Twilight is not mine, neither is anything Evanescence.

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Without further ado


Seek Not My Heart— Companionship

The sun was high up into the sky showing the world that the day was way past its waking hours. Well, except for the one's of the world that don't need sleep then the sun simply tells us we cannot go out for at least six more hours. My skin was shining throughout my room and it was really getting hard on concentrating on reading when I was like a disco ball, and my lights danced across the pages.

After hours of trying to read in the morning, I finally gave up and simply left my room. I made my way down the corridors trying to find that small door that I had stumbled upon when I first got here. At the moment, I didn't care that it seemed to be Alec's sanctuary. I just needed a place to go, somewhere to relax. Somewhere that I didn't feel trapped, like my room.

Actually, I simply forgot that I had basically kicked myself out of the ancient room and hoped that Alec wasn't there right now. If he happened to be there then I'll simply tell him I got lost. Then again maybe I need to talk to him; I never was one to be a coward. Okay, scratch that I suppose there are times when I am a coward.

Lately more than ever I have really wished that I could sleep. That I could get a couple hours of unconsciousness. I hate how much I think….no; I hate how much I seem to think about one person. A person I hardly know.

No, maybe hate is a strong word. I just can't stand how he is always, always on my mind.

And the calling me weak thing, what was up with that? If something that makes everyone, including yourself, happy why would you be considered weak for making that decision? I think he just has some major issues, seriously if I thought the first couple of times with Edward's emotional changes would give me whiplash then Alec's were going to cause my head to snap completely off.

But…but maybe he is right about the weak thing. I couldn't handle living alone, being all alone again. I couldn't handle living with the one's that could leave me again, because they would someday realize that I was never worth it—that the first time they left, they should have stayed away. Maybe choosing to stay here was a security need, once you join the guard they can't exactly kick you out. Maybe… maybe I am weak.

The small, rusted door looked exactly the same as it had a week or two ago. Checking my surroundings, I found myself alone in the hall and went noiselessly through the door. Though the sun was shining through the room, everything about it seemed almost melancholy. The shadows seemed to be cast around darker than normal, the ceiling's cracks seemed to try to keep its tears unshed, the puddles around mocked me with my own lonely reflection.

Does seeking companionship really make a person weak?

I had no answer. And I didn't want to answer it myself; I guess I wanted Alec's answer.

I walked around, until I reached the small pond in the far corner. I sat next to it, and just looked through the water almost like it would give me some sort of answer. Just tell me anything.

I don't even know why I just had the urge to begin to sing a song from a long time ago that for some reason never understood then, but I think that I finally do.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long

That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.

All the little pieces falling shattered.

Shards of me too sharp to put back together.

Too small to matter,

But big enough to cut me in to so many little pieces if I try to touch her.

And I bleed. I bleed.

And I breathe. I breathe no more

I take a breath and I try draw from my spirit's well.

Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.

Lie to me; convince me that I've been sick forever.

And all of this will make sense when I get better.

But I know the difference between myself and my reflection.

I just can't help but to wonder which of us do you love.

So I bleed. I bleed.

And I breathe.

I breathe no more.

Bleed. I bleed.

And I breathe. I breathe no more.

I feel as if I don't even know myself anymore. I feel… lost. Ever since my eyes landed on him, everything just seemed to change to me, yet nothing has. He makes me feel a way that I never thought possible for anyone. I want to know him, learn about him, but he doesn't want to be around me. I'm almost pathetic when it comes to him. Maybe, he is right.

And there's the question in my thoughts again…Does seeking companionship really make a person weak?

I must of asked aloud because a silkily, smooth voice answered behind me. I knew the voice, of course I knew the voice, but there was the chance of hallucinations like when I was a human. I stood and swirled around in one motion, facing the one person that I was never positive how I felt about seeing.

"I used to think so." He had said earlier, but never moved or said anything after I faced him.

He used to think so…So what did he change his mind like last night? Now I felt silly for thinking so much about something that someone who clearly has no idea what they themselves even know for sure even said. Did he even think before he spoke? Or does he like to make me lose my mind, then say something else that almost gives me a headache.

"What changed your mind?" I asked after a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence and settling myself down.

