My hands are shaking. I hope he can't see my hands are shaking.
"You." I say, answering the question he asked me before.
"Shut up!" He hisses under his breath, but not at me. "Listen, Mabel-,"
"No. I said, who are you?"
"I don't remember anything past the second day of summer, you have to belive me!"
I lower my blaster.
"Really?"
"Really."
"Do the thing with the fire in your hands."
"That's awfully flimsy evidence. There are quite a few species who are able to do that without magic. Then there's the ones with magic and-,"
"Do it."
He does it, and it's sky blue, just the way he told me and Dipper it could only be if it were him.
"Happy?"
"Yes. Let us wake up the Dipdop!"
"Shh,"
"Okay, okay."
Mabel Stella Pines, signing out.
Mason Cerritulus Pines, signing in.
"And remember, Nobody loves you! Chairs have feelings too! The entire multiverse is a simulation! Thank you! GoodBye!"
At this point, I belive that it is safe to assume that Bill gets some sort of strange joy out of screaming nonsense at beings he doesn't know. First it was "Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!" And then, in my book "Nostradamus was a hack! Morality is a mental cage designed by the weak! How's Annie? Byyeeeeeeeeee!" Then, when he was trying to save the inhabitants of dimension 1634 "It isn't a wizard! Frogs and toads are one in the same! You've been a great audience! Goodnight!"
I'm not completely certain where he gets all this ridiculousness, and I'm not even going to ask, because, frankly, I don't think I want to know. I feel as though it would interfere with my main goal of remaining alive and sane.
Let's rewind.
"Hey! Lord Dippingsauce!"
I awoke to the sound of my twin sister's voice. It had two weeks (fourteen days) since we both had arrived in Gravity Falls, yet she was just as excited as she had been our first day back. Bill, weirdo that he was, was sleeping in the rafters of the attic.
"Bill!" Mabel shouts up at him.
He's awake, and, naturally, jumps. Also naurally, he falls. Of course, given I had left Mabel to be my alarm clock, it was way too early to actually go downstairs and make breakfast. Mabel and Bill knew this as well, and had begun talking in whispers on Mabel's bed. Bill was using a lot of hand gestures, but Bill has a tendency to do that. He caught me looking and gave me one of his signature creepy "I'm trying to be genuine but I don't know how to use my face" smiles. I glare at him, because he's a smug jerk, even though he and Mabel continue to try and convince us otherwise.
I lay back down and pull my blanket over my head. The attic smells like summer. It's warm and soft and before I know it, It's noon. Grunkle Stan is in the living room watching TV with a sandwich, and Mabel and Bill are in the kitchen eating sandwiches I assume they've made themselves, because Mabel's is composed of pixie stix and Captain Crunch, while Bill's has more pickles on it than any human being could even hope to consume safely. Great Uncle Ford is nowhere to be seen, but that's fairly normal. It's likely Mabel will go down and remind him that human being need sustenance to function in a moment.
"I made you a sandwich too." Bill says, waving one in the air.
"Is it full of rat poison?" I ask.
Bill feigns hurt. "No!"
Mabel turns in her chair to face me.
"I watched him make it. It's totally safe. Now excuse me while I go make 'Mabel's Guide to Not Being a Jerk' to show you later." She says.
I still don't know why she defends him. He literally tried to murder her last summer. Bill's smiling. He knows that Mabel is like a mediator (not really, Mabel is totally Campainer personality-wise) between us. If she takes his side, he wins.
"Are you going to eat this sandwich? Because if not, I can eat it." Bill says.
I sigh. "What's it got on it?"
"You'll just have to eat it and find out."
"Bill!"
"Worms. It has worms on it."
I stare at him.
"Normal sandwich stuff! Ham, cheese, slightly soggy lettuce."
"Give it here." I say.
He throws it at me, hard, and storms off.
-Mason Cerritulus Pines, signing out.
I apologize for the long wait for this chapter. Writer's block is a jerk. A fluff chapter for anyone who can tell me what Mabel's having pixie stix and Captain Crunch on her sandwich is a reference to.
Toodles!
LoyalTheorist
