. Now we'll know she's safe with a friend."

"Oh yeah. Figured you'd approve." Sam replies awkwardly.

"We'll head out tomorrow, get some sleep." Dean says before heading to his own room.

*Time Skip*

Cat follows Sam in her red car as they go to meet up with Charlie. When they pull up, Charlie is already there and waiting for the two of them. "Whoa you're pregnant!" Charlie exclaims in surprise when she sees Cat.

Cat laughs at her friend's shock and replies, "Guess no one told you, huh?"

"No! How long?" Charlie asks excitedly.

"About five months. Just found out a few weeks ago, after I was rescued, that it's twins."

"That's awesome, Cat! Are you excited?"

"Yeah, but also terrified. I'm just glad I'll have some help since Kevin died before I even realized I was expecting." Cat sighs.

Sam butts in before they can go too far in their girl talk. "Hey, Charlie. Thanks for coming."

"No problem, Sam. What's going on? You were pretty vague on the phone." Charlie replies.

Sam goes on to tell her his plan for removing the Mark from Dean, Cat listening in. He convinces her to at least go with them to the warehouse, so they all load up and head out. "So you're in on this too, then?" Charlie questions Cat as they walk up to the dilapidated warehouse.

"Insider knowledge will hopefully help move this along. Also, I have all my knowledge gained from the Men of Letters to contribute." Cat offers as explanation. Her voice then drops low enough to where it won't carry to Sam, who is walking in front of them. "I may also really want to meet the witch, Rowena. I know she's dangerous, but she always fascinated me." she admits with a slight blush.

"I thought I was clear, Samuel. I requested more time, not assistants." Rowena says disdainfully as they walk in.

"They're not your assistants. You're theirs." Sam replies, slightly annoyed by the witch.

"And you studied your craft where?" she asks the two women, a hint of disdain still contained in her voice.

"Mostly a joint called Mas Java. It has excellent Wi-Fi." Charlie replies.

"I have not heard of this institution, and I know all the great global centers of witchcraft."

"Makes sense, 'cause I'm not a witch. I'm a nerd. And I know all the great centers of nerd-dom." Charlie shoots back.

"What about you?" Rowena questions, turning on Cat.

"Mostly Men of Letters' Bunker collection. You could say I'm the lore master." Cat responds, winking at the end.

"Rowena, are you done marking your turf? Listen, Charlie has tech chops and Cat has lore knowledge that'll speed up cracking Nadya's codex. You will spot the ancient curses and spells, and that'll put this whole mess in context." Sam cuts in, seeming a bit exasperated.

About this time, Cas comes in. "Cas. Are you in on this, too?" Charlie asks him.

"Hell's bells. More distractions? What are you? Witch or nerd?" Rowena asks him.

"Angel." he replies monotonously.

"Beg pardon?"

"Castiel has, uh, powers . . . spiritual muscle that'll help safeguard the work." Sam explains to her.

"Safeguard it from what?"

"You. I can't be here full time to referee." Sam snaps.

"Whoa, whoa. And I can?" Cas exclaims in surprise, obviously not having been told beforehand.

"Yes. Please. Please do this for me." Sam pleads. He had already planned on bringing him in, but with Cat being involved, he really needs him to say yes.

"Well, what are the rules? If I'm gonna referee, I should at least know them." Cas responds, taking his position literally.

"Quite literal, aren't you? Does he know that the first rule is don't tell your brother what we're doing?" Rowena mocks.

Cas voices his reservations about that, Charlie agreeing, but Sam convinces them to pitch in. After everyone has their jobs, he heads back to the Bunker to meet with Dean for their newest case.

"Cat, why are you here? You know how dangerous Rowena is, even locked in iron." Cas says to Cat, pulling her into a side room for a bit of privacy.

"Same reason you're here Feathers. I know he's been trying to hide how unstable he is around me, but he forgets I already know. I know this will work, I've seen it. I'll admit I have other reasons for being here as well, but I promise I'll be careful. Y'all seem to forget that I want to get hurt even less than y'all want me to. I love you, Cas, but you need to trust my decisions some times." she replies patiently.

"I'm sorry, Cat. I'll try to remember that." Cas responds with a sigh. They return to the main room and Cas takes up his post as guard while Cat joins Charlie to help her out.

POVPOVPOVPOVPOV

"Hey, Cas? Can we go on a snack run? Pregnancy cravings are a bitch." I say to Cas. I tried to ignore them, but soon I couldn't even concentrate on what I was trying to do.

"Sure, Cat. Charlie, keep an eye on Rowena while we're gone." he instructs before leading the way to his car. He drives to a nearby corner store to pick up some snacks for everyone while I peruse the aisles for my own. This time my craving is Bun cha Crunch, potato chips, a pickle, tropical Skittles, and strawberry soda.

I'm so glad it wasn't something ridiculous like that time I wanted the spaghetti from Elf. I grossed the boys out so much with that, but I thought it was good. I've also craved things I've never liked like certain fruits and vegetables. Dean likes to joke that the odd range is because one kid likes healthy food while the other has a sweet tooth. I'm inclined to believe him on that.

"Are you ready, Cat?" Cas asks, his food already purchased and in a bag.

"Yeah, just let me pay for all this." After we've got all the food, we come back to a bit of a squabble between Rowena and Charlie. I return to my spot beside Charlie and listen to the conversation about Agnes. Soon they finish and we get back to work. Rowena continues to make annoying comments and mocks both Charlie and I. Cas tries his best to manage the situation, but Rowena won't let up.

When Charlie pulls Cas away to talk, Rowena turns sharp eyes on me. "So you're the girl who escaped the Grand Coven three times." It isn't a question, but I still answer.

"Yep. Honestly I don't see what's so 'Grand' about it. In my experience, all they did was kidnap, maim, and try to kill me. They couldn't even do that right anyway. Pretty sad to be honest." I goad. I know it's not smart, but I had already kept my mouth shut during all her insults and rude comments.

"You're correct about that, Caitlin. They are a pale relic of what they once were. They were so set on gaining power, they almost ruined their chances. Your current state would have weakened their spell significantly. No doubt your power is being absorbed by your child, causing it to weaken. Of course, once you deliver, your power will return to full strength shortly after." she tells me. I don't even question the use of my full name.

"Their little parting gift probably kept them from that realization." I scoff. "It would've served them right for screwing with my life since I was born."

"Ah yes, the warded band. May I?" she asks, gesturing me over.

"No. It can't be removed without endangering my children." I respond firmly.

"Children? You're having twins, then. I suppose congratulations are in order."

"Thank you, and I suppose I should thank you for helping my brothers find me. I'm sure you had your own plans, but still."

"Sharp one, aren't you. I'll admit I had planned on using you, but that was before."

Before I can reply, Cas and Charlie rejoin us. As before, Charlie and Rowena start snipping at each other instead of working. Cas makes a call to Sam then drags Rowena into a separate room. "Cat, I just can't work here. I need to get away so I can focus. Can you let Cas know?" Charlie asks after the door shuts behind them.

"Charlie, you can't. Remember that insider knowledge I was talking about?"

"Yeah, what does that have to do with this?"

"I'll be straight with you. If you leave, you'll die."

A/N: Sorry for the delay, but LIFE. Things will pick up next time and I have so many ideas on where this can go. Reviews always appreciated! Until next time! Ciao!