"Why are you here?" He asked, ignoring my question completely. His head was tilted slightly to the left side, while his eyes looked at me searchingly.

"How long were you there?" I asked, deciding if he wouldn't answer my question I simply wouldn't answer his.

"You didn't answer my question." He said.

"The same applies for you." I said smugly.

He didn't say anything, he looked to be thinking as he moved forward but stayed as far from me as possible. Finally he looked at me with that searching gaze again, then out the glass wall towards the sinking sun. Instead of sparkles that we usually have, he seemed to cast a glow about him. He truly was ethereal.

"I won't answer your first question. As for the second, I have been here since a little before you had started singing." He said, all the while his eyes never strayed from the horizon.

Had I been human I'm sure my cheeks would be burning about someone hearing me singing. Slowly, my embarrassment left when he showed no sign of poking fun at me.

"Well, I came here because I found it really soothing." I said.

"Did you know I come here?" He asked, turning his head as he asked the question.

"When I found this place, yeah I smelt your scent." I admitted as I plopped myself on the floor.

"Then why are you here, now?"

"I really like this place and I was really, really hoping it was empty."

"You can come here anytime you like, but please and keep it to only you." He said as he also sat on the ground.

"So, why were you being a jerk yesterday?" The question ran out of my mouth before I had time to process it. My hands went feebly in front of me as if to put them back in my mouth. I mean I wanted to ask it, but didn't want him to take it the wrong way.

"I wasn't aware I was being a jerk." He said, confusion marring his face.

"You called me weak." I almost hissed out.

He didn't even say anything, only simply nodded his head. I really felt like strangling him at that moment… ah, too bad we don't need to breathe.

"What would make you call me that?" I asked as calmly as possible, but my tight fists and glare probably gave me away.

"You can't leave anybody, all because you love them." He stated simply. But the way he said love with such disdain, made another question arise that I knew had no chance of being answered.

"So, you could leave everybody and anybody behind? Just like that?" I asked in disbelief.

"If the need arises." He whispered, looking unseeingly through the glass.

I wished I had Edward or even Aro's gift at that moment. That haunted look he had when I first seen him was back in his eyes.

What could have caused that look in his eyes? What happened to him?

I wanted to ask so badly, but didn't want him to leave just yet. He may aggravate me sometimes, but for whatever reason I never felt cold or empty when he was around. And there was still that pull that was always getting stronger almost every day, it almost hurt now. I didn't know how to make it stop. Didn't know if I wanted it to stop. I wonder if he was feeling it too.

Oh, how I wished to know what was going on in his head. But, since I knew I couldn't ask any of those questions knowing he would either ignore them or leave, I decided to ask another.

"So why have you been ignoring me?" That snapped his full attention back on me.

"Ignoring you? What would make you think that?" He asked innocently, too innocently if you ask me.

"Maybe, it's because you haven't spoken to me since that day almost a week ago." I said.

"Have you ever thought maybe I just never had anything to speak to you about?"

"You could have at least said hello." I said stubbornly.

"Well, as you probably have noticed I'm not exactly a social person." He said with a slight smirk.

"Yeah, but how about in the future you tell me when you choose to ignore me again, alright?"

"What would make you think I'll be ignoring you again?" He asked still smirking.

He was messing with me, I knew. Even though I was dead serious about him telling me in the future if he was going to ignore me, I was extremely glad that he was in a better mood.

"I don't know you might just come up with something." I replied shrugging.

"That's true I could." He said with a nod.

"So you'll warn me though, the next time?" I asked, probably with a pleading look.

"I think you'll be able to tell when I choose to stay away." He said softly.

We sat there, opposite sides of the room, lost in our own little thoughts when I decided to break it again.

"Tell me about yourself." I practically demanded.

"Not much to know, I'm sure Jane has told you plenty." He replied in an almost hard tone, his eyes guarded.

"Actually she hasn't told me much, and are you so conceited to actually assume that I would ask about you?" I asked lightly, trying to get him to loosen up.

"No, not conceited." He said shaking his head slowly. "I just happen to know I'm perfect, and you were probably wondering about the perfect man that's related to your best friend." His tone was playful also, but his eyes were still a bit guarded.

