Chapter 8: Ellie and Clay – August 2028
Ellie was at her wits' end. The kids had been cranky and acting up all day. More than once today she had questioned her sanity at having two little ones only sixteen months apart. Two year old Savannah had entered the 'terrible twos' with a vengeance. Eight month old Jason was cutting teeth. Clay had been on assignment to Boston for the week on a case. She was at a point where she wasn't even sure of her own sanity.
After Savannah had emptied the toy box all over the family room while Ellie was changing Jason's diaper and drool-soaked clothing, Ellie had just sat on the floor and cried tears of frustration. That's how Clay found her when he arrived home on Friday afternoon. Jason had fallen asleep on the floor next to his mother and Savannah was almost asleep on one of the chairs.
Clay sat picked up his little girl when she reached up to him sleepily. He looked over at Ellie, who hadn't moved or acknowledged his presence. He sat down on the floor next to his wife, carefully adjusting Savannah in his arms so that she continued to fall asleep.
"Ellie?" he spoke softly as he moved Savannah to his side away from his wife. He was pretty sure the little girl was sleeping. He gently placed his hand under Ellie's chin and raised her face to make eye contact. "Honey, what's wrong?"
"I…I…I'm… a bad… mommy…" Ellie hiccuped through her tears. "I can't do this…" Her sobs started again as she looked away from Clay. She felt that she had let him and everyone else down.
"Hey, Ellie-belly," Clay noticed a slight smile as he used one of her father's nicknames. "You are a good mother, honey. What happened?"
"Jason's cutting teeth and drooling on everything; he's miserable and running a fever," Ellie explained through her tears. "And Savannah is trying my patience; she emptied the toy box while I was changing the baby's clothes…" She gestured at the mess in the family room.
"Our kids love you and they're happy. I LOVE you more today than ever. We can get through this together, love." Clay put an arm around his wife. "It's just a speed bump on the highway of life!"
"You think?" Ellie lifted her head and smiled weakly at her better half. "It seems to be one thing after the other these days…"
"I'm sorry that I wasn't here to help this week, El," Clay apologized. "If there was any way I could have stayed home this week, I would have. Tim and I were the only ones available to go, with Nick TDY to San Diego and Morrison still in training. Did you get to call any family for help or to talk?"
"Yeah, I called Ziva to ask her how she did it with three under age two."
"Oh? What advice did you get from her?"
"She laughed and asked me what made me think that she had it easy. She told me about how some days she wanted to just cry and give up, but then she remembered a promise that she made to herself when Tali was a baby and very colicky.
"She told herself that she could be a good mother and that if she got upset, Tali would get upset more. She promised herself to be kind and not judge herself against others, or her perceptions of what a good mother should be."
"Wise woman; and she made it through with the twins and LJ, didn't she?" Clay watched as Ellie nodded, hoping that she had listened to Ziva's words. He pulled Ellie into a hug, and rocked her slightly as she sniffled into his chest.
"Clay?"
"Yeah, El?"
"Why do you love me?"
"Because you are the one who gets me, the one who has that spark of life that energizes me, the one whose smile lights up my day, the one whose embrace I long for all day when we're apart…"
"Sap!"
"So what if I am? El, I love you just the way you are. You don't need to be the 'perfect' wife and mother for me to love you. I kinda like your imperfections and quirks. That's the Ellie I love with every part of me." Clay placed a gentle kiss on his wife's head as she snuggled into him.
"Okay," she sniffled again and raised her head off his chest.
"How about we clean up this mess without waking the kids and then we can all snuggle?" Clay grinned as she beamed at him through the last of the tears and nodded. They stood up carefully so they didn't disturb the two little ones sleeping on the carpet. Within ten minutes, all of the toys were back in the toy box or on the shelf where they belonged.
Clay lifted Savannah into his arms as Ellie picked up Jason from the floor. The couple carried their two sleeping children to the master bedroom and laid them on the bed between them. Clay reached over and interlaced his fingers with Ellie's.
"When they're asleep they look so angelic," Ellie said softly.
"They're beautiful, El, because they are ours!" Clay leaned over and kissed his wife. "I love you Ellie-belly more than all the stars in the heavens."