I laughed because he was so right about the perfect thing, but he didn't need to know that I actually thought that when I first saw him.

"Perfect." I snorted playfully. "Okay how about I ask you a question and you ask one in return?" I suggested.

"Alright." He said after thinking for a moment.

"What is…your favorite color?" I finally asked. I figured light topics were good.

"Don't have one." He said.

"What? You have to have a favorite color." I said in disbelief.

"Well, I never thought about it before."

"Okay, what color do you find most pleasing to your eyes?"

"At the moment, red." He replied, his eyes boring into mine as if trying to tell me it had another meaning.

"Your turn." I mumbled, looking down at my hands.

"What is your favorite book?" He asked.

"Villette." I replied.

"I don't believe I've read that one. What's it about?" He asked.

"A woman that always kept herself guarded, even with a man she loved through her whole life. Well, when he opens himself up for her she still remains closed and eventually he moves on. She falls for another man and decides to finally listen to her heart and finds that he…" Before I could finish Alec interrupted me.

"Let me guess, he loves her also and they live their happily ever after." He said in a bored tone.

"No, no they never get their happily ever after." I told him, looking up.

"Then why do you like it so much?" He asked.

"Because it teaches us that we have to live are life to the fullest no matter our fears, because we never how long we'll have. Plus, there's way too many happily ever afters, how many times do those happen in real life?" I asked barely above a whisper.

"Never." He breathed. I smiled a slight smile, and then turned to the darkening horizon.

So far as everybody probably already knows my happily ending never happened, and I'm not too sure it will ever happen. Maybe I was never Juliet at all. Maybe I was that barely-mentioned girl Rosaline in the beginning that Romeo was supposedly in love with, but then his eyes landed on Juliet and Rosaline was completely forgotten.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked.

"No." A pang hit where my heart used to beat, it confused and frightened me. "What happened between you and the Cullen?"

"You know a heart is a fragile thing, and I always thought Edward treated mine with the same caution that he treated me with. But I learned that was all a ruse, while he treated me as if I was porcelain and kept me on a pillow, he kept my heart in a drawer full of sharp inanimate objects." I told him angrily, taking a deep breath I softly said, "He never loved me."

"I suppose I'm not really weak after all." I laughed humorlessly after a moment of awkward silence. Alec never said anything, probably didn't know what to say, but I could feel his gaze on me.

"How's that?" Alec asked.

"According to what you said earlier, I am weak because I can't leave the one's I love. But if that were true I would have remained with the Cullen's, the one's I still love." I said as I looked back at him. It seemed he moved closer when I wasn't looking, but yet not close enough.

"I suppose you are right." He said giving me a smirk.

"So, tell me how you came to be a vampire." That caused his smirk to completely disappear.

"Pass." He said.

"Pass? I answered your question." I pointed out.

"I'll tell you another time, alright? I don't want to get into my human years." Alec said looking away from me, lost in distant memories.

"Was it really that horrible?" I asked.

"In the time we grew up, yes. We were never accepted." He said shaking his head as if it would clear the horrid things that probably happened then.

"No need to get into something that you don't want to." I told him.

"Thanks."

"Any hobbies?"

"I draw; I usually come here when I'm going to." He said. I finally looked that he did in fact have a sketch pad with him.

"Can I see, please?" I asked pleadingly.

"Wasn't it my turn to ask a question?" He asked amused when I pouted.

"You just did." I said victorious.

"No, I have to say that didn't count."

"Ask your question then." I huffed.

"Well, what…" Before he could finish, we heard shouting through the halls that sounded like Jane yelling my name. We listened more intently.

"Bella, where are you? You have guests in the throne room. Bella!"

I was definitely upset that I had to leave Alec, especially now that we finally were talking. I looked at Alec and he didn't look to happy about being interrupted either, that made me almost smile.

Guests? Who in the world would visit me?


Okey dokey, that's chapter 7. Are you happy Alec is being approachable now?

Oh, I wonder who's visiting Bella, but then again it's probably obvious. Or maybe it's someone completely different then who you think. Hahaha. I don't even know what I'm talking about.

Reviews make me write, write, write.